105 thoughts on “Pulpits Redux”

  1. First? if so…it’s a first for me. I really don’t know what to say, or who to thank, but it’s been a long road and I’m glad I finally have come to this point.

  2. Some (many?) fundamentalists seem to regard the KJV as the only true inspired translation of the Bible. Period. To truly hear from God you must read the Scriptures in 17th Century English. All other languages, all other translations are false. In fact, some believe that it was as inspired by the Holy Spirit as the original Hebrew and Greek, if not more so… it’s almost the Fourth Person of The Trinity.

    1. Actually it is the 3rd person of the Trinity in a lot of the IFB. When did you ever hear anyone talk about worshiping the Holy Spirit??? The Holy Spirit is virtually not talked about by fundies and thus, in essence, their trinity becomes the Father, the Son, and the KJV. This picture clearly evidences that.

      1. I heard a sermon in college in which the speaker said “The Holy Spirit doesn’t like being talked about.”

    2. The belief system you described is very close to what I was taught at my home church. I find that many fundamentalists are proud to hold these beliefs. It was one of many reasons that I got out. I thank God for opening my eyes to the dangerous lies of the KJVO movement.

    3. It’s uncanny how similar they are in that to how fundamentalist Muslim view the Qur’an: it’s only really the words of God in Arabic. I’m sure they wouldn’t take well to the comparison, but if the show fits….

      1. The difference is that the Quran was originally written in Arabic. And Muslims don’t read the Quran in 17th-century Arabic, they read it in the original words.

        The equivalent for Christians would be to read the Bible only in Hebrew, Aramaic, and Koine Greek; not a 400-year-old translation of those texts.

        1. I understand the distinction there. It’s the philosophical devotion that’s similar. Also, as I understand it, the Arabic of the Qur’an has significant differences to modern Arabic. So it does have some similarity to devotedly reading a translation in 400 year old English. The idea that God’s words are only God’s words in a particular translation is quite small-minded.

        2. I’d also venture to say that most of those who hold that firmly to a KJVO position, essentially believe in double-inspiration, whether they recognize it or not. So to them, they are, in essence, reading the original words.

        3. It might even be a case of triple inspiration.

          1. The original writings.
          2. The KJV translation.
          3. The interpretation by the MoG in the pulpit.

      1. lemmingly:
        could you use that in a sentence please?
        The pastor said, “So long as you do all I say do, we’ll get along lemmingly.”

        Most excellent addition to the SFL lexicon! Than you Tammy! 😎 πŸ˜‰

    1. Verse 2:

      We want to look pure
      We want to seem clean
      We wear our fundy best.
      Bow to Pastor’s authority
      So he will be impressed.

        1. Continuing your 2nd verse…

          …”Polish up your shaft
          With subtlety and craft-
          And hy-po-cri-sy (yes, sir!!)
          Idolatry is ignoring His Grace-
          While waving my KJV…”

  3. It says KJV, but how can one TELL? The image looks like any other version of the Bible I’ve seen. Are they sure the wood-carver was using a KJV as a model?

    1. I question their committment to the King James because they are calling it a “version”, as if is merely just one of a host of possible versions. A true KJ Fundy church would have had KJB engraved instead.

      Stinking compromisers!



  4. The highest form of criticism of these 2 boneheads I can think of is that it is entire unsurprising to see fundies doing this filth.

  5. I honestly wonder if they love the KJV so much because so many of the congregation cannot understand it for themselves, so they do not question the pastor’s proof texts.

    1. Tiarali – You are correct. Once you start reading another version, so many things jump off the page and you find yourself saying things like:

      “That’s what that verse really means!”
      “How come I’ve never heard preaching about this?”

    2. I’m starting to believe this is one of the reasons and also because the King James sounds kinda pompous-high falutin.

    1. Yes, the real sign of fundy cred is not the kjv but the building fund thermometer. It’s so 20th century.

  6. One thing I appreciate about that picture is this: If I ever have to relocate and search for a church, I wouldn’t have to sit through one service at that church. I could walk in and see the KJV pulpit and walk right out, knowing that church was not the place for me.

  7. Off topic – Do you think the heart shaped stone was intentional? I wonder if there are other shapes hidden in the stonework – like a hidden picture search? I know that’s what I’d be concentrating on at this church. πŸ˜‰

    1. There should be a Bible-shaped stone somewhere, maybe a triangle for the Trinity, the stone tablets to represent the Ten Commandments — I love the idea of hidden symbolic stones! (Although a church would never do it, because they KNOW people wouldn’t pay attention to the sermon.”

      1. My church had that same fake stone when I was a kid. I spent many sermons searching out patterns and pictures. I called them “constellations”.

    2. That heart-shaped stone would drive me bonkers and I’d constantly be trying to see other things . . . maybe if I stared long enough I would finally see the white piano.

      (When I saw the picture, before I even read the post, I thought, “I’ll make a comment about the white piano.” Yes, I do like bringing up the same joke over and over [although James beat me to it], probably the same strain of OCD that would make me obsess over rock shapes.)

      1. At least you’d have something to do during the boring sermon especially if the preacher was long winded and went on for an hour… or two… or three… πŸ™„

    1. Re: the hovertext,

      Take it from one who knows, when your pastor has “a vision” the building banquets/fundraisers will never ever end.


  8. I wonder if it is signed by Jack Hyles or John R Rice. If it isn’t, I wouldn’t be able to respect it as much.

  9. guy… clearly an example of product placement. And who can claim them. It’s great marketing location, and obviously it helps with their fundraising campaign.

    Photoshop contest? – funniest product to advertise on a pulpit?

  10. Why the periods after each letter K.J.V.? Did Cooter-the-carver/taxidermist mess up, or is that just what the pastor told him to make? And why isn’t it K.J.V.O.? Lastly, is that a projector screen hanging down? Due to the lack of an “O” after the KJV, and the projector screen, I think these might be some wishy-washy Baptists afraid to take a stand on KJVO, dangerously close to the backsliding cliff.

  11. Wow. That is horrific.

    Yesterday my husband got an email from my dad, completely out of the blue, containing an article written against the KJV, and headed it with the comment, “This is so sad. We truly are in the last days.” What my poor dad didn’t realize is that we agreed with the article. πŸ˜† For some reason my parents still think we believe in the KJV but are just “forced” to go to churches that don’t because we’re in such liberal areas. I think it’s time they’re disillusioned….

  12. King James VERSION on the pulpit. They definately made a mistake and didn’t even realize it. The called it a “version” of the bible. I believe the correct term theywere looking for is KJB for King James Bible.

  13. King James VERSION on the pulpit. They definately made a mistake and didn’t even realize it. They called it a β€œversion” of the bible. I believe the correct term they were looking for is KJB for King James Bible.

  14. This is horrifying and ridiculous–horrifying because of the blatant idolatry and intellectual suicide needed reach the point at which one could carve K.J.V. onto the face of a pulpit, ridiculous because they carved it in Comic Sans.

    1. Isn’t that a classic fundamentalist goof-up, though? They go to all the trouble of proclaiming their allegiance to a book by carving it irrevocably into the furnishings of their church . . . and they do it in a font that is supposed to mimic the handwriting of some schlub who was in a hurry to meet a deadline.

      I picked up one of those fundamentalist home worship hymnals at a garage sale the other day. It was one of the best spiral bindings I had ever seen. But the hymnal itself was just Xeroxed selections from old copyright-free hymnals and whoever had done it hadn’t noticed that some of the hymns had been printed to cover both pages, so they left out the second halves.

      Or think of the people who order handmade clothing or other items from companies that advertise themselves as Christian and then have problems with the quality. Do the makers take the criticism and examine their own work? No, they cry oppression.

      My half-assed for His Highest.

    1. I can think of something it would stand for there, but it is too dirty to put here. Use your imagination though.

      1. Stunned silence. 😯
        Please remember: I am just a poor widder-woman.
        Keep it clean, Sims.

      2. Now, wait… I’m having to think about this one. And, I thought I was the one here with the dirty mind. πŸ˜‰

        1. Oh, no. No, Sims is in the gutter, mind-wise. Brilliant, witty, but sadly, mind on sex constantly. It was ever thus.
          (running away fast)

  15. Maybe we’re all wrong. The pulpit could have been made by the famous Norwegian pulpitmaker Kristian Jorgensen the Fifth.

  16. I don’t know, though, that screen looks like its one of those liberal churches with the words on a screen… the ungodly apostates. πŸ˜‰

    But, at least Frick and Frack go to the same barber.

    1. I’ve got to ask this, Natalie:
      Did you know that Frick and Frack is the name of the live, two-headed turtle at the Freakatorium on the Lower East Side, New York City?

      1. No, I did not. I know about the Ice Follies skaters though.

        Now, is that the freak show at Coney Island?

      2. Not at Coney Island. It’s a museum in Lower Manhattan about the history of freak shows. The owner, Johnny Fox used to be a sideshow fire-eater and sword-swallower. I was there a few years ago; I don’t know if the Freakatorium is still there or not.

        Oh, no– I just looked it up, and it turns out the Freakatorium closed in 2005. πŸ˜₯

        I’m not sure where Frick and Frack, the two-headed turtle, is living now.

    1. I think we sang there when I was on HAC tour. Should be Todd Morrissey at PVBC in North Lake, Illinois. Don’t know who the staff member (?) is beside him though. They were meeting in a old school building when I was there on tour and deputation. Any confirmation on that?

      1. I know who the staff member is standing off to the side – Daniel Brown. I went to Crown College with him shhh…. I’m under strict orders by Clarence, the President of that school, to never associate myself with his school seeing as I left his church after I graduated and now attend the Southern Baptist Church down the road. =)

  17. The young man on the right looks like a person who was engaged to a girl in my church. The engagement ended over the KJVO issue. When the parents told me about it, they just shook their heads sadly and said that he “had it bad.” There was no reclaiming him and no room for discussion. Of course he didn’t bring up this important conviction until after he presented the ring apparently. :/

    1. The first time the cute guy (who’d asked me on a couple dates at BJU) asked me to go to Sunday AM service with him and I saw his Bible, I was shocked. It was a NASB. I remember distinctly thinking, “He’s one of THEM!!!”

      I’m so glad I didn’t drop him over a Bible translation. Knowing him — and marrying him — has been one of the greatest delights of my life.

  18. β€œThe person who translated the Bible into clear, excellent French prose is chiefly responsible for the collapse of Christianity in France. But the translators who put the Bible into archaic, sonorous and often unintelligible English (i.e., the King James Version), gave Christianity a new lease of [sic] life wherever English is spoken.”

    H. L. Mencken

  19. I thought the idolatrous symbol was on the right…here at the church of the perpetual fund raiser. George Carlin put it very well (I paraphrase since I’m too lazy to look up the original)…God is omnipotent but seems to have a little trouble with money, can’t handle the money…always needs more money…

  20. The guy on the right is Daniel brown. He’s the pastor’s son. The guy on the left’s last name is Williams. They’re really nice people. They need to get their priorities straight though. Lol

    P.s. I’m not really the guy from Spoon.

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