In general, workplaces are stressful. There’s pressure to perform, goals to meet, and office coffee that tastes like the pot was last washed during the Nixon administration. But working for a fundamentalist organization is a special kind of stressful environment of the type that makes manufacturers of blood pressure and ulcer medication chuckle with glee.
For the fundamentalist not only holds over you the normal power of an employer to determine salaries and titles but they also hold over their employees a spiritual club of letting you know that God is watching your work as well. And they’re not afraid to let you know when God is displeased with your performance.
Did you mistype a word on a report? Was that staple not perfectly parallel to the top edge of the page? That’s not just an unprofessional, it’s a sign of sloth. Let all things be done decently and in order!
Would Jesus spend six whole minutes on a bathroom break? No sir! He’d spend only four and use only half your consumption of paper towels too. You are brother to him that is a great waster! For shame!
Are you not meeting your quotas? Be sure to remember that not only are we checking up on you but the Holy Spirit is too. And we have it on good authority that He’s very concerned.
Come early. Stay late. Give of your best to the your fundy taskmasters and never, ever, ever complain lest your end be swift. There’s nothing like the joy of having an employer tell you that he can tell all about your spiritual condition by the discrepancies on your time sheet.
139 thoughts on “Employees”
“Did you mistype a word on a report? Was that staple not perfectly parallel to the top edge of the page? That’s not just an unprofessional, it’s a sign of sloth. Let all things be done decently and in order!”
This gives me horrible flashbacks to when I was designing and printing our church’s bulletin. (I volunteered because they needed someone and I like computer/art stuff. I have since learned NEVER to volunteer at my church ever. again.)
My pastor’s new motto and attitude to the church is “excellence” (I really despise that word now) and he made my time as the bulletin designer MISERY. All the while with a smile, seeming face of niceness, constantly reminding me “we are doing this for The Lord and it it must look good. (EXCELLENCE!)
Anyway, we had a long awaited family game night/fellowship (leadership isn’t much for fellowships that don’t involve preaching or soulwinning) and I remember just sitting down with my plate and starting on a game (I was early 20s and just wanted some FUN) when I was called into the office by the pastor and his secretary, (who was a friend of mine) and told I didn’t have a column precisely centered in tomorrow (Sunday’s) bulletin, and I was going to have to fix it, reprint and refold them. During the fellowship.
So I did. I missed out on the whole night.
I gave up the ‘position’ a few weeks later. (And was harassed for it, too)
(And you couldn’t even tell it wasn’t centered unless YOU USED A FREAKING RULER.)