Category Archives: Outreach

Gospel Gimmicks: Salvation Rope Tricks

gospelropeWho doesn’t love a good magic show? Giving the gospel through sleight of hand is a staple of many fundamentalist children’s outreach programs. Even adults will stop and watch someone perform a gospel presentation via an entertaining act of subterfuge and trickery.

The gospel rope tricks are some of the more popular gimmicks because they are inexpensive, quickly taught and have little risk of a spectator catching on fire. That’s always a something to look for in a magic act. The real risk here is that the trick will go very badly and the whole point will be lost. “Look boys and girls the three ropes are all…uh…well…they should have been the same…you’re all doomed.”

There’s another potential danger to gospel magic acts — they do not translate well into some more superstitious cultures. Missionaries who are a little too good at illusions may meet with charges of witchcraft. In these locations it may be better to stick with handing out Chick Tracts and fake money or run the risk of finding oneself in some very sticky situations indeed.

By Request: Evangelists With Weird Instruments

evangelistmusicFundamentalists evangelists wear many different hats — not the least of which is the position of showman and entertainer. Most evangelists have some kind of hook, and act that is their signature. Ventriloquism, art, magic shows, karate (but the good kind not the evil eastern mysticism kind) demonstrations are par for the course. Many evangelists also sing and play instruments.

Now while some speakers will stick with guitar, piano, or trumpet others get a bit more…creative. You’ve never lived until you’ve been serenaded for 15 minutes by an accordion or heard How Great Thou Art scraped out on a muscial saw. But the prize for uniqueness goes to those few (including evangelist Hal Webb) who have mastered the art of playing the theremin.

For those of you who have never had the privilege of seeing one of these in action, the theremin is an instrument that has two antennas that adjust volume and pitch based on how far or close the players hands are to the antennas. So the evangelist literally moves his hands through the air in front of the instrument to produce the music. It’s the sort of thing that would have had you burned at the stake during the middle ages but makes for a great performance during special services. You can check out some video of one being played here

Revivals

revivalOnce or twice a year, a fundamentalist church will hold a series of revival services. An evangelist or special speaker who is specially trained to give spiritual CPR will come into town and spend a few nights trying to get the church’s pulse going again. The fact that they are apparently so feeble that they needs periodic five-day-long jolts from a biblical defibrillator to keep them alive does not appear to bother fundies at all. They rather seem to enjoy it.

Revivals are a great time to combine a lot of fundy favorites: hard preaching, old fashioned altars, evangelist fish stories, and coming up with new things to feel guilty about. Throw in some special music and a few covered dish suppers and it’s a great time for everybody.

Another emphasis of revival services is bringing out lost people to hear the messages. This may strike some as odd since it would seem to be a contradiction in terms to try to ‘revive’ something that’s never been ‘vived’ in the first place. But the philosophy goes that if there’s preaching on sin going on, it’s a good idea to get a bunch of genuine sinners in to hear it. And there’s a reward Bible with your name on it if you can bring in the most.

Oh, Revive us again (and again, and again, and again).

Home Missions to “Unreached” Places

missionfieldFrom the outside it may appear that the main cause of new Independent Baptist churches being planted in the United Stats is church splits — amicable or otherwise. While this is a cause of new churches being started, the other main means of propagating fundamentalism in America is through home missions.

Raising support for home missions is no small task. It’s difficult enough to raise money to reach some exotic people group in the Amazon Basin, but what about auto workers in Detroit or retirees in central California? It’s just not too exciting.

To combat that natural lack of excitement, fundamentalist home missionaries have hit upon a tactic which overcomes the natural reluctance of people to give money to a pastor who is planting churches within their own borders. The magic phrase is “a city of [insert number here] with no Bible-believing, gospel preaching church.”

It does not matter that there may be 4,976 Baptist churches in that town and another 9,324 Methodist, Presbyterian, Nondenominational, and Evangelical churches that still preach an orthodox gospel. No, sir. If there is not an Independent Baptist church that has graduates from our school, who use our version of the Bible and our edition of the hymn book then THERE IS NO BIBLE-BELIEVING CHURCH! Amen?

It’s not a bad gig being a fully supported missionary to someplace like Orlando Florida. It’s certainly not bad work if you can get it.

Gospel Gimmicks: The Million Dollar Tract

milliondollartract

The love of money is the root of all evil. But that fact notwithstanding, some fundamentalists evidently believe that fake one-million dollar bills make a great way to spread the gospel.

Consider the draw. A million Dollars + Ronald Reagan + Heaven!!! A gimmick like this one just can’t go wrong. As an added bonus putting a Republican President on the front will keep out the riffraff. Expect instant revival as soon as you open the package (only $5.00 for 100).

And if the Secret Service starts knocking at your door asking why you’re making realistic looking money? Just claim persecution and go to court! That way your witness will reach judges, lawyers, clerks, jury members, and maybe even the evening news.

You cannot serve God and filthy lucre. But what if you put the gospel ON filthy lucre? Genius.