Category Archives: Odds and Ends

Christmas Displays

Ripped from the Headlines… (ok, it was actually probably buried on page J32 but still)

NIPOMO — A lawn display of a Jesus shooting Santa Claus has residents in one San Luis Obispo County city up in arms.

The controversial Christmas display shows a Jesus figure pointing a double-barrel shotgun at a dead Santa figure. Santa’s reindeer Rudolph lays sprawled across the hood of a pickup truck nearby.

Some neighbors have asked the display be removed, but its maker, Ron Lake, says it’s a work of art denouncing the commercialization of Christmas.

Police said that because Lake built the display on private property they cannot force him to take it down.

Some residents plan to start a petition.


I have no idea what Mr. Lake’s religious beliefs are but a story with guns, dead Santa, a pickup truck and angry neighbors protesting sounds like a fundy’s Christmas dream come true.

Thanks to “coffee bean” for the link.

Faking Cheerfulness

fakesmileAre you letting the joy of Jesus show on your face? Never mind that He was a man of sorrows. Let’s ignore that the king upon who’s throne He sits spent a lot of time writing depressed poetry and music. Just put out of your mind the weeping and lamenting prophets. Just let the joy of Jesus shine on your face no matter what. Verbal beatings will commence until morale goes up.

If you’ve ever had a choir director launch a red-faced screaming tirade that you don’t look happy enough…you might have been a fundamentalist.

Sword Drills


Official Sword Drill Instructions:

1. If some children do not know how to do a Sword Drill then first of all explain why the Bible is the Christian’s sword.

2. First of all have all the children close their Bibles and hold them by the binder.

3. Shout “Sheathe swords” – at this the children should put their Bibles under their arms.

4. Shout “Draw swords” – the children should now hold their Bibles in the air with straight arms.

5. Tell the children a book, a chapter, and a verse of the Bible, and have them repeat it after you. For example, “John chapter 3 verse 16.”

6. Once the children have repeated the reference, shout “Charge” – the children should now try to look up the verse as quickly as possible.

7. The first one to find the reference should shout out the first few words from the verse. In our example, this would be, “For God so…” (KJV). You could also have the children stand up when they get the verse to make it clearer who won.

8. This child would then come out to the front and would keep their Bible open at their verse. They are now in the final.

9. Repeat this until you have 4 or perhaps 5 children in the final.

10. The children should then read their verses and within these verses there should be a word which is the same. The rest of the children should listen to the verses to try and guess the common word.

11. Once the children have read their verses and someone has guessed what the word is, have a Sword Drill just for the finalists.

12. The first one to get the verse should shout out the first couple words as before. This child has then won the sword drill and should then read out this verse.

If you’ve ever spent hours refining your sword drill bible-opening and page-flipping skills…you might have been a fundamentalist.