Fundy Sex Week Day 2 Bonus: Flirting in Fundyland

Girl meets boy.

Girl likes boy. Boy likes girl.

Girl realizes she’s sexually attracted to boy.

Girl dumps boy because anyone who provides such a temptation must be evil.

Girl writes boy a long, long letter stuffed with verses explaining how boy is obviously not God’s will for her life because he’s driving her to lust.

Girl gets lonely and depressed and writes a lot of bad poetry on the theme of Jesus being the only love she needs in her life even if He’s not in a huggable form right now.

Girl meets another boy and the fundy world goes ’round…

72 thoughts on “Fundy Sex Week Day 2 Bonus: Flirting in Fundyland”

  1. …that’s creepy. Wow, I’m glad my child is not going to be brought up to think of Jesus or boys that way. Does this really happen? Please be hyperbole. Are you going to do a post where we just get to ruminate on wacky things we were told?

    1. It happens – been there, done that, oddly enough, t-shirts were involved. I even got the letter, pretty much word for word as Darrell described.

      As it turns out, getting dumped in this manner was one of the best things that could have happened in this particular situation.

  2. On the flip side:
    Boy meets girl
    Boy’s raging hormones are really the Spirit telling him that she is God’s will
    Boy forces the girl to understand that this is God’s will even though she is not convinced, but hey he is a presided boy and therefore more spiritual.
    Boy and girl marry and sadly end up in a miserable situation.

    Thankfully this is not my story. But I have seen it happen.

    1. Oh yes, the fundy love songs. Good fodder for Darrell if he hasn’t covered it already. I heard several songs like that one and including that one from Hyles people. These “songs” were supposed to be about Jesus and were used for boy/girl friends.

  3. Boy meets girl
    Girl likes boy
    Girl realizes he can never compare to her manogawd
    Girl writes letter to pastor saying she cant seem to find a man like him
    Pastor is so very humble and says she needs to come by for couseling
    Girl goes to pastor office she is alone
    pastor rapes her and tells her she will never find another like him and they are meant to be together
    Girl gets preggers
    Pastor sends girl away and is never found out

  4. Unfortunately a byproduct of fundy teaching is thinking that desire is is evil instead of allowing the Spirit to guide us through temptations victoriously.

    But… what’s wrong with a single person, boy or girl, making Christ their treasure and seeing Him as the only love they need for that trying season?

    1. Nothing wrong with that, but there’s a whole lot wrong with thinking that the only mate for you would be someone you’re not sexually attracted to.

  5. Hey, what happened to the protective “NSFW: Click Here” feature?

    Now I can’t go to this web site without an assault to my eyes by an explicit picture of a woman writing a letter! 😳

  6. The cycle does sometimes end eventually, with:

    Girl meets boy.

    Girl admires boy because he is a preacher in training and takes a righteous stand against the gays, alcohol, pants, the gays, liberalism, stores being open on Sunday, and the gays. Especially the gays.

    Girl isn’t sexually attracted to boy, but figures that because she isn’t sexually attracted to him, this must mean that God approves, and he must be “The One.”

    Girl marries boy. What may follow next is a) after “doing her duty” and popping out a few kids to “grow the kingdom,” she finds out that boy has been abusing some of the male children from the congregation, or b) she lives in a loveless marriage in which there is no sexual attraction or chemistry between herself and boy until one of them dies.

  7. Two stories. First ‘girlfriend’ out of the blue emails me that we can’t be a couple because she was called to be single. I was a temptation to her to go back on that commitment.

    Second, after first date with a girl, she calls the next day, crying, to tell me she’s not called to be a pastor’s wife (I was in seminary at the time).

    Both left me thinking WTF. Both girls were at a [very] mildly fundy college. Never did try dating any of the Southern Baptist seminary girls.

    1. OK…this whole “called to be a pastors wife” mantra: SHOW ME DA SCRIPTURE!
      The amount of times I heard that at camps makes my brain cramp. Where oh where do we get that nonsense. Sorry, venting moment…breathe deep, let it go, let it go…

      1. Being called to be a “Pastor’s wife” can also work in a girl’s favor. When I was at Fundy U, anytime one of those preacher boys asked me out — I would just tell them that God had not blessed me by calling me to be a pastor’s wife so it would be wrong for me to go out with them. 😈

        1. God probably didn’t bless you with a call to go out with stuck-up jerks, either.
          Too bad for you!

        2. Ha ha! I was a preacher boy at a Fundy U, and I couldn’t stand the preacher boys. Everyone thought I was a CJ major because I spent a lot of time in the gym and hung out with people that were fun to be around…

      2. Southeastern Seminary has a “Women’s Studies” MDiv concentration. In layman’s terms…”How to be a pastor’s wife.” It is just known in Fundy land that if you are a woman and feel called to be a minister, the only way to do this is to marry a manogod and then teach children and women.

      3. I knew a number of girls who were “called to be pastor’s wives” at camp when I was a kid. They are all married now and none of them are married to pastors. Not a single one. And it was their mantra all through hs, too.

        Probably what really happened was that they got emotional during a sermon about preachers, and since they couldn’t be called to be preachers, they decided to go for the next best thing. Sorry if that sounds really cynical.

        1. I recall a guest speaker at Friday chapel stating, “Now I look forward to seeing all you boys becoming pastors and all you girls becoming pastor’s wives…” 😯
          I doubt I was the only exception to that prediction. πŸ˜•

  8. All of this brings back memories of so many Gospel songs and hymns, from the turn of the [last] century up through John W. Peterson, that posit a picture of Jesus as a sort of spiritual boyfriend. The lyrics of some of them have obvious sexual allusions. That may not have consciously been in the minds of some of the composers, but a psychologist would have a field day with it. That a lot of them were written by men makes the whole thing even more curious.

        1. “Andy walks with me,
          “Andy talks with me,
          “Andy tells me I am his own…”
          wonder how many Andrews found that helpful? πŸ˜€

  9. Can’t forget famous quais dating status “Friend Girl” and “Friend Boy” usually when 1 party is waiting for the next big revelation and the other is trying their hardest to convince the “friend” that he or she is the one

  10. This happened to me once. Girl brought me water while I worked on the grounds crew at a Christian camp. We became “friends”. Told me she loved me after watching fireworks display at said camp. Whole thing ended with her giving me the Josh Harris book, “I kissed dating goodbye.” She also wrote peotry. She really messed with my emotions and it hurt at the time, but it all makes sense now. Oh, by the way, she is now with her husband serving in the missionary position, I mean in the position of a missionary.

  11. Darrell, thank you. For the first time I understand why I never had any luck with girls until after I graduated from FundyU (no invites to dating outings, no serious girlfriend): It was because I was driving them all crazy with sexual desire.

    Explains so much. I am now at peace. πŸ˜†

  12. One day while at a single’s retreat I saw a girl crying and being consoled by her friends. I found her recently former boyfriend and asked him what was going on. He said that he broke up with her because he felt she was becoming an idol to him and that it seems every sermon he heard lately was about keeping Jesus first. “So what did you tell her?” I asked. “Well, I told her what I just told you.” “You told her you had to break up with her because she had become an idol to you?” I asked. 😯 “Yeah” he said. “Brother, that was a terrible thing for you to say!” to which he replied “I guess that’s why her father told me never to speak to her again.”

    1. I had a guy tell me that EXACT same thing while in college over 30 years ago!!! It really made me mad. He told me God wanted him to break up with me and I called him a bad name and told him he wasn’t much of a man to blame it on God. (Looking back, of course it was best that way. If we had stayed together one of us would have killed the other one by now)

  13. Geez Darrel, you definately have a doctorate in Fundiology and have studied every aspect of it.

    It is so true. Kids just couldn’t have fun. Not only could we only date/court other Christians, which is a very good thing, but it had to be THE ONE. There was a checklist that every good fundy made that would show you when THE ONE walked in to your life. A literal checklist that was kept in your Bible. Even dating THE ONE, if things got out of hand, i.e. they were simply too attracted to each other, they must break up so that God is the center of their life again. If she wants to be a missionary and he wants to be a contractor, then God obviously does not want them together, The missionary is a more sacred calling and if he can’t be convinced, then it wasn’t meant to be.
    Sorry, rambling off in an autobiography there…

    How does this apply to a couple and not carry over to other family members? Do we love our kids too much? Are they becoming an idol to us?

    To understand the nature of God, is to understand that God is love. He wants us to love, and to be crazy in love. It’s a good thing. Only then can we appreciate how much more God loves us.

    1. escapee,

      On the question of whether loving one’s children is idolatry, my former pastor’s wife had the girls’ leadership group read the history of the three wives of Adoniram Judson one summer. He and his first wife lost their first child to disease, and she wrote in her journal that perhaps God had taken her child because she loved him too much. Now, she was in the throes of grief when she wrote that in her journal, so I couldn’t fault her. My pastor’s wife, on the other hand, pointed out that passage as a shining example of dedication to God.

      Yes, she said that if you love your children too much, God will take them away.

      Some fundies do indeed go that far in their insanity.

  14. Yeah, well, my not-so-fundy boyfriend of a couple years on and off broke up with me with a note while we were sitting in church. The college pres and fam were sitting behind me. I wanted to kick him and whack him w/a hymnal. I told the pres’s wife, and she said I should have. LOL Coulda been hilarious. But it almost killed me. I ended up hating him, and I felt vindicated when he and his girlfriend “had to get married.” I’d have killed him by now anyway. God knew I couldn’t handle prison. πŸ˜†

  15. Not to mention “if you talk to the opposite sex for more than 10 minutes it is date” at fundy U really messes with someone’s head. I guess after an hour conversation you are engaged. There is no such thing as men and women being friends in fundyland. There is a made up sexual pressure/tension.

    1. amilyn – that was a HUGE turn-off to me going to BJU. I didn’t grow up IFB, and had many male friends. I didn’t understand how eating a meal with someone was a date, and got severely weirded out when I got “invited” to go to Vespers with a guy. It felt disrespectful to me to turn a spiritually-focused event into a dating opportunity.

      That being said, after being there 5 months (and having some old friends who were so fundy they might as well have been IFB), I did almost break up with my boyfriend (now husband) several times – exactly because I was so sexually attracted to him, and we actually ended up having sex. My friends kept intoning that he was obviously a bad influence to me and caused me to sin, which couldn’t be of God. I tearfully asked my mom her opinion, and she heaved a sigh. “Frankly, I’d be concerne if you guys DIDN’T have sexual problems,” she said. “You’re in LOVE. You TRUST each other. Yeah, you sinned – but that doesn’t mean you’re not meant for each other.”

      I have a very sensible mother =)

    2. UGH…. THIS! Thank you for nailing one of my biggest problems on the head with my college. Don’t get me wrong, it was God’s will for me to be there. I learned a lot, grew a lot…but their dating views…. 😯 Seriously. 5 minute conversation does NOT equal a date. No wonder the girls there were mostly bat$#!^ insane….

  16. In follow-up to my post above, here are a few titles of “Jesus Is My Boyfriend” songs, taken right from Alfred B. Smith’s old series of “Singspiration” song and chorus books:

    “I Fell in Love with Jesus”
    “He Holds My Hand”
    β€œI Find My All In Jesus”
    (Alfred B. Smith)

    “I Haven’t Words to Tell of the Love of Jesus”
    “Why Should I Not Love Him?”
    “His Wondrous Love to Me”
    (Wendell P. Loveless)

    “I Belong to Jesus” (Elmer A. Shumard)

    β€œI Would Not Live Without Him”
    β€œLiving Every Day with Jesus”
    (Harry Dixon Loes)

    “Walking Together (My Lord and I)”
    β€œI Love To Hear His Voice”
    (Wendell P. Loveless)

    “Every Longing of My Heart (Jesus Fully Satisfies)”
    (Harold Deal)

    “I Am His and He Is Mine” (Phil Kerr)

    “Oh, How I Love Him” (Harry D. Clarke)

    These are just the ones written by MEN.

    I’m not suggesting that these guys sang to the beat of a different baton, but I am by no means the first person to notice that the sexual allusions in the titles and the lyrics are, at the least, interesting.

  17. I went through a bit of this nonsense. Not necessarily the sexual attraction bit per se, but just the fact that I loved my husband (then boyfriend) so much, and was so happy with him–I had this twisted idea in my head as a fundy that anything that made me really happy was wrong and God would take it away or force me to get rid of it. So I felt guilty because I was so deliriously happy with him. But there was a small part of me that felt this couldn’t be right … and my husband (still boyfriend at the time) finally sat me down and explained that I had a very twisted view of God if I thought He only wanted me to do and have things that made me miserable.

  18. True story:

    A group of people from both the US and Mexico went to help some missionaries with some outreach work in southern Mexico. One of the people was my (female) cousin. One of the missionaries was a relatively young man (early 20s, I think). Apparently when she first showed up he was so taken by her he thought she was sent by the devil to tempt him away from his work or something.

    Luckily, they both got over that and are now happily married with an adorable baby girl!

    (in case you’re wondering, I got the story from my cousin’s brothers and sisters… all of whom are a bit less… reverent, that may be the best word, than this missionary)

  19. Girl then spends the next SEVERAL nights have REALLY naughty day dreams about boy, feels guilty, gets right on Sunday, but then notices him after church working his bus route and he’s all sweaty and those arms and chest that he’s built up from playing baseball bring back former said day dreams and then she repeats repentance process until she can’t stand it anymore and assaults him one night in the back of his workplace.

  20. I happen to have grown up with a very close relative of on of the main music composers for Bob Jones University. And in fact – the story above is exactly what happened. We were all (our entire class of 10) so thrilled when this girl had a date with the new and hottest guy in class. They double dated and actually had fun driving (speeding) around town – something about ice cream cones, etc. and so on. She was thrilled and talked about it for a day or two then – came the apology and how she was wrong and apologized for participating, blah, blah, blah. It was a shame because she did nothing wrong at all. She as well had come to my house to visit and we stayed up way past my bedtime – with towels to block out light from under my door and with the tv turned down low – we had fun – then – yet again – an apology for being rebellious. Frankly, my parents didn’t give a you-know-what as long as we didn’t wake them up – but – the fear of fundies had her feeling guilty every time!

  21. Here’s my story:

    I’m decently Fundy but not over the top.

    I meet girl and like her.

    She likes me.

    Oh no…her family is ultra fundy!

    I must “court” her whatever that means, but her dad is Landmarkist ultra fundy crazy person who dresses up his other daughters in his control like prairie girls.

    I get out as soon as possible.

    Win

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