An Update From CampMeeting Girl

Darrell,

Well, Uriah has gone and done it. He married That Girl at her church with just her parents and our parents there. My parents didn’t even know that they were going for the wedding. Uriah just asked them to meet him at the church. Father thought it was going to be a meeting with the Pastor to tell the Pastor that Uriah had issues with that church. They have an electric keyboard in addition to a piano and organ. It only takes a split second to accidentally hit the “demo” button and unleash ungodly music into that sanctuary. When they arrived at the church, the secretary (who is NOT the Pastor’s wife and is UNDER 50 years of age!) showed them back to the Pastor’s Office. Mother almost passed out but then she was thankful that she always wears a dress and full make-up unless she is asleep. That is a confirmation to her that wearing dresses or nice skirts at all times means that she will be a Proverbs 31 woman who is prepared for anything. Father said That Girl’s parents were smiling like they were happy about this. The vows were said and there was a discreet kiss and then it was over. The Fathers served as Best Man and Groomsman and the Mothers served as Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid. Afterward, they all went to lunch together at Red Lobster. Uriah ordered the popcorn shrimp like he always does. I think Uriah will be going to their church now that they are married.

Uriah called me after they left Red Lobster to tell me the good news. I was floored. It just doesn’t seem official without a modest wedding dress and the plan of salvation! I am happy he’s married. I wondered why he was so busy these last couple of weeks. He was finding and apartment for them and moving her stuff into it. He moved his belongings out the afternoon they got married. Now, the other two brothers in that room can spread out a little. He said that they decided to go ahead and get married and put the money they would have spent on a wedding into a savings account. She will be working at a Christian School until they have children. She is a Kindergarten teacher there. (That’s the school that lets girls wear leggings or pants under their skirts if it’s too cold outside. They also let their volleyball team and track team wear sleeveless shirts. My Father calls that place The School of the Slippery Slope.) Then, they hope to buy a house with a cash down payment. Uriah had to get off the phone then because That Girl said he was driving too fast on the way back to their apartment. She said they had the rest of their lives to enjoy each other, but she understood why he was in a hurry. If she’s always this bossy, there is no hope of submission in her.

They are spending the Thanksgiving Holiday week in The Mouse House (as That Girl calls it). I hope they will have fun there, but I’m afraid it will be fraught with temptations. I think they should have gone to a couples retreat at The Wilds or Bill Rice Ranch.

My wedding plans are going well. Barring a scandal involving the Pastor or Titus becoming a Mormon (HAHAHA!), we will be heading down the aisle together at the end of December. I AM SO EXCITED!!! I just remembered that I’ve got to ask That Girl if she wants to be a Bridesmaid now. I’m sure I will have enough time to whip up another modest taffeta dress by then. Oh, and if you are in the neighborhood, the Pastor is preaching on Being Thankful this month. This week’s sermon is titled “I am Thankful I am Not Like Other Men”. The choir is singing a medley of “We Gather Together” and “My God Is A Righteous God”.

In Modest Apparel,
CampMeeting Girl

71 thoughts on “An Update From CampMeeting Girl”

  1. It is good to see an update from CMG. One of your Ask CMG posts was one of the first things I remember reading on SFL back before I fully understood and appreciated this site. Is the random post at the top–Being Completely and Totally Different From Those Crazy Fundies Who Are Nothing Like Us At All (Not even a little bit) in honor of this weeks sermon?

  2. Camp Meeting Girl, the more I read your updates, the more I feel like we could have been sisters at some point in life. Congratulations on your upcoming nuptuals (haha, funny word) and to our brother (?) who I assume will be a father in about 7 or 8 months. Don’t be surprised if the baby is born a bit premature and also large and well developed for its age. Sometimes that happens.

    1. I actually knew a girl at church who claimed her baby was born a couple of months premature. I don’t think she realized that the birth announcements in the newspaper include the birth weight. Anyone ever seen a 9lb preemie?

        1. My daughter gave birth to an 11.4 pound baby two years ago. People came in from all over the hospital to congratulate her and see the “HUGE” baby. (She had him naturally, no drugs) Personally, other than situations like that (where it is almost newsworthy) I don’t see the point in announcing the weight.

        2. Sims, your daughter is a braver woman than I am. The thought of natural birth is already terrifying to me, but 11 lbs would be more than 10% of my body weight. 😯 I’ll be adopting, thank you!

        3. Miranda, I do know what you mean. I was SUPER impressed by her strength and courage. (And she wasn’t a large girl either, still isn’t. I think she weighs about 105.) She is just very determined to do what she decides she is going to do. Adoption is also a great thing to do though. πŸ˜‰

      1. See CMG? I told you sometimes that happens. I have seen it happen ALOT in my old church. Almost EVERY girl in my youth group who got married had very big premature babies. I think I heard someone say it was something in the water.

      2. A lady in my old church had a baby 3 weeks before her due date, and the baby was almost 10 pounds. And this lady has been married for over 10 years, so there was no need to fudge the due date. So, yes, a 9 pound baby born about 4 or a little more weeks early would be possible – but HIGHLY improbable.

        1. Don’t you think she may have just calculated the due date wrong?

          Another possibility is gestational diabetes, which (according to mothers of my aquaintance who should know what they’re talking about) often results in babies that are very heavy at birth.

        2. My baby sister was 10 lbs and 23 1/2 inches long when she was born. If I remember correctly, they had to put her in clothes for a 9 month old.

    2. It’s a scientific fact that babies due exactly nine months after their parents’ wedding are most likely to be born premature. The secular evolutionary scientific establishment will never acknowledge that this is God’s way of blessing those couples who trust Him to open and close the womb as the Bible says. He’s just helping them fill their quivers a little faster. πŸ™‚

  3. No offense to Darrell, but I do love me a good CMG post! LOLing at “if she’s always this bossy, there’s no hope of submission in her.” Just be thankful CMG. At least it appears they were waiting to actually get into a building. πŸ˜‰

  4. “Mother almost passed out but then she was thankful that she always wears a dress and full make-up unless she is asleep.”

    This gave me major flashbacks to a man who used to preach at our church about once a year. He said his wife woke up every morning and got fully dressed, did her hair, and put makeup on before he woke up and that he had never seen her without makeup and a nice hairdo! πŸ™„ (I assume he has seen her without clothes though since they had children! πŸ˜‰ ) Does anybody else remember Tom Williams?

    1. There was a teacher at college who said she did the same thing. I bet Seen Enough would remember her name. She had been married years and her husband had NEVER seen her without makeup on. GEE WHIZ! I barely make it to CHURCH with mine on. (It depends on if I am the one driving or not)
      I bet he didn’t have to see her naked to have the kids though, cause they could just keep the lights off or stay under the covers or something. It is a strange, strange world we escaped from.

      1. Sims, wasn’t that Vicki Mitchell? It sounds like something a Marlene-ite would say… Sigh. As for Tom Williams… Hmmm. I must be good, I tell myself. ( Why did the song “Pick a Litle, Talk a Little,” from THE MUSIC MAN, just start niggling through my head? She asks in feigned naivete…)

        1. Not sure the name… The husband was a skinny health-food nut. He used to say he and his wife would SHARE an egg in the morning for breakfast. That’s all I remember about them. Does the name Fisk or Finch sound familiar?

        2. Not CW Fisk. Maybe Mr. taylor? He left after our freshman year. Super cadaverous looking. Do not know much about his wife,though, but he was a health food nut.

    2. This is so revealing about the way fundies hide their true selves to put on a mask that they think is what people expect of them. This woman actually did it physically, but church is full of people pretending to be what they are not, perpetuating the stained-glass masquerade of perfection instead of letting their walls come down and letting the healing begin.

    3. Yes, I remember him – as he aged, he became pretty graphic in his speech. Not sure if you if he was speaking of his first wife, second wife, or the third one; I’m guessing the 1st or 2nd, however.

      1. Pretty sure it would have been the second. Haven’t heard him in years. Most memorable sermon to me is the one against canned biscuits. I was trying to describe it to my daughter who wondered what in the world was the problem with canned biscuits and why were they in a sermon?

    4. I sure do remember Tom Williams. He’s been married three times. His second wife Pam contracted spinal meningitis on a trip to Israel back in the 70’s I think it was and he cared for her til her death a few years ago. Then he married her long time nurse Jeannette (If I remember the name correctly) who was probably young enough to be his daughter. The last time I saw him at my church in Michigan would’ve probably been in 2008 I think and he did a marriage seminar for two or three nights and the last night he talked about intimacy in marriage. He was very graphic and I was highly embarrassed. All I could think is here he is in his 70’s now, probably pushing 80, he’s got this wife much younger and he’s finally able to… you know… again after all the years with his second wife who was sick so they couldn’t you know… so now he was making up for lost time. At his age. Ok, whatever. I just know it was rather embarrassing. When my husband and I left that night we got in the car and I said, “He is something ELSE!” and he said, “He sure is.” :mrgreen:

      1. I certainly hope I can … you know … when I’m in my 70s. It’s not like I’ll want to talk about my … you know … activities in front of large groups of people, though.

        1. Are you kidding? If you can rock it in the bedroom after 70 and especially after 80, you should tell everyone.

    5. I heard Dr. Hyles say something similar. He was preaching about the need to keep his “mystique” before his wife and children. He would wake up early, put on a starchy white shirt and tie, slick down his hair, and put on a pair of glasses (not wire-rimmed though). He said that he never came to the breakfast table without a shirt and tie.

      1. You know, it’s a little vain when a woman gets up early and puts on make-up, does her hair, and gets dressed so no one sees, but when a man does it, it’s just plain weird.

  5. Dear CMG,

    I do wish to exhort you as an older woman to a younger. You mentioned clothing several times in your letter. Is it possible that you are focusing too much on the outward appearance and not “the hidden man of the heart … which is in the sight of God of great price”?

    You specifically mentioned modesty three times, including your closing. May I caution you to beware of pride! Sin lieth at the door, and when one is surrounded by a corrupt culture, it is easy to feel proud of one’s own standards of holiness, but may I remind you that God desires a meek and quiet spirit in a woman.

    I know you will receive this exhortation in the right spirit, my dear CMG. One of the delights of becoming an older woman is the opportunity to point out to younger women spiritual flaws which they may have overlooked.

    Blessings!
    Pastor’s Wife
    (or a caricature of her!) 😎

  6. Camp Meeting Girl, I still do not understand why you will not follow God’s will to date, I mean be courted by me. My pastor said he wanted us to be together. That means it is God’s will even if it isn’t.

    But then again, if you are fellowshipping with That Girl who attends a church with a keyboard and who teaches at a school with such loose dress standards maybe it is best if I stay as far away from you as possible. After all I must obey the Bibical Principal Of Second and Third Degree Seperation. I will have to ask my Pastor about it. His standards are my standards, or at least they should be.

    1. Give Jason B a chance, CMG! I’m sure Titus will understand that you need to “put out a fleece” and be sure of Gid’s will. If you don’t you could be forced to live outside the perfect will O’Gid. Jason, what do you have to offer CMG? You can best Titus!

      1. Beth, the most important thing I have to offer is God’s perfect will. If my Pastor says it is God’s will for me to marry CMG then it must be true. And I have high standards. Every shirt I have is button down and long sleeve. I get a haircut once a week. I shave three times a day to avoid the appearence of facial hair. The only music I listen to is 8-track tapes from Hyles-Anderson from before 1975. I win at least 400 souls to Christ a year. (And sometimes one or two of them get baptized, but not often) And recently I repented of the sin of reading 15 chapters a day out of my Bible. My Pastor told me that reading multiple chapters out of me Bible will confuse me so he suggested I only read five verses a day. “Leave the thinking to the experts!” he would always say. Such wisdom! I am so glad my Pastor was there to rescue me. After all, God is not the author of confusion. Besides, I have plenty of books by Jack Hyles. “My books are the only books you need” he would always say.

        With such qualifactions Camp Meeting Girl should have no trouble bowing before me and calling me Lord

        1. CMG,

          With Jason B’s unquestioning obedience to the Mannogid, and his Mannogid’s confirmation that it is Gid’s perfect will for you and him to be married – how can you not submit to this?

          Gid’s representative has spoken, and he always speaketh truth. Do you doubt the Mannogid? If you do, then you are doubting the Bible and Gid himself! My KJB says in Hebrews 13:7 – “Remember them which have the rule over you, who have spoken unto you the word of God: whose faith follow”

          CMG, you do not want to earn a reputation for being rebellious – like That Girl has. Submit woman… submit to gid’s perfect will for your life and gid’s perfect man for you.

        2. Well, if anyone understood what it was like for you to have a mannogid that walked so closely to gid that his thoughts and words were considered practically inspired….well, that would be me. πŸ˜‰

    2. WTH?!?! Who are you? We all know that Miss CMG should be laying on, I mean laying out her fleece with me! I’ll tell you what. I have been doing lots of “research” on the internet, and I think I know how to convince her. She also won’t be good fundy anymore after I get done with her. What do you have to offer? HUH??

      1. Well, Josiah, we’ve gotten Jason’s list. How ’bout yours? What do you have to offer our good CMG? All us women on the board feel a little protective of her and her little white Keds. We need a listing of how many ministries you’re in, how many souls you’ve won, how often you shine your wingtips, and whether you wear neckties or bow ties, and anything else you can contribute to CMG’s spiritual and physical well-being.

        1. I think that ought to include copies of his “Activities Reports” for the past several years just so we have an idea of how often he goes street preaching and soul winning and how effective his efforts are. I want to see names of the souls he has saved and if at all possible a video of him on the corner in a sandwich board sign with a bullhorn. That would impress me. πŸ˜‰

        2. My list? Well, my internet research should help my bedroom technique. The girls in the videos love that stuff. Miss CMG (the future Mrs. Jefferson) will love it, too. Let’s see, what else…I won’t make her crank out a bunch of kids. I don’t really like all the screaming and pooping that kids do. I guess a couple would be ok, just not a whole bunch. I will be faithful to her, as long as she keeps me happy. That’s not too much to ask, of course.

          I have never actually seen Miss CMG, but I hear she’s a real looker. If you are reading, CMG, just find a picture of Bradley Cooper and one of George Clooney, pretend they had a baby together, and I am their baby. Yeah, you like that? I thought so.

          So, we could get married on the date you were already planning. You know, since you’ve already gone through all the trouble.

        3. Josiah, I think you’re going to have to try again. She may be unfamiliar with the actors you mentioned, seeing as how she’s too spiritual for regular TV, and her brother, Uriah, had been monitoring her internet usage. I’m pretty sure CMG wants quite a few kids, so you may have to be willing to negotiate on that. I do applaud your honesty, though. That goes a long way.

        4. Fine, fine…so, I like to yell at people on the sidewalk while I flail my KJV all about. I have saved thousands of people that way. I never went to FundyU, but I have read all my pastor’s books. I might write some of my own someday.

          Ok, the kids thing. I guess as long as she wants to take care of them all, we can have a few more than two.

          …and I’m hung like a horse.

        5. I fear, when you use that terminology, that our innocent CMG sees a lynched mare, in her head. Which is so sad and tragic and gross, that it truly defeats your purpose…. πŸ™„

        6. Let’s try to help Josiah out here so he can be seen as a worthy suitor for our CMG. He’s got some pretty tough competition with Titus and Jason.

          Josiah believes in the patriarchal structure of the family, and the submission of the wimmins. He is well-blessed with bounteous gifts. He is open to the blessing of a full quiver. He has a deep burden for saving souls by going into the highways and byways with ardent street preaching of fire and brimstone. He is unpolluted with the world’s philosophies, but rather chooses the pure instruction of his Man O’Gid.

        7. Oh, I see…you all like to sugar coat everything. I tell it like it is. Jesus beat up those money changers in the temple, so I like to browbeat those sinners on the sidewalk into salvation. You know, like a good man’s man. Except, I am God’s man, which is even better. How else do you save thousands?

          Seen Enough, I hadn’t thought of the other possible meaning of my comment above. I can see where Miss CMG might picture the wrong thing. Maybe you could explain it to her. You know, it’s like a built-in kickstand.

  7. Sister CMG, I do hope you liked the butt cushion and the flannel floor-length lined nightgown that I made and sent for your trousseau. It’s very modest.

    And, I so enjoy your pastor’s sermons. He’s SUCH a humble man.

    My best wishes to you, sweetheart. May your home be kept clean and the children come swiftly.

  8. Dear Camp Meeting Girl,

    Ahh. It warms my heart to hear from such a shining example of Christianity. It gives me hope. As long as there are people like you who raise their many children right, Christianity (and my job) will be safely protected.

    J.A. Jones

  9. The sermon’s title reminds me of lyrics from Frollo’s song in Disney’s “Hunchback of Notre Dame”:

    “Beata Maria, you know I am a righteous man. Of my virtue I am justly proud / Beata Maria, you know I’m so much purer than the common, vulgar, witless, licentious crowd.”

  10. This was very random. You definitely captured the voice of Camp Meeting Girl.

    Sadly, I attended a wedding just like this. Actually, I was the impromptu videographer.

  11. Just a reminder to not burn your barns behind you before you crosses them. That Girl has a younger sister who Titus just might be acquainted with, if you get my drift. (Why doesn’t that janitor’s closet have a lock on it?) She looks up to and learns from her big sister, and maybe her belly is swelling just a bit. Better keep Jason and Josiah’s CMs close at hand, just in case Titus has one of those ‘sudden meetings’ with That Girl’s sister at the Pastor’s office.

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