A reader submitted this bit of sermon parody and I thought that in the tradition of Fundy Sermon Contests that it would be fun to give this one a critique and a rating on whatever scale you deem appropriate.
Step 1: Select a text. This can be done in any one of a thousand ways except consulting the Lectionary. After all, it’s much better to simply open your Bible at random and leave it up to
random chance the unknowable movings of the Spirit than to have some other man telling you which verses to preach from. For the purposes of this example I have opened my own Bible and my finger is now fondling Psalm 22:7.
Step 2: Make it relevant. We know that all Scripture is profitable for doctrine. And what is doctrine really if not a way to make the hearers understand how to think and feel the right way about the current issues of the moment. Looking at our text we see the words “All they that see me laugh me to scorn.” Well if that’s not relevant then I don’t know what is since people are laughing Christians to scorn all the time these days, especially ones who stick to the old paths and have godly standards like the folks in our church.
Step 3: Illustrate. Now that we’ve got our verse and our topic, let’s come up with some real world examples that will help the common man in the pew (who is not overly gifted with insight like his preacher is) understand exactly what is being said here. For example if we’re talking about people laughing with scorn, then it’s the perfect time to tell the story of how those college kids on spring break wouldn’t even put down their beers long enough to hear me tell them how much God hates them. If you haven’t been in the ministry long enough to acquire some stories of your own just use ones from other people. In fact, you can buy a book of my own personal illustrations for only 27.99 in the church bookstore.
Step 4: Yell.
Step 5: Invitation.
No good sermon should ever take more than 20 or 30 minutes to write. If you’re spending more time than that, you’re doing it wrong and should probably just use the sermon that you heard a guy preach at that conference that one time.
No, seriously, this guy stops in the middle of the song and preaches a sermon thwarting every effort of the choir director to get the music started again.