Submitted by Uncle Wilver

1 Pastor, the ordained one, made an image of Mog, whose height was about four cubits, and the breadth of about one cubit and one half. And he set it up upon the old fashioned altar.
2 Then Pastor, the ordained one, sent to gather together the deacons, the trustees, and the soul-winners, the judges of others, the treasurers, the counselors, the young preacher boys, (but never the Elders), to come to the dedication of the image which Pastor, the ordained one, had set up.
3 Then the deacons, the trustees, and the soul-winners, the judges of others, the treasurers, the counselors, the young preacher boys, (but never the Elders), were gathered together unto the dedication of the image that Pastor, the ordained one, had set up; and they stood before the image that Pastor, the ordained one, had set up.
4 Then an herald cried aloud, To you it is commanded, O congregants, U.S citizens, and Proper English speakers,
5 That at what time ye hear the sound of the piano, organ, trumpet, flute, harp, clarinet, violin, viola, timpani (but no other drum), and all kinds of musick, ye fall down and worship the image that Pastor, the ordained one, hath set up upon the old fashioned altar:
6 And whoso falleth not down and worshippeth shall the same hour be cast from the church, doomed to everlasting punishment, long hair on men and trousers on the women, and the NIV.
7 Therefore at that time, when all the people heard the sound of the piano, organ, trumpet, flute, harp, clarinet, violin, viola, timpani (but no other drum), and all kinds of musick, all the people, the nations, and the languages, fell down and worshipped the image that Pastor, the ordained one, had set up.
8 Wherefore at that time certain Old Gossips Prayer Requestants came near and accused the Liberated Studiers.
9 They spake and said to the Pastor, O Pastor, preach forever.
10 Thou, O Pastor, hast made a decree, that every man that shall hear the sound of the piano, organ, trumpet, flute, harp, clarinet, violin, viola, timpani (but no other drum), and all kinds of musick, shall fall down and worship the image:
11 And whoso falleth not down and worshippeth, that he should be doomed to everlasting punishment, long hair on men and trousers on the women, and the NIV.
12 There are certain Liberated Studiers whom thou hast set over certain Sunday School classes; these men, O Pastor, have not regarded thee: they serve not thy KJV, nor worship the image which thou hast set up.
13 Then Pastor, in his rage and fury, commanded to bring the Liberated Studiers. Then they brought these men before the pastor.
14 Pastor spake and said unto them, Is it true, O Liberated Studiers, do not ye serve my KJV, nor worship the image which I have set up?
15 Now if ye be ready that at what time ye hear the sound of the piano, organ, trumpet, flute, harp, clarinet, violin, viola, timpani (but no other drum), and all kinds of musick, ye fall down and worship the image which I have made; well: but if ye worship not, ye shall be doomed the same hour to everlasting punishment, long hair on men and trousers on the women, and the NIV; and who is that God that shall deliver you out of my hands?
16 Then the Liberated Studiers, answered and said to the pastor, O Pastor, we are not careful to answer thee in this matter.
17 If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from being doomed to everlasting punishment, long hair on men and trousers on the women, and the NIV , and he will deliver us out of thine hand, O Pastor.
18 But if not, be it known unto thee, O Pastor, that we will not serve thy KJV, nor worship the image which thou hast set up.
19 Then was Pastor full of fury, and the form of his visage was changed against the Liberated Studiers: therefore he spake, and commanded that they should endure seven times more counsel.
20 And he commanded the most mighty minions stalwart deacons to bind the Liberated Studiers, and to doom them to everlasting punishment, long hair on men and trousers on the women, and the NIV.
21 Then these men were bound in their three piece suits, their neckties, and their hats, and their other garments, and were doomed to everlasting punishment, long hair on men and trousers on the women, and the NIV.

Where they lived happily ever after in Grace.

I sat in the student commons across the white round table and tried not to grimace as the girl I was dating recited to me part of her seemingly endless list of my personal flaws. Every negative comment I made about a teacher or rule was discontentment. Every tiredness I felt showed sloth. My attitude was severely lacking. It stung but I sat and listened and took it all to heart because I loved her as only a guileless fundy freshman can. She was helping me to be a better person. She only cut me down because she cared. Finally her words slowed and I asked:

“If all those things are true then why do you still care about me at all?”

She didn’t skip a beat. “I love the potential of what you could be.”

And that, my friends, is the truest picture of love in fundamentalism.

Fundy love does not cover a multitude of sins. It flogs the sinner and then tells them that their pain is what true love feels like.

Fundy love is not unfailing. It comes with costly conditions and the ever-present threat of being ripped away.

Fundy love does not hope or believe the best. It schemes to manipulate others into being better.

It is only since leaving fundamentalism that I have been possessed by the wild and crazy notion that I can put my arms around the flawed and imperfect, the unworthy broken soul and love them without the need to change them at all and humbled in the knowledge that their arms are around an imperfect and broken soul too.

Love your neighbor.

Love them without precondition. Love them without disclaimers.

Love them without a prideful need to pardon or condemn them.

Love them without threat. Love them without mental reservations.

Love them fearlessly. Love them foolishly.

Love them.

Today’s challenge is to tell us a story that happened in fundyland and then let us guess whether or not it is true. The one criteria is that if the story is true it must be all true, if it is a lie then every part must be a lie. Be sure to come back at some point and let us know whether or not your tale was true!

Start spinning your yarns!

Today we talk about slips, gaffes, and awkward moments and why they shouldn’t matter.