106 thoughts on “GOH: Hold the Fort”

  1. They were a lot livelier than my IFB churches ever were: some whooping and hollering and Bible-waving. And the drums, even if banged monotonously, wouldn’t be allowed.

    I saw some guys in jeans, but it looks like all ladies were in skirts.

    1. The singing here is actually better than in most of the GOHs we see on SFL.
      The song, on the other hand …

    2. My guess is this was a Wednesday night service. In my experience guys were allowed to wear their work clothes on Wednesday since they might not have time to change into their suits. But them wimmins better be in skirts no matter the day or the hour. Amen?

      1. Scorpio,

        I don’t see why this is even an issue…your wimmens should not even OWN a pair of britches – that way there is no reason why they should ever have to change into more modest clothes to enter the House of Gid.

        Bro Bluto

        1. RobM – Apparently George has been messing with my screen name. (Either that or Bro D-Day and myself killed the brain cells responsible for spelling.) Thanks for pointing that out…I’d hate to be known as Bro “Bulto” (although it does beat “Flounder”.) 😉

      2. Well, then you have the guys who wear church clothes to work on Wednesdays so they won’t look underdressed and be judged when they get to church.

  2. hmmm not sure about the camera angle.

    Looks like it was recorded from a smartphone. My guess would be, someone hit the record button by mistake and laid their phone down.

      1. touche. Perhaps he realized it and said I’ll just upload it for fun and hope it gets attention :mrgreen:

    1. My theory is that it was filmed that way on purpose as a sort of meta, deconstructionist, post-modern take on a Baptist song service. 😉

      1. He probably wanted to get girls in “britches” on video so he can show it to the pastor 😎

  3. Get that AV1611KJV up there!

    While leading the singing, once I forgot to bring my AV1611KJV to the platform. Got a 5 minute long verbal public MoG whipping. Did it again a month later (mainly to get a reaction). One month after that I was gone.

    On another note, the 2nd time I intentionally did it , I listed the song as “Hold The Fart” on the song sheet. Got a chuckle out of some of the teens.

      1. I always thought that the waving the Bibles part was to clear the air of all slips that were not able to be held during this song.

        *pferrt* ♫Wave the answer back to *Man that stinks to high Heaven…♫ 😳

        1. Plus, if you hold your farts all the way till Jesus returns, that probably is not going to be a trumpet sound that announces his return! 🙂

      1. Some churches when you sing phrases like “wave the answer back to Heaven” instantiate the song by waving their Bibles back to Heaven.

  4. I still like this song, even though has a lot of theological problems and would be much better off reworked into some kind of an alamo style song, rather than a spiritual one.

    1. In fact, the song is about Sherman’s march to the sea, which kind of makes you wonder why most fundies sing this song, at least in the south. Although, come to think of it, we NEVER did sing this song in any of the fundy churches in the south that I have attended. I take it from the stupid sports joke at the end of the video that this church is in Michigan.

  5. Dear SFL Reader:

    Hold the fort. That mantra sums the fundamentalistic take on the nature of the world and the role of the believer in it. Everything is us against them, everything is black and white.

    A more Biblical picture may be found in Jesus’ parable of the wheat and the tares. Fundamentalism means to keep the fortress impregnable so that ‘they’ are kept at bay. Jesus’ perspective is more that of a camp which is overrun [or more accurately, which we penetrated]. The battle is all around us. We are in the midst of the fray.

    Christian Socialist

    1. Not just “us vs them”, but “them” are far outnumbering “us”, and they must be kept as far at bay as humanly possible for as long as humanly possible if Jesus is ever going to be able to save any of “us”.

    2. As one deacon in my parents’ church used to say, “We’re on an island and that island is shrinking.” 🙄

  6. The battle metaphor is an old one. This song is interesting because it’s entirely written from the defensive.

    On another note, it’s normally not ‘the world’ that’s attacking Christians. It’s other ‘Christians’. The church shoots its wounded. It’s called friendly fire.

    “He killed them with their love. That’s how it is; everyday all over the world.” -John Coffey in “The Green Mile”

    1. [quote]On another note, it’s normally not ‘the world’ that’s attacking Christians. It’s other ‘Christians’. The church shoots its wounded. It’s called friendly fire.[/quote]

      So, so, so, sadly true. 😥

      And I hate, hate, hate this song. 👿

      1. Claire,

        I have a different take on the “shooting your own” analogy. In the army, if someone was to attack other members of the army, bringing justice to that person (think of Major Hasan at Ft Hood) is NOT shooting your own, friendly fire, etc. I am going to turn this around a little bit and say that many fundy MOGs fit this bill…they attack God’s sheep – therefore, when they are subsequently “attacked”, is merely a defense of the true sheep.

        Bro Bluto

  7. One of our old pastors hated this song because it portrays Christians as desperately holding on in a defensive, wimpy sort of way (according to him).

  8. Hold the Fort was inspired during the American Civil War. It has a theme that is compatible with the philosophy of the Independent Fundamental Baptist movement in America as well: War!
    In the Fundie mindset war has been romanticized and made to be something to be longed for since the more wars and rumours (KJV sp) of wars there are.. the closer we are to the Rapture™.

    If you need to get “Hold yer Farts” out of your head may I suggest the following:

    War! Hungh! What is it good for?


        1. Wow, Big G, you are such a hippie.

          And let that be a lesson to you all, children. That is what happens when you leave the IFB!!! 👿

        2. Joan wore a modest skirt for that performance, but I have a feeling a lot of Fundy Men O’Gid would still disapprove. 🙁

  9. At last, someone has the guts to post a church video shot from my favorite perspective: passed out on (or under) the pew.

  10. whoa – watch out! Don’t go all pentecostal now. If my church were that lively I might have liked to stay in it!

      1. According to what I find on the YouTube link, i’ts from The Bad Attitude Baptist Blowout Bible Baptist Church.
        Which is a Peter S. Ruckman production.

        1. Oh wow. Such a thing actually exists. Well, in that case, the waiving of the Bibles takes on a whole new significance.

  11. I know I’m very immature, but I usually changed the vowel in fort, and the message is still very pertinent, especially in church and other close quarters.

  12. Check out the young lady in the pink top kind of in the middle of the crowd. At 00:30 and again at 01:10, she looks over at the little boy next to her to make sure that he is waiving his answer back to heaven.

    SFL: Older sibs keeping the young ones “accountable” to be hard-core IFB.

    1. I noticed that she kept looking over but hadn’t thought about why. In fundyville, worship (even when supposedly silly) must always be rigidly enforced.

      1. Let me clarify: EVERYTHING is always rigidly enforced, even worship, even singing silly songs. “ARE YOU OBEYING?!!!”

        1. Wow. Miley is in really good shape. <————My takeaway from the vid.

          And I somehow found that less offensive than the mere presence of The Situation. Go figure.

        2. DS – After you posted the video of The Situation, you were placed on double secret probation.

          You have made amends and are now off of double secret probation. :mrgreen:

        3. She seems pretty fit, but her vocal chords aren’t so hot. A truckload of Autotune can’t quite disguise that.

          I hope this song does well, though, so she’ll be able to afford a wardrobe for her next music video.

  13. Weird camera angle… indeed.

    Drums? Didn’t sound much like drums, by I can certainly hear cymbals… the “drums” seem muffled — almost like someone pounding on a closed piano lid.

    1. The guy video who taped it must have been hungover. Hyles used to give an illustration where he’d “save” drunkards plus Schaap once told HAC students they have to preach in bars in order to graduate.

  14. I swear I saw a lady in britches. I know most IFB pastors will ask ladies to leave their church if they are seen in brithces. Jim Vineyard is known for doing this.

    1. One account (which I have is apocryphal) has JV asking the women to come to the altar and remove their sinful pants then and there.

      I know a LOT of Baptist youth groups maintain a smelly cardboard box full of even smellier culottes (in kicky fabrics like mauve corduroy with red flowers on it) for evil, worldly girls to put on when they come to youth activities improperly attired. I wonder if there are any churches out there that keep some skirts on hand for women to put on if they show up in pants.

        1. At Bob Jones in the 70s, the campus Pastor, Marvin Lewis, was alleged to have prayed: “Lord, forgive us for our falling shorts.” (Probably also apocryphal)

        2. @Pastors Wife: You’re just happy you’re a lot younger than I am. Marvin Lewis was an old man in the late 1970s. Probably after he passed on they couldn’t find as lame a preacher as he was so they just left his position unfilled.

      1. I can see Vineyard doing that, surprised he didn’t shoot the girls for wearing britches. His son Tom is a bit more lenient about it. I knew this one lady who attended Vineyards church and Vineyard sent Joe Finn (one of the professors at Vineyards College) to scorn her publicly. She then went to Southwest Baptist Church across town where they aren’t as radical and are not too fond of Vineyard’s cult. You gotta remember, Vineyard was a Jack Hyles disciple. That’s all you need to know.

        1. SW Baptist Church is not as much on the crazy train as the Vineyards’ church, but it is extreme IFB nonetheless. I do remember someone at SW telling me in hushed tones that WHBC bans red nail polish and certain colors of ladies’ hose.

        2. I’ve also heard that WHBC has a “Rivalry” with SWBC because they both have Fundy colleges and compete for “recruits”.

        3. Never mind the fact that they are both shoestring operations that no one else in the entire IFB world takes seriously. But, yes, they do compete for the dregs of Christian school GED-earners who aren’t even good enough to get into the other Bible colleges.

        4. True. Those schools in Oklahoma aren’t in the same radar as the Big 3 (HAC/PCC/BJU). PCC even takes students on field trips to the water park. maybe that’s why Hyles hated PCC so much.

    1. At least it isn’t Hillsong (You need to check out the Tony Hutson sermon on Hillsong. He calls them the modern day Rolling Stones).

      1. The Rolling Stones! Really? I looked on YouTube but couldn’t find the sermon (yes I am board at work).

        1. If you’re board at work, I hope you don’t work construction! Somebody might nail you! :mrgreen:
          OTOH, if you’re bored at work…

  15. I watched this video last night before going to sleep. Not only did I have nightmares of my fundy days, but I’ve also had the song stuck in my head all do. Curse you tune!

    1. Imagine Martinez and the “Singing Siters”. They’d give the Gaither Band, the Craab Family, and Hillsong Prosperity Band a good run for their money :mrgreen:

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