Random Post: GOH: The Assurance March

Glossary

Terms to know when reading about Baptist fundamentalists:
(This list is a work in progress and will be expanded as the author finds time. Feel free to submit your own definitions via the comments section.)

Amen!
- The proper response to the query “And all God’s people said?”

Bud-dumber
- A clever play on words that combines “Budwiser” and “dumber.” Fundies are full of these little gems.

Canned Music
- Godless pre-recorded music that violates the tradition of using a piano and organ like the early church did.

Compromiser
- One of the worst insults a fundamentalist can muster. In the insult taxonomy it falls about one level below “Democrat” and two levels above “liberal.”

Fightin’
- A fundamentalist’s favorite self-descriptor adjective.

Horses
- What you can’t contend with after the footmen tire thee.

Hyper-Calvinist
– A person who believes one more point of TULIP than I do.

Managawd
- A fundamentalist pastor. Especially those who fancy themselves to be modeled after the Old Testament prophets.

Movie House
- A sinful, godless movie theater where movies from Hollyweird (or perhaps Hellywood) are shamelessly displayed.

Rock Music
– Any music where the beat is not on the first and third note. The only exception to this rule Southern Gospel.

Sacred Desk
– A pulpit.

Standards
- The things that I do that and you don’t do because you’re a compromising liberal Democrat. Includes everything from hair length to radio station presets.

Wine
-Welch’s Grape Juice

11 comments...What do you think?

  1. Posted by BeckyJoie 9th February, 2009 at 8:21 pm

    LOL@ the Wine definition. I can’t tell you how many sermons I heard with that definition. I remember thinking, “Then why didn’t it just translate ‘wine’ as ‘grape juice’?” I never did figure out how the wedding guests at Caana were going to get “happier” on grape juice.

  2. Posted by Stan 18th February, 2009 at 3:48 pm

    Here’s a couple more for your glossary:

    Sacred Art – art work that would be considered blasphemous if hung anywhere but your university’s art gallery, especially in a Roman Catholic church.

    Moses – the first born-again, Bible-believing, King James only, independent, fundamental, separated, Baptist preacher.

    Elijah- the second born-again, Bible-believing, King James only, independent, fundamental, separated, Baptist preacher.

  3. Posted by Darrell 18th February, 2009 at 3:50 pm

    I like them!

  4. Posted by Albert Medina 19th February, 2009 at 10:45 pm

    LOL!

    John the Baptist and Jesus – the first Baptists.

    The 1611 AV – The Word of God

  5. Posted by Amanda 5th June, 2009 at 12:25 pm

    Liberal – anyone with less “standards” than you

    Legalist – anyone with more “standards” than you

  6. Posted by Andrew Zajac 14th July, 2009 at 6:33 pm

    Oral Sex – the pagan act that burned sodom and gomorrah

    Divorce – possibly the “sin unto death”

    “Thorn in the Flesh” – something that makes you more inspired than anyone else

    Adultery – only acceptable if you are an OT King “after God’s own heart”

  7. Posted by Brandon 25th August, 2009 at 10:30 am

    Invitation – the final hurrah in a Fundy message, where the preacher can preach again for 20 minutes and arm-twist people down the aisle to get saved, get right, or join the church

  8. Posted by Davey 25th August, 2009 at 2:16 pm

    Camp- 1) Christian Pyramid Scheme 2) the Christian quick fix

  9. Posted by Stephen 13th March, 2010 at 9:55 am

    Sexual music – anything that uses instruments invented in the last 50 years

    Prayerful consideration – a system where teachers can question your relationship with God simply because you disagree with them

  10. Posted by Rob 14th July, 2010 at 10:02 am

    Can we add “gid”, “saten” & “your” (as a contraction for you are) to this? :)

  11. Posted by Mike S 28th July, 2010 at 7:25 pm

    “Jaaaaaaaaaaaayyyysus” Jesus’ mistaken identity…

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