Many thanks to Molly for sending in this artwork.
Posted by Darrell
My first first! I want a discord-sewn butt cushion!
Coming right up! I included an onion for you to eat to give your face that special discord look, as well.
This is entirely too true.
I forgot to wear a necktie one Sunday morning, and so I was not permitted to lead the congregational singing. The pastor told me that the “Holy Neckrag” (his term) didn’t make anyone a better person, and didn’t add anything to church, but he was still going to grab somebody out of the congregation to lead the singing rather than have me do it since I wasn’t properly attired.
If I weren’t so familiar with the bizarre logic of the IFB, I would have been surprised that his head didn’t explode after that twisted pronouncement.
Quite right – in their world, “leaders have to set a standard” and he didn’t want people to think they they didn’t need to “dress up” for church.
The irony would be complete if the person he picked was (for example) a greedy person, or someone who lived an unholy life (but just happened to wear a tie that day).
White that sepulchre!
Dear Big Gary:
Slammed that one home, didn’t you!
For this very reason when I do special music I wear one of those 1950′s pencil-thin ties, loosely, top button undone, with orange t-shirt underneath. Just waiting for the new handbook entry on how to appropriately dress appropriately. :grin
I’m sorry, but . . . “Holy Neckrag”? He seriously said that? That’s a new one for me, at least.
Yeah, cause Jesus was never seen without his necktie, dontchaknow? Neither was John the Baptist, for that matter
He sure ‘nough did. He was being all deprecating and all, showing how unimportant he thought it was…even while grabbing the nearest tie-wearing warm body.
A classic case of “listen to what I say; don’t watch what I do.”
And this man is actually a pretty nice guy. If only he hadn’t been indoctrinated by the Indy Fundy virus!
What if it’s a female, shouldn’t there be a skirt?
Or is there no such thing as a female brain?
Are you seriously asking whether women have brains? Fundies don’t even have to ask that question. Of COURSE women don’t have brains: We’re just uterii with legs. (And dirty pillows.)
Shhh! Don’t you remember the sonogram scandal? We’re all supposed to pretend women don’t have those!
So I guess women are just… legs?
No, skirts. If we can see your legs, or even the outline of them, you’re a hussy.
I’ve actually heard women being called skirts before. So this is totally possible.
“Dirty Pillows” …right in the mummy and daddy button…
Fifth isn’t bad
Well this just made me laugh out loud.
nice… As a famous fundy pastor once told me “if I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you…”
Yep, I’ve heard that statement as well.
That’s a lot of naked brain showing. Put a Bow Tie on it and it would be a Chippendales brain. It needs a proper suit with a 4-point hankie and 1611 KJV thought bubbles surrounding it in order to truly be a “Fundamentalist” brain.
I’m thinking it would need to be considerably smaller and shriveled, too.
..ummm… we don’t talk about, er, you know… “shrinkage”.
I WAS IN THE POOL! I WAS IN THE POOL!
- classic George moment
So THAT’s where their brains are?
Explains quite a lot, actually.
Trashman……lovely language…..did your MOM teach you that my chubby friend
Ah, Dante, up frm the abyss to honor us with another drive-by judgment I see.
You know you little personal comments are so telling. Yes, I may be overweight, but I can lose the weight…and you will still be… well, you.
oh, and by the way… you are not worthy to mention my mom. Let this be a warning
Somethings can’t be unseen… that, and his headlights are on.
I had to grab my dry erase marker and cover his headlights before anyone else saw that!
The tie looks like a clip-on which makes sense. A clip-on is something that is concerned about appearances even while making the wearer look cheap. It also makes the wearer look like he shouldn’t be trusted with sharp scissors.
Clip-on ties have a lot in common with fundamentalism.
Dear Apathetic or whatever:
This leads to the observation that fundamentalists in hell will amend their half-baked efforts on earth by spending eternity trying to tie a perfect, full windsor.
A half-Windsor isn’t good enough? It’s good enough in Episcopal Heaven! (Happy Hour is at five, of course. But the scotch is good.)
I just know there is a subliminal message written in the way that brain is drawn. In the front right quadrant is that an “S”? maye an “e” next to it? *gasp* that’s not an “x” is it?
Hmmmm…..all I see is a worm orgy.
Found the ‘s’ but not the ‘x’. But I did spot three faces.
There’s a shape in the front that looks a bit like one of those Easter Island stone heads.
The main animator for that horribly wicked movie “The Lion King” must have been involved in this graphic!
Just to get even farther off the subject …
I do think “The Lion King” is wrong-headed. Not for any Fundy reason, but because it promotes hereditary monarchy and the divine right of kings.
I’m a republican with a small “r” and a democrat with a small “d.” Power to the people!
Big Gary, doesn’t the IFB support the same things – hereditary monarchies and the divine right of kings (pastors)?
Lol for some reason the first thing I thought of was that old Batman Returns movie with Jim Carey “This is your brain on the box, this is my brain on the box”.
Dear Stuff Fundies Like Readers:
Is this ‘OK,’ or should I have substituted in place of the brain this: http://tinyurl.com/yf86dfb
^ This made me laugh out loud.
That first picture made me laugh so hard. I have half a mind to make it my screen saver!
This made my day.
Don’t the “wrinkles” in the brain start to smooth out when people start losing their intelligence?
This is offensive. There are some parts of a man’s body only his wife should see.
^ +10 ^
Is nothing sacred?!
This is offensive. There are some parts of a man’s body only his wife (and girlfriend) should see.
…And any teenage girls he happens to be counselling
My son is involved in a local (KJV-only) Bible quiz league. And of course, the rules state that each teenage boy quizzer have a BJU-type haircut and each girl have a knee-length skirt. No exceptions!
As a young teenager with a heart full of rebellion to the things of God, I objected to wearing a suit to church every single service on the grounds that (1) my father didn’t wear one and (2) our East Texas heat made suits unbearable on certain hot summer Sundays. My mother explained to me that by wearing a suit and tie I was setting an example for the other boys to wear one too. Then she asked several mothers to come up to me and thank me for the good example I was setting for their boys.
I wondered at the time what exactly was so “good” about my “good example” (sorry, KJBers, I should have said my “good ensample”) given that I wasn’t aware that suit-wearing was a matter of right and wrong.
The standard men’s suit developed for practical reasons in Europe. But it is much more practical for Europe, where the weather is rarely hot, than for the warm regions of the world.
Even in Europe, most men rarely wear suits any more, unless they are in certain occupations like banking or undertaking.
Those are different occupations?
Yes they are. An undertaker is respectable and honest.
Fundys have a certain knack for the impracticable and uncomfortable.
Perhaps I am an old-fashioned “fuddy duddy,” but is that not sacred? As our home began to be blessed with IFB thinking, it never even crossed my mind to display such an image to others. Every brain is a gift from God, hidden in the sacredness of a head with a Baptist haircut. Amen?
Haymen! There is so much win in this statement.
Do bald men have to have a Baptist haircut?!?
Yes. It still must be trimmed and tapered. If they try to grow it long enough to do a comb-over, they must be taken out and shot in the head with a bazooka as a warning to others.
HAY-MEN to that, alright! Taking a vital stand against combovers is one thing the Fundy church does get right!
Another suit story, this time from the crazy wilds of ATI. I once had friends who wore Mennonite-style frock coats instead of standard-issue suits. They were not Mennonite so I asked them why they wore them. They said that their parents believed that regular suits “looked like the world” and so their mother purchased patterns from a Mennonite operation and made her sons frocks coats.
My pastor has alot of fundy edges on him. I knew him years before he became a pastor. I will confront him over most anything (can you imagine! ) anyhoo, he is really not fundy about dressing up, I have shown up on Sundays in shorts and sandals, but we were talking one Wed evening after church about the subject of clothing, and he said he knows that clothing doesn’t matter but as the PREACHER he felt compelled to wear coat and tie, I have no problem with this, and I told him as much, but then I asked him if he could show me from the scriptures where this conviction came from. This guy is self-taught, and he knows the bible about as good as anyone I know, and let’s just say he got very quiet!
If you think about it for a moment, if you looked out your window right now, and Jesus was walking down the street with His disciples, you wouldn’t be able to tell which one was Jesus by their dress. So why, if the Son of the Living God, didn’t think is necessary to “dress up” why should anyone else think so?
The Bible says very, very little about what Jesus or his disciples wore.
So, where the Bible is silent, let us not make unnecessary laws.
Actually, the one time the Bible says something about what apostle Peter wore, it says he was naked
Dang, beat me to it!
It also indicates that Jesus wore sandals.
But no doubt they weren’t open-toed sandals (lest he display “toe cleavage,” and I’m sure he wore socks, and he surely must have worn his robe long enough to cover the nekkidness of his feet.
I grew up with the argument that we should dress up for church out of respect (in the way that you would dress more nicely to meet the President). I could never get anyone to explain to me why we don’t dress up all the time, since we’re always in the presence of God. Eventually, that line of thinking led to a elevated view of the church building itself.
That’s exactly the reason I have for *myself* for how I dress on Sundays. If I were going to meet the Governor (and I have) I would dress nicely. Why shouldn’t I dress to go to ‘God’s house’?
Mind, I’m Episcopalian now so I always wear a hat.
But that’s part of the problem I have with it. If we should dress more nicely to be in God’s presence, shouldn’t we dress like that all the time? Or does God only show up at the church building?
“This guy is self-taught, and he knows the bible about as good as anyone I know,”
I agree that the pastor needn’t dress to impress, but this line made me smirk.
Do you think someone can’t be extremely erudite that is self-taught? Particularly about the bible? I am not like the fundy’s that shun or make fun of education, but I have seen a few educated-idiots!
We have a very curious verse at 1 Cor 14 “The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and cannot understand them, becuase they are spiritually discerned.” Another curious verse is 1 John 27 “As for you, the annointing you receive from him remains in you, and you do not need anyone to teach you. But as his anointing teaches you about all things and as that anointing is real, not counterfeit – just as it has taught you, remain in him.”
As everyone knows by now, it is my belief that listening to men very often leads to false teaching, so while I am not against “education” one must be careful about what one takes away from that education, making sure that it lines up with scripture, and not some man-made, wicked theology!
Yet you declare that you and your views are the final arbiter in determining what constitutes “man-made, wicked theology.”
What makes your interpretations any less man-made?
What makes you immune to the very charges you make against others?
Nothing makes me immune. If I state or propose something that is false please tell me, and demonstrate it from the Scriptures.
I’m very fallible!
AN elevated view. Good day, George.
FUNDAMENTALISM — A Biological Perspective:
The brain on the right should be shriveled, with a baby bonnet and rattle.
and a diaper with brown stains
We went back to the States for a visit in September and had a chance to go to our home church. It’s fundy lite (GARBC). Hubby had to return to the UK for work earlier than I, so I went 2 Sundays. After those two services I have come away alarmed. Among other things, the pastor got on a bit of a rant about dressing better for church. He had all the usual points that you’d expect to hear. But it was uncharacteristic for him. There were a few other things that he did that have me alarmed. I am not looking forward to moving back home and having to deal with our church going fundy! I escaped IFB crazy years ago, and I will not back into that!
I also had a chance to visit my old church in Wyoming. It’s essentially Baptist, but they left Baptist out of the name because at the time it was established, the Baptist churches in town were being stupid. Anyhow, even though it’s of the BJU persuasion, the wearing of suits is not only not required, it’s downright rare. It’s in cowboy country, and guys put on their best Levi’s and snapfront Western shirts and fill the pegs in the log wall with cowboy hats. For the offering, they pass the hat. Literally. Two white straw hats serve as the offering plates. The new assistant pastor is a BJU grad, and a good guy. But VERY BJU! In spite of the cowboy culture of the church, he wears a suit every Sunday. When they first came to the church they dressed their little toddler boy in a suit and tie! Yeah, it was cute, but really! The senior pastor, Pastor Bud, wears a Western style suit on Sunday morning, but he does not require that of anyone else. The assistant’s is not Western cut. It’s your usual business suit.
Not trying to fit in with the culture, is he? I wonder if he’s trying to change the congregation by example.
Do the ladies all wear dresses? Or do they wear jeans and western shirts too? Maybe western / denim skirts and a western shirt?
The ladies wear dresses and skirts to church although it is not a requirement. This town has been a hub of Western fashion, so we get some really nice Western clothing. It’s just part of the culture. And ladies wear jeans. Sometimes to church. Many of these women are avid horsewomen. Nobody will ever be able to get them to give up the jeans.
I didn’t realize denim skirts were such a fundy icon until I got into other churches and saw them on women who had no intention of looking Western. We wore our denim skirts with our Dan Posts, Lucheses, or Tony Lama boots, not white Keds. I started calling them missionary skirts. And yes, the assistant pastor’s wife wears the long denim skirts. However, the Sunday I was there visiting my friend said she has lightened up on that and wears jeans when it makes sense to do so. She couldn’t come to our jam session because she had a 5-point buck picked out and planned to go hunting. So there is hope.
I’m from Tucson area myself, so there’s a lot of western dress around here too. Denim skirts makes a whole lot more sense with Dan Posts or Tony Lamas than white Keds!
Oh, yes, I’ve spent some time in/near Tucson. Love Tucson! And I have a dear friend who is a fundy preacher in a little town down near the border. Another cowboy preacher. He really dresses the part! A bit more vintage styale than the Wyoming pastor. I had him officiate at our wedding and requested he wear his frock coat. Not because it’s “unlike the worldly suits” as the mom mentioned above who sewed them for her sons, but because it’s so Wyatt Earp! BTW, we decorate the hall for the reception to look like an AZ courtyard with palms and cacti and an adobe wall. I first met these folks when my music ministry group played their little church about 15 years ago. When I first found out he went to a fundy college (as an adult) I got nervous, fearing yet aother episode with a host pastor pushing fundy silliness. Not so. I didn’t even know until several years later that he’s KJVO! He believes it but doesn’t push it. I think his wife picked up the habit of wearing denim jumpers from their time at the college and in the fundy churches they suffered through…and they have some hair-raising stories to tell. But she also wears shorts in the hot weather.
Why isn’t there a feminie version with a helmet of hairsprayed tresses?
Oy. The pentecostal version would have the huuuuuge pile of Holy Magic Hair (TM), and a long, baggy, denim skirt. Except, I’m not sure pente women are allowed to have a brain. Or at least to use one.
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