Glossary
Terms to know when reading about Baptist fundamentalists:
(This list is a work in progress and will be expanded as the author finds time. Feel free to submit your own definitions via the comments section.)
Amen!
- The proper response to the query “And all God’s people said?”
Bud-dumber
- A clever play on words that combines “Budwiser” and “dumber.” Fundies are full of these little gems.
Canned Music
- Godless pre-recorded music that violates the tradition of using a piano and organ like the early church did.
Compromiser
- One of the worst insults a fundamentalist can muster. In the insult taxonomy it falls about one level below “Democrat” and two levels above “liberal.”
Fightin’
- A fundamentalist’s favorite self-descriptor adjective.
Horses
- What you can’t contend with after the footmen tire thee.
Hyper-Calvinist
– A person who believes one more point of TULIP than I do.
Managawd
- A fundamentalist pastor. Especially those who fancy themselves to be modeled after the Old Testament prophets.
Movie House
- A sinful, godless movie theater where movies from Hollyweird (or perhaps Hellywood) are shamelessly displayed.
Rock Music
– Any music where the beat is not on the first and third note. The only exception to this rule Southern Gospel.
Sacred Desk
– A pulpit.
Standards
- The things that I do that and you don’t do because you’re a compromising liberal Democrat. Includes everything from hair length to radio station presets.
Wine
-Welch’s Grape Juice
LOL@ the Wine definition. I can’t tell you how many sermons I heard with that definition. I remember thinking, “Then why didn’t it just translate ‘wine’ as ‘grape juice’?” I never did figure out how the wedding guests at Caana were going to get “happier” on grape juice.
Here’s a couple more for your glossary:
Sacred Art – art work that would be considered blasphemous if hung anywhere but your university’s art gallery, especially in a Roman Catholic church.
Moses – the first born-again, Bible-believing, King James only, independent, fundamental, separated, Baptist preacher.
Elijah- the second born-again, Bible-believing, King James only, independent, fundamental, separated, Baptist preacher.
I like them!
LOL!
John the Baptist and Jesus – the first Baptists.
The 1611 AV – The Word of God
Liberal – anyone with less “standards” than you
Legalist – anyone with more “standards” than you
Oral Sex – the pagan act that burned sodom and gomorrah
Divorce – possibly the “sin unto death”
“Thorn in the Flesh” – something that makes you more inspired than anyone else
Adultery – only acceptable if you are an OT King “after God’s own heart”
Invitation – the final hurrah in a Fundy message, where the preacher can preach again for 20 minutes and arm-twist people down the aisle to get saved, get right, or join the church
Camp- 1) Christian Pyramid Scheme 2) the Christian quick fix
Sexual music – anything that uses instruments invented in the last 50 years
Prayerful consideration – a system where teachers can question your relationship with God simply because you disagree with them
Can we add “gid”, “saten” & “your” (as a contraction for you are) to this?
“Jaaaaaaaaaaaayyyysus” Jesus’ mistaken identity…
Sorry, don’t really have the street cred to post here, but how about “Apostate”? Any Christian who doubts dispensationalisim or the whole Lindsey/LaHay endtime scenario, or who likes rock music.
Glossary for NON-fundamentalists:
Lifestyle Evangelism – let people see you living a good life, and they will beg you to tell them about God. Worked for John the Baptist! They saw him in that camel hair loin clothe with honey and grasshoppers dripping from his chin, and folks started askin him bout Jesus!
Tolerance – allow anyone to join, participate, and teach sunday school to your youngins. It is ok to be homosexual, fornicator, commit beastiality, adulterer, child molester, whatever, who cares, its all about tolerance.
Quote from Ravi Zacharias: “Not only do they want us to tolerate their behavior, they want us to celebrate it.”
(I love quoting Ravi because Non-Fundamentalist love him, yet he is as Fundamental as you can get minus the KJV (although he was saved on the KJV, as most of you were too!))
Abortion – something that is never never ever ever mentioned. We would not want to offend anyone.
Bible – any book with the word Bible written on the front of it (there are over 120 English versions, 400 counting revisions), but who cares? It says Bible! It must be good.
See their favorite Bible version here: http://www.themessagebibleexposed.blogspot.com
Doctine – there was some baby named, uhh I think uhh Jesus, ahh who cares, lets get back to the fluff and the pep talk! Video! Rock Band! Coffee Shop! 20 minutes of pop psychology with a Bible verse thrown in!
Oprahfied – every sermon you ever hear
Wednesday night service – Don’t talk about God! Lets talk about financial planning! Where is my Dave Ramsey book? Who needs the Bible (whatever that is)?
Sunday night service – Lets have small groups and talk about our feelings. Lets hear that prayer request for aunt suzie’s toe again (for the 40th time this year.)
Non relational – anyone who disagrees with them. They may say something like, “you have it in your head, we have it in our heart.”
See more great glossary terms at http://www.seekersensitivechurch.blogspot.com
I’m not sure why you think this blog is a good place to advertise, wildman.
How about “Blessed Charms”? Cause, you know, we don’t believe in luck.
Darrell,
I am sorry man. I tell you what, to make up for it I will add some Fundie glossary terms:
Mossbacked – a backsliding church member who no longer goes soul winning
Noah Style – how to raise a child like Noah did, in other words, when ever your child wants to go out with some friends or join the cheer leading squad etc. Just scream at them “NO! go get another log!”
TV – end time stick of the Devil
Preaching – hell hating , sin fighting, old fashioned, fundamental, barn storming, window rattling, shingle pulling, evangelistic soul winning
Non Preaching – pussyfootin, backscratchin, ear ticklin, pink lemonade sippin, penny pinchin, nickle nippin, neos, pseudos, and wierdos with a hand full of announcements in one hand and a sermon outline someone else wrote in the other.
There you go, I appreciate you not deleting me.
Your brother in Christ, Wild Man.
Don’t forget “Stink!” and/or “Stinking!”. These words are the primary Fundy cuss words. While words such as “Gosh!”, “Darn!”, and “Heck!” are blasphemous within Fundy circles, “Stink!” and/or “Stinking!” are widely used and Fundy approved expletive.
Also be aware that the word “Butt” (short for buttocks) is extremely frowned upon. Any respectable God-fearing Fundy would use words such as “bottom”, “backside”, or “hinny”. Ironicly, the definition is “hinny” is a cross between a horse and a donkey (commonly referred to as an “ass”).
This can be such a wast of time, we should probably be meditating on the Word.