Welcome to our ministry staff! We think you’ll find this a great place to work and won’t it just be lovely to work around Christians all day long instead of having to rub elbows with those worldly people and their terrible language and stories about drinking? Oh, by the way, staff devotions are at 7:00 sharp, be sure to bring your list of prayer requests!
Why here at Heartbeat Of America Baptist Bible School you’ll never have to worry about someone cursing in front of you or telling an off-color joke and you’ll know that everyone is doing their very best because not only is the boss watching but Jesus is too! The boss, however, will be the one writing people up for having verse screen savers in the wrong version. You’ll find that on page 107 of the staff handbook…
Oh, have you gotten a copy of the staff handbook? Yes, the size of it can be a little intimidating but it’s all really quite necessary. We don’t want people to have to go through the pain of deciding for what to do themselves so we try to include rules for every possible situation. This way you’ll never have to worry.
What’s that? Page 86? Ah, yes a lot of people ask about that one. Well, let’s just say that you happened to be home at night and there was a fire and you had to quickly run out of your house wearing a pair of pants. Some firefighter might see you and know you worked for us and everyone’s testimony would suffer. So it’s just better for all of us if you let us decide what you wear at home as well as work, don’t you think?
Oh, yes, page 87 is quite a popular one too. Now we’re not really saying that watching PG movies is wrong for everyone but we want the people in our ministry to be part of a HIGHER STANDARD. You know, after all, that being in a ministry makes you even more accountable to God than being a normal person. So we just put those rules in place make sure nobody every mistakes you for being normal.
Well, let me show you where you’ll be working. We do have to keep the air conditioning turned up to 93 in order to save on power bills, I’m sure you understand it’s all part of being a good steward. And you’ll want to make sure you ask your supervisor permission before going to the bathroom because we do try to make sure that everyone honors the Lord with their diligence. Starting tomorrow you’ll also need to bring in your own paper towels.
Welcome! We’re so glad that you’re here.