Hand Raising

handsFundamentalists are not completely opposed to outward displays of worship but make no mistake that when a fundamentalist raises his hands in a service it is quite a different thing from when a charismatic tounges-speaking NIV-carrying Pentacostal does it.

The first major element of the fundamentalist hand raise is the duration. Hands must be shot up and put down within a five-count at the longest. Hands that linger aloft too long may be attached to a person who listens to CCM music.

The second element is the force. A hand must not drift upwards in an airy manner but rather be thrust up from the shoulder in a type of  forward-facing  ‘karate chop’ motion. Let not your hand give an uncertain gesture. And whatever you do, keep your wrist firm. Limp wrists are the devil’s tools.

The third important part of hand-raising is the accompanying yell. Bellowing “Preach it!” or “Shake that bush!” to go along with this motion removes all doubt that the hand-raiser is not waving or emoting but rather saluting in a stern and serious fashion.

These differences are as vital as they are subtle. Yet the distinctions can make all the difference between being a fundamentalist and being a happy-clappy, mumbo-jumbo, praise and worship compromiser.

9 thoughts on “Hand Raising”

  1. I went to Southland( its in Louisiana) for a

    leadership conference the speaker teaching the

    lessons said we had to shake bad fruit of the tree ”

    you know shake that bush” after which some of the

    guys from another school back in our home state(AR)

    took it and ran wild with it and said it during the

    preaching.last night. Our group thought it was really

    disrespectful. Either 1. you were there 2. shake that

    bush is a common phrase and you picked up on it. you

    just made that up.Anyway thanks for the laugh

  2. The first time I went to a “liberal” church and saw people holding up their hands I secretly though “those self-centered people just wanna be seen as better than anyone else”…. I can’t believe how wrong I was. A few months into going to that church I got comfortable enough to raise my hands during praise and worship with *horrors* CCM. I had never felt so close to God and uplifted. Very liberating feeling. 🙂

  3. “The second element is the force. A hand must not drift upwards in an airy manner but rather be thrust up from the shoulder in a type of forward-facing ‘karate chop’ motion. Let not your hand give an uncertain gesture. And whatever you do, keep your wrist firm. Limp wrists are the devil’s tools.”

    You mean like this?
    http://2ndsspanzerdivisiondasreich.webstarts.com/uploads/hist_us_20_ww2_nazi_ger_recichstag_salute.jpg

    (sorry; this one was just too easy)

  4. “A hand must not drift upwards in an airy manner but rather be thrust up from the shoulder in a type of forward-facing ‘karate chop’ motion.”

    That, sir Darrell, is absolutely correct! I had a former-friend clothed in Hyles-Anderson gard from BJU who did just that! That was okay, particularly when you said “Hay-men” at the same time. The moG could be talking about peanuts in a Pepsi bottle, but, by golly, throw that karate chop and yell, “Hay-men!” with all your might.

    B.R.O.

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