E-mails From Fundies

Received in response to my last post…

Dear Darrell,

I read the registy(sic) statement and didn’t agree to join your blog because I found that if YOU didn’t abide by the guidelines why should I agree to them….

Your comments on topics such as Jesus hair style are probably farther off base of fact than you would care to think …

Your comments aren’t really spiritual in nature and are SNL like in a low humor put down of an easy mark…

You need a dose of spirituality my friend.

Thank you,


No, thank you, sir. I’m going to forgo comment and just let this one stand on its own.

117 thoughts on “E-mails From Fundies”

  1. “SNL like in a low humor put down of an easy mark”

    How many people think he/she is talking about Sarah Palin here?

    1. I think he’s talking about some overtly sexual skits on SNL. I don’t watch it much any more (too old). If you think SNL is low brow, there’s a lot of very popular humor you haven’t been exposed to.

  2. “Your comments arenÒ€ℒt really spiritual in nature”

    (Scrathing head) What makes a comment “spiritual”?

  3. Really? You need a dose of spirituality?
    Does that require a prescription or can you get it over the counter?

    speaking of easy marks……

    1. “a low humor put down of an easy mark” – I think he’s calling the Jack Hyles article an easy mark to put down (and it surely was!!!)

  4. I’m sorry, and perhaps its because its late and I’m tired, but if you’re going to insult someone’s sense of humor and relationship with God, not to mention question their integrity, please do it without sounding like Steve Urkel.

    1. We all know it was the white piano see:

      J(ust as I a)M πŸ˜‰

      I think he’s still trying to prove his existence to those reprobates such as Scorpio 😈

      1. Hey!! πŸ˜†

        I was just starting to come to terms with the fact that it is OK to deny the existance of the white piano. Now I need help.
        I feel like “Jim” in the Glib Answers post. Anybody have any fundy words of encouragement? :mrgreen:

  5. “a dose of spirituality” is such a canned fundy phase.

    what are these super spiritual fundys doing on this site anyways…don’t their mog preach to them to separate themselves from “backsliders”?

  6. Dose of spirituality?? 😯 I thought you had all of the spirit or didn’t… Didn’t know it came in doses πŸ™„

  7. Darrell actually made no comment at all about Jesus’ hairstyle. He just posted the pamphlet on that subject by Jack Hyles, and let us read it for ourselves.

  8. on a positive note, this email makes almost as much sense as the email from the “gid” guy

    1. He could use some Reader Mo instruction on when to user farther/further, but I normally can figure out what someone means. I have no idea what registy is supposed to mean? He calls comments section a “registry”? That a rather unusual use of registry in my book.

  9. I just found http://www.stufffundieslike.com/ about a week ago, and it has me “examining the Scriptures daily to see if these things were so.” I was raised in a GARB church. Our pastor was a BJU grad. My dad earned his Masters from PCC. We had neighbors who attended First Baptist Church of Hammond, IN, but they never called it that. They always called it “Jack Hyles’ church.”

    This blog accurately describes what I observed, and documents it, to boot. Darrell tells the truth about Fundamentalist churches and schools, including the winsome, the worrisome, and the just plain weird. I realize not everything he says applies to every particular church or school, but he’s careful to point out when he’s describing a particular church or something that’s common to many, but not all. When I check the facts, I find it is the people he questions or criticizes who are lying or acting unethically. They are the ones making themselves (and Christ) a laughingstock. Darrell just holds up a mirror. If they hate the truth, it is because they love a lie. If they love a lie, they are children of the father of lies. “For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed.”

    1. There is always a certain amount of truth to humor; otherwise, it wouldn’t be funny. The funny makes us laugh. The truth makes us think.

        1. My best friend at the Baptist school I attended (and my dad taught at) was the son of the pastor of a non-GARB Baptist church. When I mentioned the name of my church, his mother said, “Oh, your church is GARBC.” only she made it an acronym, which she pronounced “Garbic”. I said that wasn’t very nice. She asked why. “I thought you just said my church was garbage!” She laughed, and said, “G.A.R.B.C. But that fits, too!”

          When I attended a BBF church in Missouri, one of the pastors always said GARB stood for “Grand Army of Rebellious Baptists”!

        2. I grew up in a GARBC church too. Several people were annoyed with me when I went to BJU instead of a GARB-approved church. (Sometimes we’d pronounce it like a word as in the previous adjective – “garb” approved – but usually we pronounced it by saying each letter: G-A-R-B-C.)

    2. Rebellious Baptist Churches?
      As someone who grew up in a GARBC church, I can say that we thought it was everyone ELSE who was rebellious. I had taken to calling them “garbage” churches after I left, but had no idea about the “Army of Rebellious Baptist Churches”. High-larious!

  10. I will also be leaving SFL. Darrell in his desperation to be funny is now writing his own fake emails. He is using actors to make these you-tube videos. Writing a Jack Hyles sermon was the last straw for me.

    1. Darrell doesn’t need to make that pamphlet up. You can get it at FBC Hammond book store, or just about any fundy bookstore for that matter.

    2. Is NewJohn actually…old John? I’m confused. Some of his grammatical syntax is similar…idk.

      1. So registy must be a reference to having to register for the forum I guess. Hard to imagine how you can see all the (SNL like) comments and think you have to register for the forum to post comments.

  11. Our church had a picture of Jesus right above the piano. He was standing (carefully) in the middle of a bunch of sheep. And His hair reached at least to His shoulders and He had a beard also. That’s the memory of Jesus that will endure in my mind, and I’m afraid that if when I get to heaven, He is sporting a crew-cut, I may not recognize Him. πŸ˜›

    1. Oddly enough, the Gospels have no descriptions of Jesus of Nazareth’s hair and makeup preferences, but Jesus Garcia, the plumber, came over to fix my pipes the other day, and he had short hair. And several tattoos. And yes, he did wear pants.

    2. Not to get too controversial here, but in _The Shack_, God appears as a comforting black woman cooking up yummy stuff in the kitchen, and Jesus is a not-so-attractive carpenter in jeans and flannel shirt. I really enjoyed that.

      1. That book is so amazing! I don’t agree with everything in there (I view God as a little more Sovereign than the book pictures but I still wouldn’t disregard it)
        But yeah I was shocked with that image until I realized the idea behind it was that He isn’t one gender or another and the idea was supposed to make you question what do you believe about God just because of tradition. Very good book in that regard.

      1. Yes! I remember the TV show that explained the evidence from which that face was constructed. It makes sense to me that Jesus would have looked like his contemporaries–fter all, Judas had to kiss him to single him out. Not that his mother would recognize him from the reconstruction, since there’s no skull to work from, but it certainly comes MUCH closer than the blue-eyed, pale-skinned Jesus with long, light brown hair of modern Western imagination.

  12. That was hard to read and understand. When I first read it I thought he misspelled SFL (SNL). Then after reading some of the comments (or would that be registries πŸ˜† ) I had to go back and re-read and sure enough a reference to SNL.
    And as Rob said above, I don’t recall any guidelines for joining. Unless typing in an e-mail address is considered a guideline.

  13. It’s good to know, from reading that letter, that someone is still standing in the gap, clinging to the old paths, and not willing to remove any ancient landmarks.

  14. I evaluated the email for fundy-attack characteristics:

    1. Declaring that they will separate from the offender – “I…didn’t agree to join your blog.”

    2. Accusing the offender of hypocrisy – “I found that if YOU didnÒ€ℒt abide by the guidelines why should I agree to themÒ€¦.”

    3. Claiming the offender is wrong without offering any proof – “Your comments on topics such as Jesus hair style are probably farther off base of fact than you would care to think.” (Why doesn’t JM explain what comments are off base and why?)

    4. Saying the offender isn’t spiritual (again with no proof) – “Your comments arenÒ€ℒt really spiritual in nature.”

    5. Inaccurately referencing popular culture in order to supposedly discredit the offender – “… and are SNL like in a low humor put down of an easy mark.”

    6. Assuming a sin problem in the offender and self-righteously offering a solution – “You need a dose of spirituality my friend.”

    7. Using “friendly” terms in a passive-aggressive way – “my friend”

    A perfect example of the “judging you for judging me” syndrome that Darrell posted on before.

  15. I love how some of the extreme fundys have an elevated sense of importance. Like by them “joining” the site their mark will send ripples through the underworld or castigate them forever to outer darkness.
    Last week I got this email from a iconic, “top of the food chain” IFB wife. If I said her name most would know who it was…she friended me on Facebook and then 10 minutes later I got this email..( edited for places and names πŸ˜‰
    I always enjoyed the writing you did for *********. I enjoyed seeing you and crossing paths in the ******* Department. When I saw your name on my suggested friend list, I clicked and saw my nieces name listed on your Friends list, so I knew it was the “I am His beloved” I knew. I sent a request to be added to your friend list.

    However, After looking over the site, I think it\’s best if I ask you not to accept me as a friend. If I\’m too late in sending this request, please remove me from your friend list.

    This doesn\’t change the fact that I care about you, and would always be accepting of you as I hope you would of me. However, your site is a ministry you have established that has issues with the type ministry in which my family and I believe and love very much! I do not want the picture of my kids from my profile listed on your site. I have many friends with whom I don\’t agree with in all of their actions and philosophies, but in this case, having my name and my kids’s pictures on your site looks as if I agree, and I don\’t.

      1. I empathise with you beloved. When I made it over the wall, I also got some very flowery passive-aggressive emails sprinkled with “I’ll pray for you’s”.

      2. I’m sorry! The pride and self-righteousness fairly drips off this email. All she had to do was delete you. She had no need to ask you to delete her.

    1. I love the passive aggressive “I’m not going to cancel the friend request, I’m going to write you to decline so I can denounce you while pretending to not be” attitude.

      Just wow!

      1. Exactly..there IS a “delete” button..yeesh!!..I didn’t even request her friendship on FB she requested mine…her kids pics on HER profile pic is going to cause irrevocable harm by being on my friends list!! hahaha!I must be really really bad to do that much harm! 😈

        1. “I must be really really bad to do that much harm!”

          IAHB – you are so bad I cannot respond to you lest my testimony be ruined by someone seeing that I responded to you.
          And before you think this is a response to you, I am just announcing my separation from you. πŸ˜†

          My goodness, the mental gymnastics fundies go through to make a point regardless of how petty.

        2. I’m also an ex-chiropractor. I get tons of friend requests from my former classmates. I always accept, just to see what they’re up to. Whenever I mention any one of the multitude of problems I saw in the profession, they attack me with lines like, “You’re just bitter because you failed in practice.”

          Um, no, your choices as a new graduate are to invest tens to hundreds of thousands of dollars in a new office, so you can compete with quacks and frauds, while handicapped by the fact that you have to be in practice for a minimum of three years before you can apply to be on any insurance company’s provider list, or work for another chiropractor for $9/hr. I could make more money at Walmart. When I saw that, I decided Walmart was a better career move and voluntarily retired my license. It’s been a long time since a new graduate could make an honest living in chiropractic. It’s getting so a new grad can’t make a dishonest living, either.

          I recently had a former classmate respond to an article I linked by calling me a bunch of names, telling everyone not to listen to me, and announcing that he was “unfriending” me so he wouldn’t have to read my answer! Sometimes I feel like I left one cult, (Fundamentalism) and joined another (chiropractic).

          If any chiropractors are reading this, let me point out that if you got into the field over 15 years ago, things were much easier then. If you graduated in the last 10 years, you know what I’m talking about. If anyone wants to know what goes on “behind the scenes” in the chiropractic profession, look here: http://chirotalk.proboards.com/ It’s remarkably similar to Fundyism.

      1. I like Mark’s response. She is toooooo silly to be asking *you* to delete her when she could easily delete you with “no harm, no foul”. No need to send that message.

      2. ACCEPT! And post on her all how much you appreciate her sending you a friend request and not cancelling it! We’re totally BFF’s, GIRLFRIEND!

    2. Oh, brother. I am so sorry I am His beloved, that you have to deal with that baloney. Why couldn’t IFB person X just delete you and get on with life? I hate it when fundies feel like they have to explain exactly why they disagree with you and want to separate. It’s almost like she’s saying, “Yes I have friends I disagree with, but you can’t be one of them b/c we disagree too much.” Argh. If I knew this woman’s name, I’d delete her from my FB friends, after sending her a letter telling her exactly why. . . πŸ™„

    3. Wow. I can’t believe the people I once trusted so much would treat you like that. It’s just wrong on so many levels. It’s probably because you were well-known. I was lucky to just creep out quietly, and few people noticed.

    4. IAHB, that is just crazy! Not really shocking but crazy! Now I am sitting here racking my brain trying to figure out who did this.

    5. That is so, so, so…. predictably fundie.

      My image is more important than being your friend so in order for me to save face would you be a dear and look like the villian so that I can brag about how I reached out to you, but you are so rabidly backslidden that you lashed out at me and defriended me. That way I can be the martyr and hide behind my spiritual facade and all the fundie girls will lift me up for having been so spiritual that I intimidated someone who is so obviously guilty because of their backslidding and sin that they would defriend a sweet, innocent Polly Purebred like moi.” 😯 πŸ™„

    6. Facebook must present a real dilemma for the second and third degree separatist fundies (at least for those who somehow have decided to be a part of Facebook at all). Can I be friends with this person who is friends with another person that is friends with that other guy who uses the ESV bible?

      I guess I’m not aware of the protocol for defriending someone. Do we need a ceremony? Reminds me of the old Steve Martin bit about how to break up with someone. You go up to them and say “I break with thee, I break with thee, I break with thee”…and then you throw dog poop on their shoes.

  16. Where does one find a dose of Spirituality? And after you get it, do you still need it?

    1. You can get it at ant IFB church. The prescription is written by the m-o-g. He probably has a “Dr.” in front of his name anyways. πŸ™„

  17. “put down of an easy mark”

    Yea it was an easy mark, but that is the point. Really all of Fundy land is a pretty easy mark once you really start think about things. The whole thing is one gigantic contradiction with no remedy but to completely abandon it. Hyles’ article was an easy mark, but unfortunately indicative.

    1. In this case, it wasn’t a putdown of some poor, obscure halfwit out there. Hyles was the pastor of a megachurch and the spokesperson for a large group of fundamentalists, started a college named after himself that still exists, and is still widely quoted and revered in Fundydom.

      So yes, the pamphlet is an easy mark in that it’s foolishly sophistic and badly researched and makes a rather silly claim, but that’s pretty much the point. When the Emperor’s running around naked, people can talk about his sartorial judgment.

  18. I have no idea what that email means. I’ve read more comprehensible stuff from people who have certifiable mental conditions and are not on meds.

    1. I think it’s safe to assume the writer feels like he is better than Darrell & all the commenters as well, and that he’s more than happy to let us know just how poorly he thinks of us! πŸ™‚

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