War Stories With Jack Hyles

Here are a couple of war stories from the files of Jack “By His Own Admission The Most Awesome Preacher Since Ever” Hyles.


One day I went soul winning with Bob Keyes, who was then my Assistant Pastor. Bob was an excellent soul winner and still is. I was doing the talking and the lady had a little baby who was misbehaving. About the time the lady was ready to get down to pray, the little boy said, “I want my bottle.”

Mama stuck the bottle in his mouth.

“I don’t want my bottle.”

She took it out.

“I wanna bottle.”

She stuck it in.

“I don’t want my bottle.”

Then I prayed silently, “Lord, do something about this little rascal or he is going to mess up the whole thing.” Do you know, he stopped and looked spellbound, as if he were in a trance. I said to myself, “Well, glory to God!” For about fifteen minutes that little baby didn’t move. He didn’t move his eyes; he just looked. The lady got converted.

When we left, I said to Bob Keyes, “Bob, praise the Lord!”

He said, “Amen, but why?”

“Did you see what God did to that baby?”

He said, “What?”

I said, “All of a sudden, at the crucial time, that baby froze.”

Bob said, “Well, I’m sure that the Lord had something to do with it, but I may have helped a little, because I had a ball point pen behind the coffee table going up and down, up and down, up and down. Preacher, I did that for fifteen minutes, and I’m worn out! I’M TOO TIRED TO SHOUT.”


He was a Mormon but had never been saved. It was on our regular visitation night when I first met him, and in a few minutes he was led to saving faith in Jesus Christ. Soon after, I won his brother to the Saviour. They were both rough-and-tough bricklayers but became tremendous soul winners.

I nicknamed him “Bear” because he walked like a bear and was a massive physical specimen. Though he could not spell the word “Jesus,” he has in these fourteen years since he has been saved won hundreds and hundreds to the Saviour.

One Sunday we ate in his home. He and his wife were so proud of their house because it was lovely and new. I noticed, however, that one bedroom closet door had scratches all over it. I inquired as to why that one door was so marred with scratches. Bear wouldn’t tell me, but his wife told me the reason.

Before Bear got saved he went hunting every weekend. He would put a scratch on the stock of his rifle every time he killed an animal. He asked his wife if he could use the closet door for his soul-winning “stock.” He would place a scratch on the door for every soul he had won that year. I counted 167 scratches on the door.

One day Bear picked up a hitchhiker and tried to tell him about Jesus only to find the hitchhiker was deaf. He resorted to showing the man a Gospel tract only to find that the man could not read. Bear stopped the car, got out, got on his knees, made the form of a cross, pointed to Heaven, pointed to his heart, bowed his head, and formed his hands beneath his chin in a prayer position. The man got the idea, fell to his knees and began to weep. He pointed to Heaven and to his heart, assuring Bear that he had been saved.

The man who couldn’t even spell “Jesus” now knows Him, and for these many years has led hundreds to know Him too. He is still active in his church and in personal soul winning.

For more breathtaking adventures in soulwinning that demonstrate exactly how awesome and wonderful Jack Hyles was, check out the entire text of Jack Hyles’ Favorite Soulwinning Experiences.

191 thoughts on “War Stories With Jack Hyles”

  1. Does anybody else find it odd that a child old enough to talk in complete sentences was drinking a bottle?

    Also, I would love to know exactly how the deaf man pantomimed to the guy who knew no sign language that he had gotten saved. I’d even more like to see the pantomime gospel presentation that got him that way. What a complete load of malarkey.

    1. Yes, to the odd talking bottle sucking baby, but not as odd as a man who used the same marking method for what he killed as for the “souls he won”.

      Exact same thoughts on the deaf guy. Right. No way. The guy either lied completely, which I suspect is what happened, or the guy wasn’t deaf, he was mime.

        1. What is funny, only to me, and I hope to Sims, about this, is that the fall of our freshman year, this song was the theme for FBC Hammond’s fall program. We sang it till we hated it. Over and over… and all the specials and solos and everything were THIS SONG. 35 years later, and I still see myself sitting in that lauditorium, belting this out. 🙄

      1. What part have you seen? The baby that talked in complete sentences while still taking a bottle, the man who marked his “soul-winning converts” on a door, or a deaf person converted because someone pointed to the sky and folded their hands???

        1. It could also be (highly likely) that Hyles put words in the baby’s mouth. Maybe the kid just said “ba ba” or something. We can never know. We can know that Hyles seems to love cheap parlor tricks to get people to repeat the sinner’s prayer. These stories always seem so apocryphal anyway…

          At least in the baby story, he didn’t suffocate the kid, like he did to the dog in one of his other stories…

        2. At least in the baby story, he didn’t suffocate the kid, like he did to the dog in one of his other stories…

          I was actually worried that this was where the story was going… But then I remembered this is Jack, not David, Hyles. Although, maybe he did learn that from Dad, too? 😡

    2. I swear I have heard that story before (the one about the deaf man). Not from Hyles but from some other fundy. I truly believe they just make up these stories and tell them year after year and then they “borrow” stories from each other. It’s very lame indeed, not to mention deceitful.

      1. Ooooooooooooh, yuh. I KNOW this to be the case. I’ve been in the ministry long enough (and am just cynical enough) to know that some of the tales I’ve heard out of fellow-preachers’ mouths are just too good to be true. (That, and the fact that I’ve heard the same stories, tweaked maybe just a little, told by different preachers as though these things happened to THEM.

        Duplicitous and tacky. I cringe when I read or hear this kind of crap.

    3. Did I read correctly that this dude made the sign of the Cross and “got somebody saved” doing it? Must be a Jesuit plant. Somebody call Chick.

      1. I’ve actually seen that. Mother’s milk is healthy and all that, but I’ve seen even stranger things than a walking, talking, nursing 2 yo among the militant breast-feeders!

        1. I’ve seen that, too.
          Some people’s answer to “When should you stop breast-feeding” seems to be “When your baby leaves for college.”

        2. I’ve known women for whom breast feeding was the only permissible form of birth control. (It’s more reliable then the rhythm method, but that’s not saying much.) They tended to breast feed for a looonnnggg time.

        3. Well, it is healthy. And how most babies in the world eat (for many people formula isn’t an option due to the water supply). If you let the baby decide when they don’t need to nurse anymore, some will wean later. I sometimes wonder if adults in the US get weirded out by breastfeeding because we have such fetishes around breasts.

        4. The natural weaning age for human children is between the age of 3 and 7, not 6 months and a year, as most American parents do it. The World Health Organization actually recommends that mothers breastfeed for a minimum of two years. So … weird? No. Healthy? Abso-freaking-lutely.

        5. I nursed mine longer than most people thought was appropriate, but since they are all healthy adults now, both emotionally and physically, I guess all’s well that ends well. (I also let them sleep in our bed when they were little. I am just a rebel that way.)

        6. Alexis, I know at least two women whose second babies were conceived while they were relying on breast-feeding for contraception.

    4. The deaf person probably just thought that the guy wanted to pray. that’s all. Also, I’m partially deaf so sometimes I just nod and smile with what people say even though I have no clue what they’re saying. Could be a similar dynamic here.

    1. These stories are meant to be told in person where the speaker’s personality and general aura can overcome a person’s natural resistance to believing lies.

      Written down they lack that persuasive ability and just look silly. And untrue.

      1. Yup! I can remember hearing some of these stories from the man himself. He came to our church several times, and of course it was like a true celebrity was in our midst.

        The stories were really helped by his “folksy” way of telling them, and you might be fooled into believing what he said. The funny thing is, our pastor mimicked his style very closely. He was also an avid storyteller and it seemed like God gave him nearly every experience on earth to cull from 😉

    2. Thanks, I learned a new word this evening. Before I looked it up, I thought “treacle” would have referred to something related to the phrase “to tinkle,” if you know what I mean… Although, in my defense, the meaning would fit the stories above…

        1. Now, I never read Harry Potter, because it’s evil, of course. I was allowed to read Alice in Wonderland, but I must have skimmed over or just forgotten that part. 😳

  2. Ha! That is good stuff! My grandfather’s story is on page 94 of one of those Favorite Soul-winning Experiences books. He was the atheist lawyer. I enjoy reading some of them for good entertainment!

    1. So…in your grandfather’s case, was the Hyles version of the story accurate, or did he embellish it for dramatic effect? I’d love to know if even one of his stories is truly word-for-word true.

  3. “One day Bear picked up a hitchhiker and tried to tell him about Jesus only to find the hitchhiker was deaf. He resorted to showing the man a Gospel tract only to find that the man could not read. Bear stopped the car, got out, got on his knees, made the form of a cross, pointed to Heaven, pointed to his heart, bowed his head, and formed his hands beneath his chin in a prayer position. The man got the idea, fell to his knees and began to weep.”

    Actually, the deaf man thought the large “specimen of a man” pulled over his car to motion that he was going to kill him and send him to heaven if he didn’t beg for his life!

      1. Actually, my first impression was that the Deaf man was thinking, “Okay! So you’re Catholic! I get it already! Now can we PLEASE get back on the road?”

        1. Yeah except no Catholic in their right mind would ever pull a stunt like that. Thankfully most American Catholics got the urge to evangelize out of our system with the crusades. I unfortunately attended a church where that bit of history had yet to sink in. 🙁

  4. He told his tales,
    Of how he changed the world.
    How Great Hyles Was,
    How Great Hyles Was.

    To him, he was,
    The Saint of all mankind,
    How Great Hyles Was
    How GREAT Hyles Was.

    1. Then sings the throng,
      Oh Jack you are The Man of God!
      Not just a man of God, but The Man of God!
      Then sings the throng,
      Your stories make me worship you,
      How Great Hyles Was, How GREAT Hyles Was

        1. Yep, I just reread what I wrote and I feel nauseous. God forgive me if I’ve made light of His glory even in mocking Hyles the heretic.

    2. Just to be clear how terrific he thought he was here in his own words,


      A call came from the hospital that one of my members whom I had won to Christ was seriously ill and in desperate need of blood. My last impression was to contact as many men as I could. They all went to the hospital, but none of them had the right type blood.

      It became so urgent that I even went to the hospital to see if my blood were the right type. (Brother, that is really urgent!) To my surprise and their delight, my blood was the exact match.

      As they were giving her the transfusion of my blood, her color began to come back, and she faintly asked, “Whose blood is this?”

      The doctor answered that it was “Brother Hyles” blood.”

      She opened her eyes and faintly whispered, “Oh boy! I know I will go to Heaven now. I have some of Brother Hyles’ blood in me.” 😯 😯 😯

        1. Sorry but Hyles didn’t die on a cross for you. I’ll trust in the blood of the One who did. 😉

      1. WHAT??????

        I sincerely hope that the lady was joking. If she weren’t, if somehow she thinks that she’s more holy because she has Hyles’ blood in her, shame on Hyles for not correcting her false theology.

        1. And even if she WERE joking, repeating the story to others makes you look like one gigantic ego-maniac who is hungry for the glory that belongs only to God.

        2. To clarify, I meant if Jack Hyles repeats this story to others. (Sometimes I use a generic “you” when I have a very specific “you” in mind.)

        3. I copied and pasted the story just as it was printed in the book. That’s exactly how the story ended. No editing on my part. I was simply stunned when I read it.

      2. Nauseating…

        My friend tells me he was at a meeting in which Jack Hyles was the second speaker… the first speaker ran long, and when the preacher got up to introduce Jack Hyles, part of his introduction was “How do you tell GOD that he only has 30 minutes?”

        Jack Hyles did not rebuke the man, or say that to God alone belongs honor – he just accepted it.

        My friend tried to excuse it (I was appalled) – we talked about this a lot, and I think (hope) he never fully trusted Jack Hyles or his enthusiastic supporters since that time.

      3. As I was reading this story, I thought of the All In The Family episode where Archie Bunker found out he received blood from a black person.

        1. I remember that episode! Those older shows were so politically incorrect! 😯 Which makes them extra funny.

        2. I had an older patient ask me once if there was any way to make sure she didn’t receive blood from a black person.

        3. Of course there is: Don’t get a blood transfusion. If you’d rather die than get a black person’s blood, that’s your business.

      4. You have got to be kidding me. The arrogance in that story turns my stomach. Literally. And I love how he contacts a whole bunch of other people to go give blood, but he goes himself as a last resort. What a hypocrite.

        1. Here is the BS on that one. ANY person he would have called would have dropped WHATEVER they were doing and gone up their and cut their own wrist to drip the blood out for him because their master and commander had asked them to. *Whether they were the right blood type or not* So of COURSE this one is a blatant lie. He really did have serious mental problems.

        2. That was what jumped out at me from the story: Hyles was ready to use anybody else’s blood before he offered his own as a last-ditch fallback plan.

          My former pastor (now deceased) used to donate blood monthly, for use by anybody– not just members of his church. He was always getting those awards the blood bank gives out for cumulatively giving 100 or 1000 gallons of blood (I don’t know the correct numbers), but he never bragged about it.

        1. That’s EXACTLY what I thought, too, when I read that he would sign his love letters to her as, “Your aching Jack”.

          I mean, ewww.

        2. Ew, Natalie, he really signed his letters to her that way? That is so…ugh! The more I hear and read, the more he creeps me out.

        3. Never been a fundy; never seen a picture of Jack Hyles before, but I’ve heard a lot about him.

          THAT’S Jack Hyles? With the mistress? What?! Who would. . .WHY. . . I don’t. . .urgh.

        4. Barfed. Even George got sick…
          And Jean, if you had ever seen the mistress, you would wonder even more. She and her rival, the wife, sat next to each other in choir, with just a tiny aisle separating. Front row. He was bold.

        5. Looked up my source again and it was from the book by the mistress’ husband… the excerpts are a VERY interesting read. And, the letters would end with, “Your aching guy, Jack”… just so I can quote accurately :wink:. The book is called, “The Wizard of God: My Life With Jack Hyles” by Victor Nischik

  5. That second one reminds me of the BJU film about a deaf man that points to the cross on the church steeple ever time someone goes by on the road. Could be “lifted” —oh but no MOG wuld ever do that.

    1. No, you’re getting your war stories confused. It was the dog he thought he smothered only to find out that he had taught it how to lead family devotions.

    2. I didn’t see your’s… seems that everyone had the same idea. Maybe Jack was recycling one of his war stories and realized he couldn’t choke down a kid and it sould right..
      Now it makes me wonder if he ever got these two crossed when telling them? If I had the time I’d do a mashup of ten or twelve of his stories. I mean why not, I’m sure it won’t be the first time these stories were blended to comeup with another fascinating tale of Pastoral Daring Doo-doo.

    3. As I was reading the story I thought, “Oh no, he’s not going to smother this kid is he?!” I guess we all have the same opinion of ole Jackie boy.

      1. Well, his son is the baby-murderer, but I guess perhaps that apple did not fall far from the tree…

    4. LOL, that is so funny! I thought the same thing and posted a sarcastic comment about it in one of the above posts. As I read the story, I was thinking, is the punchline that he suffocated the baby? So wrong…

    1. True — we all know that babies are more powerful that the Holy Spirit!

      (the above meant sarcastically)

      1. Yep! As I was reading the story I was thinking, “Oh no! What did that creep do to that baby to keep him quiet?!”

        I am still trying to figure out how a baby who is old enough to speak so well can be mystified for FIFTEEN MINUTES by the bobbing pen trick…

        Not buying it. 🙄

        1. Add me to those who felt a little shock before my rational mind took over and reassured me: “No, he DIDN’T try to smother the baby.”

      2. Is this all heads bowed, eyes closed, no one looking around hand raising session? I don’t want anyone to think I’m, you know, worshipping or anything here with my hand in the air.

        1. Does anyone remember the story “Barney’s Barrell”? It was all pictures that the story teller could hold up about a poor little kid who lived in a barrell. I think he ended up in the hospital and someone came through and told the kids whoever wanted to be saved to lift their hand up. But he was too weak to do it so some kind nurse helped him prop up his hand on the pillows and they found him there, dead, with his hand propped up. (I may be mixing my stories) Beautiful story to tell over and over again to impressionable little kids, eh?

        2. “He opened his mouth and he left steaming piles” my favorite line. Nice job! 😆

    1. The dog story terrified me just a little. x.x

      If it was a true occurrence, then the man was lucky that the dog, being a Cocker Spaniel and prone to get short tempers, didn’t eat one of his hands and run away.

      And I’m not knocking that type of Spaniel; my dog is 1/4 Cocker Spaniel and inherited that particular trait. 😀

  6. Oh my, This man STILL has the ability to make the bile rise in my throat.

    (Loved the song Natalie and Eric.)

    1. Yeah, Sims, and remember when you got upset the other day? Just looking at the picture got me started. What stopped it and restored my equilibrium was reading the comments. Which is why I try to tell Darrell often that this site is such a therapeutic blessing. My life, the tenor of my days, goes on in a very pleasant, lovely way, my past as a fundy never seeming to affect me much… Then I see a photo like the one above, and could just heave. It is the brilliant humor here that is so healing.

  7. Possible caption for the picture: “Why is this kid looking at me like this? Does he know? They say kids have natural BS detectors. Get him away from me! Ooops. Smile for the camera, then throw the baby”.

      1. NATALIE! MY SON SPIT UP ON HIM!!! I totally forgot that but he did. I have to call him and thank him. (He was 2 months old, He is 31 now.)

        1. I think we need to get him a shirt that says, “I spit up on Jack Hyles”.

          That, and a steak dinner. 😉

        2. OHHHH That is an AWESOME idea! I bet we could get him to wear it around Oklahoma City where he lives and at least ONE of Jim Vinyard’s fundies would take notice. (and I think I WILL buy him a steak dinner in the meantime)

      1. Caption: “Hey! Jack! Whazzzup wit de thumb? I still go 40 years before anyone does that to me. Wha? You think just cause you gotta Doc in fronta your name now you can practice medicine? Jennie may fall for that but not me! So watch it bub!”

  8. I heard this story many times growing up from a Fundy Lite MOG. He gave the deaf man a name: Dummy Brown. He told how Dummy Brown got converted and he couldn’t soul win like normal people, so he stood in front of the church next to the highway and would jump up and down while pointing at a cross that he made and erected next to the church and then at his heart whilst motioning to the passersby to come to Jesus. Until now, I had never thought to doubt that story. It always got some hearty haymans when it was told and brought many tears to many eyes and the hankies would be waving. Now, I can with assurance say that it was just recycled fundyfiction.

    1. “recycled fundyfiction”

      Love it. A term I plan to make part of my vocabulary with your permission.

  9. I am familiar with all these stories. I may even have this book. What I find interesting is that he actually gives himself credit for winning a soul. His lackeys don’t dare. All you hear from any of them is that they “saw” someone get saved. Honestly they never say, “I won so and so to the Lord” but “I saw this one get saved.” Afraid of giving themselves too much credit so they sound as if they were the silent partner.

    My now former pastor couldn’t make it through a message without mentioning hyles. And always in a worshipful tone of voice, and in all of his stories hyles is right, he always comes across knowing it all.

    I’m so glad to be out of the “seig hyles!” realm. 😉

    1. Well put. First time I’ve heard the “seig Hyles!” before and I LOVE it! You forgot the \o (hand extended and raised) :mrgreen:

      1. Jack Hyles had a mannerism that many of the “preacher boys” tried to imitate. It was sort of a cough/throat-clear that he did so often in his sermons that it was impossible to ignore. (The students who did it were obviously just trying to sound like him and didn’t have the hyatal hernia or whatever it was he said he had…) Because of this however, he made a rule/policy that nobody was to refer to the college students as HACers. So there ya go. (This has been a PSA afternoon special… The more you know…)

  10. A couple of friends and I refer to the Bible college we went to in California as The Compound. We refer to Hyles Anderson as The Brothel

    1. I have been told that a lot of the local sheriff’s deputies call it “The Compound” also.

      If the shoe fits…

    2. His lackies certainly give themselves credit. I was the youth pastor at a church where evangelist Freddie Reed was coming (A Hyles Grad and Staff Evangelist for Champion Baptist) HE came to town and went out “soul winning” for an afternoon. He came back with a paper of 30 names of people who had been saved that he won to the Lord. Unfortunately many of those names on the list were people who had been to the church before and had been saved before. But he went around bragging he had won 30+ souls to the Lord at the meeting that weekend. It was shameful. And during the big meeting he completely pulled a Scripture passage out of context to “win” more souls to the Lord for his big head count.

  11. The overwhelming impression I get from all these “soul-winning” stories is how trivial conversion and salvation are made to appear. You can change someone’s life by talking to them for a minute? Or by drawing a cross on the ground and pointing to the sky? Really?

    And, of course, all the mark has to do is say a few magic words. Abra cadabra! You’re saved!

      1. I’m not sure Avada Kedavra would have much impact, what with us being Muggles and all. I know there’s not much difference between being saved by a fundy and being killed by a fundy, but still…

        1. Oh no you didn’t! You didn’t try and outnerd ME?! Wow. That takes cajones!

          Er, so, I’m aware that spells work on Muggles, but, unless you’re claiming he’s some offshoot of the Dark Lord himself, Hyles is a Muggle.

          Although, how he got those women is an interesting thought…

    1. I thought this too. All the times I went soul winning, nobody ever converted that easily. There was always some kind of conversation. The only possible way for a story like these to happen is if the person had already been exposed to it, and this was just the impetus they needed. Otherwise, I call BS.

  12. Here’s one from Jack’s 1958 pamplet:
    “How to Boost your Church Attendance”

    Section 4. “How to Win a Soul to Jesus”

    Recently one of our soul winners was getting a shoe shine. Just before he asked the colored shine boy if he were a Christian, the shine boy looked up and asked the man if he were a Christian. Our church member responded with an affirmative answer, “Yes, you must be a Christian, too.”

    The colored boy replied, “Yes, sir, one of those Miller Road Baptist members won me to Jesus the other day while I was shining his shoes.”

    Doesn’t that just warm and bless your your heart?

    1. Awww what a sweet and heartwarming story. This would be from the year before Jack went to First Baptist in Hammond Indiana when he was still the pastor at Miller Road Baptist Church in Texas. So they won this “colored” man to the Lord, and feeling so good about it. But what happens now Jack? Is he welcome at your church? In Texas in 1958? I’m sure churches were segregated at that time in that place. 👿

      1. Why, I’m sure this little colored boy would be welcome at Miller Road Baptist at the time… They would be glad to give him a broom, and a dust rag and let him serve in the church… Maybe his momma could even cook Jack a “special” pie. 😯 😉

  13. I know Jack lied about meeting Elvis in an elevator, but did anyone else remember hearing a message (not sure if it was Jack) about meeting Shirley Maclaine on a plane? He referred to her as the “Devil’s Sister” much to the joy of the amening crowd.

    1. Yeah I know the Elvis story. The Great One met the King of Rock and Roll in an elevator and asked him if he was saved. Elvis said he was but he chose fame and fortune over the Lord, so he didn’t choose to live for the Lord. However I think he’s one of the greatest singers of all time. I love his gospel songs as well as many of his secular songs. 😀

  14. I think I vaguely remember the Shirley McLaine story, but I was very deep into the bubble at that time and had no idea who she was. I think she had just come out with some kind of new age movie or book or something. He always had to be in the middle of whatever was going on, even if it had nothing whatsoever to do with him.

  15. There was also a story about Tom Selleck getting saved in first class on an airplane, but I can’t remember who dun it.

        1. I believe he was even on a TV show called “Celebrity Needlepoint,” or something like that.

          Man, why am I wasting space in my brain with information like that?

  16. Wow, what a tool to make something so precious as saving knowledge in Jesus all about him.

    A Mormon who doesn’t even know how to spell Jesus, I don’t think so.

    1. Or you could go read some of his other stories and find an Italian woman who grew up next to Rome and had never heard of Adam and Eve or Jesus. Right. I have bridge I’d like to sell you.

  17. Does anyone else here have the experience of hearing Joe Combs (monster now doing 175 years in prison)preach on a cup of water (or some such title)? King David, in the midst of battle, said aloud how he longed for a drink from the well at Bethlehem, so three of his most valued warriors made a dangerous journey to get him the water. King David refused to drink such precious costly water, and poured it out. Combs’ point was that all of us students needed to have that same type of dedication to Jack Hyles. Butt-Kisser, much? And yes, the chapel crowd went wild with approval… 🙄

    1. I remember that, I remember his fat pervy lips when he smiled and looked all dream-filled like he would have just LOVED to have the someone worship HIM enough to bring HIM a cup of water that he could pour out on the ground. Ohhhh another one who makes me ill. He worshiped Hyles AND himself. (I’m not sure the order, but there was no room in there for much else.)

        1. I am a little confused by this picture and wonder when it was taken. It seems like JH has put on some weight from when I was there, but his comb-over looks fuller. It is confusing because with time one would think that the hair would be thinner… I am sure it is from after I left though because he looks fatter than I remember him looking. The baby’s shirt indicates early 80’s but it is hard to tell with fundies… it could be a hand-down shirt from the 80’s on an early 90’s baby. I am not sure why it matters, I am just distracting myself to try not to vomit.

        2. He got waaaay fatter after you left. When I went back, later, I was stunned at how fat. Also, the hacking thing had been fixed. He had stopped doing it. Which was a relief to the rest of us.

  18. One day I went soul winning with Bob Keyes, who was then my Assistant Pastor. Bob was an excellent soul winner and still is. I was doing the talking and the lady had a little baby who was misbehaving…

    Hyles’s Tales of Soul-Winning sound exactly as “sacred” (and almost as convincing) as the stories golf fanatics pass around at the nineteenth hole. (“One day I was on the links with Bob Keyes, who was then my club pro. Bob was an excellent irons player, and still is. On the fourth green I found myself behind a tree, when…”)

    1. I was thinking that they sounded like the stories fishermen tell but your point stands.

      “I decided I wasn’t gonna let a little lightning scare me off the lake. That was the night I caught the 50 lb bass. I am glad I decided to return the noble creature to the wild instead of taking the fame and glory of breaking the world record.”

  19. With respect to the writers of Firefly (may it rest in peace):

    The Man they call Hyles!

    Oh, He robbed from the rich
    and he robbed from the poor.
    Stood up on his platform
    and he gave all of them what for.
    He started to preach
    and he left steaming piles.
    The hero of Hammond
    the man they call Hyles.

    Our Hyles saw the people’s backs breakin’.
    He saw the congregant’s lament.
    And he saw a way of takin’
    every dollar and leavin’ five cents.
    So he said: “I can do that to my people.”
    said “I can crush them under my heel.”
    So Hyles strapped on his pride
    and soon reached his stride
    to send them all on a futile ordeal.

    Oh, He robbed from the rich
    and he robbed from the poor.
    Stood up on his platform
    and he gave all of them what for.
    He opened his mouth
    and he left steaming piles.
    The hero of Hammond
    the man they call Hyles.

    Now here is what separates MOGs
    from common folk like you and I.
    The man they call Hyles
    he went soulwinning for miles
    and took mistresses on the sly.

    The vile rank and file could not compile
    the stories of Hyles with so many styles
    The man they called Hyles
    he owned so many guiles
    he headed out for the stars!

    (Here we go!)

    Oh, He robbed from the rich
    and he robbed from the poor.
    Stood up on his platform
    and he gave all of them what for.
    He started to preach
    and he left steaming piles.
    The hero of Hammond
    the man they call Hyles…

    1. This makes the world a better place. Almost as much as Firefly does.

      Any fancy recording this version of the song? I’m game if no-one else is, but I’m British, so I’d ruin the… y’know, whole accent thing.

  20. I have often wondered how often Hyles actually went soulwinning. His soul winning stories remind me of an Amway meeting where the people at the top of the pyramid tell stories to motivate their underlings to get out there and to continue building the pyramid. The folks at the top don’t need to hustle so long as the newbies keep entering the system and provide the actual effort to build the organization.

    1. According to the Hyles daughter now consigned to oblivion, (that would be the too-frank Becky), he made it all up.

      1. One time my husband tried to do the math of how many hours he actually had in a week. He supposedly spend “X” number of hours on the road preaching at other churches, “X” number of hours in prayer every day, “X” number of hours *counselling*, etc. Husband decided he would have had to have about ten times the number of hours in a week as a normal person or he was inflating his numbers. I am guessing the “hours spent soulwinning” were some hours also inflated.

        Oh, and I liked Becky. What happened to her?

        1. You are thinking of Linda. We never knew Becky, who was already married and birthing Hyles spawn by our time. I had loving friends, now passed away, who were in Tim Smith’s first ministry (the husband). The friends felt that Becky was another typical Hyles offspring. Yes, we all liked Linda best. And only, in most cases.

        2. You are right. Linda had blonde hair, looked a lot like her mom, right? She was very quiet and had that sad, desperate look about her all the time. You have such a good memory. Maybe in my case all the self-preservation forgetting techniques worked a little after all. 😀

  21. I am eternally grateful that the Lord Jesus saved my Father in 1960 after he had looked to the sky one night in Nevada and asked God if He were real to show Himself to him. 6 months later in Calumet City a knock came at his door and Bro. Hyles was standing there. Bro Hyles obeyed the command of God and went out and preached the gospel of Jesus Christ to my father and he was saved. He was saved and at least 60 relatives now are born again believers including myself because Bro. Hyles was a soulwinner.

    I know it is not popular here to say so but I thank God that He used Brother Hyles. Someone should at least stand up and say something good about him.

    1. If you are even real, if this story is even real, it is just possible that by 1960, he was not yet as corrupt as he would become. But I have learned, in the last twenty or so years, to mistrust so-called true Hyles adventures,

    2. It’s true that on this blog, people focus on the oddities and foibles of fundamentalists.

      But yes, Jack Hyles did accomplish some good things.

      I am glad that you give glory to God and not Jack Hyles, as so many are wont to do. God used Jack Hyles to bring your father and the other relatives to Himself — that is credit to the LORD God, not to Jack Hyles. God can even use disobedient people to accomplish His will.

  22. I don’t get it!!! How does waving a ball point pen around make you too tired to SHOUT??? Makes no sense.

  23. Oh my goodness! Comments are hilarious! Heard him “preach” on several occasions. Finally had enough after he told someone to “shut up” from the pulpit. All the stuff you said is spot on!

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