Women

Update From CampMeetingGirl: Wedding Bells

133 Comments


Dear Darrell,

I am officially Mrs. Titus!

We were married on Christmas Eve at the church. Since the church was already decorated with poinsettias and the Nativity scene, as well as the Star of Bethelehem projected on the ceiling above the altar, I knew it would be great in the pictures.

We had a lovely rehearsal dinner with the wedding party, the Pastor and his wife, and both sets of parents in the Fellowship Hall. Mom didn’t get to sit down much since she did all the food herself. But it was delicious! And, wouldn’t you know it, Green Bean Casserole is Titus’ favorite! My bridesmaids were the Pastor’s daughter, Uriah’s new wife, and another girl that I met through an online chat room for Stay-At-Home Daughters. We had a moment of panic when she arrived and I realized that she was a little bit bigger than her measurements she sent and the pic in her profile. I was able to sew a whole new dress overnight, thought. So, it all worked out, PTL!

I sewed and Mom talked to me about being married. I couldn’t figure out what she was talking about at first. Finally, I figured it must be either gardening or rebuilding an engine. I just let her talk because all I could think about was getting that dress finished. She seemed relieved when she was done.

I was able to get someone to play the piano and Titus’ brothers played a brass quartet. The processional was beautiful and nobody tripped or acted silly. Titus was white as a sheet. I guess seeing your Beloved in her wedding dress for the first time will do that to you! πŸ™‚ Pastor Backlow did a wonderful job with the vows. My feet started to hurt a little in the middle of his sermon on Why Feminists Hate Weddings, but he wound it up pretty fast. He gave a quick invitation and 3 people came forward. I think they were Titus’ extended family. They filled out Decision Cards to get baptized next Sunday.

The reception was fun! There was a lot of good food that the church ladies had prepared for us. The tea was a little sweet, but I found out that was because Mrs. Dove didn’t know that Mom had already sweetened it. Mom was furious but took a deep breath and prayed for Mrs. Dove. She’s always doing stuff like that. Father calls her “Mrs. Go-Behind” because she’s always going behind people and re-doing what they’ve already done. It drives the Ushers crazy.

After the reception, we drove to a condo that one of the church members let us use. It is next to a Water Park but since it’s the wintertime, it’s closed. So, the condo wasn’t rented out and there were no immodest people at the Park. We had to stay in town that night because I couldn’t find a piano player for Christmas Day to take my place.

About the wedding night: WOW! Now I know why God says wait until you’re married. If people knew that it was this much fun, there would be so much more fornication.

I played the services on Christmas Day and we left late Sunday night for our new abode. We were about an hour out-of-town when we realized that we had left our new box of tracts sitting at the church. So, we turned around to get them. We got to our new house in the wee hours of the morning. It is owned by the church and was the first house the church bought for their pastor in the 50’s. He has moved on to better houses, but they keep this one for the Associate Pastor / Youth Pastor / Custodian. It is small, but that makes it easy to clean!

We have been here now for a few days and I am meeting all kinds of wonderful, godly, Christian women who have a lot of good advice about being married. I asked the Pastor’s Wife if she had any advice for a young Pastor’s Wife and she just kind of froze. I guess she couldn’t think of what advice to give first. Finally, she said, “Never complain, but take your cares to Jesus. Hold your family to a higher standard because the congregation does. Learn to listen well and never repeat what people tell you. Don’t make friends with people in the congregation although you must be friendly to everyone. Be available to your husband at all times.” It’s a tall order, but I’m ready to tackle it. πŸ™‚

So, that’s what’s been going on. I will keep you updated on how things are going in our new place of ministry. I think I have to start a class soon to get my Commercial Driver’s License so I can drive the church bus in case of an emergency where no men are available. And, of course, I’m playing piano again here. But, I should have some time to check in here and gather encouragement and sow friendship often.

In Modest Apparel,
Mrs. CMG

133 thoughts on “Update From CampMeetingGirl: Wedding Bells”

  1. Congrats, CMG! Someone will be coming along shortly with your Home Interiors Catalog, and to invite you to a candle/kitchen stuff party.

  4. OK, I do have one question…what’s the problem with showing collarbone? I never heard that one. Is it a HAC thing?

        1. Last I knew, you weren’t supposed to wear anything that is cut lower than 3 fingerwidths below the collarbone. I never heard that you can’t show the
          collarbone.

        3. Newsflash: Jack Hyles married us, and my dress with its stand-up little collar NEVERTHELESS was see-through from the bust line up. JH told me I looked beautiful. Yes, I am sure he says that to every bride, but IOW, there was no condemnation, and there was my collarbone and whatever else, just under that peekaboo lace. 😯

        4. I’m not sure it was a *rule* I just remember being told that by the Great Women of God who helped mold me into the Great Woman of God I currently am. I just know that if we did show them, it showed what kind of girls we were. (I showed mine quite frequently and every time was told about it.) Of course that was the three days of the year we weren’t bundled up like Eskimos to go out on the bus routes. Also, I was there 30 years ago. Maybe things have changed a little since I was there. Oh, wait. Nevermind.

        5. 1. I enver asked any of the Great Women of God to help me i nselecting my dress; I took my dearest friend, who was so modest herself that I was stunned when she fell in love with the dress I eventually picked!
          2. JH actually was more lenient than those women were. You know women are the worst. I truly believe they shape their man’s stupid fundy opinions.
          3. The DIFFERENCE between how I was treated as a student, and how I was treated as a faculty member is truly mind-boggling. One got away with incredible things. Which was the only fun part about it. πŸ™„

        6. ahaha, I love it! (“the Great Women of God who helped mold me into the Great Woman of God I currently am.”)
          In my case, all that molding severely backfired…I really hope to break all the molds.

        7. I am cheering you on, Dominika, I am cheering you on! RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE, and BE AN ICONOCLAST! My two philosophies.

    4. “Collarbone starts with “C” and that rhymes with “T” and that stands for Ta-Ta’s.”

      Cover up all that necked real estate before you cause some M-O-g to stumble, put you on payroll and cut a doorway between your office and his.

      “My, Sister you certainly have some mighty perky collar bones there. Are they real?”

  5. Loved this description of the wedding and first few days of marriage, and of course the best part, the wedding night! I wish you a lifetime of happiness with your beloved Titus, CMG! :mrgreen:

  6. Congratulations, CMG! I was hoping to hear details of the bridal shower the ladies from the church hosted for you. Enjoy married life.

  7. Congrats, CMG. But really–gardening or rebuilding an engine??? Godly women let their husbands rebuild engines. I’m glad you got it all figured out.

  8. “Don’t make friends with people in the congregation although you must be friendly to everyone.”

    Wow, that brought back memories. My parents followed that philosophy (which was taught vigorously at their Bible College) for 40 some years as my Dad was a music pastor in several fundy GARBC churches and it almost destroyed them…..Now that they are retired and can actually live outside the fishbowl, I’ve never seen them happier because they actually have made friends with the people in their non-fundy church……

    1. (If the size is wrong, I apologize. I am a guy, and didn’t even know these were sized until after I posted. I have never used one of these myself, just watched my mom, wife, and daughters use them. I prefer the garage.)

  10. CMG, Congratulations! I’m glad things worked out so well. . .I am sure in 9 months you will be beginning your role as a mother of MANY children. πŸ˜†

  11. I would be laughing, if I were not in tears. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. To think I not only thought all of this was right, at one time, but was only one among a CROWD of young women who thought so. Ugh. It cannot be still happening! And yet, it is. πŸ˜₯

    1. What? You mean when WE left they didn’t cease to exist? This is blowing my MIND! (Isn’t it weird how even though WE have changed so much, back there, NOTHING has changed at ALL!)

    2. πŸ™ I know! I was so depressed as a PW simply because I didn’t have any close friendships. Well, I had one, but she was a heathen who I dared not proselytize for fear of losing her friendship. Add the fact that I am a capital-E Extrovert with a really BIG personality that I had to supress (must be meek and silent, after all), plus a handful of kids to care for with no hope of getting out of the 4 walls of the house, and you have one depressed, repressed, emotionally fractured, mentally unbalanced woman.

      I put up with all of that because God delights in formulaic work-ship, amen? πŸ‘Ώ

      1. Oh, Kreine! Thank God, thank GOD, you are out! Ugh ugh ugh. I SO SO SO relate. God bless you! And CMG. And those still IN. (shudder) πŸ™

      2. I’m also very much an extrovert, and the expectation to be meek and quiet was probably the biggest shock for me when my family went fundy. I couldn’t master the “godly” woman’s skill of being friendly yet distant, and looking back, I see that I just came across as patronizing at best, stuck-up at worst. I would love a chance to apologize to all the people I treated so badly, but most of them are still fundies, and my presence would definitely give the “appearance of evil.” πŸ˜•

        2. I feel that! I am very outgoing, also, and back then, I was expected to be another Beverly Hyles, who was notable for gardening in her skirt and hose, yes, really, and for tolerating her husband’s abuse. Uh, that was not going to happen. I was not created as a sweet, smiling, air-headed bimbo. Getting out of Fundy-dum = being who God made you to be. πŸ˜‰

        4. Your skirt had a hose attached to it? Is this because of your problem with incontinence? Is this TMI?

  12. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xCc-RWIp7XU

    Another life cut short, ruined in the prime of life by Fundie Full-time service. Polyanna will come face to face with reality soon enough and maybe we will see stories of CMG’s departure from the Fundie Bunker, tales of her first glass of non-grape juice fruit of the vine, freedom found in pants and her first tattoo.

    There is a glimmer of hope, a chink in her Fundie armour with her acknowledgment of fun during the consummation. A true fundie knows that it is merely something to be endured, and is a duty, not something to be enjoyed. There was no guilt in her retelling of how she enjoyed it so maybe there is hope for CMG yet.

    1. Re: Pator’s wives. Our PW was to be called Ms Elaine by the adult women folk, most of them her senior. Nice infantilism, eh? Also, she held classes on dressing, makeup and general grooming. She was a stay at home WIFE for many years and was held up as the ideal. Meanwhile, many of the single moms had to work like dogs and had to have this girl tell them how to dress, groom, tLk, etc. Sickening little cult, it was (is).

      2. In my church, that “courtesy” was also extended to the wives and even the daughters of big tithers, regardless of age (I guess if the PW was “queen” of the church, associate PWs were “princesses,” and wives of big tithers were…countesses or something?). So I had these elderly ladies calling me “Miss Miranda” when I was just 13! πŸ™„ No wonder I became stuck-up. I really hated it, though. It felt like living in an upstairs/downstairs Victorian novel. I wondered if I had a brother if they’d have called him “Master So-and-So?”

  14. Best wishes, CMG! I’m impressed with your dedication to being the church pianist to come in the morning after your wedding to play. I’m surprised you weren’t too tired.

    Your pastor’s wife’s advice is advice that I too have heard. Someday you may find that that kind of lifestyle with its goal of external perfection and personal isolation has led you to exhaustion and depression. I hope you’ll discover God’s boundless love for you just as you are: even without tracts and modest dresses, sewing skills and piano-playing ability, sweet spirit and submissive attitude, God loves you, Camp Meeting Girl. His grace is for us good girls too!

  16. One thing that pastor’s wives like that one who gave you advice don’t think of – some women in the congregation really NEED the REAL friendship of a pastor’s wife, not to mention pastor’s wives NEED REAL friendships! Women need other women, and that’s a fact. And a pastor’s wife, with her position in the church, can really help a new member of the congregation who’s not so sure about the whole Christianity thing yet, and help a member of the congregation who is rather shy or socially anxious. The “bubble” that one pastor’s wife wants to put you in helps nobody!

    1. That’s very true, Beth D. Sadly, it’s not the advice being given. I’ve heard many times to be friendly but not to be friends with the people in my congregation. I tried not to follow that advice, but friendship needs openness which is in direct opposition to the need for maintaining a facade of perfection that fundyism requires.

      I’m glad that the model of church life that we’re now following emphasizes community and connections! And the pastor models it instead of just requiring the church members to do it while he stands aloof.

  17. CMG, I not only made all my bridesmaids dresses, I made my own wedding dress. Also, my mom made the wedding cake and we even MADE the mints. (I’m not sure why we did that, I think we could have probably have afforded to buy them, but I guess we were in the zone.)
    I also arranged my own flowers the night before the wedding, making the corsages and boutineers and centerpieces for the tables, did my own hair and makeup (which was easy, because I am a natural beauty) and made little tied up bundles of rice (because back then it was still ok to throw rice, we didn’t know about exploding birds back in those days) and little foil wrapped grooms-cakes and nut cups. As weddings go, mine was as fundy as they come. And all completely homemade. We had a friend who offered to do the photography for us for free as a present. Of course after it was all over with he realized he had brought the wrong camera and had been using a broken one, so we got no pictures to prove how very lovely it was. That was a bit of a disappointment at the time… But we were ok with it.
    I hope your marriage to Titus lasts long and is full of happiness and babies. The wedding sounds like it was absolutely marvelous. (And to be honest, your post sounds almost like it could have been written by me about 35 years ago.) Good luck Sweetie!

    1. Sims is, as usual, helping me to feel better.

      “I did my own hair and makeup (which was easy, because I am a natural beauty)”

      I laughed so hard I snorted. THIS IS TRUE, Sims IS a natural beauty, but only Sims would post that about herself. Well, no; I would post it about myself, too, but anyway, I LAUGHED.

      “(because back then it was still ok to throw rice, we didn’t know about exploding birds back in those days)”

      I laughed so hard I got hiccups. My great satisfaction HERE is, I did do bird seed (I got married way later than Sims did!), but no birds ate it, I was told later, and it was all over blessed Sibley Street, or “Boolayvard” as that prize ass Jack Hyles referred to it.

      You rock, Sims.

      1. See Enough, I laughed until I had a coughing fit over the exploding birds. But you got me with “as that prize ass Jack Hyles “. I got a mental picture of him with a big blue ribbon attached to the seat of his pants. I’m still giggling.

      2. While we’re doing one-upsmanship, my wife did her own hair, made her bridesmaid’s dresses, and grew her own rice!!

        So there!

        1. Hmmm… Well your story reminds ME of the time when I was flying my single engine plane over the rice paddys in China… I had a plane load of tracts and nobody to help me distribute them. When I got near the landing site I saw 27 men in suits and ties and holding KJV Bibles and I asked them to help me distribute my tracts. They agreed and soon everyone in the rice field was reading tracts. Soon they all were asking me (In Chinese) how to be saved. Miraculously I understood their questions and was able to save thousands of them by shouting the words to the Sinners Prayer for them to repeat after me. Soon the plane cargo area was empty and I was on my way back to the small airport. I tried to contact the men who had helped me pass out the tracts, but everyone I asked said they didn’t see any men in suits, only me. WHen I got back home again I found out that there was a prayer meeting of the men in the church and there were 27 men praying for me as I was out on my mission, and well, I know you can make the connections from there. Remind me to tell you later about my Witch Doctor experience when I was on a different mission trip. It is almost as good.

  19. “Hold your family to a higher standard because your congregation does.” Well, excuse the congregation, but they have been told for decades on end that the MOG is above the rest of them.
    Oh, and don’t forget to NEVER show any signs of anything other than complete victory in your life. Your are the pastor’s wife, you can’t be human.
    Don’t ever try to comfort anyone by showing that you are just flesh and blood, because that would be such a bad testimony to the Lord, and you compromise your “leadership position”.
    So, if you get a headache, make sure that somehow it’s a godly martyr’s headache that you bear while attending services, and if your dreams don’t turn into reality, be sure not to fall apart, but if you must fall apart, either leave town so you can discreetly have your nervous breakdown away from the congregation, or claim you have the flu while you sob for days on end. Anything is better than to be real. So: officially hate Hollywood, but but on the act of a lifetime!!

    1. While all of this is true, I have to point out here: there were some very mean-spirited women in our churches, both hen I was an associate pastor’s wife, AND when I was the PW. There were women who, no matter what choice I made, or how I lived, or looked, were going to be harsh and vocal in their judgment of me. To this day, while I run like a greased pig from anything remotely resembling a fundy church, I cannot bring myself to diss on the PW in that church, because my heart aches for her. Was it really her fault, or her husband’s? Maybe, but no woman is prepared to be treated that way. It is that entire lifestyle mindset, that encourages the church people to be so judgmental, and to believe they are right to be that way. Twitch and shudder. 😯 πŸ™„ πŸ‘Ώ

      1. I think that a lot of the mean way people treat the pastor’s wives is based in jealousy. I have seen it in action with the wives of the pastors in my past who happened to be friends of mine, and usually the women who are the most judgemental wish that THEY were pastor’s wife, and somehow see that position as *queen of the church* or something or possibly even have a little crush on the M-O-G and think that they could do SUCH a better job of loving him than SHE is. Also, when you put women into a situation full of external focuses and judgements, of COURSE they are going to try to fight UP the ladder. Its like in prison when you look for the toughest guy to beat up so you will have your street cred. (Not that I would know about that)

        2. Yes to all of that. Add to that, my late husband was a hunk. I know, I know, but he just was. So, yes, we had our share of those, too, that wanted to get their hooks into him. Good times. NOT.

        4. I’m sorry, I never walked in her shoes. I have been lied to, humiliated, and let down by the 2 pastor’s wives I’ve had the pleasure to be “under”, and one assistant pastor’s wife.
          But I’m sure I’ve been outsuffered.

        5. And Dominika, I believe you. I, too, have been treated badly by other PW’s, both before I married, and since I have been widowed. I can look at them, now, though, and wonder at the circs that made them thus. I do not excuse them, and it hurt at the time, but I think of them now as cornered, trapped things.

        6. I’ve been on both sides of the issue; certainly there are evil women in churches that are jealous of the pastor’s wife, and are critical of all that she does.

          But there are also churches in which the pastor’s wife is exalted beyond measure as Queen of the church – she gets every break; people volunteer to clear her house, and run errands for her and the shut-ins are neglected for the adulation that is heaped upon her, just for the man she married.

          If pastoring is hard (and it is), being the wife of pastor is even harder.

          The pastor insisting that his wife has responsibility for all of the ladies in the church is silly… A friend of mine (a lady) wanted to start a backyard Bible club for neighborhood kids, but the pastor refused permission because his wife was too busy to oversee the effort. We kind of went “Huh?”.

        7. As a fundy preacher’s kid, I guarantee you I did not ever want to be a pastor’s wife. I think that’s what sent my mom over the edge.

      2. The PW at my last church was diagnosed with depression. I know depression is a medical condition, but I also wonder whether the fact that her husband was always at work influenced that. She’s a nice lady. I’m pretty angry at her husband, and honestly she probably supports his every (wrong) decision, but I do feel sorry for her.

        2. No, I think pissed-off would be the term, pardon my French. Then again, one tries to remember that part of recovery from abuse is leaving behind the idea that you are the only one who ever suffered.

    3. When my husband was a youth pastor, the new pastor’s wife took me out to lunch. I THOUGHT it was social, but, no, the purpose was to rebuke me. I had said often that I didn’t really enjoy housework or cooking, and she let me know that that was inappropriate for a pastor’s wife to tell the church ladies because we were supposed to be “keepers at home” and thus should never be negative about it. I thought then and still do that it would be more helpful to other women if I were honest with my own struggles, but apparantly in her model of pastor’s wife, one should be an exalted picture of perfection instead of just a struggling human being, striving to follow Christ despite personal weaknesses.

      1. You were (and are right)… she was wrong… (unless you were constantly whining about it, but I assume you were not).

  22. Dear Mrs. Titus,
    congratulations on a wise career choice. You chose a position that’ll enable you to live on a pedestal, just a little bit better than those around you, but when that isn’t enough to manipulate your little world, you get to be the victim also. If all else fails, your husband will protect you and cover for you, so you will never have to be held responsible. After all, it’s tough. I don’t know of anybody else in the congregation that takes off as often and goes on vacations, but with all the stupid sheep you have to be around all the time, that is understandable.
    So, Mrs. Titus, hang on to the precious title, as it is definitely your ticket.
    Sincerely, the black sheep

    1. πŸ˜‰ And don’t forget, when you get *overwhelmed* with all the responsibilities of being the woman behind the MAN, you can just drop a subtle hint or two and people will fall over themselves to bring you meals and help you out. If not, there are always the young girls you can use ~er I mean utilize ~ um I mean DISCIPLE by showing them all that is involved in keeping house and caring for small children. Free babysitting is certainly only a phone call away. πŸ˜‰

      1. Yeah. I know it is this way in lots of places. It wasn’t in the only church where I was the PW. We were young,. everyone was older, and they firmly tried to tell ME how I would live, dress, behave, etc. In fact, when my husband DIED while returning from hospital visits, I was called by several and told to put away my kleenex and get out there and console those who were grieving my husband, yes, forget my three little ones, etc. I hung up on all of them. I think it is wise not to have a chip on one’s shoulder against every pastor’s wife in existence, don’t you? Some of them have some awesome stories, too, Ladies. πŸ‘Ώ No one is happy you were abused, but do try to know you were not the only one, and no one is trying to “out-suffer” you. SMH

        1. I am! Why, did I ever tell you the story about how much I suffered at HAC? Well, I tell you what… No pastor’s wife story could cause that kind of trauma to the soul and psyche. (I am just teasing. It’s what I do)

        2. How rotten. You weren’t even allowed to grieve your husband, but to comfort others who might be grieving him? This reminds me of a story one of our pastors back in Michigan told (we had three in the time we were there). His wife was not able to have a baby and they eventually adopted two boys. Before this they had tried to adopt a girl and I believe she must’ve been a baby at the time. The birth mother decided she wanted her back so of course the court gave her back to the birth mother. This pastor and his wife were very distraught after giving her back, and the very day it happened he had some church responsibility. He was not the pastor at that time, he was on staff in some position. He looked sad of course and his pastor, the manofgawd who should’ve been understanding came to him and told him to buck up and get the hangdog expression off his face, smile and be cheerful! Don’t look so down in the mouth! What really irked me in this story was that he was telling it as though the pastor was RIGHT to say this! What kind of sympathy and compassion was that? He ought to have given him and his wife a few days off and sent them on a little trip together for themselves to grieve this and console each other. But no, it was all business as usual, don’t grieve, don’t let anyone think you might be a bit sad over this. I simply do not understand this kind of “Christianity” that doesn’t allow people to express natural human emotion. πŸ˜₯ πŸ‘Ώ

        3. The refusal to allow people to grieve is such a twisting of Scripture. The OT tells us there is a time to mourn, and the NT records that Jesus wept and specifically commands us to “weep with those who weep.” “Bearing one another’s burdens” doesn’t mean telling them to stop looking sad and start grinning so no one around them knows their heart is breaking. This kind of teaching is so emotionally damaging. And then we wonder why our fundy family members can’t show us unconditional love!

          This kind of teaching is so similar to what Gothard expouses: “The Energy Giver smiles at everyone, using the obedient, ministry, and joyful smiles as appropriate… The Energy Waster smiles at friends and is no better than a heathen (Matthew 5:47). The Energy Taker does not smile; his sadness draws attention, which is selfish.” That’s balderdash. It’s not wrong or selfish to be sad. Telling people that they’re sinful if they’re not always smiling is spiritual abuse, imo.

        4. Macushlalondra, many here have similar stories, as far as the aftermath. His death, traumatic as it was, was also my ticket OUT. (We had been moving that way all along.). When I left, and for years afterward, I was lied about, maligned in so many ways, snubbed, and wished ill. Now that I have a very visible job in our small community, those few left in that sad excuse for a church detest me even more, because how can they explain their enemy’s success? To God be the glory. He saw to it that I had wise counsellor, who advised me to say very little, smile, and go my way. He also gave me a great and loving support network. The lines have indeed fallen unto me in pleasant places. πŸ™‚

    2. Ok, I feel a need to clarify my position when it comes to Pastors Wives. (Pastor’s Wives?) First of all let me say, My very dearest friend is my pastor’s wife and she is a sweet, kind, genuine lady who has been thrown into a position she never aspired to. There are many women who are WONDERFUL wives to the pastors and who are NOT on a power trip at all but instead are just humbly doing the job that God has given them to do. Unfortunately, there are also many women who lack the maturity to deal with all the politics and social oddities that go along with being (in their opinion) the First Lady of the church. For these women it is a struggle to not be overwhelmed with pride and self-love and they tend to abuse their positions. That is MY opinion, some are good, some are bad, all are human. I love mine. I hope that cleared things up a little.

      1. I assume this would be everyone’s sensible approach, rather than tarring all of any group with the same brush. Feisty? I think not. Sane, I think, is the word you meant.

        1. “Sane” is NEVER a word I think of when I think of you. HAHA!! I am still ROFFLING over, “Except when it isn’t” HAHAHA!!!! You crack me up. Are you SURE you were a pastor’s wife? I don’t think you guys are really allowed to be so emotional. I read the manuals. Smile and nod. Smile and nod. Show no emotion. Now, lets all hug and try this again.

        2. I really was, and while I was deeply in love with my husband, I was also deeply chagrined at his decision to become a pastor. It is a dreadful life, within fundy-dum, and I did not love it.

  23. Congratulations to CMG, er, Mrs Titus… so, should she be CMT (Camp Meeting Titus) or CMM (Camp Meeting Missus)? I can just see people on SFL tuning in to CMM to hear the latest news!

  24. I know a certain someone who is gonna be heartbroken at this news…

    But I am glad you found gardening enjoyable – especially as a novice. (I was wondering if you two were going to be able to figure out how to garden correctly, having had no prior instruction.)

    1. Yeah, I think CMG probably spent some late nights reading the SFL Sex Week posts in preparation for the main event. Poor Titus probably didn’t know what hit’im. He’s probably still walking around with that goofy grin.

      1. I just hope she didn’t use any of her mother’s gardening/engine changing moves that it sounds like she didn’t completely understand. Those sound like really bad ideas whatever it was Mom Camp Meeting was trying to convey in riddle…

        1. Sounds like Ma Camp Meeting was trying to relate something out of the Redneck Kama Sutra and Seed Catalog Chapter 11 is all about tractor engines, everything one wants to know about proper maintenance procedures from inserting sparky plugs to pulling heads.

  25. I’m not so sure CMG is as fundie as she claims to be, there was no mention of her and Titus spending the rest of the night praying for forgiveness after enjoying their wedding night that much. A true fundie would have been crying and pleading for forgiveness for having that much fun in the flesh. Why the next thing we know she will be wearing open-toed shoes and showing off her perky colarbones.

    1. I am surprised that she was not either 1) horrified (since her mother’s talk on marital relations seemed a bit obtuse) or 2) filled with doubt and self-loathing, wondering why she was so happy indulging in the pleasures of the flesh.

      A sheltered fundy girl with a healthy and Biblical (not Victorian) attitude toward sex? Isn’t that kind of a rarity?

        3. Uh, Don, PW, and Sims? I was as fundie as it gets, and I enjoyed my wedding night, did not repent at all, knew it was right, and yes, Sims, we knew what to do. πŸ˜‰

  26. Congratulations, CMG! And may your first child be a feminine child, in order that by the time your second baby comes along, you will have someone to fold both of their diapers!

    1. Sadly, this is not restricted to fundies. In our larger families in the community, you know, the ones living by faith because birth control is of the debbul? The older children look weary,, depressed, and bedraggled. Generally, if they ever marry, they have zero to two children. In my line of work, we see this a lot. πŸ™

      1. As the oldest of 9 siblings, with a mother who didn’t like cooking or taking care of kids once they hit 2, I can say “been there, done that.”

      1. Man did I laugh loudly at this!!! It looked like they were trying to eat each other’s face. Wonder if they practiced on the back of their hands the night before to practice?? How embarassing to do that in front of so many 😳 . Now I haven’t been kissed in decades not by choice just haven’t met anyone but if a guy kissed me like that I would run as fast as I could and never look back. I have had a virgin and a non virgin and really non virgin is not necessarily better, the utter dorkiness level or inflated ego of the partner is what ruins it, IMHO. I think it is ridiculous to wait to kiss until you are married… but that was hilarious in a pathetic kind of way.

        1. When I first saw it was on The Soup, and they had looped it so it just went on and on and on. Munch munch munch… It was horrible and disgusting, yet HILARIOUS at the same time. (My favorite kind of funny)

        3. ROTFL! That was seriously BAD! Boy do they have a lot to learn about kissing! πŸ˜€ :mrgreen: πŸ˜† πŸ˜› 😈

      3. Okay, this comment on YouTube made me laugh out loud… seriously.

        “Looks like two horsesο»Ώ fighting over peanut butter XD

        SOUTHPARKFOREVER240”

  29. Congrats, CMG!!!!

    I can understand your feet a little sore from standing during the sermon. Taking notes that way can be difficult, too.

    Okay, so….

    When can we expect a baby????

  30. Darrell,

    It is simply frightening how close to reality this letter sounds. Sadly, so many people live in the same small word as Camp Meeting Girl.

    1. . . . A lot of ’em just barely out of high school — all starry-eyed and completely naive as to what they are getting into, but marrying because their pastor insisted “Better to marry than to burn.”

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