Tag Archives: technology

Paper Bibles

God doesn’t use an iPhone!!!!!! (Everybody knows He prefers Android)

David Owens gives us 6 reasons that he is completely not making up for why paper Bibles should be used instead of electronic ones. Here they are with my observations

1. We call God’s Word, The Bible; “The Bible” means “The Book.” Should we now call it “The app or the gadget?”
Books cease to be books when you put them on a screen. Everybody knows this

2. We say we respect the KJB, but put it on the same level as an app like Fox News, Drudge Report, AccuWeather, the stock market or some game. Where is the fear that we are losing all respect for God’s Word and God’s Book?
Furthermore why should we put the Bible on paper — the very same material which we also use to wipe our butts! Carved stone is the only true respectful material

3. The same gadget that has your Bible app displays ungodly advertisements and pictures either by accident or on purpose. Would you feel comfortable with pictures of half-dressed women in your Bible?
We can have rape and murder and incest and genocide in the Bible but we draw the line at half-dressed women unless their name is Jezebel.

4. Bible apps make it too easy to access perverted bibles, false versions and liberal commentaries.
I just can’t even.

5. Consider this excuse, “I can have the Bible with me all the time, for I always have my phone.” God already addressed that. Psalm 119:11 says, “Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee.” No one has ever not sinned because they have a smartphone with them. Bible apps do not encourage memorization or meditation; in fact, they discourage memorization, for why memorize? The words of God on your smartphone can not replace the words of God in your heart.
And when the Communists invade and take away your iPhones you won’t be able to reproduce the entire Bible from memory like your parents were totally prepared to do.

6. It becomes too easy to be distracted. While you may have your Bible app open, you also receive notices of texts, updates, your eBay item sold, news and that granny is calling. Doesn’t the Devil provide enough distraction when we read God’s Word why we would make provision for more?
Because before the iPhone nobody ever stared off into space and thought about EVERYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD except what the yelling man up front was saying. Also google “Airplane Mode.” It’s a thing.

Well there you have it. I’m never taking my iPhone to church again. True story.

Commandments Concerning Technology

When the bounds of thy habitation shall widen and the size of thy television shall likewise become ginormous then shalt thou listen to words of these commands that thy use of technology be not very naughty in our sight.

And the adoption of a new technology shall be on thuswise: firstly thou shalt fear it above all things and shall shew unto the faces of the congregation how that this new tech shall be used for laziness, and for lust, and for the rise of the one-world government. And thou shalt verily condemn those early adopters as the spawn of Satan and the purveyors the prurient. So shall thy wisdom be established and all the congregation shall fear mightily in that day.

Then when a day, and a week, and a year and time and half a time shall pass thou shalt verily make allowance that this new thing might be useful for missions. And then shalt thou make haste to use it for thy bus ministry, and thy youth group, and thy missionaries and thou shalt verily find the son a church member of suchlike as will work for no pay and shall verily press him to service to make it all work for this newfangled technology is complicated and the Lord loveth free labor.

And when this technology shall be embraced by thou and all thy house and thy deacons and thy deaconesses (Note: apparently not actually a thing Ed.) and such shifty persons as hang around the back of the church playing with the sound equipment then shalt thou forget in that day that these things were once ill spoken of and shall flush it all down the memory hole. So shalt thou put the Old Paths onto the Information Superhighway and so shalt thou profit.

Independent Baptist Book of Everlasting Rules and Requirements, 640(k)

posted from my iPhone 7