95 thoughts on “Church Sex Scandal Bingo”

  1. Wow. This is like reading so many of the comments we have gotten over the last several weeks by all the Defenders of the Pervsβ„’.

    1. That’s what I was thinking. It summed up every comment I’ve heard defending or supporting those caught in sexual sin in the church.

      When a local HAC-grad IFB pastor was arrested, I heard face-to-face a woman claiming the teens and their families were making it all up. The guy’s now in jail. The accusations were true.

      I want Christians to be the defenders of the weak not the supporters of the perpetrators.

  2. Wow. That was quick. This showed up when I was reading the few new comments on Sword of the Lord conference. So I missed on being first.

    1. Out of pure curiosity, what’s the purpose behind spelling “Jesus” as “Jeezus?” Is it intentional disrespect, or does it just come across that way? 😐

      1. It’s a rendering of the pronunciation of Jesus that is often heard in these circles.

        1. When someone always pronounced “JEESUS” with two “E”s or “LOORD” with two “O”s, watch out.

          Like “Cay-a Tay-a” in the video here on Chick-Fil-A Day, when you hear that thick a Southern Babtist Accent, it can’t be good. (Just like when you hear a Gomer Pyle accent, the guy had better be from rural Oklahoma. Just like military and airline pilots imitated Chuck Yeager’s accent for decades, so IFB-like preachers try to affect a thick “Cay-a Tay-a Hay-men” accent.)

        2. Precisely. I have more respect and honor for actual Jesus than I know what to do with, but I don’t mind mocking (in part) those who make a *show* of serving him, bandying about his name, with all the attendant ironies.

      2. Likely the same reason we talk about Men of Gid–because as far as we’re concerned, most of these people aren’t actually following God, so to associate them with His Name would be disrespectful.

        1. Also, some ranting fundy send Dar-El an email a year or two ago, full of the normal grammar errors and tons and tons of misspelled words. He wrote “men of gid” and it became the next thing. So now Gid and “men of gid” is the fundy God and pastors, respectively.

    2. SOOOO true! Big Gary, how’d you miss, “Why are you guys on the internet talking about it instead of out doing something for God?”

      (The spelling of Jesus as “Jeezus” is not meant to be irreverent to Jesus but to describe the over-exaggerated, rather fakey, “hokey-religious” tone with which some people say His Name. Sort of like when we spell “Amen”, “Hay-men!”)

      1. Jeh-HEE-zus! HAY-MEN! HAAAAALuhLOOyuh!

        Hamming it up for Christ, basically. A classic sign of lack of substance.

  3. Interesting! Heads, I win; tails, you lose. One has to be extremely careful–and sometimes underhanded–to affect any type of positive change in a situation like this.

    One time when I was at MBBC, another faculty member and I went out to the football field to talk about something we were both upset about. We could see that we were being watched from a window or two. When we came back into the building, I was approached and asked what I was talking about. I replied that if I wanted him to know my business, I would have held the conversation outside of his office. By the events I witnessed over the next few days, I could tell that this was driving the “wheels” batty. The other faculty member and I were both leaving at the end of the year, so we were able to hold them off. It was interesting to say the least.

    Like fundy schools, fundy churches are much like this. The “wheels” get paranoid when they realize that people are talking behind their backs. The internet, especially with sites like this, are most likely driving them nuts. Some of the posts on the thread about the SOL revival testify to this.

      1. Except that in this case, BIG BROTHER is only BIG BROTHER inside his own house. Outside it he’s just some jerk shouting on a streetcorner.

  4. This gets confusing in ANY type of abuse situation where the person who hurts you also professes Christianity. In your head, all those things are spinning around. . especially stuff like, “Well, my sins are as bad as what they did to me.” and. . “God loves them as much as me, so I shouldn’t judge them for what they did.” IT IS REALLY HARD to sort out. . .But yeah, the Bingo board was good. . .and so true.

    1. Always remember, God takes all sin SERIOUSLY. he doesn’t just let it slide. Which is what we need to do with any abusers. Justice is always a necessity.

  5. Ok, if I hadn’t just SEEN just about every single one of these I might have thought someone was being creative… But no. GREAT JOB! I love the Bingo games. They’re great!

  6. Wow…I’ve already seen many of these with the recent FBCH crap going on. These are really excellent in the fact that they are mostly what folks are saying right now.

  7. As with the old Bingo game, I’m going to go through comments and see how quickly I can get a Bingo. What with recent events, I’m sure I can get one even faster than before, even with breaks for getting angry and wanting to throw pens at the wall.

    Wish me luck!

    1. 25 minutes, including some distractions. I’ve already found examples of most of them (15/25), it just happened to take that long to actually get a Bingo.

      And it just reinforces this: WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?! The amount of victim blaming, “you can’t say anything bad because you’re not perfect either and you’re hurting the cause of Christ”, etc. is just over the top. If I didn’t know better, the Reverse Poe’s Law would come into effect–it’s hard to believe that most of that type of comment AREN’T Poes, but are rather completely genuine. And that is terrifying.

      1. Annie (and from the name I have this image of a female Bullwinkle), I have found through experience that it’s impossible to do satire or parody in an age of extremes like today.

        No matter how out-on-a-limb crazy you get as a joke, there’s going to be some True Believer out there twice as far out on the same limb and Dead Serious.

      2. I have to ask, Annie, is your name a re-spelling of the Latin ‘animus?’

        This question has been running around in my head for days.

        1. Anonymous, actually, but good catch on picking up that it’s actually standing for a different word. ^_^

  8. I’m with Annie Moose on this one. Kudos to Big Gary for the creativity, but I think this one is too easy to win (unfortunately.)

  9. Somewhere on there should be “How many people have been saved under YOUR ministry lately?”

      1. That’s true, if we were running a real Bingo game, everyone would have a different card, right?
        And we would NOT run out of phrases to put in the spaces. Regular Bingo has 75 possible numbers. I’m sure every regular reader can come up with far more Fundy defensive responses than that.

        (Completely irelevant footnote: In my part of South Texas, the game of Bingo is commonly called “Chalupa” (Spanish for “Canoe”). I have no idea why, except that in “Loteria,” a Mexican version of Bingo, a picture of a canoe is one of many pictures that appear on the cards.)

        1. Scorp, I guess the Tex-Mex food item was named for some fancied resemblance to a canoe. Some of them do look sort of like little round boats (I haven’t been to Taco Bell for a while, so I’m not sure what shape TB’s Chalupas are.

      1. And come to think of it, all the bingo cards should be randomly different, so you need to have others which didn’t make it onto this card

  10. I can’t even find humor in this. It’s just sad because they really believe this stuff.

    1. Seriously, though, all of these are true; none of these are good to have happen; and the “blame the woman” lines are particularly bad. And, unfortunately, happen too often.

  11. The game is incomplete. They all assume that the adultry was commited with a woman. I think we’re excluding a group here. We could get sued.

    1. Which were you getting at? Adultry committed with a man? The fact that when a pastor has sex with a congregant it’s often not adultry; it’s abuse of power? Or “adultry” committed with a girl who’s not quite a woman yet, that the ones who stick up for the pastor say she’s a woman in order to blame her?

      1. I thought the commenter was referring to people like Christopher Settlemoir, in jail for sexual abuse of teenage boys in the Christian school where he was principal and pastor.

    2. I did think of that (the fact that some sexual abuse is male-on-male), but I didn’t have room for everything, and besides, it seems that Fundies are more eager to justify or minimalize Men-of-Gid’s sexual transgressions with women/girls than Men-of-Gid’s sexual trasgressions with men/boys.

      1. That they are. I just made the comment I did because “adultery” itself isn’t correct, and is often used by people in the church who take the pastor’s side, to help excuse the pastor.

        1. The squares that reference the other person involve say, “she.” I was trying to imply that we were forgetting that some get caught w/ other men or boys.

          The used the word adultery because I have yet to know of an unmarried fundy pastor. Thus any sexual act, whether legal or illegal, would be adulterous no matter what.

          That took too long. Sorry for the bad joke. 😳

        2. Apparently I can’t spell either. Fill in corrections as you please. I’m going to take a nap.

      2. If we were talking about other denominations, I would also have to allow for the fact that the offender could be either male or female, but in the IFB and most other conservative Fundy churches, men hold the power, almost exclusively, and you have to have power before you can abuse power.

  12. what about, “He’s no different from the rest of us; we’re all guilty of spiritual adultery, because if you look on a woman to lust after her, you’re an adulterer”?
    or what about, “The Bible says Christians aren’t supposed to take other Christians to court, so just drop the whole thing”?
    Or my favorite: “this just goes to show why modest apparel on women is so important.”

    1. I’ve heard that last line, or variations of it, before. I’m not sure I can growl loudly enough to express how I feel about it when people use it. 😑
      Maybe if I could roar like a lion..

    1. Either Catholic or the Moose Lodge–and for the Mooses (?) it is even worse. They have a (gasp!) BAR!!
      (Please, Annie, I mean no offense to your Moose group)

      1. If the plural for goose is geese, why isn’t the plural of moose, meese? πŸ˜†
        (BTW, the plural for moose is moose, but mooses is not invalid, it’s just rare.)

        1. Oops. That should be:

          “A mΓΈΓΈse once bit my sister…”

          It’s a totally different joke the other way.

      2. You know, I never thought of it in those terms before. Suddenly, I am convicted! I must throw myself at the mercy of my local Managid and beg for his forgiveness for associating myself with such an evil organization!

  13. The grand prize for winning the most Bingos…all expense paid vacation to “Survivor, Pervert Island.” Outwit JHyles, outplay DHyles, outlast the FBC staff!

  14. A very biting game of Bingo, I must say. Any fundies (the ones guilty of the excuses depicted here) reading this post probably feel the slaps across their collective faces quite harshly… as well they should. They need to wake up and smell the coffee!

    1. I think the lady pastors would remind him too much of Mrs. Nischik, because this video seems to date from that period (or just after it.)

    1. Oh yeah…I heard that one growing up, but sung in tune, at least.

      About halfway through, he ends up sounding like Colin Mochrie. THAT’S when it gets good!

  15. You forgot the Free Masons in the list of who is behind this. We….umm….I mean, they, are always behind the evil in this world.

  16. Big Gary, you have outdone yourself. Well done! I think have collected about 10 bingos over the last few weeks. πŸ™„

  17. There is a new one that has just come up recently. Apparently Linda Hyles-Murphy is bad mouthing her family and church for MONEY…this despite the fact that she named no names in her video.

    That’s the whole reason Darrell started this site. There is big bucks in revealing the secrets in the IFB. πŸ™„ If we keep this up soon we’ll all be rich! :mrgreen:

    1. We’re supposed to be getting paid off for doing this? Okay, which one of you has been cashing the check the illuminate should have been sending me?! Confess!

  18. Another idea for a square.

    1 Kings Chapter 1, v 1-4.
    β€œNow King David was old and stricken in years; and they covered him with clothes, but he got no heat.
    Wherefore his servants said unto him, Let there be sought for my lord the king a young virgin: and let her stand before the king, and let her cherish him, and let her lie in thy bosom, that my lord the king may get heat. So they sought for a fair damsel throughout all the coasts of Israel, and found Abishag a Shunammite, and brought her to the king. And the damsel was very fair, and cherished the king, and ministered to him: *but the king knew her not.”
    (Probably because Viagra had not been invited)

  19. There are several of these I haven’t heard used: N1, G1, O1, N2, G2, O2, I3, I4, N4, O4, I5

    (using B-I-N-G-O for the columns and 1-5 for the rows)

    1. Sadly, I’ve heard EVERY. SINGLE. ONE.

      The only exception might be I5 – the one about the Communists/Illuminati, but if it’s simplified to “liberals (or ungodly) are happy because you’re spreading this”, I HAVE heard that.

  20. I realize I’m preaching to the choir here, but here’s my bit of venting:

    The same churches, pastors, church members, and fundy organizations that will use these excuses to either try to minimize or deny the abuse of their higher-ups are the same people who will never forgive anyone else for any kind of sexual sin (actual adultery or fornication, were no rape is involved). If these pastors and churches took their own advice (“Judge not, lest ye be judged”, “Jesus died for their sins, too”, “Gossip is evil”, etc.) they would loose 98% of their preaching material. Amazing how when a pastor rapes a child, he should be immediately forgiven, but an engaged couple who are merely church members who sleep together before getting married are looked down upon as defiled for the rest of their lives.

  21. You know what would be cool? If they made an off Broadway, heck, a Broadway show about the life of Jack Hyles and FB church’s rise and all the scandal involved behind it all. They did one about Aimee Semple MacPherson…it got huge reviews. Lots of eyes would be opened!

  22. …I visit every now and then but haven’t posted for quite a while…there’s nothing like a good “SFL” fix to help one maintain some proximity of sanity. Thanks for the post…

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