Friday Challenge: Fundy Olympics

Since the Olympics are beginning on just one week, today’s challenge is to use your creativity to imagine the Fundy Olympics. What events would be there? Who would be the sponsors? What anthem would play and what awards would be given when someone won?

I personally think that a rousing contest of “Pass the Offering Plate Over The Woman Next To You And For Heaven’s Sake Don’t Let Her Touch It” would be quite popular — at least among students from my Fundy U.

128 thoughts on “Friday Challenge: Fundy Olympics”

  1. Point to consider – the Olympics are being held in London. The UK Government has a track record of refusing to grant visas to religious whackjobs… I am harbouring a rather enjoyable fantasy that the Fundie mogs would all be turned back at Heathrow airport by the UK Border Agency on account of being potential terrorists and inciters of hatred 😆

    1. Maybe, Steve “I’m being persecuted at the border” Anderson can give them a briefing on how to Capitalize on being tazed for persecution points.

        1. Much as it pains me to say so, Anderson has a point. Police/Border Patrol/Military don’t have the right to stop people and demand their papers. I’m surprised more Americans don’t resist this kind of police state.

        2. It was a border patrol checkpoint. California has them too, as I’m sure Texas and New Mexico do. Stop everybody, ask if they’re a citizen, and if they are, let them go along their way. If they aren’t, they have to show their papers. But you notice he didn’t ask Anderson for his DL, just asked if he was a citizen. And I do seem to remember reading in about this video he was on I-8, which is only feet from the border in places.

        3. I am very familiar with the Border Patrol checkpoints, because I live 10 miles from the Texas-Mexico border. Some of these checkpoints, though, are 75 miles from the actual international border.

          Asking people such questions when they are crossing an international boundary has long been customary. But doing it well inside the U.S. is a new intrusion on people’s time, privacy, and liberty.

        4. Alright, who’s the Big Gary impersonator? This is NOT Big Gary and someone is punking him. This guy playing conspiracy theory bit about the border patrol is funny, but you’re not coy enough. Big Gary is the biggest anti-conspiracy nutjob on this whole blog. If anyone is going to be anti-conspiracy, it’s going to be Big Gary. So coming on here and pretending to be all hyped up about this border conspiracy is too obviously not BG.

  2. The highlight of the Senior Fundylympics will be the Old Preacher’s Challenge. The oldest preacher with the loudest rant about the most obscure topic wins. Bonus points if the preacher is seated behind a table because he is to old to stand behind the pulpit.

  3. Bible-less Sermon Competition – In this game, the competitors are expected to “preach” for at least 2 hours, waving a Bible around constantly as they do so, but they cannot actually consult, read from, or make reference to any actual doctrines found in the Bible. Extra points for those who manage to do this while still saying things like “God says” and “the Bible says” and keeping a straight face.

    Doormat Competition – This is for the women to show how “submissive” they are. Our expert pastors will subject competitors to insults, slights, and other personal attacks, which the women will be expected to respond to with perfect smiles and weakness. Their actions and how they dress for the competition will be judged by a panel of men (because they know much more about being a godly woman then any actual woman). The prize is a $2,000 gift card and an all-expense-paid weekend at a relaxing spa. The prize will awarded to the winner’s husband.

  4. Shot Put:
    Hurling large slurs at Contemporary Churches which they have never set foot in. Ridiculing Brothers and Sisters in Christ because of a difference in opinion, most of which they have never discussed or inquired about from an actual “contemporary Christian” (whatever that is…)

    Cross Country: Let’s forget the new fangled tracks with their nice white lines where all the compromisers run, I want to run on the OLD PATHS! We don’t need no smooth tracks where runners have itching ears, we need the tree roots, gravel and Chariots of Fire type shoes to run our race in!

  5. The Seven Course Dash. Competitors speed through a potluck dinner as fast as possible. The competitor with the highest caloric intake is the winner. Bonus points awarded to participants who help themselves to seconds before the women in the kitchen can get firsts, and additional bonus points to whoever can finish off a dish before said women can eat.

  6. 1. Synchronized Haymens.

    2. Jumping to Conclusions

    3. Bad-men-ten. Men of God, that is.

  7. Well, someone brought to my attention that there was a Pillsbury College that was IFB. So could Pillsbury Dough be a sponsor?

    1. Yes, we closed down a few years ago but our college is named after a Pillsbury relative.

  8. Scripture Twisting:

    Contestants are given a random cultural person or topic, and they must quote a verse to take out of context. Contestants then preach a hour long sermon on the topic or person. If you run out of material your disqualified. If you complete your first hour, a new topic will be given, and the process will start over again. Person with the best (longest) time wins.

  9. Freestyle preachertainment: each preacher has 5 minutes to get the crowd thoroughly whipped into a frenzy of “amens” and “hallelujahs” and “park ‘er there’s” without using a single ounce of Scripture. Of course, this must all be done with a Bible in one hand. +1 point for every salute/wave/hand amen from a male or hanky wave from a female. Bonus points if anyone laps the church with the Baptist flag.
    Sponsors include Hyles Anderson Chapel services/Oklahoma Baptist College/too many crazy camp meetings to count

  10. The first person to claim that the latest atrocity or disaster to hit America is God Judgement on society for tolerating Gays, secularism, etc is to be given a gold medal and enshrined in immortality. (I think that has already happened 👿 😥 )

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