Having trouble coming up with a New Year’s Resolution? Not to worry! Clarence Sexton has 40 of them for you to follow including everything from watching less TV to learning a foreign language.
Sure, Clarence. I’ll run right out and get started.
Having trouble coming up with a New Year’s Resolution? Not to worry! Clarence Sexton has 40 of them for you to follow including everything from watching less TV to learning a foreign language.
Sure, Clarence. I’ll run right out and get started.
228 thoughts on “Resolutions Redux”
First in 2015?
Well, I achieved my resolution!
Bummer I failed my resolution already
Congratulations to the proctologist!
Die to self. Love it. I will get right on that, probably not.
Jesus told us to love others as we love ourselves. So if I die to self, does this mean I can go on a killing spree?
Not that I would. But if they don’t love themselves, maybe that’s their excuse for not loving others.
#9 about listening to music. I’m Deaf (capital D) so that would be quite difficult for me.
#19. I buy on credit, pay off the bill as soon as it comes in the mail, and reap earthly rewards and probably a reward or two in heaven.
Already doing all those except could use some work in the areas of 37, 39, and 40. But did not feel led to make any resolutions this year. I guess Bro Sexton thinks we’re not capable of Holy-Spirit leading and need his list to pick from some possibilities. Doesn’t he believe in the priesthood of every believer or is he Catholic or what?
Catholics believe in the priesthood of every believer. 😉 I don’t know what this guy believes.
10 Commandments aren’t enough…We must have 40 of them to follow, so that we appear more spiritual than those other heathens that have 1 or 2 resolutions to follow.
How about these resolutions for IFB pastors
1. Honestly admit mistakes of leadership
2. Treat all employees fairly, honestly
3. Compensate said employees so they can make a living wage
4. Don’t abuse people (Spiritually, physically or otherwise)
5. Read Scripture in its proper historical and cultural context
6. Make a sermon that doesn’t involve 3 points and a poem
7. Realize you don’t have all the answers
8. Realize there are more questions after thinking you have found the answers.
9. Encourage others
10. Judge yourself before passing judgment
11. Be relevant to the people you minister to.
12. Follow the commands of Christ not the commands of men.
13. Eat less
14. Preach at a meeting for free
15. Go six months before mentioning money in a sermon
16. Realize God is God and you’re not.
I can only come up with 16…
17. Skip a church service and realize the earth won’t swallow you whole.
18. Take all ties and burn them.
19. Take all suits and burn them
While you’re burning suits and ties, throw in denim skirts and culottes!
#17…. Talk to and be kind to others in the college other than just Choir Members…
Haha! I went there for five years and yea, this definitely applies to him. If you weren’t in the light of service on the platform or in some way making his college appear inviting to the world, he didn’t notice you.
That’s good news for young Cox in the video booth.
All the young Cox in the video booth are really just building their own kingdoms. Don’t think I haven’t noticed.
But, BTW, I’m not Angry, LOL
#20–which maybe sums up all that has been said:
Therefore as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly love, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each and forgive whatever grievances you may have against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love which binds them together in perfect unity. Colossians 3:12-14
I know that’s not KJV but I’m not sure that there is a better summary of the ethic that should permeate Christ’s followers and seems so absent, and unfortunately not just in IFB circles.
Those words from Scripture are refreshing and beautiful.
I agree with all of these plus, Be kind to everyone, including and most especially,those not in the inner circle and their offspring.
Some of them, such as “Exercise” or “learn a new language” are good ideas in general, but of course that ol’ Fundy mentality still comes shining through. 🙄
the Fundies want you to learn a new language so you can go soul winning in the section of the city with that ethnic group.
Because you know that if you don’t share the gospel with the Hmong community in your city then their blood will be on your hands… as will the Chineese take out lady, the Packistani family your ex brother in-law’s best friend works with, the Russian mail order bride your dad got after divorcing your mom and the Irish Catholic janitor that works for the school your daughter go to… all their blood will be on your hands if you do not learn … no… wait, what’s up with Clarence… this is ‘ah-Mer-i-ca dog gone it… they need to learn English so we can witness to them. Clarence is slipping. o_O
Hmong, Chinese, Pakistani, Irish Catholic, …whew, where to begin?!
Altho I always thought the Irish spoke the Queen’s English, stupid me. 🙄
Actually over here in Ireland we speak what is known as hiberno-English, which is influenced by the grammatical structure of Gaelic Irish language. This explaines the strange way I might say things….
Paul, does that explain the way you spell “explaines”?
Sorry. Couldn’t resist.
Yeah but that’s the Queen’s engrish, not ‘mer-ican english
To Panda Rosa….
You hit it!
I felt the Fundy mentality peeping through kinda strong there!
We moved my 86 year old FIL into our house in September. He only speaks Spanish. It’s actually a joy to have much of my household conversations in Spanish. I recommend learning another language.
It’s so awesome when there’s a real-life, pragmatic reason for learning another language, like being able to converse with family members. I studied Spanish all four years in high school but had no real reason for using it, so I’m afraid I’m pretty much like Peggy Hill on King of the Hill when it comes to using what I learned.
Oh PW, my husband calls me “Peggy Hill” every time I attempt my Spanglish!
This is wonderful:
It’s one of the finest displays of “false friends” I’ve heard.
BJg, you already speak Spanish, though, am I right?
One thing I like about the RGV is that a great many people here can speak both Spanish and English, as well as a local dialect (Tex-Mex) I’m still learning.
Yep I already spoke Spanish but it’s improving daily with language immersion.
Totally agree. I spend about half of my life in Spanish, and it makes my life much richer.
Learn German so you can read the textual critics in the original language!
#34 is not going to help with #7.
That is most certain. Perhaps instead of suggesting making new friends, the more appropriate thing to suggest would be “find ways to be ‘persecuted’ more”–since that is the most often excuse when one’s soul winning technique is unsuccessful
“Being persecuted more” is not hard if you’re being a proper Fundy. 😀
It can be self-generating, yes.
The more you think you’re being persecuted, and act accordingly, the more differently everyone else will treat you.
What if you prefer not being around people…and you’re happy that way? hmmmmm…. I suffocate around lots of people. he he
My hubby is my best friend…we be happy!
how do you go soul winning if you don’t know more people?? 😉
I am not picking on Sexton – there is a lot of “Christian” BS out there. From Sexton’s site: God has designed the Christian life so that we may live victoriously regardless of what is taking place around us.
I have no idea what this is supposed to mean. I will ask the martyrs when I get to heaven.
As the daily routines and pressures of life crowd us, we can find biblical principles No. There is no such thing as a “Biblical principle”‘. If you don’t believe me, just try defining what that means. that will help us to be more effective servants for the Lord. Maybe. But notice the insecurity of the subtext – nothing, not even advice, really means anything unless it has a pragmatic effect on The Ministry.
I will suffer through my winter depression “victoriously”!!
I think the first one should be that one about doing onto others…. wonder if they have read that bit
Do onto others before they do you.
“Christ-honoring goals” What does that mean? It is so subjective. It has the appearance of sounding godly, but is completely based on what a preacher or other MOG thinks.
“Use the ‘F’ word half as much as before” may be a Christ-honoring goal to some while refraining from using the ‘F’ word at all is Christ-honoring to others.
It’s all spiritual fluff and subjective behavior. There is no way to measure results. At the end of 2015 one can look at this pious list and say…”Yep! I’ve done it all” and feel good about themselves.
It’s all about checking the box of righteousness and letting people think you’re spiritual by the things you’re doing instead of letting the Holy Spirit work.
Clarence’s Plan: Man-Sanctification
God’s Plan: Holy Spirit Sanctification
My question was “what are non-Christ honoring goals?” Because most goals people have are good, healthy ones to begin with….no one says
“I think I want to murder more people”
“I want to cheat on my spouse more.”
“I want to eat less healthily”
“Lets lie to more people this next year.”
Oh, wow. That’s like a Tyler Durden list of New Year’s resolutions:
1) Smoke more
2) Blow sh*t up
3) Beat someone to a bloody pulp.
Man, I wish I had realized many moons ago that I could have goals like that!
Unless they are members of Congress. 😈 (runs and hides)
I did hear a guy say that he was going to drink better bourbon.
But very few of these are definitive in any way; most are very open ended. “Be friendlier”: I waved to my neighbor on January 1, so that’s done! “Become more familiar with missionaries and mission fields around the world”: I read about so-and-so, that’s done!
Goals are much easier to keep track of when they’re specific: “I will eat out half as much and go to the gym at least twice a week” is much more concrete than “Exercise.” I guess you could take this list and select a few you could personalize.
I’m glad that was only a 1 minute read – I’ve got things to do! *goes back to reading Deathly Hallows*
You haven’t finished HP yet?
~listen to more Christian music
~hand out Gospel tracts
~set Christ honoring goals
~die to self
these are few of my favorite things
when the heretic bites, when world stings,
when I’m feeling sad,
I simply remember my favorite things and then I don’t feel so bad.
From “The Sound Of Mucus”
ha! love it
I find listening to Christian music, more soul winning, tithing, daily devotions, more time in prayer, etc. to be the cure all in fundamentalist’s eyes. If you are struggling at all, you just need to stop listening to that worldly music and spend more time in prayer. Now I am all for spending time in prayer and studying God’s word but they aren’t magic genie lamps you rub and everything works out wonderfully.
Sounds like the BJU prescription for counseling victims of sexual abuse.
I knew I’d heard that advice somewhere before.
You nailed it!
3. Laugh more
No fan of Sexton, but this looks like a lot of good ideas to me. I try to evaluate advice based on its merit, not its source.
This list is good advice, not a list of Spiritual Laws
True, there are some good points in this list. But he mentions this list that is “based on biblical principles” “so that we may live victoriously” or so that we can “improve our Life in 2015”
First, what biblical principle is there on “making notes in your Bible”? Second, why does this list help us live victoriously or how will it improve our lives?
Scripture states in Ecclesiastes 12 that we should love God and keep His commandments and that THIS is the whole duty of man. Why would adding man-made externals to our life do more than what God has already promised He would do once we’ve yielded to the Holy Spirit?
Yeah, that’s kind of what I said upthread. It isn’t the goals so much as the BS fluff packaging.
I disagree. OCD people thrive on lists. No one will be able to do all the stuff on Clarence’s list, and will feel that they’re incapable of ever pleasing God.
After reflection, I think good old Clarence is a turd.
I think my issue with the list is this is his definition of Christ honoring resolutions. We have been given the command to love God and love our neighbor. While for some that might require listening to more Christian music, that is not necessary for all. I know plenty of people who are loving God and neighbor extremely well who do not listen to Christian music. I think the list is in many ways narrowly defining what Christian looks like.
In 2015 I’m going to be trying harder and harder to stay away from clothes that pertaineth and from mixed fabrics… Doesn’t that count? Does KJV count as a furrin language? It’s sure not Murrican.
How about not eating meat with dairy products?
Or trimming the edges pf y beard?
Maybe I should make a resolution about learning to type properly. And another about not making snarky comments on SFL
By no means give up the snarky comments.
After all, Paul could be quite snarky at times.
Well I’m screwed. That hamburger I made for breakfast with a fried egg and cheese and bacon on top was basically AWESOME.
Don’t tell that to your coronary arteries
Thanks to this, I now have my first resolution for 2015:
Pay less attention to Clarence Sexton.
Hmmm, I guess I’ve already broken that one by reading this post.
But tomorrow is another day.
He says its a “1 minute read” but I read it in 45 seconds! Seriously! I timed myself. Certainly, THAT makes me a better person in 2015.
His followers probably don’t read at grade level.
What about love God and love your neighbor?
Romans 13:9 For this saying, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself, is briefly comprehended in this, namely, Thou shalt not allow your women to cause your men to fall into adultery, Thou shalt not help those that are without, Thou shalt not withhold thy tithes from the church, Thou shalt not bear any witness against thy Man Of God, Thou shalt not covet real happiness; and many more such things have I to say, but you are become dull of hearing. (Revised Fundy Version)
Way down the list.
He missed that one didn’t he? : )
“Make new friends” … uh, Clarence, is that because one of your “friends in the ministry” is sitting in jail due to his “overfriendliness” with a teenager?
One resolution is all that is needed for Clarence: 1) Keep your mouth shut
Or someone might step in it….
I really don’t see a whole lot wrong with this list, especially if you don’t try to force other people to keep the resolutions according to your standards. I probably don’t agree with him as to what defines Christ-honoring music and I don’t think tithes are required, but overall, I think if one wanted to do these things, it certainly wouldn’t hurt their year in 2015.
If my resolution is to “tithe more” doesn’t that actually mean to find a higher paying job?
I, on the other hand did not “tithe” this year. I gave as I was able. Consequently, I finally was able to remodel the kitchen that I’d been promising my wife for ten years.
Good for you!
No, that is not how it works.
Only the pastor is given the vision and trust to spend money on building construction projects.
And only the pastor is allowed to not tithe (since he would essentially be giving to himself).
Most of these don’t rise to what I’d expect of a resolution. Most of these are just stuff one would do as a part of everyday life. Trust a fundy to enumerate them into a list of “resolutions” that you now need to “make” and to “keep.” Legalism cam make being joyful and happy into a miserable experience.
That’s pretty much what I was thinking. Many of the things on the list are good ideas, but combining them with all the others and making them into “resolutions” is a shortcut to exhaustion trying to keep them all, and a guilt trip when you can’t. Or maybe that’s the idea behind the list?
Yup, first you have Jack Trieber’s 622 page employee manual, now Sexton’s long checklist of resolutions to keep up with.
They like to keep their flock so busy they have no time to think.
Seriously, isn’t that a case of “seek ye first”? Fundies would have us see after a whole bunch of things (and MOG’s and meaningless ruhls (sic) instead of seeking after Jesus Himself.
Oh, the choices for #11! Let’s see, shall I play piano or pipe organ?
Well, those are my choices if I’m living up to #9.
If you decide to offer your services in a Russian fundy church, you can add accordion. No actual skill necessary if you play for the Lord.
And for a Scottish Church, it’s bagpipes. Again, no skill required. 😛
Any well-known fundies of Scottish ancestry? As i said before, Bagpipes would be perfect – one bag of wind attached to another. Awesome.
I already play a diatonic accordion, does that mean I can have one less new year’s resolution?
I know a lady who plays the harp. Once I asked her how she learned and she said, “Oh I play in the Spirit.”
1. Yes she’s charismatic.
2. Yes, she only strums the strings.
playing in tongues?
The Spirit is apparently tone-deaf…
This reminds me of a really cool CD I acquired recently. It’s titled “Madagascar: Accordions and Ancestral Spirits” (2001, VDE-GALLO, CD 1065).
It seems there is a whole community of people in Madagascar who play accordion music aimed primarily not at entertaining living audiences, but to please spirits of the ancestors, who are thought to be listening in at various gatherings and special occasions. Maybe that’s something like playing in tongues?
Thanks Big Gary! You have found me an audience. The spirits will probably appreciate my accordion music more than my family, neighbours and cats do
Ancient Scripture writers appreciated the instrument. In fact, four of them wrote “Gospel accordion” music.
Excellent, I will play for the Ancient Scripture Gospel Accordion music writers.
I just found the recordings on YouTube.
As you can tell, the dead, like everyone else, have preferences in music that aren’t everybody’s.
You either love this music or you hate it.
I wonder how many foreign languages Dr. Sexton is fluent in?
It’s also interesting what autocorrect thinks about his last name…
Autocorrect: Sexton becomes “Sexy Time.”
Now, get out the brain bleach.
If there’s such a thing as an anti-aphrodisiac, Clarence Sexton is it.
I have one more Mr. Sexton.
1. Remove interracial dating rule where both sets of parents have to give permission in writing for interracial students to date. It’s 2015, how about removing that rule to get with the times?
That would update the rules to 1915 or so.
The last I heard that racist rule is applicable at West Coast Baptist College too.
Two resolutions for this year:
1. Sin boldly
2. Trust God boldly
…Do not buy on credit….
Let me know how your life works doing that one!
Poor Fundy Grads… Clueless…
I’m very leery of any “Baptist Minister” with THEIR own name as the title of their “ministry”.
That just don’t sit well with me.
The title of a ministry normally indicates who is being ministered to– youth ministry, women’s ministry, prison ministry, and so on.
So if a ministry is called something like “Clarence Sexton Ministry,” that also tells you who the ministry is for.
Truth in advertising.
A televangelist my mother listens to out of Asheville, NC is called “Ralph Sexton Ministries.”
#5 is already taken care of, helping me to accomplish #24.
Even though I get up at 4:00 on a work day, I’m sure it isn’t early enough since I don’t read my Bible or devotional book before work.
#21-Read good books. Hmmmm………..last year I read “The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich”, as well as the first two Harry Potter books. Among many others. Since I enjoyed them all, I figure they are all good.
I’ve had a better opportunity to read books lately. I like David Weber (hard science fiction) and Elizabeth Moon (again, hard sci-fi).
I really enjoyed the Harry Potter books. Almost as much as I liked mentally thumbing my nose at the snobs who said they were sinful!
I’m reading Rolf Baginski’s “Split Cane Rods-Bamboo Treasures”. He’s a master bamboo fly rod maker in Germany, and this is the definitive historical work on this wonderful art.
I think I would enjoy reading that book. Too bad it isn’t available in my library system. I guess I’ll keep looking.
It was a limited edition of 1500 numbered books. I got lucky and found it on amazon for $75. Now I can only find it for $210. If we lived near I’d loan you my copy. My wonderful co-workers presented me with one of Rolf’s handmade bamboo fly rods for my retirement gift a few weeks ago. I’ll either retire in a couple months or take another job as my grand finale before retirement, and put in another couple years before pulling the pin.
I saw it was a bit expensive, but didn’t realize it was so limited. That’s the second book in the last couple of months I would like, but won’t/can’t justify buying. The other is Sled Driver:Flying the World’s Fastest Jet by Brian Shul, an SR-71 pilot.
Hey–one of my “resolutions” (no pressure, just intent) this year is to read/re-read all the books and short stories that Agatha Christie wrote featuring Hercule Poirot or Miss Marple. Next year I’ll hunt up the rest of her works. Definitely good books!
Are you familiar with Tommy and Tuppence? There are two or three of her books featuring this pair.
I started one of them, and gave it up. I understand why Ms. Christie only wrote a few books with them as protagonists. Something about Tommy and Tuppence grates on my nerves, so I’ll concentrate on her other works.
I rather liked them. “M or N” was a great book, in my opinion. But they definitely were a different pair of personalities to put together.
Oooh I did this when I was younger (and actually had time!) I read every one I could find at bookstores and the library, which ended up being all but 8, mainly short stories. Definitely some creepy ones. My favorite was Secret of Chimneys.
Lately I’ve been into stories about kids with autism.
Besides the Tommy and Tuppence novels, which I’ll try again, the only Christie work I’ve read so far that I absolutely hated was the book “Endless Night.” It got great reviews and all, but uuggggghhhh. I enjoy creepy–my favorite Ray Bradbury collection was “The October Country,” short stories that do creepy as well as it has ever been done–but not that one.
But are they Sexton-honoring?
Posted in the wrong place. It was a comment on reading good books.
1. No person can do all that and stay sane.
2. ‘Closing in peace’ is a horrible admonition when you’ve just put that heavy a burden on people.
3. People have different talents and interests. Learning a language and instrument worthwhile goals for some people but it’s unfair to guilt all people with it.
4. Most of those goals will destroy family time and relationships. But we’ll guilt you to improve family relationships too.
5 several of those points are doubled up with different wording cause 40 is a spiritual number.
6. Keeping people too busy to think is a common factors in a cult.
Your Highness, I award thee the Internetz for thy comment. I am thy humble servant.
40 is at least 38 more resolutions than anyone can hope to keep.
I think the reason he included “learn an instrument” is to help build up his church’s orchestra. As usual, a lot of this stuff is about him and his empire, not the benefit of the individual.
Many of these are good ideas.
But putting together a list of forty things and then saying that these will help us be more effective servants for Christ (and who doesn’t want to be that?) puts an incredible load of guilt on someone. What if you’re a mom of preschoolers or a dad working two jobs to support his family? Is it fair to put a spiritual spin on this list of requirements? Why should people in situations like that feel guilt and obligation to add to their heavy burden by being told that they should learn to play an instrument and learn a foreign language and meet new friends and read books and write letters.
Also, I feel that the list is setting people up for failure because it’s contradictory to tell people to do all those things, but at the same time do #18: “Spend more time with your family.” Yeah, while I’m handing out tracts, attending church services, and learning another language. And then I’m supposed to laugh more? How, when I’m under the pressure of doing all these things?
This comes to mind…
That is my favorite scene in the whole series!
I agree. I left a church that had me in 8 different ministries at once (trustee, choir, soloist, accompanist, special music for offering, band member, orchestra member and song leader for the singles class). When I asked for less, they would add me to the schedule more. I figured out that I was spending 15 hours a week (outside of church services) preparing for all the music and attending meetings. I also had a very stressful job at that time that had a lot of middle of the night call-ins (power company) and received very little grace when I needed time off of the music schedule to get caught up on sleep. Apparently, IFB volunteers don’t need to sleep or spend time with their children.
I missed so much of my boys’ childhood, I can’t believe it. When we found out we had a little girl on the way, we cut ties and left! I also changed jobs for less money, more time. I honestly believe that if I hadn’t taken my life back, I’d be dead now, or in serious mental trouble.
I think one gets pulled in by things like this list that Mr. sexton has compiled and never realize that the manipulative grip slowly tightens over time into a dangerous strangle-hold.
My above comment was in reply to Pastors wife. It got moved down a bit. Oops!
Eric, almost all of us here have had the same experiences. That’s why we’re here! Welcome to SFL and thanks for your story.
Yup. They sweet-talk you,
Suck you in,
Compliment your ability,
Tell you they need you,
Tell you they can’t do without you,
Wear you down,
Wear you out,
Abuse your generosity,
Ignore your needs,
Pile on the guilt,
Blame you for not doing more,
Make acceptance dependent on continued labor,
Dump you when you’re no longer useful.
Wow! Did you go to the same church as me!? 😛
Sad that it is so prevalent that we all have experienced it.
After I left the church (quietly, on good terms), they had a big 45 year anniversary. They had all sorts of great baptist preachers come in, and it was a big shindig. They also made a video of all the highlights of the 45 years. I had been there for 30 years. My in-laws were still members and they gave me the video to watch. I was conspicuously omitted. And having been in the music ministry there, I had been taped a LOT. They must have had to work hard at erasing me from their history. That showed me what they really thought of me as a person. but I wasn’t too upset. I’d been abused for way too long by them, it let me know how set free I really was!
It’s a common theme. When we started backing out of ministries and backing off from constant church attendance, we lost a lot of “friends”, support and encouragement, from leadership on down.
That’s exactly how it goes!
But I did notice you failed to alliterate 😉
“Aargh!” Alliteration as an attempt to assure attention and assimilation actually agonizes anxious acquirers of Aptitude.
Totally OT, but I wrote (and am still writing) a fan fiction with the same title as this post.
Yes, that is totally Old Testament.
That’s what I thought too!
Who is Clarence Sexton?
A moderately big fish in a very small pond.
This is Clarence Sexton’s list for himself, right?
This reads like the summary of a fundy Mishnah.
I believe everything can be summarized this way:
P.S. Perhaps I’m being oversimplistic.
That’s the freedom that many of us former fundies are looking for: the beauty of just following Jesus, the liberty of choosing for ourselves what that might specify, and the simplicity of being able to do “whatsoever we do” to the glory of God. We don’t need this list to hone us into being “better.”
well said, pastor’s wife
“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites, because you travel around on sea and land to make one proselyte; and when he becomes one, you make him twice as much a son of hell as yourselves.
This is exactly what Clarence Sexton and his circle of fundy buddies are doing. We must exercise care so that the expression of our faith does not have the same results.
Dude has a signature with a signature verse? That’s OLD school. Always made me curious. Why? I would understand it if he was Luke, the guy that wrote it. Luke could say “I was really feeling it that day” or whatever. Around 31,102 verses in the Bible, and Clarence picks one. Like Pete Rose who signs “Hit King” anytime he signs a baseball. I guess mine is….
One of my favorite verses as well.
Here is what gets me: “Pastor” is his first name. Who signs their name with their title? I don’t believe that the pagans even do that.
Usually one signs their given name with their full name and title printed below. Something like, Clarance Sexton, King of the FooFoo.
I had a meeting with some interesting people in DC a few years ago. Met a guy who is a surgeon AND a fighter pilot. His little joke was “not sure where I killed the most people.” It was obviously a joke.
Point being guy is a fighter pilot and an MD/Surgeon, and he told everybody to call him “Rick.”
The really impressive people always ask you to call them by their first name. Rick and double PhD’s that worked at Oak Ridge National Labs, always the first name. In Fundyland, once somebody has earned their honorary doctorate, they have “Dr” on the towels in their bathroom.
Sam Gipp has ‘Dr Gipp’ on his plastic disposable cups! I have seen this for myself.
I’ve heard rumor that a pastor had his wife call him “pastor”
Actually, with my old IFB pastor, I never heard his wife refer to him by his first name only. And usually it was just “Pastor.” I don’t know what she called him when no one else was around.
Sometime, read “Sissy Sue and the Reverend Reverend,” a short story by Carl Reiner.
“Sam Gipp has ‘Dr Gipp’ on his plastic disposable cups!”
Well, good for him.
Because I wouldn’t want to inadvertently dring from “Dr.” Gipp’s cup. I might catch whatever it is that he has.
“drink,” not “dring”
I notice,that in a ministry context, priests are called “Father” + first name. Our IFB pastor is called “Pastor Dave”. Other IFB pastors are commonly called by the honorific + last name, particularly if they have an honorary “doctorate” they are proud of. Jim Berg at BJU loves to be called “Doctor Berg,” even though he never earned the title.
The custom is more prevalent than just fundamentalism. People love their titles.
Yup, ours goes by “Pastor Ken” or just “Ken.” Both feel wrong to me, but just plan “Preacher” is forever ruined.
Powrie V. Doctor was a well-known professor at Gallaudet University in the last half of the 20th century. At another university in Washington, a man named Dean was actually Dean of Students.
At a party for faculty of various DC area colleges and universities, someone who knew them both brought them together and said,” Doctor Doctor, meet Dean Dean.”
And then there’s Major Major.
Ahuh. And privates keep things to themselves and generals generalize.
And corporals love punishment, and kernals get to the heart of things.
When I went to Grace Baptist College (Jenkins), the Dean of Men was named Dan Martin (who is 10 times the man Jenkins ever was, and the reason I went to college there).
I couldn’t resist – I referred to him as Dean Martin whenever possible. 🙂
One of my favorite comedians told about the time a lady asked him to include his favorite bible verse with his autograph. He forgot what it was and picked Psalm 38:7 at random.
I heard that also. Great bit.Here it is–
So does everyone at “The Crown College of the Bible” have to get Clarance’s clearance to do everything?
Yes, Clarence must clear all Crown College kid’s capers so they are not colluding to commingle with the culture of corruption that is considered cool in modern Christiandom. Crown kids must consider the commandments and ensure complete compliance with Clarence cleared standards and avoid contemporary christian music and all manner of congregating with corrupt Christians who don’t hold the the KJV.
Do we have clearance Clarence? Roger, Roger; what’s our vector, Victor?
So, close keeping of Clarance’s clearance chit will cause Christian Kids to exercise control over carnal concupiscence and all other manner of common moral crisises?
Clearly, clearance from Clarence cures Christian kids of corrupting contaminations and collateral conundrums.
Conversely, craven capitulation to cruel customs creates concupiscense and carnality. Concrete commands create crazily conflicting coping conducts.
No, close keeping of Clarance’s clearance chit will NOT cause Christian Kids to exercise control over carnal concupiscence and all other manner of common moral crises.
However, it will create confusion and contention in Christian kids who contend with the continuous combat created by the clash of legalism and grace.
In order to have control over carnal concupiscence and all other manner of common moral crises, the Christian must cling to Christ and Him alone. Completely.
Can it be you are not a charter member of Clarence’s Clearance Cult? Why choose Christ when Clarence is clearly a cut above the common Christian?
Over, Oveur. 😛
At the bottom pf Pastor Clarence’s list in the comments area, there is a block to check for the Captcha that states “I’m not a robot”. Does anyone else see the irony of this?
Although the Fundy laws are :
1) A robot must not slander or harm the testimony of the Mog, or, through accident or purpose, allow the Mog’s reputation to come to harm.
2)A robot must obey the orders given by the Mog
3)The robot must ignore all commands given by anyone not the Mog or his idol.
Robot in this instance would be a properly programmed Fundy, in case there is any confusion.
Asimov’s 3 Laws of Robotics?
Of course. I’ve been reading Asimov since the 70’s. I think I may reread the Foundation Trilogy again soon. Hmmmmm…………Maybe I’ll make that a resolution.
His Sci-Fi is great, but have you read any of his humor/joke books?
No. Wish I had. I read his books on science, though. He wrot a few of them discussing all kinds of subjects in an attempt to educate the public about science and how it works. They influenced me.
I loved his SciFi.
SciFi beats FundyFi any day. Remember, how could anyone forget, Harold Camping?
Asimov wrote on practically everything (including the Bible).
He is listed as the author, co-author, or editor of over 500 books, and is said to have written 90,000 letters and cards.
It’s snowy in my area today. I was reminded by a few self-congratulatory posts about the snow “not stopping us” from getting to church, that Clarence should add “Risk your life to prove your devotion to Christ.” We all know that only evildoers and tares don’t make it to church safely.
Dear SFL Reader:
I’ve been getting up twice a night with purpose for years.
Does that count?
#22) “Serve in Your Church”….this seems to be (too often) mistaken for serving the Lord. Whereas, many IFB’ers use that ‘church service’ to “appear holy” or earn brownie points, etc.
#27) “Be More Friendly”…I wonder if that equates to be more ‘phony’ (e.g. – randomly telling other church members that you “love them”….sans any prove thereof)?
#38) “Attend church faithfully”…like in “3 to thrive”? Because, we all know missing a service means (sinful) backsliding. 😉