Friday Challenge: WKJV Channel Lineup

Today’s challenge comes from a reader who asked that we imagine that there’s a fundy television station coming to your town. What kind of shows might you expect to see featured?

Here are a few from the suggester to get you started:

The Big Bang Theory is A Lie

How I Met Your Mother At Bible College

Game of Platform Thrones

That 50’s Show

Rules of Courtship

House of Decision Cards

468 thoughts on “Friday Challenge: WKJV Channel Lineup”

  1. The Walled-Ins
    A Fundy Family saga set in the mountain town of of Separation Junction. Watch as the numerous children grow up in a cocoon of protection, knowing how much holier they are than everyone else.

  2. Movin’ On
    The story of two Gypsy truckers and their rolling chapel they call “Hwy 1611 Rest Stop”.

  3. Hey, Darrell, does this TV station have a sister station?

    “This is WKJV radio coming at yuh live from 1611 on yer radio dial!”

  4. Tales From The Pastors Study

    Holy Eye For The Fundy Guy

    24….Minutes To Knock All The Doors On This Street

  5. 21 No Jumping In Church Cause Thats What Those Evil Heretical Pentecostals Do Street.

  6. The Odd Couple-

    A BJU grad and an HAC grad get hired as first year teachers at the local Christian school and become roommates. Hilarity ensues, but only the type that Fundies will get.

      1. Frank interviews with ifb pastors (some in jail) of their losing battles with addictions such as:
        Verbal Abuse
        You get the idea

    1. With a special five part series on the consequences for breaking any of the rules for dating my teenaged daughter.

  7. Who’s Verse is it Anyway? Which fundie can take the most verses out of context? Bonus points for making a brother stumble with laughter.

    George Gets Saved – In order to win over a girl he just met George Costanza converts to Independent Fundamental Baptist Christianity. Follow George as he alienates his “worldly” former cast mates in his pursuit of never ending new rules of being IFB and courting his new love.

    The Ned Flanders Show – straight to CD set.

  8. Dr. Phil (Kidd)– Where Dr. Phil teaches everyone to be a racist, child abusing bigot with all the wacky humor you expect from Dr. Phil.

    American Papist Story–The horror story about a fundy who converts to Catholicism, only for the devil and the Whore of Babylon to slowly drive the apostate insane.

    Teen Wolf — the story of a wolf-in-sheep’s-clothing teenager (sent by Obama, obviously) who tries to get to the youth group to listen to rock n’ roll, smoke cigarettes, show knees, etc, only for the youth paster to constantly foil his plans.

    18 Reasons Why TV Steals Your Hope And 7 Ways to Restore Your Family’s Joy — The obligatory ATI TV program telling the viewers of WKJV why they should stop watching TV.

  9. Dagnammit! I’m too late, and can’t come up with anything new after 300+ great ideas. These shows all sound great. I just wonder who’s gonna watch them all. After all, real fundies don’t own TV’s, Haymen?

    1. Many of them DO own “monitors” connected to VCRs. Some even connect to the internet through a Wii and get NetFlix or Hulu Plus. Some watch everything on their computer, so they can still preach against television!

  10. Running Around the Church Aisles and Jumping on Pews With the Stars

    (Dancing is, of course, out of the question.)

  11. Cross-dressing?

    Why would you dress a cross? Or do you dress up with a cross? Oooh! Yeah, a skit against Catholics! I get it!

  12. Befuddled-
    The MoG wiggles his nose and dangerous questions, insubordination, and criminal allegations all magically disappear.

    Old Paths Roadshow-
    Where people bring in their traditions, and knowledgeable church and popular historians discuss how old they really are.—Wait, no, that wouldn’t go over very well would it, when people find that their rules for hemlines do not go directly back to John the Baptist.

  13. C.S.I.- Church Sins Investigation -Where crimes by other Christians are committed against fundies are investigated and resolved with a gun battle at the end of the episode if the those heathen Christians don’t repent and become IFB by the end of the episode. All male cast because showing women in what are men’s roles is practically porn and we shouldn’t cause our brothers to stumble.

    NCIS:Los Angeles – National Church Invesitigation Services LA edition – Pastors investigate if churches in LA are properly adhering to “Biblical” standards and enforcing the rules. Crimes committed against fundies are investigated but mostly it’s about church members and deep investigations into their lives, beliefs, and behaviors. Gun battles still ensue. Deacon Son’s mother is cast as Hetty Lange.

  14. Patch the Pirate Pearl Islands. A grueling 40 day journey where random fundies are stranded in a random deserted island with no crock pots, no Bibles, and only unisex mechanic suits to wear.

  15. Shipped: Three bible college students are given a different basket of temptations for each round. They have to incorporate all ingredients into the least sinful scenario per round: Chapel, Dating Parlor, Formal Banquet. The losers get shipped.

  16. Comedy of Errors: The Story of Christianity Outside of Fundamentalism. Narrated by Tony Hutson with guest experts each week, such as “Dr.” Kidd.

  17. Pastor Knows Best

    My Favorite Preacher (a story of an alien preacher who lives with a laymen and his laymen father, bestowing tidbits of alien wisdom on the hapless and ignorant laymen)

    The Rules Are Right (Gameshow)

    This is YOUR Tithe! (Gameshow looking back in the life of a contestant’s tithing as seen from the perspective of his former Mogs)

    1. And what punishments befall the people who fail to give their first fruits and much, much more to fund their pastor’s never-ending vision to build, build, build!

  18. Spiritual Fight Club
    “The first rule of Spiritual Fight Club is we talk about Spiritual Fighting anywhere and everywhere. We make ourselves obnoxious by artificially creating opportunities to talk about Spiritual Fighting.”

  19. “Fear Factor”

    Where fundies must spend an entire day fellowshipping with Christians who listen to “CCM,” read the NIV, drink alcohol, and where the women wear pants and shorts.

    Which fundy can endure the longest before bolting for the nearest door to escape being contaminated?

    1. Forget watching that on TV. I get to enjoy that level of entertainment on a regular basis. All I have to do is post a picture on Facebook of me in shorts and my wife in pants and let the gossip chain take it from there.

  20. “My Three Sons on the Pastoral.” To include wife and daughters let’s make that “All in the Family.” Also, the type casting for the MOG would be easier in the “All in the Family” scenario.

  21. The Wild, Wild West

    Two HAC Special Agents go to the Western states planting Old Path, 1611, KJB, Independent, Fundamental, Sin hatin’, Devil fightin’, Pre-Trib/Pre-Mil Baptist churches.

    1. …and deal with SFL poster in town that oppose everything they try to do.

  22. Night Gallery

    An IFB anthology series featuring sermon illustrations of horror and the macabre designed to frighten, coerce, and manipulate folks into running to the altar to get right with gid..

  23. Let’s Make a Deal

    That Altar Call Game show where the MOg entices people to produce works and play a game where they come to the altar and make their choice of which box/door/curtain will get them to heaven.

    1. Alternatively, all the multi-level marketing scams circulating within the church could fight over potential sales/targets.

  24. High Chappell

    About theChappell family in the Lanchaster Territory.
    Paul Chappell is the patriarch of the family with ambitions to establish a Sheeple empire.

    1. And they’ll often visit with gramps and uncle, but then deny any real involvement.

  25. Bonanza

    The adventures of Bob Jones and his sons as they run and defend their Family Art Empire while alienating the surrounding community.

  26. 12 O’clock High

    This series chronicles the adventures–over the airwaves and in the pulpit–of the men of the HAC Preacherboys Bombardment Group of the HAC Special Forces Evangelistic Group. First commanded by irascible General J. Frank Norris–and later by Colonel Jack Hyles, the son of a Pelagian General–the Group is stationed in Indiana, and flies long-range bombing missions into Catholic-held America.

    1. Colonel Hyles? Ohhhhhh…I doubt he would approve of only being a colonel! You know how these fundies are with their ranks. Just call all the MOG’s “general” and they should be happy. :

      1. I think he would prefer to be called Supreme Unallied* Commander.

        *Because he’s an Independent Fundamental Baptist, hay-men?

  27. hOZibah House

    A series chronicling the daily activities of an unusual prison facility and its criminal administrators.

  28. The Good Wife

    A M-O-g’s wife lives with the consequences of her philandering husbands secret indiscretions.

    1. Tammy Wynette’s classic “Stand by Your Man” would be the perfect theme song.

    1. A Fundy man, yearning to be a doctor but avoiding the heathen university environment (besides, they wouldn’t admit him with his unaccredited high school diploma), studies medicine at his church’s basement Bible college. They print out a degree, and his mannogid arranges with another church member who works at the local hospital to give him a job…even though it is only in janitorial services.

      Not to be deterred, he slips on his white coat and stethoscope and goes from room to room telling everyone what he thinks is wrong with them…and handing out tracts.

  29. Criminal Minds

    The cases of the CYA, an elite group of preachers that analyze the IFB’s most dangerous criminal cases in an effort to coverup, excuse and move them to a new ministry before the stories get out and cause harm to “the cause of Christ” and adversely affect tithes and offerings. .

  30. American Ideal

    A reality competition pitting aspiring songwriters against each other to see who can write the most patriotic song. If you can write a song expressing how wonderful the US of A is while simultaneously bemoaning the current state of the nation, this competition is for you!

    1. I’m Proud to be an American, Fundy style:

      Though today we have lost our freedoms to the commies with whom we strive.
      Soon our guns will be taken away and left to defend ourselves with knives.
      Obama will tax us into poverty for medical to pay.
      But the flag still stands for freedom and they can’t take that away

      And I’m proud to be an American where at least I know I’m free…

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