Today’s challenge comes from a reader who asked that we imagine that there’s a fundy television station coming to your town. What kind of shows might you expect to see featured?
Here are a few from the suggester to get you started:
The Big Bang Theory is A Lie
How I Met Your Mother At Bible College
Game of Platform Thrones
That 50’s Show
Rules of Courtship
House of Decision Cards
468 thoughts on “Friday Challenge: WKJV Channel Lineup”
(Straight As An) Arrow
Wherein our hero the Mog fights against the forces of the homosexual agenda.
Might I suggest a name change to “(Straight as a Polished) Arrow?”
The Black List–the MOGs add to the list of groups from which all FFs (Faithful Fundies) must separate.
SoulCenter: Daily news on fundy soulwinning
Bob Gray’s Anatomy… too much?
Too much only if my mind wonders.
Bob Gray’s Anatomy is something I literally don’t want to see.
Mad Men… could go a couple ways
The Funda-mentalist… R.A. with Holmes-like ability to read people uncovers all sorts of handbook violations in his dorm
Sunday Morning Live
The Lone Preacher. (a western of course)
Sergeant Preacher of the Yukon (And his dog King (James Version)
CH”i”Ps: Calvinistic Heritical Patrol.
A story of two fundy Mosaic Law enforcers on patrol for those evil Calvinists.
Hyles & Son: A sitcom of a father and son peddling in religous garbage and family relational disfunction.
I Dream of Jennie (Nischik)
Sorry, Don. I posted before I read yours. On the other hand, great minds…?
The Magic Roundabout
(life in Fundystan)
One more show about [happily] submissive wives who know their place in life… Heaven’s Kitchen.
Law and Order: Discipline Committee
In the PCC system, the students are ruled by two separate groups: the floor leaders , who investigate crime; and the deans, who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories.
Love Fundy Style
Truer than the red, white, and blue. We give tracts because we care. Food and medicine are temporary and don’t show real compassion.
Because giving the young man who had been beaten nearly to death by thieves a tract is how the good Samaritan demonstrated compassion.
Rescue 911 souls edition
Diners, Drive-Ins, Dives, and Other Places You Should Leave a Tract Instead of a Tip
The Three Pulipteers.
Well, the Musketeers were expert swordsmen, and since the word of God is the sword of the Spirit, we might expect that the Three Pulpiteers should be experts in the use of that sword. Unfortunately, that makes casting more difficult.
Unless you cast in the shadow of Steve Martin and crew, then the possibilities are endless.
Okay then– if this is fictional:
1.) Pathos: originally played by Jack Hyles and later by John Hamblin
2.) Amorous: played by Jack Schaap (out on work release)
3.) Portly: played by Tony Hutson
All for one, and one for all, and all for me!
Once Upon a Time
The suspenseful drama that takes already fabricated tales and turns them into even more fabricated sermon illustrations
Mog vs. food: Tony Hutson runs all over the country seeing how much he can eat at church potlucks (but only where red top milk is available to wash it all down)
Man vs. the Wilds: Bear Grylls shows viewers how to survive in the wilderness with only a suit (complete with tie, of course), a large stack of tracts, and a large bottle of Armor-All.
Atlanta, the Last Frontier: Watch as a family of brave, courageous IFB missionaries struggle against the forces of nature to survive and plant a True Church ™ in the wild, untamed country of Atlanta, GA.
Such brave missionaries!
Well, it does get hot as Hell down here… 🙄 😀
A “‘Christian’ Home for Girls” leader goes around the country parading his hand picked Honeys to local yokels in order to raise money so his ministry can acquire more girls.
This could be on the history channel…
Roloff Enterprises was perhaps in some ways more extreme than some of those men and institutions that were/are more extreme than Jack Hyles and Hyles-Anderson “College.” Regarding one of your other posts, a former pastor speaking at that place once matter of factly stated that he had chosen his successor at his former church. Without embarassment, he simply explained by saying something to the effect of, since when do sheep choose their own pastor (shepherd?) I don’t remember his exact words.
While I have not read the weather report that was available to Lester Roloff, I have heard that the wings of the airplane were found quite a distance from the crash site. I have also heard an individual speak of powerful winds in south Texas on the night of the crash. While I cannot speak with authority on the weather conditions at the time and place Lester Roloff’s plane went down, if forced to guess, I would say that maybe a proud, overconfident pilot unadvisedly and unnecessarily took off and/or flew into the kind of weather conditions that would have kept most pilots and their planes on the ground.
The last episode for “Lester’s Angels” should close with the presumptuous Lester being lauded at his funeral while the young women from the Honeybee Quartet who he took with him are mostly forgotten.
“While I cannot speak with authority on the weather conditions at the time and place Lester Roloff’s plane went down, if forced to guess, I would say that maybe a proud, overconfident pilot unadvisedly and unnecessarily took off and/or flew into the kind of weather conditions that would have kept most pilots and their planes on the ground.”
This is almost exactly what happened to Keith Green in 1982. I was devastated when it happened, and 32 years later, still miss him.
They could even include footage of the wrecked plane carcass over at HAC…
(Is Hyles-Anderson still displaying this relic? If anything, this plane is a reminder of the hubris of Fundy mannogids and their willingness to recklessly endanger the youths in their care.)
It wasn’t there when I was a student and I don’t know when it arrived and whether or not it is still there.
You’re right, though; the wreckage should be a reminder of the results of hubris. Considering that five people including Lester died in that plane, its display is macabre and in bad taste.
Ya think? 😉
A picture of the Roloff memorial…
Complete with authentic battle damage!
…authentic Spiritual battle damage.
Everyone knows that it must have been a great, Cosmic, Spiritual Battle to bring down such a Mighty Man of gawd.
The cosmos shook,
All of heaven held its breath that day as Satan did battle with Lester.
Then, finally, with a battalion of deacons… er, demons, finally prevailed in over-powering the MMog.
Heh. The thought of it.
But hey! Isn’t God the One Who controls the heavens? Where does it say in Scripture that Satan can throw lightning?
Hmmm. Then Who did Roloff go up against anyway?
Now, now… let’s not let a little ol’ thing like Theology get in the way of a good sermon illustration.
Our resourceful protagonist gives until it literally hurts, and then patches himself up with duct tape and a paper clip so he can keep on giving.
After give-it-all offerings families are expected to forage for food and supplies for the next Month. And the race is on to see who is still eating on day 28!
What really makes this show special, is the announcer (mannogid) is reporting remotely from his condo in Maui while dining on fresh fish and steak.
Now that I can relate to! Nothing like strong armed into giving more and even MORE. Especially when they know you make a lot. UGH!!
Where a group of Bible-believers, striving for their (unaccredited) degrees in communications, come together at their (literal) basement “college” and work together to see their MOg’s vision and follow it to the letter.
It becomes a reality show at this point:
“…work together to see their MOg’s vision and follow it to the letter.”
Skirts and Recreation
A rumpus comedic drama about a group of girls wearing skirts while playing basketball, soccer, lacrosse, and while swimming.
Good one, that.^
“I Dream of Submissive Jeannie in High Waisted Pants That Hides Her Bellybutton”
“Three’s Not A Company Because Adults Living Together Even if It’s Just to Split the Rent Is Still Shacking Up”
“Mr. Ed Is Not As Godly As Balaam’s Ass”
“T. J. Hooker Better Not Be About Whores”
“Bewitched Is What Happens When Women Have the Spirit of Jezebel”
“The Brady Bunch Is A Sad Commentary When People Divorce, Remarry, and Have Blended Families of Step Children”
“Knight Rider Must Be Demonic Because The Car Talks”
“Battlestar Galactica: Heretical Space Fantasy Based on Mormonism”
“The Facts Of Life Are Something We Don’t Want Christian Children To Be Taught”
“The Love Boat: An Oceanic Journey With Hussies, Fornicators, and Adulterers”
“We Got It Made With the King James Bible Only”
“Gimme A Break From Liberals and Emergents”
“I Named My Sidearm Remington Steele”
Someone else here needs to come up with riffs off this TV show title:
“My Two Dads”
““The Brady Bunch Is A Sad Commentary When People Divorce, Remarry, and Have Blended Families of Step Children””
I’m pretty sure (having watched a fair amount of the Brady Bunch as a kid) that they were widow and widower…
You’re half right. Mr. Brady was, but behind the scenes Sherwood Schwartz admitted that the Mrs. was actually a divorcee, supposedly the first one on prime time. it was just agreed not to bring it up at the time.
Supposedly in the last season there was going to be a episode or two where the first “Mr. Not-Brady” would actually show up, that would have been fun. 😉
The actor who played Mr. Brady was a closeted gay man (he has come out since then).
He was apparently in constant fear of being discovered– back then it would have been something of a scandal.
That is sad, and yet he came off as one of TV’s Best Dads, could keep his progeny in line with that severest of Brady punishments-a LECTURE.
Read that his TV kids looked up to him as a father figure.
Desperate Housewives Need a Brood of Children
My Two Dads Are Headed Straight for Hell
Attack on Tight Pants (Parody of Attack on Titan, the anime) 😉
Mystery Creation Theater: 6000 [years]
Archer: With Polished Shafts
>Lie to Me (no need to change the name)
>The Good, The Bad, The Fundy
>Jesus/Bible in the Middle (producers still haven’t gotten back to me which has been rated higher by our test audiences)- the story of a teenage fundy couple and their weekly hijinks
>Heroes: IFB pastors
>Project Runaway- the true story of kids trying to escape fundyism, and the leadership of their ever-present MOg to lead them “back to the fold.”
>Not-at-all Modern Family
>Merlin: the tale of a noble, godly king (MOg) and his attempts to squash the magic out of a young boy (no innuendo intended)
>Dr. Strangelove, or: How I Learned to Stop Men and Love the Woman
Fundy TV shows and/or Sermon Titles
Last Prophet Standing
Once Upon a Tract
Mad About Everything
So I Think You Shouldn’t Dance
Game of Pulpits
*BONUS ENTRY* An actual TV Show that frequently features Fundy ministers filmed during their most candid and intimate moments:
“MythLovers” would be every show from IFB culture.
Yes, “Eisegesis Gone Wild.”
“Doctor Whosoever Will”?
(fried) chicken dinner and singin’ on the grounds
This has nothing to do with anything, but why aren’t the links on the top of the page? I can’t get to the forum.
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to Soul Winning
Everybody Loves Pastor.
Bragnet– Pastor Joe Sunday and his partner pursue the worst of sinners in an attempt to apprehend their souls.
During their travels, Pastor Joe establishes his bona fides as God’s Man by recounting amazing stories about himself along with extraordinary accounts of God working on his behalf. He responds to the occasional personal testimony or “blessing” shared by others with a similar but far more amazing story featuring his own personal exploits.
That was funny? The whole “let’s make a film that mocks overweight minorities by having them act like they have sub-human intelligence” thing has been done to death already. Like 50 years ago.
Now if NVBC/GSBC was so ignorant that they actually used the Benny Hill theme song, THAT would be funny.
I was away without internet for a few days…..so I am sure someone has come up with this one…
Law and Order: KJV Unit
In a perverse world with so many counterfeit bibles, one unit is dedicated to the upholding of the true word of God. That unit is the KJV Unit.
Breaking Bad Habits with Scripture
Someone has already come up with
Breaking Bad Students
The Monkees (Aren’t My Ancestors)
“The Amazing Race”
The story about white people and their quest for excellence. The historical backdrop begins with the life and times of Jack Hyles and Curtis Huston as they try to outsmart Bob Jones Jr and Ian Paisley in a close race for bragging rights to the world’s largest lint ball.
“Rules For Courtship”
I can’t speak for everyone I knew at Pillsbury Baptist Bible College when I enrolled there in 1975 (wow…..coming up on 40 years ago).
What I can say is I had my heart savagely broken by a sin-cursing, a’men shouting, god-talking, self-righteous Independent Fundamental Militant Separated Baptist seminary student who found it challenging to keep his pants on with his “girlfriends”. I married one if his dumped conquests. He’s a MOG in an old pathetic dilapidated church shack today still booming out curses on the wickedness of sin (not in his life of course) to a congregation in Southern Minnesota consisting of his family. I can just picture him giving a young couple pre-marital counseling……..gag-barf-hack!!!!!
Some things are as reliable as the sunrise. Like a self-righteous Fundy admonishing a young couple not to do the things HE WAS DOING!!!……..…oops :-0 :-/ ………Fundies don’t, I mean Fundies wouldn’t, would they?
Long dresses, sidewalls, clean-shaven, scripture-quoting, god-talking, sin-cursing doesn’t mean squat. Take my word for it. I was an outsider that came into that horrid hypocrisy. I spent a good part if my life unscrewing the mess I got myself into with those clowns. It’s a good thing Fundy institutions are biting the dust. They don’t need help from the “wicked one”. They are doing a fine job all by themselves.
I feel your pain. I grew up in northern Ireland where much of Evangelical Protestantism has too many parallels with what you experienced. Do you still have any faith? Not all Christians or churches are like the people you referred to.
No title change needed. This sitcom is a date-night favorite and makes that chaperone feel like less of a 3rd wheel.
Breakback Mountain. A Fundamentalist Pastor falls in love with… himself