Want to really bring the Christmas season to your pagan fertility bush? What better way could there be of telling the message of a poor baby born in a humble manger who will bring peace on earth and goodwill to men than hanging a model of an ostentatious building from your favorite Fundy U?

For a mere sawbuck you too can show everyone the true spirit of the season by reminding everyone that being a Christian at PCC is much more about building the kingdom of Horton than the kingdom of heaven. And don’t just buy one for yourself! I’m sure the missionaries on your Christmas list would love one of these tiny cathedrals as an object lesson for their people in good stewardship and how God blesses the khaki-clad white folk.

I’m going to put one on my tree right next to a tiny replica of a floor leader giving someone demerits for having sideburns that are 1/4 inch too long. Merry Christmas!

92 thoughts on “Ornamentation”

    1. Oh how I pine for the days when your puns leave. I’m not barking up the wrong tree when I say that olive the messages will be spruced up when puns stop.

      1. You wood say that…but only because you’re stumped. Perhaps you could branch out a little, root up some witty comments, and brush up on your puns. But I shall leaf this topic alone; I fear that if I continue to needle you, you’ll twig out. I have logged in many hours and am now quite bushed. What will it take to make me stop, you might ax…

        (take a bough, exit stage right)

  1. +10 LULZ for the phrase “pagan fertility bush.”

    And I have to point out that the faux-British fanciness of a name like “Crowne Centre” makes me gag.

    1. They named their new dining hall “The Four Winds” so I guess they’re kind of all over the map on the naming thing.

    2. OK, “centre” is the British spelling, but even the Brits don’t spell “crown” with an “e.” Even the KJV doesn’t spell “crown” with an “e.”
      So they just come off looking phoney (and ignorant) here.

      Speaking of which, how appropriate is it that the ornament ad shows the merch on a fake Christmas tree, not a real one?

      1. I wondered if it weren’t named for a donor or someone named Crowne, but wasn’t willing to expend more than 90 seconds browsing the website to find out. For some reason unimaginative developers gravitate to phony British spellings and naming conventions. I don’t know how many subdivisions or Tudor strip malls I’ve seen named The Commons at Haywood or The Downs at Stony Springs or The Oakes at Winbourne Place or something.

        And yeah–“The Four Winds” sounds like the kind of seaside motel that gets raided by the vice squad twice a week.

    3. I went there before the “Crowne Centre” existed. I’ve long considered the campenile to be one of the most pretentious things I can imagine a “Christian College” ever dreaming of doing. Catch the spirit…. 🙁

  2. I only want one if there’s a whole collectible set: the Dale Horton Auditorium featuring real sculpted tile wall, Sportscenter with glittery water slide, and McKenzie building with rotating planetarium dome.

    Can there be a special “Quad Towers Package Deal” with Griffith, Dixon, Bradley and Young…

    My kids will get the starter set with the Field House and the water tower in their stockings. You gotta start little fundies out slow…

    1. Wow, they have a planetarium! Do they illustrate how the crystal firmament separates the earth below from the heaven above? And how the sun, stars, moon and planets rotate about the earth? And how the windows in the firmament open and close to allow the rains to fall?

      1. Well, to steal a line from Ron White: Once you have seen one, you want to see the rest of ’em.

    1. Lloyd Streetor, who had been at PCC, was the pastor of LaSalle Baptist Church. I grew up near there and had friends who went there. A family joined the church and said that Christmas trees were pagan. So they got rid of the tree and instead decorated the church with poinsettias from that families large greenhouse business.

  3. This is terrible! The day I put that ugly thing on my tree… This is right up there with that monument to Lee Roberson, why do they do things like this? 😥 😈 👿 😕

  4. There are so many good lines here:

    “comes with interchangeable pastors”

    “Holy Spirit not included”

    “Wind up key in the back plays the same three hymns over and over at 8x their normal speed”

    1. Sinners should probably check into some other Baptist churches.

      Afternoon class dress all winter break!

      Where paranoid delusions happen…

    2. “Some assembling of yourselves required.”

      “Educational Degrees Void where accreditation required.”

      “If you experience Chapel flashbacks lasting more than (4)four hours seek a RealDoctor immediately.”

      “Side effects include, massive amounts of guilt, feelings of inadequacy, misplaced hero worship, and sudden cravings for the taste of Kool-aid.”

    1. … and let us not forget the white piano for a large amount (we may to to drop some missionaries to afford it, but it will attract people if we are first-class).

    1. Ah, but the BJU Amphitorium of five years ago would be such a great ornament: think of their stunning decor choices, with the purple-and-blue siding and the huge gold lettering.

      Why ever would you NOT want the Amphitorium on your Christmas tree? 😈

      1. For fear that my artificial tree would catch itself on fire to escape the ugliness that is the FMA?

  5. Exodus 20:4 (and I’ll even give it in KJV, amen)

    “Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.”

  6. I am almost at a loss for words. I initially thought this was a spoof along the lines of “The Crowne Centre looks like a tacky Christmas tree ornament”, but the thing’s real! I mean… Talk about blue-based baboons!

    Incidentally, it’s probably named for a rich donor; that’s the way these things work.

    1. No, Big D and I were there when they built it. No “Mr. Crowne” donor…just pretentiousness.

  7. When I got this email today, I had a feeling that it might be talked about on SFL today. I was soooo right!

  8. I am really tempted to order one. I love the little WTH moments when people spot some of the strange stuff in our house. (plastic snow globes, elvis bathroom, painting of a pig with sequins) This would add that little je ne sais quoi to my Pagan bush. Thanks for the tip. :mrgreen:

  9. I see these are the “official” Crowne Centre ornaments. Is there some guy in a dark basement in the Bronx making the “unofficial” ones?

    And they’re all individually numbered! One through ten I guess.

    1. Beware of imitations. They’ve been blessed by witches.

      Oh, no, that was Halloween candy. My bad.

  10. At first glance I thought it was Robert Schuller’s Crystal Cathedral. Same difference, right? Monuments to men.

  11. Lol now this is absurd! If OBC tried to make one of ANY building on it’s “campus” it would look so lousy folks would feel sorry for you if they saw it on your tree. I guess an old rusty blue prison bus would better characterize it. 👿

    1. Some interesting prices:

      Crown Center: $54 million
      Camp O’ The Pines Recreational Facility: $7 million
      Sports Center: $14 million
      Rawson Chapel RENOVATION: almost $2 million
      Bradly Tower: $762,798

      Bradly is even the NEWEST of the girls dorms, which means I don’t even want to know how little they spent on Griffith. So I guess we know who wins when it comes to the school’s external image verses how the students actually live (crammed four to a room in over-crowded buildings with too-thin walls). 🙁

    2. Where on earth did they come up with $54 million?? That number made my jaw drop. Ostentatious!! I’m glad it wasn’t around during my time there.

      1. That amount of money would support a lot of Bible Translators overseas. Or feel a lot of hungry homeless people
        (I can see the hackles rising in Fundystan already)

  12. Some collect rare and precious antiques, others collect sports memorabilia, some fine wine or art…

    I want to collect a PCC ornament set so I can remember what Christmas is really all about.

  13. I wonder if any of my old fundy friends who currently attend PCC would buy one of these for their family members as a PCC souvenir…. Nah. I don’t think they’re that tacky.

    I sent my kid to PCC and all I got was this lousy ornament…

    1. actually, I don’t know if anyone would want any kind of PCC souvenir.

      It’s kind of telling when one of my PCC alum friends only wears Cal sweatshirts. 🙄

      1. that is, if he’s going to wear a college sweatshirt, it’s not going to be from his alma mater.

        1. Great. Now I recognize this building in my friends’ Facebook pictures. You learn something new everyday.

      2. I resemble that remark!

        I have a 4-year degree in English from PCC (from the people who spell “crown” with an “e”) and did a little grad work at the University of West Florida. I only list UWF on my Facebook page; I simply do not want my name associated with the institution or their views anymore. Looking around the ‘net, I’ve noticed that I’m not the only alumnus who does so.

        1. on my fb list, the ones who are proud fundies are the ones who list PCC for their uni. the ones who aren’t as fundy don’t.

    1. Gives me a great idea for ones bearing the likenesses of various leaders. Of course I’d have to drop them a few times on the floor to really capture the “cracked in the head” effect.

  14. I’m well aware that PCC isn’t at all humble, but somehow this surprised me. I guess, for some reason, I wasn’t expecting something that was so very obviously self-serving (without even the attempt to make it seem humble). I guess I should stop being surprised… *headsmack*

  15. That is the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen intended to be placed on a tree. I’ll stick to my USMC set.

  16. I’m surprised the “play” building(s?) aren’t first in the set. After about the third traveling PCC group to visit her youth group. my older daughter asked if they had any academics or just a water park and skating rink. That seemed to be their only selling point, other than, “You should come to PCC. We are the cheapest school available.”

    Her question to me was that if she believed God would have her go elsewhere, couldn’t she trust Him to provide? Maybe you get what you pay for……….

  17. My son is a senior at PCC, Lord forgive me. It’s a long story. He is so jaded at this point I’m not sure how long it will take for him to recover. “Christian” is the last word he would use to describe the place. One example; Last week one of his friends knew a student was “sexting” and didn’t turn him in. The school waited until the day before the deadline for class credit to count if you get expelled and they booted his friend for not turning in the offender. They had known about the “offense” for a while but let the young man continue to do his school knowing they were going to boot him. Sounds more like a goulog than “Christian”…..cruel. This is just one example of the stories I hear. He is parnoid that they will let him get almost to graduation and find some rule he has broken and take it all away. Just an assinine way to operate. Where is the love of Christ? How about compassion? How about the golden rule? Not there, just a constant oppresive administration operating behind closed doors behind the squad of bullies at student life.
    This is not from a trouble maker kid. My son has made it 3.5 yrs with no demerits. He is accustomed to a “rule observing” church & family. I was a pharasee of pharasees of which I have asked for forgiveness from him and many others.
    On the flip side I have a 17yr old who skipped 12th grade and is going to the local state university. He loves it! He has met a real teacher who has sat down with him and helped him develop his goals and encouraged him as he learns. He is around lost folks all day long and he has seen the result of making stupid choices in those around him. He is not running to the world. He is showing them you don’t have to be a pot smoking loser. One kid on parole ask my son if he would take the same math class next semester so they could work together. He sees that my son likes to help people. My son said sure. I told him, “There you go son, that is your influence God has given you.” It’s not beating on some door and bothering people it’s influencing people you are around wherever you are. Don’t beat him over the head with the gospel, just be you. It attracts people.
    This has nothing to do with a stupid Xmass tree ornament….I just needed to say that. 😐

    1. He is parnoid that they will let him get almost to graduation and find some rule he has broken and take it all away.

      I had nightmares for the last few months before I graduated that this was happening.

      Miserable, miserable months.

      1. I’ve been out of fundy U since 1997. I still have that recurring nightmare of knowing I’m supposed to be going to class, but I don’t know which one because I never received a printed schedule (which did happen to me one semester), I don’t have books because I didn’t know what classes to buy for, and I can’t find a parking space. I generally wake up at that point. The dream comes along every time I get really stressed, so I know the dream isn’t particularly about fundy U, but stress just manifests itself with fundy U imagery.

    2. I’m sorry to hear that. I suppose it isn’t comfort to tell you that he will likely need years of detox. I am a pretty stable and strong personality, but I still have “triggers” from my time there. A very, very poisonous environment. But, I will say that life after PCC is quite possible.

    3. Only people who have been in that kind of environment can understand. And even some of those don’t realize exactly HOW BAD it was until they are out. (That was me.) When I experienced the freedom of normal life, I understood how horribly repressed that environment is.

      SFL is great therapy for those of us who have been there!

  18. I think it should be, “good will”, instead of, “goodwill” in this case. Otherwise, press on. I’m with ya.

  19. Maybe this is just a sign of financial desperation 😕 Perhaps sales of Beka’s books are down and they are looking for new and innovative ways to bring in some cash to support the Crowne Centre–or as a six-year old at Sports Center Day Camp (who had learned phonics at PCA called it) the crown-ie cen-tray. Even he recognized the pretension!

  20. This is pretty funny. It would be funnier if you were more light-hearted. You’re really too snide and mean about it. May be you could do something nicer at Christmas….I don’t know, may be not seethe in your contempt for the poor ole fundies that are not as enlightened as you are. Of course, I may have misunderstood your intentions: if you were trying to draw out the termites, you’ve done a great job, because your post is crawling with them. Have a Merry Christmas!

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