This post was originally featured on SFL in December 2008
Fundamentalist children who were born after 1954 may recognize these words…
“Ranger Bill, Warrior of the Woodland, struggling against extreme odds, traveling dangerous trails, fighting the many enemies of nature. This is the job of the guardian of the forest, Ranger Bill. Pouring rain, freezing cold, blistering heat, snows, floods, bears, rattlesnakes, mountain lions. Yes, all this in exchange for the satisfaction and pride of a job well done.”
Ranger Bill was just one of a host of children’s radio programs that began in the 1950’s and continue to be rebroadcast to the present day. Keys for Kids with Uncle Charlie, Story Time with ‘Aunt B’, Uncle Bob’s Nature Corner…the list goes on and on.
These radio programs taught lessons such as the evils of lying, stealing, television, gambling and other various and sundry moral ills while accompanied by the dramatic effects of an electric organ that would do any soap opera proud.
Don’t knock it. For fundy kids, Saturday mornings around the radio were some of the happiest times of the week.
And when it shall come up on thee that thou shalt spirit the children of thy congregation away to a separate place so that the sound of their crying shall in no way quench the spirit during the songs or the sermon or the invitation that thou shalt verily rehearse children’s songs in their ears that they may learn of great Bible truths and doctrines such as are meet. And the singing of these songs shall ever be on thus wise…
Thou shalt strive with all diligence to teach them of the Wiggle Worm and of the Poochy Lip and of the what they shall do with their hands and feet when they are happy and they know it. They shall then learn many motion songs and shall verily demonstrate that Father Abraham had both many sons and a wicked case of ADHD. They shall also sing of children of politically incorrect color designations and shall thereby signify that Jesus loves them regardless of their bad luck to be born that way.
And if thou shalt attend to follow all the words of this commandment then shall thy children certainly have joy down in their hearts (where? down in their hearts) and they shall let their little light shine and climb up sunshine mountain to make the devil sit on all manner of unpleasant things. But of the CCM song or of the Praise chorus thou shalt not sing. For they are repetitive and inane and prone to not be full of Bible unlike the good old songs we sang when we were kids and such as shall be sung by our children and our children’s children forever and ever, amen.
Independent Baptist Book of Everlasting Rules and Requirements p 662.
No VBS would be complete without the five day story with tales of adventure and excitement and soulwinning. Today’s challenge is to invent your own five day story title to reflect the real adventures in fundyland.
Of course they probably wouldn’t be suitable for children…
A silly blog dedicated to Independent Fundamental Baptists, their standards, their beliefs, and their craziness.