Odds and Ends

Friday Challenge: WKJV Channel Lineup

468 Comments

Today’s challenge comes from a reader who asked that we imagine that there’s a fundy television station coming to your town. What kind of shows might you expect to see featured?

Here are a few from the suggester to get you started:

The Big Bang Theory is A Lie

How I Met Your Mother At Bible College

Game of Platform Thrones

That 50’s Show

Rules of Courtship

House of Decision Cards

468 thoughts on “Friday Challenge: WKJV Channel Lineup”

  1. Slum Trek

    Low-income minority people: The final frontier. These are the adventures the Starbus Spurgeon. Its five-year mission: To explore strange new neighborhoods, to seek out new targets for recruitment, to boldly evangelize where no (white and Fundy) man has evangelized before.

    1. But . . . “Father” is used by Roman Catholic, Orthodox and Episcopal priests.

      (And some Episcopal priests are “Mothers.”

  3. My Three Sons—Hilarious hijinks ensue as we explore EVEN MORE pastoral nepotism

  6. Sponge Bob Wears Pants…Sponge Sue Better Not or She’s a Brazen Hussy.

  7. Bible Jeopardy.
    The Tithe is Right.
    Wheel of Righteousness
    Are You Smarter Than the Pastor?
    Church Feud
    Holy Squares
    Let’s Win a Soul
    Minute to Win it (Soul Winning)
    Wiped out (Monday morning with a MOG.)

    I Dream of Esther.

  13. First up tonight:
    2020–people got “sayved” this week

    Followed by:
    24–people showed up to church on Sunday!

  16. The Fall Guy–The story of church members who take the blame for various crimes and indignities committed by their mog.

    1. World Net Daily TV– Basically Fox News without the (ahem) journalistic standards.

  18. The Greatest American Hero–the thrilling story of Pastor Dr. Jack as he saves the world during his travels– from elevators to airplanes

        1. She also makes children’s heads spin around like Linda Blair’s in The Exorcist.

  20. Undercover Pastor (the MOG goes under cover to discover the problems in a fundy church)
    Criminal (Christian) Minds-Weekly exposes on the brethren that just can’t get their lives together
    Designing Women (fundy version)-the glories of cuolottes and denim jumpers revealed!
    Wheel of Certainty (guests spin the wheel and divinely “recall”- not guess-the letters to solve Bible verse puzzles)

  22. “Downton Abbey” is not a Church I’d Join
    “TURN” or Burn
    Spew “The Middle” Ground Out

  23. True Blood
    (Probably doesn’t need any change at all – title storyline chsracters…)

  24. Featured tonight on BBC (Basement Bible College):
    All Creatures Stuffed and Displayed.

  25. Most of mine have been taken, but here are a couple…
    Turn (or burn)
    Small Town Purity

  26. The Office (of Jack Hyles. Probably not funny at all.)
    30 Rock…s thrown at the woman wearing pants.
    Late Night with Jack Schaap (also not funny.)
    Revival Addict

  31. Simon and Simon (The Senior Pastor and the Youth Pastor)

    Shaft: a Jack Schapp Expose’

    Close Encounters of the Evangelistic Kind

    Saving Pastor Ryan: the epic story of a pulpit committee’s heroic efforts to find their former pastor on the battlefields of Western Europe and return him to his post after his successor is found to be a Calvinist

    Pastor Charles in Charge

    The Wonder Years: Christian School

    Tales From the Crypt: sponsored by Jack Chick Publications

  32. “Sunday Night Live” featuring the best sketch comedy of fundy youth groups at conferences, church camp, and church activities.

  36. But aren’t there already four shows about Hyles-Anderson?

    Tyrant

    The Walking Dead

    Masters of Sex

    American Horror Story

    1. Two Broke Preacherboys
      A saga of how a bus kid and pastor’s kid (whose dad is in jail for molestation — of course, he is falsely accused) end up sharing the same dorm room and work their way through Bible college by starting a KJV bookstore.

  41. Fringe Fundies-about a fundy sect somewhere on the ‘fringes’ of Christianity.

    Keeping Up Appearances-no description needed.

  43. Dating Parlor Confessions: Tune in next week to find out whose thigh Brother Josh admits he brushed against!

  44. I am pretty sure Fundy TV would not be sponsored by Fundies…… likely some excuse about gender mixing apparel.

    2. Here we come
      Walking down the street
      We get the funniest looks from
      Everyone we meet.

      Hey, hey we’re not from Monkees,
      We never, never monkey around.
      When we’re all out soul-winning,
      Knocking ev’ry door in town.

      We go wherever we want to,
      Do what we like to do.
      We know all about everything,
      Science ain’t for me nor you.

      Hey, hey we’re not from Monkees,
      We never, never monkey around.
      Our one goal in preaching
      Is to put everybody down.

      We’re just trying to be holy,
      Come back to yesterday.
      We’re the best generation,
      We don’t care what others say.

      Hey, hey we’re not from Monkees,
      We’re the least simian men around.
      So you’d better get ready,
      We may be comin’ to your town.

      Hey, hey we’re not from Monkees,
      We never, never monkey around.
      Our one goal in preaching,
      is to put everyone else down.

  47. Hyle’s Heroes (an intimate look at the prison lives of the former staff of FBC Hammond)

  48. Family Court—
    Where all eight teenage children sit in the parlor with their possibles and prospectives, under the watchful eyes of Mother, who sits tatting doilies in the corner.

  49. Bay Watch: A show about the challenges of life guarding on the beach. (Gender segregated, of course. And male lifeguards for the male beach, female lifeguard for the female beach.) One challenge is making sure swimwear is appropriately modest. Swimsuits have to be similar to the ones pictured here: http://www.swimmodest.com. Another challenge is to make sure nobody drowns, as many will not be wearing swimsuits, but females will be wearing long dresses, and males, long pants.

    2. My (somewhat) Fundy husband calls bikini wearing women and men who walk around all the time without shirts on “the melanoma club.” Unfortunately, the man does have a point. However, modest swimwear only partially helps. If the fabric isn’t UV resistant in the water, a person’s skin will get sun damaged through the fabric. Even though I wear a. short sleeved high necked modest swim shirt, I get it from a secular company such as O’Neill, whose aim is sun protection, not from a Fundy website, whose aim is modesty!

    3. Actually I kind of liked some of those. Especially the bright orange one for the little girl. Cute!

      1. For truth in advertising, they should call those suits “drowners” rather than “swimmers.”

      2. Those “swimsuits” make my eyeballs bleed. A friend of mine was recently at the beach for some sort of homeschool convention or something like that, and she said there was a family with girls who were forced to wear ankle length denim skirts in the pool! They were only allowed to “swim” at night so people wouldn’t see them. They HAD to be fundies!! To be honest, I was shocked when she said they were even there, because I thought the beach was evil to fundies. She was so embarrassed for these girls. So much for being “modest” and not drawing attention to yourself.

        1. Ding ding ding! You are right. False modesty, false humility, and false piety. It’s all sanctimonious affectation.

      3. Dress on the beach = okay if you just plan on strolling along the sand or wading in the shallows. Culottes while swimming = are you kidding me? And these snap between the legs like baby clothes!

        1. “Snap between the legs like baby clothes!”

          Nice one! Never caught that detail you noticed, but it is profound. Could an underlying motivation for their design philosophy be rooted in perpetuation of infantilism? Or degradation through regression? That website just went from humorous to horrifying.

  50. Someone mentioned “As the Word Burns” – I would add that this is strong messages about soul-winning and a challenge to the viewers do win one this week.

    There is “Soul-Winning: Extreme Makeover” that turns an indifferent Christian into an aggressive soul-winner.

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