Terms to know when reading about Baptist fundamentalists:
(This list is a work in progress and will be expanded as the author finds time. Feel free to submit your own definitions via the comments section.)
– The proper response to the query “And all God’s people said?”
– A clever play on words that combines “Budwiser” and “dumber.” Fundies are full of these little gems.
– Godless pre-recorded music that violates the tradition of using a piano and organ like the early church did.
– One of the worst insults a fundamentalist can muster. In the insult taxonomy it falls about one level below “Democrat” and two levels above “liberal.”
– A fundamentalist’s favorite self-descriptor adjective.
– A small household god who depends completely on human beings to get anything done. Not to be confused with the LORD God who is sovereign and all-powerful.
– What you can’t contend with after the footmen tire thee.
â€“ A person who believes one more point of TULIP than I do.
– A fundamentalist pastor. Especially those who fancy themselves to be modeled after the Old Testament prophets.
– A sinful, godless movie theater where movies from Hollyweird (or perhaps Hellywood) are shamelessly displayed.
â€“ Any music where the beat is not on the first and third note. The only exception to this rule Southern Gospel.
â€“ A pulpit.
– The things that I do that and you don’t do because you’re a compromising liberal Democrat. Includes everything from hair length to radio station presets.
-Welch’s Grape Juice