116 thoughts on “Protesting Innocence”

  1. I love the fact that only the fundy thinks the whole world is against him. Kinda sad and pathetic really, afraid to even go outside sometimes and be caught in the radiance of a heathen. πŸ˜›

    1. There are other groups that are very into conspiracy theories, fundys are extraordinarily good at it though.

    2. Actually, psych wards are full of those convinced the world…and beyond…are against them.

      1. Paranoia is just a form of arrogance. It’s all about me, even in the negative sense.

  2. The world hates fundies, true, but not because fundies are holy – it is because most of the time fundies come accross as arrogant, obnoxious and repellant.

    1. I think that there is a direct relationship between self-perceived holiness and being perceived as arrogant, obnoxious and repellant. This is not accidental. This delusion of perfection is toxic to others and self-destructive to the self-declared “holy man”

        1. I thought it was a Rolling Rapture–happens at 6 pm in every time zone. Not that you can hear about it and change your mind and repent before it gets to you, since Camping insisted that once it started, all the unsaved were toast.

        2. And yet ANOTHER thing that lunatic is saying that conflicts with Scripture.

          Dude needs to be in a home. Seriously.

        3. I seriously hope that, when Christ is proven right, and Camping proven wrong, that he and his family and followers don’t decide to do something a la Jonestown.

        4. I just read that one of his followers said that when it gets to be midnight, May 22, Jerusalem time, which is at 5 EST (about 2 hrs and 20 minutes away), then they will acknowledge that they were wrong, and the Family Radio board will be having a serious meeting with Harold Camping.

          Again, I just feel sorry for the people who bought into this so much that they quit their jobs and all. I know that they knew they were taking risks and all, but a lot of us were brainwashed fundies at one point and that’s why I feel sorry for them.

  3. Young stick seems to be thinking a lot of thoughts and having some serious questions. I think Papa Stick may need to have a good talking to him about respecting the authorities over him. And by talking to of course I mean beating senseless…

    1. Well, CNN says 6 pm eastern time, although other reports say pacific. And, I read that 6 months ago, the man himself said Jerusalem time.

      So, who knows.

      I can’t wait to read his comment when it doesn’t happen. I just feel sorry for his followers. I read that one couple has quit their jobs and budgeted all of their money up to today. They have nothing left. I keep thinking of them.

      Someone else said that since the Bible says that no man knows the day or the hour, that that pretty much rules out today for the Rapture.

      1. I’ve read that rolling earthquakes rapture are going to start at 6PM localtime at the international date line, and just roll around the globe time zone by time zone that 6pm local time everywhere is when your rapture will be. News media won’t report the earthquakes heading your way, I’m sure. It’s a cover up.

        1. Well, that’s not fricken cool. That means my cousin in CA will get raptured before me!

          NO FAIR!!!

        2. You planning to sand bag those of us in later timezones when we get there? I think I may just sneak over the IL/IN border (EST/CST time zone line) at about 5:45PM Eastern time, just in case… πŸ™‚

        3. Great, now my butt is gonna be sore for all eternity! Those clouds do not look comfortable at all!

        4. According to my calculations, the butt cushions are set to be raptured at 5 pm.

        5. So, if I miss the rapture in EST, if I drive fast enough while repenting, I can make it to MST and still get raptured, right?

        6. How many seats do I need to save?

          That means I need to bring my purse, a sweater, my KJV (no other versions will be allowed, of course), and more butt cushions.

          I need a head count.

        7. Prob should book a flight to like Pheonix just in case, unless you live real near a time zone line (like me).

        8. If his earthquake was supposed to be bigger than the one that hit Japan on March 11, there would be no hiding it by anyone. It’s kind of hard to hide it when the entire city rocks like a kiddie pool in a Cuisinart.

        9. Even if the media were conspiring, twitter doesn’t let you cover it up anymore.

  4. I hate my phone!!! It is so old that I can’t read the captions on the cartoon. I can never see the pictures either. Im sad.

    1. Here’s the breakdown:

      Young stick figure says, “So we’re telling people that we can’t rush to judgment on any fundamentalist until a jury finds them guilty…but what do we say if they are convicted of a horrible crime?”

      Older stick figure fundy replies, β€œThat the jury was biased, the judge hated Christians, the witnesses all lied and that the government is a tool of a one-world system of Satan. Then try changing the subject.”

      The mouse-over text adds, “Starting an argument over whether hidden messages buried in the Constitution makes whatever they did legal is also a good tactic.”

    2. Lol I have a 2006 Blackberry that’s heavy enough to probably be used as a deadly weapon. I’ve dropped it so many times in 5 years without it giving me trouble that I’m afraid to upgrade to a newer, less-sturdy phone.

      1. Emily, you sound like me. Verizon doesn’t even make the phone that I have anymore. I love the thing and I’ve dropped it so many times and once, it sat partially in a little pool of water which got into the speaker part. After it dried, it was fine.

        I’m beginning to wonder if its dependability is the reason Verizon doesn’t carry it anymore.

  5. Dont forget the defense attorney sold him out. Why because his wifes best friends cousins sister in laws best frieds dad help went to law school with the judge.

  6. It is posts like this that keep me addicted to this site.

    Which makes me wonder if SFL is really a cult run by a clever leader who has taken over my brain.

    Nah. :mrgreen:

      1. That reminds me. HF said that sometimes he’d love to peep into my brain.

        I said that if it did, he’d find nothing but utter chaos.

        1. I don’t know how to peep into people’s minds, but my wife went to an ear/nose/ throat doctor who had this cool scope where he could look up people’s noses and see inside their sinuses. I totally want one of those doodads.

        2. Re: Sinuscope:

          I used to have to go through that every year, since I had a short (similar to cleft, but in this case, there’s part of one there) soft palate. They’d make me talk to see if I was using the muscles at all or simply improvising with glottal stops.

          Yeah… I had a fun childhood. πŸ˜•

  7. And don’t forget that since the judge hated Christians, the convicted fundy is now SUFFERING FOR CHRIST and can write books to profit from his experiences.

    1. Impressive :mrgreen:

      No hair to cut today? You could have made a fortune today by offering half-off for a baptist high-and-tight. I mean who doesn’t want to look their best for the rapture. Amen?

      1. I got lucky. I rarely get a Saturday off.

        Good thing though. With prom going on tonight and the Rapture and all, I would have been beat!

      2. I like Scorpio’s plan, Don’t wanna meet your maker without a clean shave and a good tapered trim/touchup!

      3. I actually heard a preacher one time harass a young teen for the way he looked by saying “would you want to look that way if Jesus came and took us home?!” I was thinking…. “at that point, is it going to matter?”

        1. Apparently, Heaven has a strict dress code.
          See the definitive monograph on this subject, “Jesus Had Short Hair,” by Jack Hyles.

          Also the guy who was pulled off the street to attend a wedding, and then bound hand and foot and cast into the outer darkness because he didn’t have the right clothes on (Matthew 22:11-13).

  8. If the world is ending at 6pm, do I really have to wash my breakfast dishes?

    1. No. And I don’t care what my wife says, I’m not mowing the lawn today. πŸ˜†

    2. I think I’m going to clean the house today. That way, after I’m raptured, the fundies will know that I kept house. 😯 πŸ˜‰

    3. I plan to be driving so that my car will become an unguided deadly projectile – ’cause I’m passive-aggressive like that. πŸ˜€

        1. According to an RV driver who made the news a while back, cruise control means you can leave your seat and go make coffee.

        2. The pastor at one of my previous churches never filled his gas tank because if the rapture occurred, he didn’t want the antichrist to be able to use the gas in his car. Like it would matter.

        3. “If the gas isn’t in my car, it doesn’t exist.” Makes perfect sense. … Doesn’t it? 😯

        4. By the way, I’m pretty sure the thing about the guy who set the Cruise Control and then went to the back of the RV is an urban legend. I’ve been hearing that story since at least the 1980s.

  9. A church I know of in Texas has a website about the persecution and “wrongful conviction” of a woman who murdered a foster kid in her care by punishing him by making him eat salt (I believe this is not an uncommon fundy punishment?). The child died of salt poisoning.

    Of course the church argues that one of their own would never do anything like that, and that the state of Texas has it in for Christians (really? Texas?) and homeschoolers. I don’t know if she did it, there certainly are many people in prison wrongly convicted, but the church doesn’t seem to know either, but base their belief that on the “fact” that none of them could ever do such a thing. I don’t think her conviction was part of an anti-Christian conspiracy, but hey, I’m no expert. (Which is probably why I don’t go around making websites claiming to know THE TRUTH(tm).


    1. It does amaze me how their answer is “that person is a Christian and would never do that.” Really? Do they even read their Bibles? “Take heed where ye stand lest ye fall”? Don’t think more highly of yourself than you ought to think? Hatred is as the sin of murder? Don’t they know the sinfulness of the human heart? Haven’t they read God’s warnings to us to never presume but to always be humble and aware that without the power of Christ we are capable of appalling sins?

      And why are they so eager to excuse the most heinous of crimes committed by “one of them”, but harshly condemned Amy Grant because she said she liked to drink beer? Yeah, the guys in that CCM band are wicked because they play the drums but the lady who gave her kid salt until he died or the parents who beat their adopted child until she DIED are just misunderstood and persecuted. The absolute insanity of this makes me truly question if they even have the mind of Christ if their default position is to always excuse the most horrible actions, not because we must forgive, but because “she/he wouldn’t have done that.” This kind of willful blindness scares me when we are supposed to be followers of the One who is the Light and Truth.

      1. Yep, they also leave out the verse that says “the heart is deceitful and desperately wicked, who can no it?”

    2. My 6-year old would love to be force-fed salt. We have to hide the salt shaker every time we go out to eat.

  10. This is OT, but someone here made a snarky comment about the Huffingtonpost.com, and if I’m remembering said I went there.

    Well, I had never heard of it until then, and just recently checked it out.

    THANK YOU!!!

    What a hilarious website! :mrgreen:

    1. Someone on there said we should make it look like the Rapture happened and freak Harold Camping out.. ha ha.

      1. One of my friends told me he was very tempted to bring clothes to work and then leave them in little piles around the store.

  11. Well, the dude said it would come to New Zealand first at 6 pm their time. That has come and gone, and it is 20 minutes past 6 in England. Nothing there.


    1. I think the Camping people don’t have any access to an atlas, else they would have known about the International Date Line, etc.

      For that matter, they don’t seem to take the Bible very seriously either. Assuming that Jesus would come back based on a human created calendar system is crazy built on top of crazy.

      1. I’ve read that he actually told his followers that “God overtly promises in the Bible that his return will NOT surprise anyone like a thief in the night”. I don’t know how you can say that and be taken seriously…

        1. I didn’t either, so I looked it up on his website… he has Bible verses there saying that those who know Christ won’t be surprised etc. basically pulling something out of Scripture that’s not there at all. If you read his website, it’s pretty funny, but very sad how he misuses Scripture.

        2. Hahaha. My site-rater warned me that Camping’s site has a poor reputation, did I really want to continue. That’s just fantastic!

  12. OT – They need to get their litte stick butts to church, b/c you wouldn’t want to be caught somewhere sinful when the rapture takes place, and the holiest place is church – at the altar – on their knees – with “Just As I Am” repeating over and over and over… πŸ™„

  13. I just had a big laugh. This was on Harold Camping’s Facebook,

    Danii Rawrte
    “Cheer up, it’s not the end of the world.”

  14. 6 pm hit and HF hid behind the bar thingy that separates the kitchen and living room and said…

    “I’m gone”.


  15. almost word-for-word to the exchange from a Caleb and Joshua supporter!! They are SO predictable! πŸ™„

  16. 6:30 PM here in Maryland, and zip has happened. Not so much as a quiver. Big trucks coming down the street cause the ground to shake more than it has shaken in the last half hour. I haven’t heard from some of the holier folks I know, but the ones I hang out with are still here. No Rapture for us, alas.

  17. I was lifting heavy boxes at 6 pm and missed the rapture by a letter! πŸ˜›

      1. rupture? That was my guess, but I’ve always associated heavy boxes with hernia, not a rupture?

  18. I didn’t know you had to be outdoors. I keep bumping my head on the ceiling.

  19. Now that it’s the 22nd I feel I can reply to the original post:

    but what do we say if they are convicted of a horrible crime?”

    Wellll, there’s everything Darrell said. Then there’s the Other side of the coin: their return to full time ministry after they get out. The IFB as a whole is a sucker for a good jailhouse redemption story. If played just right a convicted felon could become a fundie icon, drawing from his prison experience

    1. Hey, it worked for Chuck Colson! Don’t know about the guitar thing, but the “redemption story” kept him employed when he got out of jail.

      1. Only Chuck Colson didn’t go into the poky as a IFB fundie. (didn’t come out a one either). No, I talking about a full fledged IFB M-O-g who re-makes himself in prison. He comes out a better IFB pastor because he didn’t waste his time on the inside. He learned from the best how to con and manipulate. He comes out humble and very contrite for a few years while building his new rep and in a few years he will have conned enough foliks that he can make it as a traveling evangelist. Giving his testamony and raking in those “love” offerings.

        If you get the chance watch Marjoe ( http://persifler.wordpress.com/2010/08/24/marjoe-1/ )especially part 2. (all 10 parts can be found here) Marjoe is Pentecostal but the preperation and the showman ship is very similar.

        1. Yeah, I remember the documentary about Marjoe Gortner–the child evangelist who grew up, exposed the fakery of his profession, and left the game to become a B-movie actor. Both his careers seemed to have a lot in common.

Comments are closed.