“Brother, this sin is outlined clearly in Acts 15:39, which shows that he was in the *wrong* (emphasis added) to disagreeeeee! (protraction added)”
/thinks about this for a second, shakes head, assumes that this way of thinking has gone the way of the after church ritual â€” ‘buffet style’ should never have creeped into Fundamentalism.
Reminds me of when PCC didn’t allow Dr. Gibbs to speak there anymore. I forget why. I think it was something to do with some organization he joined. Didn’t they do the same to Dr. Mutch?
Well isn’t it obvious…Gibbs is a liberal and Mutch is an apostate. If you aren’t 100% Hyles I would seriously question your standing with God.
King James Only, pants on women, music with a back beat, hair touching men’s ears (not to be confused with hair growing out of men’s ears), wire rimmed glasses, hero worship (your hero lists must line-up), fried chicken or baked, submissive wimmen… the list is too great for one post….
…also known as “making a mountain out of a molehill.”
If you don’t agree, graciously abide by our policy (aka. Shut up) or willingly resign (aka. Into outer darkness, become a Gentile and a tax-collector).
You forgot hair growing on men’s faces…
“King James Only, pants on women, music with a back beat, hair touching menâ€™s ears (not to be confused with hair growing out of menâ€™s ears), wire rimmed glasses, hero worship (your hero lists must line-up), fried chicken or baked, submissive wimmen”
As sung to the tune of “These are a few of my favorite things…”!
That is too funny! Thanks for the laugh.
Unfortunately this post is so true. Don’t forget the separation-worthy apostasy of singing the exact same hymns as everyone else, just off of a screen.
sooo, if the hair growing in your ears gets long enough to touch your head… does that remove sin in your heart?
or does it just keep people far enouth away that they can’t see anything to judge you on?
Oh yeah! I almost forgot a very important one- Breath mints!
Can someone explain the wire-rimmed glasses prohibition to me? Of all the bizarre fundy hang-ups I grew up with, that’s a new one for me.
John Lennon wore wire rimmed glasses… nuff said…
The year was 1979, and a young upstart from BJU blows into town, gets youth pastor position at small town, well established old lady Baptist Church. He’s intense, he’s crafty as evidenced by his leading his teen followers to a group activity involving turning their Led Zep lps into candy dishes! And then….as if it were timed just so….just when his celebrity was ripe….he finds an interpretation of ONE Bible verse that the local Bible college that old lady Baptist supports to be….wait for it….heresy!
The drama, the rumors, the Official Statement Of Faith and then…..as if it was preordained….THE SPLIT. 2010…..the kids are now in their 40s, most went to BJU and their kids are homeschooled using BJU materials…..rinse, repeat.
Its a cult!
ugh typos WERE preordained and others…
yay, finally! Now I’m not a grey box on here! 😀
SFL: Asking a pre-programmed series of questions w/ “yes/no” answers being the only responses to peg down which tiny doctrine they can trap you into admitting you may not be in 100% agreement.
So when I read the part about “namby pamby” I thought of the Geico commercial. I love that commercial. Maybe we could come up with a “Robert Stack” question for a Geico commercial about fundies.
@Darrell: Have you ever been called any of the dark shaded part?
So it’s ok for the man’s hair to be long, as long as it’s used for a comb-over? Or in the front for the pompadour? Just not the sides and back. Is that what I’m getting here?
This diagram is sad but true.
See, the chart gets flipped backwards when it relates to us (the apostates). The stuff on which we agree is the tiny little sliver, and the stuff that makes us untouchable are all the things that pertain to actually living a real life. Nifty, huh?
Ahh Kat, now I know who you are 🙂 Wasn’t sure if it was you or the other person I know who also starts with Kat 🙂
I’m ashamed for the years I spent misjudging and rejecting other Christians when in Christ we agreed.
@pastor’s wife Amen.
ExIFB, Ohhhh… I hadn’t thought of you mixing me up with her! 😛 I don’t want to put my full first name here, just in case anyone lurking around might know who I am (that I didn’t want knowing my identity, anyway).
Btw, what happened to your FB?
@Apathetic or whatever–nice handle! Makes me laugh.
Comb-overs are mandatory among fundies. The last church I was in, the pastor had a comb around. He grew his hair long in the back, and brushed it up and all the way around his head. He’s got so much goo and hair spray on it that the hurricanes in ’04 never touched it. Odd doesn’t even cover it.Visitors talk of nothing else after they leave. A friend of mine visited once, and said she’d like to meet the pastor. I pointed to him at the other end of the fellowship hall. She said, “The man with the hat?” She still talks about that day, and it was five years ago.
I removed my facebook and started a new one just for family. I got sick of the young preacherboys constantly telling me that a man who lets their wife wear pants was evil and that a woman who has a job is sinful and blah blah blah. All of this from kids under 20 who aren’t even married. And that other kid, who I won’t name, who constantly sends out messages informing everyone about the evils of everything and worshipped Charles Finney for a while because of his big numbers, despite the numerous quotes I gave him about Finney being a massive heretic in many ways (not only his numbers game, but his sinless perfection teching). You probably know him. He said stuff like “I will be an independent fundamental baptist until the day I die and I am proud to be”.
Also, tell your husband that Kutless is awesome.
Stuff that makes you a spineless…
Your mother wore makeup one time when she was 15.
You think there might be something wrong with Chick Tracts.
You are friends with people in the IFCA (Independent Fundemental Churchs of America)
You listen to liberal preachers like John MacArthur or that Calvinian RC Sproul on “that other” station.
yours in gid
Just testing gravatar… had to use the alternate spelling of my handle because someone with my usual handle (Tikatu) is already registered with Word Press. (It’s probably me and I’ve forgotten which email and password I used.) 🙁
I remember in Greenville, SC at the church that I attended, we found out that the churches in the Piedmont Bible Quizzing Association were going to kick one of the best churches out of the association. We asked out quiz leader why, and he said it was because of “doctrinal disagreements.” We asked him what the doctrine was, and he mumbled something about music. They were kicked out of a bible quiz association because they listened to contemporary christian music. Priceless. No other real disagreements either (maybe dress).
That was the start of me figuring out that fundyland was full of it.
By the way Darrell, have you ever done a post on competitive Bible quizzing?
@Don – the link about breath mints has some hilarious alliteration to it.
@ Kevin – I was on the Bible Quiz Team at Falls Road Baptist Church, Rocky Mount, NC in 1974-75. Interesting times.
I know what you mean, though I’m not sure if I know who you’re talking about (I deleted a bunch of preacherboys that I didn’t know off my Facebook, because I felt kinda weird having a bunch of guys I don’t know on there. I kept a few guys that are good online friends of my husband, just because they’re nice or whatever and I like some of the stuff they post… but anyway, I haven’t met anyone on FB that likes Finney that I remember).
If you want to add us back with your private account, I promise we won’t cause trouble lol. I’ve been REALLY trying to avoid drama on there recently…. though sometimes it’s completely unavoidable. I don’t post stuff that’s as controversial anymore because it just isn’t worth the trouble. Facebook arguments are a HUGE waste of time!
don’t forget to add the prohibition against alcohol…
“So itâ€™s ok for the manâ€™s hair to be long, as long as itâ€™s used for a comb-over? Or in the front for the pompadour? Just not the sides and back. Is that what Iâ€™m getting here?”
I sense a gap in your fundy education. Hear, and be thou admonished:
(Yes, this is satire…and nicely done…)
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