Announcing: Preacher Boy Week

I have completely arbitrarily chosen to ordain this week as Preacher Boy Week. (ha! ordain! get it??) This is a decision for which I would like to apologize in advance since I am completely unprepared and have no idea what I’m going to write for the next five days. I’m hopeful that panic and desperation will provide the needed inspiration. If not, then in the grand tradition of preacher boys I’ll simply rip off the notes of some other writer and not give them credit.

I will make you this one pledge: you can rest assured that whatever drivel I do concoct will not be blamed on the Holy Spirit or wrongly attributed to either C.H. Spurgeon or Abraham Lincoln (both of whom have suffered quite enough of that sort of thing).

To start things off in proper fashion I’ve included the above picture of me at twenty-four years old standing in the pulpit of a fundamentalist church. That church is now gone. I’ll let others judge whether this was cause and effect.

95 thoughts on “Announcing: Preacher Boy Week”

      1. That version is in BSL (British Sign Language).
        This one is in ASL (American Sign Language), if you want to compare:
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVIOPRf_bXs&feature=related

        Most SFL readers may know this, but BSL and ASL are not mutually intelligible.
        American signers use a system that was developed in France, and French teachers taught it to American and Canadian teachers. The British system developed separately.
        So U.S. and Canadian signers can understand French signers, but not British signers.

        Mexico and Central America have yet other sign systems, but that’s another story.

        1. Ha. I just watched the ASL version.

          She’s literally signing “son of a priest” which gives the song a whole ‘nother layer of meaning. 😯

        2. OK, now I’m doing it. I hadn’t seen Keith Wann before. He’s very funny.

          I only know a little ASL, but I got an overview of it as part of my studies in linguistics in graduate school, long ago.

  1. “Preacher Boy Bootcamp” on Youtube πŸ˜†
    My apologies for not knowing how to create a link, but type the title, click, and enjoy the next 10 minutes. Someone more computer savvy than me can perhaps lend a hand. 😳

  2. As long as Spurgeon and Lincoln are getting a break, I’d like to suggest Noah Webster as a worthy addition, making a neat trifecta.

    Nothing screams “time filling nonsense” quite like a PB referring to the good ol’ Webster’s 1828 for definitions to common words about which there could be no serious confusion.

    I once heard a sermon (against dancing) which started out with a definition of dance (“a rythymic movement of the body, especially the limbs, to musical accompaniment”, as I recall) and stayed there for what seemed like ten minutes.

    If someone in attendance did not know what the word “dance” meant, the dictionary definition probably would have been of little help.

    Even now, when I hear someone from the pulpit utter something along the lines of “Webster’s Dictionary defines “X” as ___,” I tend to tune out the upcoming message. Been burned/bored too many times!

    1. That’s not a wrong attribution (if the correct Webster’s definition is read), it’s just ridiculously unnecessary. Is the speaker afraid that some of the listeners might be dancing without knowing it?

      The game Darrell refers to above is the hugely popular one of finding a quote you like, or making one up, and then attribuing it to some famous wise or witty person (with no actual basis in his or her writings or well-documented speeches). It makes your claim sound more authoritative. So what if it may the opposite of what the historical person really thought, or anachronistic?

      “Fundamentalist Christians make themselves and many other people miserable”
      Plato, in THE REPUBLIC

      “Cellular telephones are an invention of Satan, to destroy society.”
      Saint Augustine, in CITY OF GOD

      “Mr. Glenn Beck is the hind end of a horse.”
      Winston Churchill, speaking at Oral Roberts University

      Try it! It’s fun!

      1. A related side note to Big Gary’s comment: Jim Davis, the cartoonist who created Garfield, was on his high school and college debate teams. He says there was a radio commercial of the day for coffee that had the punch line “John Arbuckle says this is the best coffee!” He had no idea who John Arbuckle was, but when he needed a quote to score a debate point, he made up a quote beginning “John Arbuckle says…” Davis says that nobody ever challenged him on a John Arbuckle quoted. And when he needed a name for Garfield’s owner, he chose Jon Arbuckle.

      2. Big Gary says we need to monitor Ann Coulter closely. She is running all over the U.S. and Canada speaking her mind, and you know that we can’t have a conservative white woman doing that, well she’s speaking out against abortion, take over of health care, govt motors, illegal immigration. These are the very issues that many of those christian fanatics care about and we can’t have those idiots getting mobilized! We got to do something about Fox News giving her and idiots like her and the tea party a voice to speak freely about these issues, and look at Beck, he uncovered Van Jones and if Coulter is allowed to continue to speak freely she may uncover other of my “hidden” socialists friends. I’m sick of it just sick! I want her phones tapped, bank accounts monitored, and her every move shadowed. You got me?

        Barack Obama to the head of the FBI.

        1. Hey your beliefs are vastly different than mine and millions of other like-minded american christians, that’s ok. Own it.

        2. According to a very interesting review of data I’ve been reading, it’s more like one or two million American Christians who believe as you do– far less than the number of “Mainstream” Protestants with more moderate views.
          The book is “The Fall of the Evangelical Nation: The Surprising Crisis Inside the Church,” By Christine Wicker (2008, Harper One). Nobody says you have to believe her analysis, but I find it rather persuasive.

          The truth isn’t a popularity contest, though. I don’t like arguing about who has more supporters, because minorities are frequently right, and majorities are frequently wrong.

      3. Never heard of Wicker, doesn’t mean she’s not legit. I completely doubt her stats as represented by you here. The book is somewhat dated (2008)as well. I am sure many mainline christian conservatives have become galvinized as they see our rights being eroded under this current administration.

        With all the above said, I couldn’t agree more with your final paragraph.

        1. “see our rights being eroded under this current administration”

          Greg – Please explain what rights we are losing.

          Funny thing, my life has never changed based on what administration has been in power.
          We just survived a billion-dollar-a-day illegal war in Iraq, and we are still here enjoying the freedoms that America has to offer. Those freedoms aren’t going anywhere, regardless of what Fox Noise says.

        2. Big Gary – I’ll take credit for dragging this discussion into the gutter with ALL of our politicians. :mrgreen:

        3. I’m curious which rights are being violated other than continuing policies in place like gitmo, and dadt, etc? Presumably can make the case is limiting millions from the freedom to not have insurance, but there haven’t been any court or legislative changes that I’m aware of limiting anyone’s freedom.

        4. Bush appointees found no wrongdoing. I’ve voted many many times and only been harassed by white obnoxious Republicans.

        5. How about the right to be represented by our 2-party system, the democrats voted in this monstrosity of a health care bill w/out one republican vote, that no one is able to still tell the american people what’s in it. How about the right of insurance companies to operate their businesses w/out government “competition”

        6. How about the right to have reprensentation on the Supreme Court that reflects our morals and stands up for the U.S. Constitution.

          Elana Kagin believes that government can ban books and speech it deems offensive. Watch out Fox News. Obama nominated her.

          How about the right to have a White House Communications Communications Director that represents the beliefs and morals of a vast majority of Americans. Anita Dunn (thankfully now gone) says that Mao Tse Tung is one of her favorite political philosphers.

  3. Are you sure that’s a Fundie Church?
    Where’s the “Remembrance” Table?
    Where are the Offering plates?
    Where are the Kleenex?
    Where is the Baptistry?
    Where’s the Mural?
    I really don’t believe this was a real Fundie Church at all.

    1. You thinking what I’m thinking? This was a basement speaking labaratory or a fundy rant optimization center? This looks like a fundy who wouldn’t know how to seperate over homeschool curriculum if a bj press representative called him on the phone! πŸ˜‰

    2. The table was off to the side not in front of the pulpit. The offering baskets were on top of the organ. There was no baptistry. Baptisms were held in the river outside.

      The building had actually been a barn then converted into a night club and then made into a church so it didn’t have most of the features of a normal Baptist building.

    1. It probably is a fundie or AOG church, because most mainline protestant denominations have higher educational standards for their clergy. YouÒ€ℒre not going to see some 10 year old child, who have been Ò€œordained by the holy ghostÒ€, preaching to a bunch of Lutherans.

      1. Lutherans, Methodists, Presbyterians, Episcopalians, Disciples, UCC, U-U, all require at least the equivalent of a Master’s degree, as far as I know. Catholic and Orthodox priests spend numerous years in seminary before they are ordained.

      2. It can take up to ten years to become an Anglican vicar which includes 3-4 years as curate (under supervision of a vicar). I’m considering becoming a lay minister which will be a 4 year process and will license me to preach.

        1. My father was a Methodist lay preacher, and so is my oldest brother. My father was both gifted and anointed (there is a difference between the 2) and so is my brother. They had to be trained for it, and it was HARD WORK.

  4. I’d been hoping for another week of something, although I was actually thinking it would be nice to have another week of fundy love. Just for balance, you know. πŸ™‚

  5. Enigma, you sound like me -2 years lol….and I’ve only been at my church for three years but does planning on being here for 20 count lol??

    Darrell, are you sure that isn’t a picture of you preaching at 14? lol

    1. Darrell, are you sure that isnÒ€ℒt a picture of you preaching at 14? lol

      Ha! I thought the same thing, though anyone who knows me would probably respond with something about pots and kettles or beams and specks if I said what you said. Glad you beat me to it. πŸ˜‰

  6. I was “saved” multiple times. I received the “call” (aka guilt trip) to minister about 15 times in my life, and I “volunteered” to serve as anything and everything.

    I went into full-time ministry at the ripe age of 20, and left in a crashing ball of flames at 25. I found Christ at 26 years old, and have never looked back.

    God forgive us for the pressure and guilt we lay down to create this unbiblical sect known as preacher boys.

  7. Oh my. This is weird.

    I spent much of this weekend trying to describe to my dyed-in-the-wool Southern Baptist husband the cult of the preacherboy, and I wound up completely messing up his head. He had never heard the term before me, and he actually did go to an IFB church briefly growing up. He only remembers one pastor who said he had been called to preach very early.

    He finds the whole idea of teenagers in preaching competitions and the like to be quite silly. He’s met at least one PB, one who was a schoolmate a few years older than me, and he’s not terribly impressed.

  8. @Scorpio – Let me say I am very proud of our servicemen and women who lay their lives on the line in this “illegal” war against islamic fundamentalism, to provide you the freedom so that you and others of your ilk can spew
    this kind of junk. Guess how long you could practice your faith in Iraq? Yea I guess I’ll say it, you make me sick. You’re not from Westboro Baptist church are you?

      1. Whether the war was legal or not, the neocons who perpetuated it couldn’t give two $#*!s less about islamic fundamentalism outside of any way it might affect our (America’s) access to their juicy holes full of oil. Rinse your mouth of the Kool-Aid, dude. And, no, I haven’t spent any time in a war zone.

        1. I think it would have been cheaper to buy the oil than invade Iraq. And to my knowledge there is no oil in Afghanistan. πŸ™„

          Until we invade Venezuela I really don’t buy the “war for oil” bit.

          Kool Aid comes in more than one flavor.

        1. Seriously, where did this political troll come from? And how did he happen upon one ubiquitous posting that might have cast Glenn Beck in a mildly unfavorable light?

          I’m calling it- John Returns: Incogni-troll.

        2. IDK, you’d think the world was ending that someone would dare to question anyone fox news has sainted, and regularly brings it into conversations not related. Isn’t as unbearable as John, and seems able to interact normally when not on politics.

        3. Uh, I haven’t seen him before. So as far as I can tell, dude just pops up one day and detonates a lightly politically-charged comment into a wannabe fact fight. It’s typical trollbait, and you can tell by his comments that he was looking for a fight.

        4. Not the place for political rants? Did you say that with a straight face? You love it! Try reading some of your comments one day.

          You guys are hilarious and just as cliquish as any IFB’s I have ever been denounced by. Your single mindedness on certain isssues as discussed above just shows your biases and determination to push your agenda, btw, I don’t see alot of others joining you in your “political correctness” policing. Wonder why?

          Just like the old fundy preacher said “Us four and no more”

          RobM – You forgot science/evolution.

    1. Greg, your venturing off into the absurd. This is no more about Islamic Fundamentalism as the Cincinnati Bengals can be confused for a football team. The whole war was built on lies and your ability to deal with another’s opinion is apparent: each entry becomes more aggressive. Get a grip.

  9. Greg,

    You need to get over yourself, dude. People that read and comment are all over the political spectrum from Conservative to Liberal to Libertarian. You came on here picking the fight then complain when you are picked on.

    Let’s try to get back to the point of the post and take the petty fight elsewhere.

    For the record, my husband is a retired US marine and police officer. He did spend time in a war zone.

      1. Yes, he was in during the first Gulf war.

        Semper Fi!

        He was a career Marine when he was discharged from the Marines he became a police officer. So, imo, he saw war zones both abroad and at home, although he would never say that, I brag on him. πŸ˜›

        1. I just did one enlistment 87-92. Was in during GWI but stationed stateside on I&I, teaching reservists. Did a tour in Panama just prior to the Gun fight at the big ditch. Tell my Brother from another mother, Ooo-Rah! and that I appreciate his service. 😎

    1. @Kitty, All over the political spectrum, not from where I’m sitting. I see a consistent liberal bent from the annointed “4” I agree with what was said earlier, this really isn’t a place for political rants, but when I see from the “annointed 4” a consistent liberal bias I simply will not let it go unchallenged. I am happy to play nice if everybody else does. Btw look at the comments, there is no ground swell of support for their political correctness.

      Who’s complaining about being picked on? Bring it on!

      It’s funny to me that this site allows folks the ability to speak out about injustices that were done to us in the name of fundamentalism. It really is therapeutic. I have enjoyed the sharp wit I see displayed here, even from the annointed 4, very intelligent folks all. After having been told what to believe, what to wear, what music I can listen to, what movies I should see. I just won’t sit here quietely and allow a handful of folks to slant/dominate the dialogue to their politically correct viewpoint w/out challenging them.

      I would be very curious to hear what your husband has to say about this lastest conversation we have had here, particularly what he has to say about Scorpio’s comment calling the Iraq war “illegal” that’s the one that got my blood pumping hard, particularly when the precious blood of our dedicated soldiers has been sacrificed in this awful place.

      Not trying to keep this thing going, just curious what a marine thinks about this PC kind of comment.

      1. Greg – the war in Iraq was illegal. The US invaded a sovereign nation with no provocation. Oh wait, there was all the WMD they found er no wait, it was Al-Quaida in Iraq, oh yeah, they got there after we showed up.
        Face it, the Iraq war has caused over 100,000 civilian casualties (I odn’t have the link now but I will find it and post it). That 100,000 needless deaths, in addition to our brave soldiers who have been needlessly killed and maimed and what did we get out of it? The relatives of those 100,000 civilians who now have a real reason to hate the US and the actual islamic jihad that will come about becasue of it.

        1. Ok, I’ll bite. Debating the legality of the Iraq War strikes me as off target, mostly because it focuses too much on a talking point rather than any provable effects. Taken at a macro perspective, the Iraq War was (and will continue to be) a costly mistake, not because of any issues of legality, but because it destabilized what had previously been a rather convenient power balance. Saddam Hussein and the Iranian mullahs (and before them, the shah) were never friends. (I’ve often said you’ll sooner see IFBs and Catholics unite than Sunnis and Shiites.) In fact, they were deadlocked in an ugly war for much of the 70s and 80s (our involvement in which resulted in things like the Iran-Contra affair). Our meddling with the pro-western shah’s regime aside, the hostility between the two nations kept them both largely in check as far as making strides toward WMD acquisition is concerned. Did Saddam make repeated threats against the US? Yes. Could he have eventually acquired WMDs? Sure, but the chances of that happening were staggeringly smaller in comparison to the chances of President Ahmadinejad’s Iran acquiring them today. By taking down Saddam, we removed the biggest obstacle in Iran’s path to nuclear armament. IMO, that’s a much stronger argument against the Iraq War than the supposed legality of the invasion itself. The one deals in observable effects, while the other must deal with counterpoints like the ignored resolutions and the continued threats.

      2. Liberal bent?

        Dude, a lot of libertarians were against the Gulf War. Usually for reasons borne of an ignorance of the Constitution and American History that very much resembles the approach Fundamentalists take toward the Bible. Specifically, reading it so woodenly that it breaks and viewing history from a very narrow and selective perspective.

  10. What the heck happened to the preacher boy thread?
    Stuff (Ex????)Fundies Like: arguing politics, and changing the topic while the rest of us are trying to figure out just where the train derailed.

      1. Really not trying to get the last word really! I know we got off topic, and I’m part of the reason for that, however, as I feel I have clearly stated above, I was simply responding to more PC comments from Big Gary making fun of Glenn Beck, btw, I’m no big Beck fan, or Coulter either, for that matter, they both get on my nerves, but I certainly believe they deserve a seat at the table in national discussions, and I’m glad for their contributions, and agree with their assessments sometimes.

        Big Gary, what you said (about Beck) wasn’t terribly egregious, and I must say that I wasn’t trying to start this conflagration with my comment back to you, I was having fun. I was seeing a PC pattern (not a white piano), and until I’m thrown off of here I will continue to point it out unless I become bored with the whole thing. Pastor’s Wife is one of the main reasons I keep coming back, this lady is wise and I always look fwd to what she has to say.

  11. Still not trying to get the last word, however to perhaps clear up some confusion. I’m not the Greg who spoke about Webster’s dictionary, I thought it was very insightful but that was another Greg. We probably scared him off, ok, maybe I scared him off. All the rest of the Greg’s were me.

    1. Pity the poor newbie who signs in as George or John or now Greg! πŸ™‚ I think there were two Dons for a while too.

      You need to get a gravatar! Then we’ll know it’s you!

        1. Yes, it is! Someone a couple posts ago was asking how to do it and a link was posted. (I’d tell you, but I don’t remember it, and I’m pretty computer illiterate!)

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.