Nothing is more bizarre to the outside observer of fundamentalism than seeing two fundies who have almost come to blows because each believes that the other is not a “true fundamentalist.” In fact, it’s every bit as fascinating as watching two Trekkies argue over the design of an anti-matter drive. Not only is it impossible to win such a fight but it wouldn’t really matter even if you did.
The list of tests of true fundamentalism has become quite lengthy over the year and gathered to itself more than a little weirdness. Questioning a person’s fundamentalist credibility may involve asking things such as… Has any child of theirs ever worn their baseball cap backwards? Have they ever had a face lift? Does their church’s hymnbook remove the word ‘worm’ from the first verse of At the Cross? Have they been observed at the mall walking in rhythm with the rock music playing? Then they may not be a true fundamentalist.
Do they believe that Jesus had a belly button? Do they not believe that Cain had one? Are they waiting for a mid-trib rapture? Do they believe Revelation 2 and 3 might just be talking about churches instead of church ages? Do they allow canned music in their services? They’re obviously too liberal to be a true fundamentalist.
Indeed, there are only true fundamentalists left: me and thee. And I have my doubts about thee.