FWOTW: jacksonsummitbaptistchurch.com

Welcome to jacksonsummitbaptistchurch.com, demonstrating that one thing fundies like is animated GIF images. So many beautiful animated GIFs.

Also be sure to check out the list of names, addresses, and e-mail of all the members, a “fun page” with some strangely placed Garfield images, and a huge collection of hymn MIDI files which for some reason includes the Ballad of the Green Beret.

54 thoughts on “FWOTW: jacksonsummitbaptistchurch.com”

  1. Yet another discursus on “heaven” versus “heavens” in the “counterfeit” Bibles. Sometimes I want to shoot myself.

    And of all the pixelated, poorly animated, floating, waving, shining things on their site, the KING JAMES BIBLE is not. Surely they could have found a .gif of the grand ol’ KJB coming to life and eating an NIV, or shooting lasers from its red-letter text to burn to ash a RSV. I question their dedication.

  2. Looks like they aren’t going to be doing anything in 2010 (announcements page)… They’re probably too busy cooking up some more animated GIFs and Java applets (yes, their home page appears to use one somewhere) to put their events on the site.

  3. Wow. Between the animated seizure-causing gifs, and the cool time/date thing on the member page giving the location of all the members and how to contact them makes my head hurt.

  4. Just for kicks, on the KJV Page that AUTOMATICALLY scrolls down for you…

    “The worst of this battle of “o-u-r” vs. “o-r” comes when dealing with the only begotten Son of God. The modern day counterfeiters have changed Saviour to Savior. They have given us a six-letter Savior in place of a seven-letter Saviour. In the Bible seven is the number of completeness, purity, and spiritual perfection. On the other hand six is the number of man and is earthly not heavenly. Every one has heard of 666.”

    Everyone has heard of 666; it’s on my driver’s license, debit card, bar code of my water bottle, the last three numbers of our President’s social (had someone tell me this seriously).

  5. Addresses of members? Somebody should totally show up at dinner time and soul-win their asses. I’m so forwarding the page to the local Kingdom Hall.

  6. FWIW, “saviour” is five letters in Greek, and has three consonants in Hebrew. Of course, this makes me a “Bible corrector,” one of the worst insults that could be used by a die-hard fundamentalist.

    1. “Christ” has six letters in english. Rats. I used to like that title. Guess it’s satantic like savior.

  7. Man…usually you have to hack a members page to get that info. I wonder if the church members know the directory is posted for the world to see?

  8. Mounty, deep deep down in my darkest of parts, I want to spam every one of them listed on that page. Then lets see how long it takes before they complain enough to their “web designer” to have their information taken down.

    To make it worse, in the emails we spam them with should say something like, “If you really love the KJV, you will keep this information public.”

  9. Wow, this one is great. From their KJV page…

    “Because the King James Bible is not copyrighted, secular publishing companies are making many minor changes to the standard text so that they can please certain groups which translates into extra sales for them.

    One thing a lot of them do is change the spelling of words that end with the letters o-u-r to the more modern American spelling of “o-r”. For example a Behaviour becomes behavior. Endeavour becomes endeavor. Favour becomes favor. Honour becomes honor. Labour becomes labor, and Valour becomes valor. So, what’s wrong with that? Remember what the scripture said about a little leaven leaventh the whole lump?

    The worst of this battle of “o-u-r” vs. “o-r” comes when dealing with the only begotten Son of God. The modern day counterfeiters have changed Saviour to Savior. They have given us a six-letter Savior in place of a seven-letter Saviour. ”

    The conspiracy angle is so fundy!

    1. I can’t believe churches like this still exist. I went to one in the 70’s…but this is unbelievable. HELLO, it’s 2011. It must be that the church offspring never leave the surrounding area and the whole community is in some state of major isolation.

  10. A ministry called “SWAT” for the teens? Are they going to train their young people to extract non-KJV offenders from other churches in the area? No announcements or sermons….a secret fundy rapture has taken place there.

  11. I have to wonder if this affection for Elizabethan British spelling could be cured by language education, something in which most Americans are deficient but fundies make an art form. “Savior” in a few other languages:

    Retter (German, 6)
    frelsara (Icelandic, 8)
    frelser (Danish and Norwegian, 7)
    verlos (Afrikaans, 6)
    pelastaja (Finnish, 9)
    salvator (Latin, 8)
    salvatore (Italian, 9)
    salvador (Spanish, 8)
    sauveour (Old French, 8)
    sauveur (French, 7)
    Slánaitheoir (Irish, 12)
    hǽlend or nergend (Old English, 6 and 7)

    Is it possible that the number of letters in a word doesn’t mean squat? But then again, I’m leaning on my own understanding…

  12. Hm. All those cool smileys are supposed to be the number eight.

    Re. Richard Sullivan, my church back home had a “SWAT” program for a while. I don’t know exactly what they did, but the youth leaders even had the initials stenciled onto the doors of their car–which was a black SUV.

  13. @Susan, Jordan
    “SWAT” sounds very militant (Jordan’s post). I guess it’s an acronym for something “christian”. Fundy’s have a tendency towards that mindset for those that don’t “believe as we do” – militancy, control, intimidation, etc. I remember back in the early 90’s, I received a promo from Jack Hyles’ church. They were having a youth event and all of the Hyles youth staff (including Hyles himself) were dressed up like Chicago gangsters with names to match. This came from a church that incessantly preached from the pulpit about separation from the world. I found it ironic that Hyles and his staff were emulating real-life gangsters.

    1. That’s an insult to the gangsters. Al Capone paid for fresh milk for all of Chicago’s schoolchildren out of his own pocket. I can’t see this crowd doing something that generous.

  14. Anyone else notice how much “family” there is in the directory?

    Out of 69 total addresses, there are 48 last names. 21 households (or 30.4%) have extended family in the pews. That’s a lot!

  15. It will take some time to sign them all up for daily email updates from watchtower.org, but it will be worth it!

  16. Wow, how very pagan! I love being able to control the star thingys with the touch of my mouse, as well as having control over the Date/Time app. I have the power! The Timothy Leary visual disorientation was a flash-back to the early 70’s and the days of the IFB Old Paths.

    Then there is the strange adherance to superstition: “The worst of this battle of “o-u-r” vs. “o-r” comes when dealing with the only begotten Son of God. The modern day counterfeiters have changed Saviour to Savior. They have given us a six-letter Savior in place of a seven-letter Saviour. In the Bible seven is the number of completeness, purity, and spiritual perfection. On the other hand six is the number of man and is earthly not heavenly. Every one has heard of 666.”

    Very Superstitious…steeped in Numerology!

  17. Re. Richard: I can’t remember what SWAT stood for, but it was pretty harmless and very much a youth group-sounding thing. My knowledge may not be representative, though–my parents’ church has never been as hardcore insane as most of the places we discuss.

    Re. Don: Seriously.

  18. Love the fact that they take issue with the whole “Saviour / Savior” argument and then spell it Savior on the main page. Well done.

  19. @Jordan
    When I think of “S.W.A.T.”, I think of Gerald Sutek’s street-preaching group. That’s what he calls his ministry. He’s a Ruckmanite and goes all over the US & the world giving churches & their pastors guilt trips about how they need to have a street ministry.

    http://www.streetpreaching.com/

  20. @Eric NICE catch/find! I’m betting it was either a liberal compromiser at their webhosting company, or more likely one of the liberal compromisers who do spell check dictionaries.

  21. Wow! Once I picked myself off the floor, I realized how surreal this whole thing was. I love pictures of empty buildings and a blank announcements page, but what really took the cake, for me, was the “New Material Coming Soon” message on the sermon page. One could only hope!

  22. The Monday Morning test thing rated my love life “bitchin”. Seems a little risque for a fundamentalist church to link to.

  23. Reader Mo,

    Not getting all sanctimonious here (especially since you may be kidding), but – signing the members up for JW spam? Really? Because they belong to a fundy church? Because you think they’re silly? Because of the suckitude of their web site?

    Just checking.

  24. I thought it was pretty funny idea. In all seriousness someone should e-mail them to not design a website that gives people a headache browing it!

  25. So I think about peed myself laughing when I saw the “fun page” was titled “TEENS” in the URL. Mainly because I scrolled down and saw “Place The State” game…for ya know…Teens…(Despite the fact that it seems many teenagers still don’t know where the U.S.A. is on the globe.)
    Although the mini-golf was quite exciting.

    And I don’t know who on earth would want all their personal info up for the world to see.

    Auto scroll Salvation page. Glad to see it wasn’t just me.
    Yay. I love this site. *bookmarks as home page*

  26. I was surprised to discover I actually know some of their missionaries. Nice folks, really.

    The “-our/-or” thing cracks me up! For crying out loud!! I am an American living in England. I have British neighbours. I guess I’d better eye them with distrust as possible Satanists. Heaven forbid they ask me for a favour! I shouldn’t buy paint on the economy because I’d have to choose from a variety of corrupt colours. Or ice cream…what lurks in my flavour choice? It gets worse! At the bank I cash a cheque. To check the oil in the car I must raise the bonnet. I put luggage in the boot, put gravy in pudding and dunk biscuits in coffee. Despite the number of delightful Christians I have met, this country must surely be a seething cauldron of paganism! I’ve heard some lame arguments for KJVO, but this one isn’t just lame…it’s a double amputee!

  27. “Tell A Friend About This Site”

    LOL – Darrell is their new best friend for telling all of us about it. I guess probably not what they had in mind!

  28. It just dawned on me the answer concerning the whole King James Only thing… “KJV only” and “KJB Only” has (7) seven letters… it’s perfect! I should have known! Wow! “I SEE THE LIGHT! ‘The Band’ (also has seven letters, wow!) we have to get the Band back together.”

  29. @Don – any reference to The Blues Bros. gets my vote.

    @everybody else – Did anyone else get motion sickness for the moving backgrounds?

  30. “ACORN no longer exists thanks to idiotic phonied films by an agenda driven college kid”

    Yeah, I’m sure it didn’t have anything to do with massive voter and tax fraud perpetuated ad nauseum upon the American people. Couldn’t be that.

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