Tag Archives: fwotw

FWOTW: donaldcantrellministries.com

donaldcantrell Is your preaching powerless? Are your sermons stillborn? Do your rabid rants require rejuvenation?

Never fear! For only $150, you can attend the Alliteration Institute!
Their goal is “to offer timely resources that will benefit those looking to become better at “Alliterated Sermon Design” and hopefully you will quickly see that we diligently achieve this goal.”

These courses have been crafted by master alliterator Donald Cantrell himself who not only studied at Tennessee Temple University and Covington Theological Institute but also just recently received his “Doctorate in Expository Alliterated Preaching” from CFEBP.

It’s amazing that we live in an age where technology can make such resources so easily available.

FWOTW: psalm118.org

psalm118The website of Victory Baptist Church in Gaffney, SC (home of a water tower that looks like a ginormous peach) had me hooked from my first glimpse of the animated guy waving hi. And it gets even more entertaining after that. No, really.

The website proclaims that “Victory Baptist Church is known for its fire and brimstone tent revivals but now the outreach ministry has went worldwide.” Indeed.

Be sure to check out the no less than six articles on tattoos and the 118 MB video sermon on “How to Handle Hindrances” (My biggest hindrance at the moment is that it’s taking 15 minutes to download this file off their server).

Update 1: I’m listening to this sermon and just learned that that the wild fires a few years ago in California were caused by gay marriage being legalized. I’m left to wonder if the pastor thinks the current wild fires were caused by it being outlawed again.

FWOTW: jeffreymardis.com

jeffreymardisHave you ever wondered what the relationship was between the King James Bible and Aliens? Look no further than jeffreymardis.com, the “the domain of Sword-In-Hand Publishing, the King James-Only, end-times discernment publishing ministry of Christian author and self-publisher Jeffrey W. Mardis; and the online home of the Discernment Clearinghouse, a book and DVD resource center for Bible-believing Christains(sic).”

It appears that there ARE aliens in the Bible. The Bible DOES depict space travel. (I have a suspicion this is an attempt to witness by talking about angels and demons as ET beings but I’m not willing to shell out $8.95 to find out.)

FWOTW: gcbi.org

gulfcoastbible Do you want to get a degree for ministry but don’t want to bother learning Greek, Hebrew, or even English Grammar? Have we got the place for you!

Gulf Coast Bible Institute provides the following courses that are indispensable for any fundamentalist preacher boy who is headed into the ministry.

CL-018 Overcoming Sinful Habits (3 Credits)
BI-009 Music Evaluation (2 Credit)
TS-024 Sins of the last days (1 Credit)
CL-006 Conquer Impure Thoughts (.5 Credits)

If you’re a woman you can take:
LA-001 Spiritual Needs of Husbands in lieu of BI-003 Preaching Techniques.

They do NOT, however, give out honorary degrees. Pity.