Kent Hovind Update

Kent Hovind, famed creationist, tax fraudster, and felon has been released from prison. Here are my top 3 predictions for what comes next:

1. He’ll be on a speaking circuit almost immediately being paid handsomely to tell all about how he has suffered for the faith at the hands of the godless evolutionists in the IRS.

2. His sermons, books, and videos will continue to in no way represent reality on any topic you care to name. You can already see the way the narrative is shaping up in this interview.

3. He’ll be on his way back to jail within a decade. He’s just that kind of delusional.

129 thoughts on “Kent Hovind Update”

      1. Thank you, CaffeinatedSquirrel, I am glad you see that too. What is it? I don’t even know how to describe it but I know it when I see it and it gives me a bad feeling.

        1. Smug.

          And only one of them has his seatbelt on. Apparently, they don’t believe in the laws of physics, either.

        2. They’re smiling. They beat the system. For all their talk about authority, they think they are all the patriarchal Lords of the Earth. I want to punch them.

          It wouldn’t hurt, because I’m rubbish at that sort of thing. But I’d feel better.

        3. I want to make rude gestures and somehow I am more angry at the smarmy woman than the pigs of men. The men are getting something out of it, what about the women?

        4. Caffeinated Squirrel, do you carry and handbag? You could use it. with a brick in it (or two). 🙂

        5. Paul, I have a handbag large enough to use as a weekend bag. It could fit a lot of bricks…

        6. My mother saw an elder lady, a friend , use a handbag to great effect once. Her name was Nancy and she had been a medical missionary in India. She would have been almost eighty, looked frail but was made of steel wire. my mother was with her when they encountered a guy who was hardly more than a teenager who was either drunk or high on drugs or both. Whatever he had in him he rounded on them with a burst of foulness that had to be heard to be believed. He made the mistake of approaching Nancy in a threatening manner and got her rather large handbag full in the face, knocking him flat. He sat up, dabbed at the blood that was coming from his nose, stared at Nancy for a few seconds then scrambled to his feet and made good his escape. “What a dreadful young man!” said Nancy, “He should wash his mouth out!” I wish I had been there. My Mother said it was the funniest thing she had ever seen.

        7. Nancy *was* the quintessential “Lady” in nearly every respect, but she was also as tough as nails 🙂

  1. He was transported (“dieseled”) around the country 30 times in the last nine years? I would imagine most prisoners would kill for that kind of variety, and he’s complaining about it

        1. If it’s anywhere near true that they moved him 30 times in 9 years, that means he was such a pain for the prison management that each institution palmed him off on another one as fast as they could.

        2. Can you just imagine trying to keep someone like him safe from the general population in prison? “Shooting fish in a barrel…..” really buddy? I suspect he was the target more often than not.

  2. And why is he complaining about being housed with felons? Didn’t he witness to them? Wasn’t this just a ten year prison ministry by the grace of God?

        1. Lol! Gundies- the particular kind of Fundies who leave weapons in restrooms

        2. No, Gundies are Underoos with various and sundry representations of AK 47s, M-16s, M-60s, M-203s, and Assorted Glocks. The new fundy superhero(s) for kids.

          B.R.1

        1. Yes. That bears repeating: Punishment for a crime you committed is not persecution.

        2. Make sure that none of you suffers as a murderer, or thief, or evildoer, or a troublesome meddler;
          I Peter 4:15

      1. Dear CaffeinatedSquirrel:

        Your ‘persecution as blessing/opportunity’ piqued my interest. Reading that, I recalled the ‘kairos’ idea, that unique but fleeting moment of opportunity in which all is won or lost forever. I’m storing away that for more reflection…

        You also made me ask myself, ‘could you imagine a fundy developing a theology of suffering.’ Then it came to me, ‘could I imagine a fundy developing a theology of anything.’

        Blessings!

        Christian Socialist

  3. Dear SFL Reader:

    Am I the only one wondering where the evidence is for lonestar1776’s assertions in the provided link?

    Christian Socialist

    1. There were basically two sets of indictments brought against him. The first was tax fraud that sent him to prison, the second was more recently and he was cleared of those charges. They are trying to make it sound like he was cleared of all charges which isn’t true.

      1. Dear Hiddenexfundie:

        Yes. But lacking your incisive, analytical skill, many others will miss that rhetorical trick…

        Christian Socialist

        1. The only people that will miss it are the fundies that want to believe no matter what.

        2. Oh, dear, that posted in the wrong place. I was trying to reply to Christian Socialist’s comment that “The trick is not in being big enough to avoid paying taxes. The trick is to be big enough to avoid both taxes AND jail…”

      2. He wasn’t exactly “cleared.” The federal government asked for the new charges to be dismissed “without prejudice,” which means they may re-file them later. The reasons for the dismissal were fairly technical:
        “The orders, signed by Chief Judge M. Casey Rodgers, indicated that the grounds for the dismissals and acquittal were primarily based on the language around the charges against Hovind.”
        — Pensacola News Journal, May 19, 2015

        1. Not proven guilty is different than proven to be innocent. I am not sure they get these fine distinctions.

    1. Dear Big Gary, Doctor of Perambulation:

      The trick is not in being big enough to avoid paying taxes.
      The trick is to be big enough to avoid both taxes AND jail…

      Christian Socialist

  4. “In prison, it’s like shooting fish in a barrel as far as soul winning,” he said.’

    Um … shooting … ??

    “He also said that most have no idea of the history of Islam nor its true teachings, which is very similar to Mormons and Jehovah’s Witnesses.”

    Similar to … ??? Really??

    1. Yeah, I wasn’t sure if he meant that the true teachings of Islam were similar to the teachings of the Mormons and Jehovah’s Witnesses, or if he was saying that the people he was speaking of weren’t aware of the true teachings of Islam similar to them not being aware of the true teachings of the Mormons or Jehovah’s Witnesses. Without knowing him I think he could believe either way.

      The second possibility is more plausible — I can believe that people don’t know the finer points of various religious traditions, but the first possibility is ridiculous.

  5. Somebody help me out here. You’ve got a tax cheat, and a guy who covered up for a child molester. Why exactly are people still listening to these two?

    I’m so confused…

    1. ITBand, they were arrested and incarcerated because they were criminals. It was because of their “Bible Preaching and Stand for the Truth,” So. That’s why. Because.

    2. I don’t get it either. Just two weeks ago, the Fundies were weeping and wailing and gnashing their teeth about gay marriage being legalized, yet child molesters and tax cheaters are being defended and revered as some kind of heroes. Does anyone see anything wrong with this scenario?

      1. I don’t know much about Kent Hovind (praise God for that!) or the child molester he defended – I’m from Ireland – but I would be willing to bet the person he defended was probably *not* an ordinary member of a congregation, but someone who is high up the food chain in Fundystan. Even in Fundystan there are two laws. One for the “anointed” ie The Pastor and his Cronies, and one for the ordinary mortal. An ordinary mortal would not have been defended, but ejected, so that the Church could save both faces.

  6. Of course, nobody in prison would convert to Christianity for the benefits while imprisoned! Every one of Kent Hovind’s converts was 100% sincere, all eight hundred of them! Not like those Other inmates converting to Islam while on the inside, ever.

        1. I was offered gravy and biscuits once. I had never heard of it and asked what it was, the response was great, “It’s gravy……………..and…………..biscuits.”

        2. So I understand 🙂 I had just never encountered them. I was kind of looking for a more detailed explanation.

        3. I don’t know about that… I’ve been a yankee all of my life and I know and have eaten biscuits and gravy. Heck, they sell biscuits and gravy for breakfast at McDonalds.

      1. Miriam, it’s a way to stretch the sausage to cover several hungry plates. Sort of like chicken fried steak…..pound out a cheap piece of meat until thin, bread, fry, cover with cream gravy. Cream gravy does verily cover a multitude of sins.

        (Not that I’m calling yummy food a sin. Goodness, I’ll trip your granny for a good chicken fried steak.)

        1. Ok, I gotcha, like stretching a plate of fries by putting cheese curds and gravy on them, lol. I think chicken fried steak is another Southern thing I have never seen.

        2. Chicken-fried steak is a Texas thing.
          You might alsa find it in neighboring states, like Oklahoma, but it’s mostly a Texas thing.
          And if you haven’t tasted my late Grandma’s cooking, you haven’t lived.

  7. Something they clearly do not understand. It does not matter what the laws actually say. It does no matter if Hovind is 100% correct. What matters is what the guys with guns and badges think the law says and you can either comply and continue being father and husband or you can go to prison. And still pay what they say you owe.
    I think taxes are unjust. I pay everything the tax table says to pay. I even report the income that would not be trackable. The money is not worth neglecting my primary roles as husband and father. They want the money, they can take the money. God provides. Isn’t that the point of the story of Jesus paying the temple tax by taking a coin from a fish’s mouth?

    1. Well, Paul tells us to obey government, that government is ordained of God. And Jesus tells us to pay our taxes.

      Hovind doesn’t listen to either one.

      Hovind was one of the main reasons I was convinced that creationism was a lie. After all, the person defending creationism was a liar of monumental proportions.

    1. We’re going to be shaking in our boots?
      Why, is Kent going to come around and beat us up?
      And what will his parole officer think about that when his ankle bracelet indicates he has violated his house arrest?

    2. “Awakened2Truth – Disciple of Jesus the Christ Shared on Google+ ¢erdot; 1 day ago (edited) ¢erdot; LINKED COMMENT

      He’s free!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
      KENT HOVIND IS FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PRAISE JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      NOW ALL THOSE PEOPLE WHO WERE INSULTING HIM AND DISHONOURING HIM LIKE MAD ARE GOING TO BE SHAKING IN THEIR BOOTS!!!!!!!!!”

      Ok, folks, who is “shaking in their boots?” If so, why? What is it about this mere man that would, in the estimation of this poster, cause people to shake in their boots?

      Also, why so many damned exclamation points?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      B.R.1

  8. A Hovind defender at the Forbes site had this to say:

    “Kent has pledged himself to fight his conviction for the rest of his life, which makes it important. If the original indictment was wrong, if he could get standing, his conviction could be overturned and he could start buying guns again.”

    Doesn’t that make everyone feel better?

  9. 4. He will now also call himself a “criminologist” with as much certainty as when he calls himself a science teacher (he taught science at unaccredited, small christian schools that he himself started and fizzled away).

    With this new title and claimed experience, he will deem that after all his in-depth study in criminology (aka: living with criminals) he will confidently deem evolution as a crime.

    Hovind is nothing more than a conman. I would venture to say that he has a heavy inclination toward sociopathy. His whole life has involved creating shells of products, many of them. Each of which he spent more time trying to make them look official and legit, rather than actually being.

    1. He’s more qualified as a criminologist than as a scientist. At least he has been in the same room with a criminal.

      Come to think of it, he’s always in the same room with a criminal, even when he’s alone.

    1. Yes, that’s basically how prison works. It’s curious that they think they beat the system.

      It reminds me of the county commissioner (of my county) who pled guilty to corruption charges, then gave a news conference on the courthouse steps in which she said she was completely vindicated. Did she somehow not understand she had just admitted to a felony?

    1. They are praising God because they created a fake assumption, that the IRS would have some hit man in prison take Hovind out,(because, again, THAT is what the IRS is all about), and then when he wasn’t killed, (because actually the IRS just wants their money), they claimed it to be a victory. Such typical Fundy convolutions.

    2. Maybe God somehow inspired the Feds to dump Hovind out of the penitentiary once his sentence was served.
      Oddly enough, many thousands of other convicts get the same treatment even without being God’s Annointed.

  10. Central to the anti-evolutionary message of Hovind has been his credentials. He calls himself “Doctor.” His doctorate came from a diploma mill, Patriot University.

    If a man is so eager to inflate his status with lies, as Hovind always has, there is no reason to believe his message has any merit. And in fact, facts have always been notoriously absent from his Answers In Genesis. Lies are abundant, however.

    Learning about the lies in Creationism was the biggest impetus to my break with fundamentalism.

    http://www.noanswersingenesis.org.au/bartelt_dissertation_on_hovind_thesis.htm

    1. Thank you for posting this. In addition to this review of the “thesis,” you can also download it from Wikileaks here.

      Whenever I read the intro to Kent Hovind’s “thesis,” I can’t help but hear the words in the voice of Forrest Gump in my head:

      “Hello, my name is Kent Hovind. People call me Kent Hovind. I am not a smart man.”

  11. I have read enough of Hovind’s “””dissertation””” to decide this: if anyone in my presence speaks of Hovind as Dr. Hovind, I will expect to be addressed as Supreme Master of All Wisdom, Knowledge, Bourbon, Massaged Opposums, and Sentient Philologists, Universal Order.

    Anything less will fall far short of my achievements.

    (Actually Ph.D, English, Louisiana State University)

  12. He says he had over 800 conversions and “thinks many will bear real fruit”. The sign of a real conversion is real fruit. I never realized what crap the fundie salvation model was until I read that statement and realized I used to hear it ALL THE TIME.

  13. For all the picking on them…serious props to Rebekah Horton for turning this joker in to the IRS to get what he deserved.

    For defenders that view the comments…..here are the facts.

    1. His employees were exactly that…statutory employees and not missionaries or contractors. He controlled what they did, when, etc. He was their boss and in turn was required to withhold and pay FICA taxes. That’s the law folks.

    2. Tax structuring is illegal for a reason. Yes it is used to bust mobsters and drug cartels, but it is also used to bust tax cheats….like the ones that try to fly under the radar of the IRS by making withdrawals just under 10k, to avoid legally required reporting of such large transactions to the IRS. Its a crime for a reason…a good one.

    Pay your taxes fools!

  14. When salvation’s purpose and work is limited to the after life and the fruit of salvation is limited to right thinking (doctrines) and a list of laws to keep (dress code, abstaining from drinking, movies, etc.), ethics can be non existent. The fundy understanding of salvation is so individualistic. Ethics looks beyond the individual to the impact on a community. The fundy motivation is grounded in guilt and fear and law keeping and doctrinal stance. Christian ethics is grounded in love–we are to be motivated by love of God and love of neighbor.
    Hovind and his camp can break laws and call the consequences persecution because its not about being motivated by love but about holding to a set of doctrines and a set of rules.

  15. This is late, but had to comment:

    1) He’s likely not to go back on the fundie talk circuit any time because he is currently on house arrest and will be on three years’ probation after August 11. I also expect his probation officer to make Hovind get a regular W-2 job with the inevitable withholding, 1040s, IRS, etc. I don’t think working at GodQuest (Eric Hovind’s outfit) is going to cut it.

    2) No argument here.

    3) I expect he will go back to prison because he fails to file a 2015 1040 form by the time all of the extensions run out. The government isn’t going to let him slack on that.

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