Friday Challenge: Be A Poe

How good a troll are you? Do you still have what it takes to be a Poe poser on SFL?

Today’s challenge is to submit your best fundy rant at your fellow SFLers and blasting the entire place in general.

Extra points given for creative pseudonyms.

340 thoughts on “Friday Challenge: Be A Poe”

  1. I’ll have to get back to you later on after I’ve had my coffee. After listening to fundy preaching for over 25 years I know I could come up with a good one. Though I’m not supposed to preach if men can read it being only a lowly female I’m not allowed to usurp authority over the men. 😳 I’ll be back later.

    1. Why do you read that sinful, sinful poem?

      (No, but srsly, I love “The Raven.” To quote Brock Samson: “I’ve always wanted to get Edgar Allen Poe in a headlock. Look at that thing; it’s like a pumpkin!)

  2. All my discension (and yours) is bitterness. I’m sure all that sinful feeling can be remedied by reading a few good books. Because questioning authority is not acceptable according to scripture. Even though there are plenty of examples of people who did. But THEY were wise; I’m just harboring hurt. πŸ˜₯

  3. You people NEED to hit an old fashioned alter n make Jesus yur saviour n lord as it tells is in the KJB so that his death and resurrection will become affective and powerful. Ask him into your heart as it says in… I mean, pray the sinners prayer as Paul says In He’s epistle to the… Oh never mind. You know what I mean. You know good thelogy wen U read it… AMEN?

    I’m sick of reeding the scornful comments on this site that make a mockery of my desire for my wife to wear skirts, avoid makeup, and subject herself to her local MOG.

    Ps – I wish Jack Hyles could see this site. He would preech against all you queers and ESV’ers..

  4. Hey, an honest calvie, imagine that,….. bitter… Bitter …. Bitter…. And not a smigeon of Grace….. And she is actually Admitting it πŸ˜• ….although John did a little more than just being ungracious….he had his detractors imprisoned and killed … But hey… Today’s reform types have to do what they can ….. With the tools they have πŸ˜†

    1. Hey, Dante. Were you aware that you can be on the same blog/forum with someone who doesn’t hold to the same theological position as you and still be civil, even Christ-like? 😯 πŸ˜›

  5. Oh wait….I guess she was just being sarcastic….. 😳 I knew it was to good to be true….a humble Calvinist is kind of an oxymoron…. Sort of like a meek tyrant πŸ˜€ My apologies

  6. I only come to this site to pray over each and everyone of your wicked souls. I know there is no way you are saved. The things you make fun of are horrendous and one day you will have to answer to gwad about them. But i figure at least a few of you have turned back to the old rugged cross and gotten saved bless gwad so i added and extra 5 on my soulwinning report this week;)

  7. I’ll be praying for all of you to get right or get saved. Meanwhile, I can’t ruin my testimony on the Interwebz by staying here any longer. The pastor’s wife has warned me about places like this …

  8. Well, it looks like the root of bitterness has blossomed into fullblown hate. I find it hard to come to grips with loving my enemies as Jesus said, but does he mean enemies of his Gospel? His invitations to salvation? His raised hands in church that testify toward SALVATION? His altar calls?

    You all claim to forward the true kingdom of God with your supposed “promotion” of Grace and Mercy, but you show neither to the SAINTS who LABOR in white-unto-harvest fields. SOulwinning and doorknocking? Hah! you lazy Calvinite perverts with perverted “Bibles” ouldn’t be caught dead winning folks to Christ.

    And Christ wouldn’t be caught dead with folks like you. No, the company he keeps is with the few, the brve, who will witness on the streetops and housecorners, those who dont shame to claim the name.

    You all should be ashame.

  9. Once upon a Sunday dreary, while I ranted, meek and weary,
    About how things were vastly better in years of yore –
    While I pounded, loudly yapping, before a church, mostly napping,
    There came a sound of somone clapping, shouting “Amen!” in a roar.
    “Bless Gawd,” I screamed, drowning out a lengthy snore,
    Pastor worship all the more.

  10. ALL CAPS ALL THE TIME BECAUSE THAT’S HOW BROTHER HYLES WOULD DO IT!!!! YOU’RE ALL SLIPPING AND SLIDING AND WHEN YOU FALL DOWN AND RIDE YOUR BLESSED ASSURANCE ALL THE WAY TO HELL’S IRON GATE THAT PER-VERSION YOU’VE BEEN READING AIN’T GOING TO DO YOU ANY GOOD!! πŸ‘Ώ πŸ‘Ώ πŸ‘Ώ

    PUT DOWN THAT NIV. AH!
    TURN OFF THAT STEVE GREEN. AH!
    DON’T WATCH THAT SANFORD AND SON. AH!
    DON’T READ THAT THOMAS PAYNE. AH!
    REJECT THAT BILLY GRAHAM. AH!

    Every head bowed, every eye closed. While the organist plays “I Surrender All”. Won’t you come hug up on….i mean…confess your sins to me? There’s just something about an old fashioned alter call….. :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

  11. Darrell, your timing on this one is absolutely perfect after reading ‘ol fred’s comments in the Thursday “what the preacher said” posts. Kudos. πŸ˜€

  12. You’re bitter.
    You’re bitter.
    You’re bitter.
    You’re bitter.
    You’re bitter.
    You’re probably unsaved, alcoholic, lawless, mockers, haters of good, Calvinist, liberal, Socialist, leftist, Democrat, filthy, unrighteous, lazy defenders of evil.
    And you’re bitter.

  13. John ….. Thannkyou……Thankyou…..and a thousand times Thankyou, you’ve restored my hope in Humanity Brother, a true breath of fresh air. Can you believe These calvies, mocking God’s Holy name….(gawd),just to jab at at a fundamental Baptist!!?
    At least the atheist will do it and admit they hate Him. πŸ™

    1. Pastor’s Wife is one of the sweetest, kindest women I’ve ever had the honor of coming across online.

      (Now back to Poe-ing.)

  14. *Long time troll, first time writer. The chur-urch is a sacred vessul. The road to victory is narrow. Wide is the gate for those who proclaim a NA-AME that they do not worshup*. Easy are the paths of the wur-ald. The wur-ald and its fleeting desires shall pass away, along with the lustful cravings of the wur-ald, and I mean the internets and websites like this, will pass away and be dust, just as there* creators will be dust. But those who remain on that narrow path. That narrow way. The tightrope of Je-sus…. they will shine like stars forever. You must decide! Dust or shine?

  15. I keep coming back to this site because you all hate Bible college education as much as I do. I find you all to be kindred spirits in that regard, and believe that some of you may actually be on your way to Heaven.

    But God HATES homosexuals, haymen? I have never called for people to rise up and kill homosexuals, but I believe that the GOVERNMENT should put them to death as the Bible lays out in Leviticus 20:13. We as Christians should NOT accept homosexuals! Give me a haymen!

    And don’t get me started on MALE GYNECOLOGISTS. What kind of a man would go into a profession of examining women’s private parts? Don’t tell me that he is not made of the same sinful flesh that every other man is made of. Because of years and years of looking at and touching scores of women inappropriately, the male gynecologist no doubt has a perverted mind.

    From what I’ve read on this site, you do not share those God-honoring views. If you would start reading the KING JAMES VERSION of the HOLY BIBLE you would be able to get right with God, repenting of your bitterness and pride, and have Jesus in your hearts. If you would just start attending Faithful Word Baptist Church you would find a group of people who truly love God. We are a local New Testament church reaching the Phoenix area with the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Don’t expect anything contemporary or liberal. We are an old-fashioned, independent, fundamental, King James Bible only, soul-winning Baptist church.

    1. No POE-ness involved on this one, unfortunately. It’s almost completely cut-and-pasted from his church’s web site. πŸ™„

  16. After following SFL for 6 years, it is with deep regret to inform you that it is all a lie. You all have been greatly misled by Satan, the father of lies, especially Darrell.

    I could not sleep last night. The Spirit has been convicting me about the SFL blog and this morning has revealed to me the great deception that Satan has accomplished here. This deception is so heartbreaking, how could I have been so easily misled, and drink the coolaid of SFL.

    You know I love you, everyone. But due to this great love that God has given me for you forces me to reveal to you how bitter and wicked that you have become. I know that this was not a conscious decision on your part but was caused by the slippery slope of deception that Satan has designed to deceive you. I thank God that he has revealed this to me and that I am not like you, still deceived.

    Oh friend can you not see the love in my writing, the anguish of my participation in Satan’s plan. Can you not see the deceit of Satan?

    Your decent into this state began when you started to question the time tested teachings of your pastor, God’s chosen shepard for you. Don’t you know that God tailored his message for you through the Man of God that God chose for you. You knew the truth that the Man of God so lovingly shared with you (his sheep) every Sunday. How he wept in prayer for you all week long. How he frugally managed the tithe that you gave. And what have you done, you have abandonned the faith. No, worse, you viciously attack and mock the one who has loved you the most in this world, your local Man of God.

    Lie apon Lie, distortions and mocking, is there no shame left? How can you read this reply without falling to your knees, weeping and repenting.

    I know that this has touched some of your hearts. If some of you wish to repent and turn from SFL, I have included a prayer that you can pray to restore your relationship with your local Man of God.

    “God, I know that I have drifted away from you because I have forsaken my Man of God. I beg you to forgive me of my bitterness and anger towards my shepard. Please fill my hard with love and submission to my local Man of God. Help me to be faithful in my attendence, giving, and lip service to my Man of God. Bless him as I know that you will bless me for blessing him. Reveal to me the wickedness of SFL and other simular blogs. Give me the courage and words to defeat the deception of Satan. In Jesus’ name, AMEN.”

    Glory! AMEN!

    If you have been blessed by this reply, please reply below, I would love to hear from you (this would encourage me.) I need to know that this reply has enlightened others so I can continue my crusade against SFL.

    In Christ,
    formerSFL

    1. Praise the Lord! I stayed up late last night praying that the lost souls on this site would get right with God! I am blessed and encouraged to see an answer to prayer so quickly!
      This encourages me to keep praying and keep posting!

      1. Mag, I sense that the Spirit is working in your heart. Repent, turn from the sin of apathy, caring not for your Man of God. Attend your local church this Sunday and give praise to your Man of God. Seek his forgiveness.

      1. They are basically one and the same. If you have any doubt, just praise the MOG about as much as Jesus, and you will be all right.

  17. We are in the end times. The Bible tells us that evil men and seducers will wax worse and worse. The souls on this site have been seduced by the devil. That is why they are so eager to mock the things of God.
    The Bible says, How shall they hear without a preacher? Why are you so bitter that God sent you a preacher who cared about you? Don’t you know that the goodness of God leads us to repentance?
    I for one am thankful that God lead me to an old fashioned Baptist church where I could hear His Word preached with power and conviction. The man of God got up and opened that blessed old book and preached like he was fighting bees. I got under old fashioned conviction, and I ran to the altar and got gloriously saved.
    I can tell that a lot of the people on this site have never had that experience. I just wanted to share what God did for me so that you would know what it is like. Maybe God will use this to work on your stony, cold hearts.
    I have been praying for some of the people on this site. I don’t know your names but God does. Some of you are so consumed by pride and bitterness that you can see the truth when people present it to you. I pray that God will do a work again in your hearts and break up the fallow ground.

    Here is a challenge for all of you; this Sunday why don’t you try going to a good King James preaching church? If you are right, there is nothing to be afraid of. If you are wrong, maybe you will be changed by the working of God. So, anyone want to take my challenge, or is it easier to just sit in your safe anonymity and make fun of those who are out trying to win souls and build God’s church?

    1. Could it be, a bother in Christ whom the Spirit led to enter a simular post at almost the same time, this has to be the work of the Spirit. Preach it bro!

    2. Ronald REgan said that Jesus is coming back… dont believe me? read the left behind series. u liberal tards need Jesus… you mock the MOG and talk about grace too much. You all probable like that heretic luther dont you? YOU NEED TO OPEM YOUR KJB!!!!!! tHE KJB is perfect. Every word is perfect…except when it says wine. It should say Welch’s grape juice.

      you calvies need to lern some humiltee. You would be wise to lern from brother James T. Kirkland (honorary PhD).

    3. Which King James do you preach? Scotland had six kings named James, England two.

      Shouldn’t the Gospel of Christ be preached, and not some dead guy?

        1. Dante- Here is a direct quote from Pastor Fred:

          Here is a challenge for all of you; this Sunday why don’t you try going to a good King James preaching church?

          Maybe I misunderstood. Maybe King James is the preacher, not the one being preached about.

    4. This is the best one so far! Passtor Fred, you’re SO right! I feel the good Lord aworkin’ on my heart just by reading your blessed wurds of truth.

      This bunch of atheist, librul,perversion usin’, fag-loving, God-hatn folks will bern in HELL for the damuge theyre doing to the glorious cauz of Christ! πŸ‘Ώ

      I’m lookin up a good ole KJV church rigt now and I’ll be in mi place this Sunday! I’LL be there to STAND IN THE GAP and MAKE UP THE HEDGE bless gawd!!

      πŸ˜†

  18. Pastor Fred, thankyou Sir for your loving kindness…and sweet words to such an unruly Bunch……..I thank you on their behalf…….their anger has rendered them Deaf….Dumb….and….Blind πŸ˜₯

  19. Reformies were always the most depraved of the Christ claiming people that I’ve expierenced….. Having to excuse their behavior before the unsaved folks on a job site was quite common….. Using their “weekend warrior” style Greek to abandon Scripture was almost a given….. Don’t know if there is much hope for this type, they have been inoculated against the Gospel by Religion…..how sad…..how very sad…….Dante philidelphia area

    1. Dante – Thank you so much for the stand you have taken here. I’ve been lurking on this site for the last few days without the courage to challenge the horrible sin and bitterness that I see here, but you have given me strength to call what is happening here exactly what it is, sin. I appreciate most of all your firmness of holding onto the real truth of Salvation that God loves us so much that He gave us the freedom to freely choose Him. Your stance and calling out the wickedness of Calvinism as heretical is sorely needed today and is a like a breath of fresh air. Keep standing firm. Your stance has strengthened me to stand more firmly for what is right, the KJV, Biblical standards of separation, and desire for more true preachers like Charles Spurgeon without his blasphemous Calvinist quotes. Thank you again.

        1. As “iron sharpeneth iron” right? We will strengthen each other as we seek to point these sinners to acknowledge their wickedness and the error of their ways. Their bitterness is rooted in their false belief in Calvinism and them thinking that God is in control of all things. Ridiculous! Fortunately we know the truth that God has given man the responsibility to make his own decisions. Amen!!!

      1. It’s a strong effort by JeanC, except way to much correct spelling. I stopped at every single use of “your” and thought this one is definitely going to be wrong, but NO.

  20. Your formula for editfying the saints and doing the work of the Lord is no better than BABBY FORMULA! Add SCORN, mocking, and plenty of bitterness and TA-DA, you’ve got everything on this wasteful site.

    You all claim to have the “heart of Jesus,” but could someone explain to me “What Would Jesus Do?” Would he sit on forums, hiding behind a cloack of invisibility, hurling stones at those who walk the Old Paths?”

    Christ called us to be followers, not cowards, mockers, (social) drinkers, anti-baby dedicators, Calvinites, and scorners. What do you think? Are you following Him, or taking pot shots at those who do?

    I will pray for your salvation, because theres no way you can possibly be save

      1. I always advocate that believers throw away all of their commentaries and study helps and relie soley on the local Man of God who has been set apart from the womb for such a time as this.

        Calvin was a sinner so he cannot be trusted. Same with Luther. Sproul smokes so he’s out too. Carson drinks wine. So, it’s best to stick with the KJB man of God and old Jack Hyles tapes Haymen?

      2. I seem to remember him bragging about people slitting their wrists and tossing themselves out of moving vehicles over him …

  21. Shame on you all! Don’t you know that people reject Christ because of this site! It’s YOUR fault!!! Not because our churches are full of power-hungry criminals that feed the innocent to the wolves! NO it’s because you TELL people the truth of what actually happens in our churches! SHAME on YOU for dirtying JESUS’ name by telling people the truth about what happens in our churches!!!!

    1. Xcon…..you really think your gonna want to repeat that to the Savior….face to face….if mortal men can see your bitter justification….. What makes you the the Eternal Soverign can’t …… Think man…… Think ….. πŸ’‘

  22. EEEEE-vil communications corrupt good manners – That’s what my KJV!!!! Bible says, and if you would REEEEEAD it! you wouldn’t even be on this ungawdly B-llog, they call it. What they oughta call it is SIN!! It’s the interNET, the world wide WEB! You ever wondered why they call it that??? Huh! Because you will be trapped in it like in a spider’s web. B-lllog! B-LONEY IS WHAT I CALL IT!!! You need to SEPARATE! Come out from among them that sit in the seat of the scornful. Come out from among them! Come back to the true and living God! Repent, stand before the church and repent, and come back into the fold. JEEEE-sus is waiting, haymen?! Oh, we know how it starts. It starts with a compromise. You may have had what you thought was a haaard day, and you were STRUGGLING! and then you got CRITICAL with the PREACHER!!!! You questioned the word of gawd. That’s how it ALWAYS starts. You need to COME BACK, be at EVERY service, and start a BUS ROUTE!!! Nobody ever struggles as long as they run a BUS ROUTE!!!
    oh, wow, I can’t handle this, now I’m hearing voices inside my head, preaching, yelling, insane voices. They were insane when I heard them outside of my head, but I didn’t realize it then, and now I’m like deja vuu-ing 😯 😯 😯 Thanks a lot.

  23. Dr. Singuard from Oklahoma says,
    “EEEEE-vil communications corrupt good manners – That’s what my KJV!!!! Bible says, and if you would REEEEEAD it! you wouldn’t even be on this ungawdly B-llog, they call it. What they oughta call it is SIN!! It’s the interNET, the world wide WEB! You ever wondered why they call it that??? Huh! Because you will be trapped in it like in a spider’s web. B-lllog! B-LONEY IS WHAT I CALL IT!!! You need to SEPARATE! Come out from among them that sit in the seat of the scornful. Come out from among them! Come back to the true and living God! Repent, stand before the church and repent, and come back into the fold. JEEEE-sus is waiting, haymen?! Oh, we know how it starts. It starts with a compromise. You may have had what you thought was a haaard day, and you were STRUGGLING! and then you got CRITICAL with the PREACHER!!!! You questioned the word of gawd. That’s how it ALWAYS starts. You need to COME BACK, be at EVERY service, and start a BUS ROUTE!!! Nobody ever struggles as long as they run a BUS ROUTE!!!”
    oh, wow, I can’t handle this, now I’m hearing voices inside my head, preaching, yelling, insane voices. They were insane when I heard them outside of my head, but I didn’t realize it then, and now I’m like deja vuu-ing 😯 😯 😯 Thanks a lot.

  24. Clearly, you all have too much time on your hands from a lack of soulwinning if you can sit around playing on a computer! Don’t you know that he that winneth souls is wise? The KJB says so, note that it is the BIBLE, not one of your wicked perVERsions! Don’t you know that the fields are white unto harvest and today is the day of salvation? You all must be too bitter and self-centered to care about the souls of othrs, amen? I bet you are so concerned about your rights – you Laodacien Church – age hippocrites! All you care about is your right to disrespect your preacher, your right to have your women wear pants, your right to that hell-raisin’ CCM music with its Africa beats! You are sending people to hell with your whorish ways! Wake up and git right with the man of God reading the Book of God in the Church of God! I will pray for all the souls on this site, as you all are clearly not saved.

  25. I’m so confused about pastor Fred. There’s some inside information that I must not be aware of. First, he posts a rant on a different thread that makes him look like a Fundy. Then he posts on the thread intended to mock the very thing he did earlier this week. Which time was the troll? πŸ˜•

    1. Pastor Fred could be Pastor Deacon Fred from the Landover Baptist parody website.
      Which would make him a poe that is trolling as a poe? My head hurts.

  26. I confess that I don’t know everything about the internet. I am a bit older than most of you I guess and I am coming to this game a bit later in life.

    I just looked up what this post was about and I am not surprised that you people would invent this so-called Poe’s Law. It is shameful that you parody Bible preachers so much that you have to invent a law like this. I apologize for my mistake earlier. I thought that the owner of this site had indeed invited us to challenge his wrong beliefs.
    For the record, I do not think that Poe’s Law or this site is funny in the least. I think it is a disgrace and stinks in the nostrils of God.
    Once again, I was mistaken. It seems that all you people can do is mock and scoff. In this case, it looks like you are mocking and scoffing about mocking and scoffing. If that is even possible.

    I am not a troll. I am just a blood-bought preacher on my way to Heaven and I want everyone to go there with me!

    Again, if you will just get alone with God and your KJB and ask Him to illuminate that old book for you I am sure that He will do it. He will break down your pride and show you how to come to him.

    1. I usually come to God with my NIV and The Message Bible. I’ve been able to grow in Christ so much since I stopped using the KJV. It’s not a bad version, but after it has been used to spiritually abuse me all this time, it’s too triggering to read right now and would actually set me back. But I go to a Christian 12-step recovery program so I’m on the unsaved list according to the fundies anyway. Oh, and I’m a feminist who believes in mutuality so I guess I’m a lost cause. πŸ™‚

    2. You may not find us funny or the site funny, but I for one sure find your inability to come to terms with the world you live in to be completely hilarious.

      I also enjoy how much effort you almost have to be putting in to keep this character up.

    1. Hey marky….my real name is Dante…. However they call me James……James Tiberias Kirk……a name I was about to pass on to your cap’n…….Scorpio….. Had he Not shown complete lack of wisdom, as well as class, in continuing this tirade against these good Bible believing folks………..sad Scorp…..thought in your attempt at humor you would leave blasphemy out of it…….Every….Idle…..Word…….little man……Every…..Idle….Word πŸ™

  27. I can hardly believe what I read on this web site. IS THERE NO FEAR OF GOD IN YOU’RE EYES?!?!?!

    The holy things of God are mocked here, and sin is glorified – in the few posts I’ve looked at randomly, drinking and fornication are lifted up and glorified as “freedom”. I THANK GOD THAT JESUS CHRIST HAS MADE ME FREE FROM THAT KIND OF WICKED LIVING. WHATS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE THAT YOU CANNOT SEE YOUR WRETCHEDNESS.

    I know that most of you are blindid by the Satan, the God of this world. I pray that God will open your eyes and you will repent or get saved, and JOIN A BIBLE-BELIEVING (KJV) CHURCH AND GET BUSY FOR GOD!

    Some people here seem to have a lot of talent, but are wasting on mockery – think of how much good you could be doing. The Scripture tell you that you will be judged for your idle words here!

    Finally, a word of warning – God watches over His preachers – Touch not my annointed is still in the Bible. I see you mock great men like the great DR Hyles and Dr John Hamblin and David Grice and Shelton Smith.

    SUCH MEN HAVE MORE SPIRITUALITY AND WISDOM IN THERE LITTLE FINGER THAN YOU HAVE IN YOUR ENTIRE BEING. YOU WOULD DO WELL TO STUDY SUCH MEN, INSTEAD OF MOCKING THEM!!!!

    If any of you desire spiritual counsel, please get in touch with me at redacity@juno.com

  28. Greetings heathens of SFL. This is Professor Dr. Malachi Fumblebuck DDS, DDD, DVD, DOA. My juno account was hacked into by the librul queer-stream media. Amen?

    Since the Bible clearly teaches us an eye for an eye, I have miraculously hacked into this “Scorpio” account. Pray for me as I have to wade through the filth and pornography this character has on his account. Praise God I have the moral fortitude to view such wickedness and not be affected by it. Amen?

    I am coming to you today to announce my new ministry in which I will personally lead thousands of you to know the saving grace of MY Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. It is so apparent that none of you are saved. No not one. Amen?

    I have led hundreds of thousands to Christ through my many ministries. These include my:

    Taco Bell Drive-thru Ministry
    Walmart Customer Service Desk Ministry
    Welfare and Unemployment Offices Ministry
    Adult Book Store Ministry
    Sears Optical Ministry
    Airport Baggage Carousel Ministry

    As you can see I am busy about my Father’s work. What are you people busy with? I will answer that since you are reading this….you are ALL busy with bitterness, scoffing and mocking. Therefore effective today and I am starting my “Dangerous Corners Of The Internet Ministry”. Amen?

    All that is required of you is to repent of your wicked ways. You can do this by sending an e-mail to jesuslovesthe1611@juno.com. You will also need to setup a Paypal account in order to tithe me your gross. I will then send you copies of my preaching sermons that you will listen to. The power of my preaching will surely lure you away from the perverted lifestyles so many of you lead. Amen?

    With my help you can work to trading in your hay and stubble for a crown. Maybe you will even get a couple of them. And together in heaven we can marvel at the many thousands of crowns I will have. Amen?

    Your soon-to-be-brother in Christ,

    The most Reverend and Revered Pastor, Dr. and Professor Fumblebuck. Amen?

  29. GOD LAID IT ON MY HEART TAH WARN YA THAT THE BITTERNESS YA’LL BACK-SLID, HEATHEN, PINKO, LIBERAL, HOMERSEXYUL-LOVERS CARRY IN YOUR REPROBATE HEARTS IS LIABLE TO SPLIT HELL WIDE OPEN-AH! IT’S TIME TO TURN YER HEARTS TO JESUS-AH! BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE-AH! AND ALL YA’LL LUKE-WARM, FEEL-GOOD, SO-CALLED CHRISTIANS THAT READ ANYTHING OTHER THAN THE SANCTIFIED WORD OF GOD-AH — (holds up Scofield KJV reference bible with wide margins and the words of Jesus in red)GONNA STAND BEFORE THE LORD ON JUDGMENT DAY WITH THE BLOOD OF ALL THOSE YA’LL LED ATRAY DRIPPING FROM YOUR HANDS-AH! WHILE GOD TURNS AWAY FROM THEM AND SAYS-AH “DEPART FROM ME! I NEVER KNEW YA!” HALLELU-ER, BROTHERS AND SISTERS IN THE LORD-AH! AND WHEN THESE BACK-SLID HEATHENS WANNA TELL YA YER BRAIN-WASHED, YOU CAN JUST TELL ‘EM YOU BEEN HEART-WASHED (waves bible around again)BY THE GOOD LORD AND HIS BLESSED WORD-AH! THE 1611 KING JAMES VERSION-AH! AND WHEN THEY RAISE THEIR EYES UP IN HELL-AH, AND BEG FOR A COOL DROP OF WATER FOR THEIR TONGUE-AH, THEY’LL SEE US ALL IN ABRAHAM’S BOSOM-AH! SAFE IN THE ARMS OF THE LORD-AH! HALLELU-ER, AMEN-AH? (forceful “amens” and “praise Gods” in the background).

    (credit gladly goes to Mack Ford, Sammy Allen, and all those other “scare the sh**-outta-ya so you run to the altar to get saved every single time” hell-fire and brimstone preachers who ever walked over the pews to get at the unsaved and spit in their face.)

  30. All you fakes really upset me. The LORD your GOD said to be true to the WORD, and not to lie. Why do you all insist on behaving this way and diluting the WORD?

    You, Darrell, should be ashamed of yourself for encouraging and fostering this kind of behaviour. You have it within your abilities to set these weak-minded feeble sheep that follow you back on the path to the Glory of Our LORD.

    It is not for me to judge, but I pray there shall be a special place in Hell for all of you, most of whom are probably sodomites. Every false praise you have given to the LORD your GOD shall be given back to you in equal pain! The sodomite agenda shall not be allowed to be spread, not on MY Internet!

  31. I just don’t understand this site, or you people. What’s wrong with the KJB, and KJB only? If you say the other Bibles, say, the NIV, the ESV, the NASB, and that awful NLT are right too, then how can you avoid confusion? How do you know what God really said if you don’t stick to one version of the Bible?

    And what’s wrong with hymns? That awful CCM, those songs are popular today, and gone tomorrow. But hymns, they have been around a long, long time; before any of us have been born and after we’re gone. (Unless the rapture happens first, which is likely.)

    And why pick on the preacher? He’s gone to Bible college and he knows a lot more about the Word than you do!

    And why pick on dressing modestly? I’ll have you know I live in southern Arizona, am of Gemanic heritage, swim about every other day from mid April to mid October, and bicycle the rest of the year. I have not had a sunburn in a long, long time. I see the people in Target and the mall wearing their shorts and tank tops, red as a lobster, and you can just tell they are in major pain! I’m glad I don’t have to deal with that! (Or the skin cancer that most of them will get!)

    Lastly, I just don’t understand today’s entry on this site. Making fun of each other?! Why?! That is NOT Christian!

  32. Hey Pastor Fred, John, Jean ….I also truly thought this blog was for honest discussion….. Had no idea this “filthy communication” would get this bad…..looks like their overwelmingly bitter spirit has drawn the unsaved …….it very hard to determine where they even stand( when you confront them about their poor testimony…. And it’s lack of salvation-proving,they have a keniption) sp……. Any how gentlemen…… May the Lord bless you….. I’m outta here 😐

    1. What? So soon? You’ll miss the SFL Friday Night Martini and Cigar fellowship. Last week was a riot. Brother Jeremiah got so hammered he tried to smoke his martini.

      1. Mockers mock and that’s all you do Scorpio!!! You twist and pervert and seem to make wrong right and right wrong. Your post to Dante is a bad attempt at humor as you try and give approval and justify to yourself and everyone else here that smoking and drinking is OK! Well it’s not. The Bible is clear that wine is a mocker and that’s why you are mocking!!! And we all know that smoking is evil as our bodies are temples! I pray for your soul and your filthy mind. I know where the image of your avatar comes from. In my younger days I gave way to seeing that movie. Don’t you know the perverseness of the very act you are promoting with that image??? It leads to homosexuality!!!

        1. Oh my. Your post has spoken to my heart. I feel conviction and a desire to start a bus route.

        2. Scorpio – I feel as if though you may still be mocking me. I pray that is not the case. I pray that you have been convicted as you stated to become involved in the bus ministry. There is much work to be done there and children to be baptized. If you are serious, and I pray sincerely that you are, may I suggest seeking out a church in Hammond, Indiana? They have a thriving bus ministry and are always looking for willing souls to help. God may in this instant be calling you to relocate if you don’t live in the area already. Praying for you.

        3. Jean – I am a new man! Old things have been washed away. All things are new.
          The things I used to do, I don’t do them anymore.
          It’s hard to describe but I’ve got this joy joy joy joy down in my heart.
          It is unspeakable and full of glory.

          Do you know where I can get some goldfish? I think I will need them for my bus.

        4. Scorpio – My heart is overjoyed at your obvious turning to God! Amen! Goldfish can be gotten at any nearby Walmart. They are in the pet area and are usually located in one of the front corners of the store. May I suggest that while you are there you pick up several jumbo bags of the cheap candy. The kids don’t care what it is and it’s all about getting them on the bus. Also, on a more serious note, to protect yourself from unwanted attention from homeless people while working the bus route you may want to go back to the sporting goods department and look at buying yourself some mace or a tazer. Blessings my friend!!!

        5. Jean – Shouldn’t I witness to the homeless people? We need to get to them before the Catholics do. Amen?
          I can’t wait until tonight. I am building a big bonfire and I am going to burn all my cigars, hellywood DVDs, evil rock-n-roll CDs, and 60″ plasma TV (I can keep the 32″ TV to watch Fox News, right?).
          I am already looking forward to Sunday. After I bring them in, we’ll sing God-honoring music and listen to some sin-hatin’, liberal-bashin’ preaching. Amen?

        6. I always thought his image was a little thumb with a face on it. What kind of mind do you have that sees something else? And you call us perverse …

        7. Scorpio – Yes my dear brother, witness to the homeless!!! But bring a tazer should they get close enough to touch you. God has commanded us to be wise stewards of our money and what would your dry cleaning bill start to look like if you let homeless people start to touch your three-piece suit? There are some that may feel called to the homeless, but in the end is every man responsible for his own actions? I think the Bible teaches we are and those who have allowed themselves to live in the street will account for themselves before God’s great throne. I understand your concern, but as someone who has been in bus ministry a long time I’m warning you that you need to carry protection. We battle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities. When Jesus cast the demons out of the man and into the pigs what condition was that man in? He was homeless. Homeless people are often demon possessed. Sometimes a KJV works against them, but often a little extra force is needed. At least until you have become a mature Christian and have stopped drinking on the milk of the Word.

  33. I was not planning to ever return to this blog but the Lord laid it on my heart to give you one last warning before I shake the dust off of my feet over you.
    I warn you that you will be sorry that you have spoken against God’s men the way you have. Do you not know that the Bible says to touch not mine anointed and do my prophet’s no harm?

    You like to pick and choose which verses out of the Bible you like and which ones you don’t. Well, what if I did that with my copy of the Encyclopedia Britannica? I like the entry on Love since that makes me feel all mushy inside but I don’t like the entry on Lions since they are scary and might eat me. That is what you liberals do with the Holy Bible! You like I Corinthians since it is about Love but you don’t like I Peter 5:8 since it is about the roaring Lion! They are both in the Bible!

    The whole counsel of God is the truth, not just some little part of it. Romans 8 is in the Bible and so is Deuteronomy 22. You liberals like to take the one but not the other! God warns us about those who take away from the words of His Book!

    I love you all. That is why I am warning you about the roaring lion that is out to devour you! Satan is using this site to devour Christians. The sad thing is, you know you are wrong. That is why you continue to come here. To get support and validation from the other heathens here.

    I can tell that some of you have the Spirit of God in you. Some of you are saved. A bunch of you though might as well have ICHABOD as your screen name. The glory has departed from you and that is why you are so bitter. That is why you continue to mock those of us who walk in the old-time way.

    I hope some of you, at least get right with God and get out of this cesspool of bitterness. I know that if you ever experience the moving of God in your heart it will cure you of all of your hate and fill you with love for others.

    Bless you all. Goodbye.

    1. Wait, what? I know you said you were older than us but you must be a whole lot older if you actually own Encyclopedia Brittanica. Did you know they have that online now?

    2. Haymen! You called?

      Pastor Fred you sound JUST like my type. I think I’d like to visit your church because I’m sure they have REAL standards.

    3. Any good fundy would be able to tell you that the offices of Prophet, Priest, & King all ceased with Christ fulfilling their purposes. Like duh dude. Try to think a little before claiming the rights of prophets for yourself.

  34. Listen, I’ve been reading this site for a while nowbut thought better of writing. This post is the last straw. You liberals need to understand that socialism and satire isn’t going to lead anyone to Christ. I love my country and I can’t stand to watch you denegrate my God and my country. What you do here is causing harm to the body of Christ. If Pastor John doesn’t say it it isnt true. All you gays do is mock the name of Christ and insist everyone be just like you. This is what happened when you use the NIV. Obviously you don’t have jobs since you waist all your time here. Please get a life. I will pray for all of yoursoulse that you will repent and come to Christ of your evil ways.

    Praying for you,
    Pastor John

  35. The guys on this site need to take off their dresses and put on some pants and reclaim this site and nation for God. We need to put the pants back on the men and the dresses back on the ladies. Amen!

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