238 thoughts on “Friday Challenge: Truth in Nomenclature”

  1. The ‘those other two IBF churches in town are not one of us even though we preach and practice the exact same things’ church

    1. I hear you. My IBF church was one of a dozen IBF churches in a large city. Yet we thought we were the only real Christians…the others were WILD, undisciplined, worldly “christians.”

    1. Oops, there was supposed to be an image there. Didn’t realize HTML was not allowed. Please feel free to delete.

  4. Pastor’s Pyramid Scheme Baptist Church

    6th Baptist (but the only REALLY Baptist) Church.

  7. First White Republican Middleclass Baptist Church.

    Clue: It’s the biggest fundy church in Cali.

    1. Other options for that place:

      Law over Grace Baptist Church

      We Love Our Pastor Baptist Church

      Dollar$ and Cent$ Bapti$t Church

      Our Church is Better Than Yours Baptist Church

      Look At Our Modest Attire Baptist Church

      1. Fill-out-the-visitor’s-card-and-we’ll-hound-you-forever Baptist Church

        Church of Pastoral Visions

        1. One church I went to had the visitation policy of keep visiting until they die, move, or join the church, so your first title is no stretch!

        3. This brings back old memories…Thursday night visitation….hounded people on the contact list would close the shades, lock the door and refuse to answer when say saw you coming up the walk. But we never gave up!

  11. “Superfluous Baptist Church” since there are two or three more of us on this the road that believe the exact same stuff. And the reason we do not all join together to form on church is because… 🙄 🙁

    1. I think we went to the same church…did you sing 15 stanzas of “Just As I Am” and 5 more of “Softly and Tenderly” at the end of that Hour and a Half sermon?

      1. I was young so I don’t remember. But now when I pass by this church where the services do last for at least an hour and a half, I always wonder, “What are those people doing in there for so long?” Maybe, that is their goal to make the world wonder. 😯

      2. Gossip Baptist Church

        or

        Hypocrite Baptist Church

        I heard this sermon today by this guy who said, “Don’t talk about your man of God. Touch not God’s annointed.” And then he goes on to tell negative stories about other men of God. Apparently men of God can do it but not the rest of us. 🙄

  13. How Great We Are Baptist Church

    Superior Baptists Baptist Church

    Our Bus Ministry Is The Greatest Baptist Church

    And, yes, these all refer to the same church.

  14. “We Aren’t Growing But We’re Constantly Building a New Building Church” or the “Your 10% For Heaven Buys The Pastor A New Car Every Year Church”.

  16. Re: Friday “Challenge” Am I the only one who sees / hears the word “challenge” and immediately thinks of the pastor stopping a fun youth activity right in the middle and preaching a mini sermon? (Mini compared to what he preaches on Sunday, that is.)

  17. “Born Again and Again and Again and Again…’Once Saved Always Saved’ Baptist Church”

    We weren’t like those heretical Pentecostals who could lose their salvation, but when the Hell-fire and-brimstone sermon got preached, we had to get Born AGAIN just to make sure.

  19. We’re really not a cult even though most reasonable and educated people would think we are Baptist Church.

  24. Baptist Church (meets here… not to be confused with the “”church” of “Christ””, which meets somewhere else)

    1. Funny…”Bus Stop Baptist Church”…we had so many buses that the church had to employ a full-time bus mechanic on staff just to keep um going.

  28. 2nd Baptist Church… More on Fire for the LORD than 1st Baptist Church, but Not Crazy Like the Nutjobs over at 3rd Baptist Church

    1. With simplicity and brevity you’ve captured the essence of the separation and self-righteousness characteristic of too many IFB churches.

    1. So true!

      Fundys think everything was perfect back in the good ole days…50-60 years ago…and that is how things always were and always should be. 🙄

      This is a great old thread to reread.

    2. Bless Reader Mo and his wonderful rolls. I always enjoy them, with or without butter.

      1. It’s been rumored that he was. I don’t know for sure, but I like claiming he was just to annoy AV thumpers

        1. Hi I recently bought a book at the Buckingham Palace gift shop ‘Britain’s Kings and Queens’ which says about King James I
          ‘He was a bundle of phobias and was afflicted with strong views on a wide range of matters, notably the evils of tobacco, witchcraft and puritanism. He was also much given to demonstrative homosexual behaviour.’

        2. Jo A, I’ve read all those things about James I before, but it’s very interesting that Buckingham Palace is selling a book that says them.

          The category of “gay” or “homosexual” wasn’t really used in the early 1600s, so it’s fair to say that he didn’t think of himself as gay, nor did his friends. However, there is a reasonable amount of evidence that he had male lovers and sometimes wore women’s clothing. He was also married, with children, but so were many gay men and women throughout history.
          Monarchs were allowed and even expected to have sex with anybody they wanted to, as long as they each produced at least one heir by their legitimate spouses. I guess that was one of the perks of being a king or queen, and a compensation for not getting to choose whom you marry (royal marriages were made for reasons of state, not love). Upon the death of George III (1820), Lord Byron wrote that George’s only virtue was that he had been faithful to his wife, and that although that was a rather small virtue, it was such a rare one in kings that he should get some special recognition for it.

          So what does that have to do with the King James Version Bible? Nothing, except that some people get all worked up over it and foolishly attempt to prove that James was “straight.”

    1. Yup. We had people upset when the pulpit was removed. I wonder what they’d think now that we removed the communion table. (They left the church.) We still have communion; we just don’t use the formal wooden table.

  33. No Graven Image (except a cross, river mural, American flag, Christian flag, Baptist flag, flannelgraph pictures of the LORD, & AV1611 belt buckle) Baptist Church

  38. Let’s extrapolate Garrison Keillor’s Our Lady in Lake Wobegon:

    Our Pastor of Perpetual Responsibility Baptist Church

  39. Nomad Baptist Church
    In my teens this was my name for the BBF church we attended that was just getting started. We met in a Seventh Day Adventist Church basement, Odd Fellows Hall, and funeral parlor, plus one or two others that have blissfully slipped my mind in the past several decades.

  41. How about, Our church is holier than your church Baptist Church.

    or. Our church is more separated than your church Baptist Church.

    or, First Blabtist Church. 😆

  43. I’ve believed since like my freshman year @ PCC that they should be “Arlin Horton is the Standard by Which Humanity Will Be Judged College”.

    I think (with some personal shame) the church I grew up in would probably be correctly named “No Church Should Have to Exist in a Minority Impoverished Neighborhood Church”. Amusingly the euphemistic was Edgewood. There were no woods anywhere near.

  44. How about “Church of the traumatized children”. I grew up IFB and thank God I’m out, but my sister is still completely in denial. We were visiting and to be nice, we went to church with her on Sunday. What was the harm right? Well, our 6 year old son went to kids church, my husband who has never been IBF was warry , but I said, it’ll be fine, no big deal. We asked our son what he learned in kids church and proceeded to tell us that they heard a story of a little kid getting beat by his dad for believing in Jesus and a cop put a gun to his head….(and our 6 year old told us DETAILS of the story that included blood and beatings…) Never again will I play nice for family’s sake.

  45. Acronym Baptist Church – KJVO, AV1611, BBF, PCC, OF,BB, SW. (My old church loved acronyms. Last 3 are old fashioned, Bible-believing, soul-winning).

  50. Passing By on the Other Side Because It Might Be Catching Baptist Church.

    God Wants Me to Yell Nasty Things at the Teenager at the Door who is Just Selling Some Stupid Raffle Tickets Baptist Church.

    Let’s All Eat Out on Sunday, Treat the Waitstaff like Dirt, and Leave Tracts that Look Like Money Instead of Tips Baptist Church.

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