Teen Camp: Ambassador Edition

Here’s one more in the list of options for people who would like to get rid of their high-schooler for a few days but don’t want to risk them using drugs, having sex, or hearing anyone debate the Johannine Comma.

And yes, on the back flap of the trifold there are indeed the required list of rules

Yes, you read that last one right. In fundyland you may be old enough to preach but that doesn’t mean your mommy isn’t still expected to write your name in your underwear.

Can you imagine a better time than this camp? Yes. So can I.

179 thoughts on “Teen Camp: Ambassador Edition”

        1. Is that you Agent 13? I hardly recognize you in that inflatable outfit. Hang on a second I have to answer my shoe. 😎

  1. Old Paths… it says old Paths *tick*…see it says it right there, Old *twitch* Paths….
    *shudder* I need a drink….. I’m going for some coffee, *tremors* **mumble “old path” my rear-end** 😯

    1. Seriously? It seriously says “serious about serving the Lord?” *Ack! TwItCh* Full-time Christian service…
      Sunny Beaches this is too much BULL GIPP to handle this early in the morning! 🙄 🙄 🙄

    2. Oh, I am with you…twitch,shudder,tick! We sent my oldest to camp a couple of times and the younger only once. They came home and we discussed the preaching and teaching. After hearing what our kids had to say, we said, “Well that is quite enough of that,” and they never attended again. The silver lining was that my oldest is a great imitator and he not only told us what was said during the services, but he acted it out in full fundy style. Quite entertaining!

    3. Don…you just expressed in your comment the exact twitching patterns what I just experienced reading this…
      …oh and apparently if you are in grade 7 to 12 this camp is only for you if you are SERIOUS about serving God…7th graders only going to have fun need not apply… 😡

      1. A church I attended felt that getting together at a fellowship dinner was enough fun. And you could only have a fellowship if there was a teaching/preaching afterward. And you couldn’t take too long to eat because all of that gossip that goes on during fellowship meals is dangerous, and a waste of time.

  2. Now on a serious note, I’m more disturbed by #1 and #2. It smacks of brainwashing. I’m also a bit confused. If this “college” is an “old fashioned preacher-training institution” what place do young ladies have in this camp? Having been a youth pastor in fundyland for 11 years, even I cringe when I read this. This camp looks like about as much fun as a root canal. Except that with a root canal, you get drugs. At this camp, you’ll just WISH you had drugs…

        1. I never went to Godly Wife Camp, but I did take Beneth Jones’ Minister’s Wife class at BJU. I still have all the notes in the cellar somewhere. I suppose if I haven’t looked at them in more than 12 years I should throw them out.

        2. If I find them, I’ll send them on. Will that act irrevocably mark me as an exfundy? 😎

        3. Pastor’s Wife, are you on Facebook? You can tell how far you are out by how many defriendings happen.

  3. Sounds like a rockin’ good time

    I wonder if I can get my deposit back for the camp I was going to send the kids to.

  4. Campers are expected to stay unless emergency or illness. They say this like they have more authority than the parents. It’s as if the parents aren’t allowed to touch them unless ABC says so. I bet if a parent called ABC to just say “hi” to their child, they would be told that’s not allowed. The balance of power has flipped.

    1. Yeah, that’s really creepy… no phone contact whatsoever. But parents can write to their little darlins- make sure your child’s name is on the envelope so we know who to give it to after we go through it. 😕 I wouldn’t send my child there if they paid me $155.

    2. Yeah, that got me too. I’m not allowed to call my child? That would have sent that brochure straight into the trash.

    3. I was kinda bothered by the “no phone” thing too at first. But then I thought back when to when I went to camp growing up. My parents didn’t have the option to call me back then. There weren’t cell phones. There was only one or maybe two lines into the camp. And we were usually out running around or playing or whatever. So we would go the whole week without talking to our parents. It didn’t seem weird then. Wonder why it does now. Not trying to be arguementative, just making an observation.

      1. George, you should really let me proofread my messages. Strike the first “when” in the second sentence. You really are having fun today aren’t you George?

    4. We don’t want the evil government to mess with our kids but we don’t mind a power-hungry, secretive organization taking them for a week.

    5. I had that at both camps I went to.

      It was nice to get away from technology and just focus on the games, competitions, etc. And I suppose it’s just easier that way. One kid might call his mom for fifteen minutes, but another might be bad sport and spend his entire week texting because he just can’t live without.

      And most of them are brainwashed enough just going to the church that hosts the camp. One extra week won’t make much difference….

    6. That could be fun. “You’re telling me that I, , the legal guardian of record for , a minor child, may not speak to hir on the phone? As a courtesy, I am informing you that this conversation is now being recorded. Please state your name and repeat what you just said, word for word if possible, about your denying me contact with my child.” For face-to-face confrontations, just have the local police number handy. People who think they can step between guardians and children need to learn better. 😯

    1. Looks like girls are learning to “work with children, serve in the local church, and be a godly wife.” Actually, I think they could learn this at home or in their local church without costing anything. Instead of going to camp to learn how to serve, why don’t they just start serving at their own church? I helped my mom with children’s church, and as a teen I began teaching it myself. I sang in the choir; I played the piano; I helped clean the church. I could have worked in the kitchen during fellowship meals or the nursery. I really don’t see the purpose for girls to go to this camp. Shouldn’t their local church have godly Christian women to mentor them without shelling out $155?

      “This program will give you a head start on preparing for the ministry.” Actually teenagers can ALREADY be involved in ministry, not preparing for it in some future time.

      IMO, camps should be on lakes! 🙂

      1. Ya, I love all this “preparing”. Maybe we should learn by doing. What’s really going on is ABC administrators making sure that when the time comes for the “preacher boys” to staring leading their own congregations, the messages will be in line with ABC teachings. God knows, if we let these kids learn on their own, we could have differing doctrines on our hands. This is yet another attempt of Independent Baptists to be not so “independent”. They’re creating a sort of “informal” organization that spits out its own propaganda: A “centralized independence”. It’s an oxymoron.

        1. IMO, Camp Barnabas and TACK Conference are more about recruiting for the school than anything else. Same thing for the ensemble groups they sent out to churches.

          I’ve heard the same sob story countless times of not having enough money to run the college for the coming year, and yet while I was there they were planning to build an “Evangelist Legacy Center” with a state-of-the-art “preaching lab.”

          Not a shortage of money as much as a misguided priorities, me thinks.

        1. 7th grade – never to early to begin the grooming to be the perfect pastor’s wife and to meet that preacher boy who just might be “the one.”

    2. I always wondered why the male lifeguards were able to “lifeguard” the girls when it was their “turn” at the pool. Yea I was alittle jealous.

    3. Don’t kid yourself. The young ladies are there to the delight of the Old White Guys who run the place. I can imagine what kind of debauchery goes on. Yeah, I’m THAT cynical.

    1. I dislike the implication that if you’re serious for God you’ll want to be in full-time ministry, you’ll want to go to this camp to learn how to preach, or you’ll want to learn how to be a pastor’s wife.

      You can be serious about God and yet still want to go to a camp that has a lake for swimming. You can be serious about living for God and NOT be a pastor, pastor’s wife, or Christian school teacher. We’re all part of the body. No part of the body can say it’s more important than another.

      1. I’ve found some of the best teachers are the ones that have a job and a life outside of church. That means they don’t have a full time ministry, but it also means that they have a good grasp of the world. And, maybe a little more sense.

      2. @PW – As usual you’re right on the money. How about christian engineers, scientists, MD’s, not alot of those in fundyland, or how about, God forbid, christian models, and singing artists, other than christian music, TV actors and on and on. Why narrow the scope of professions that God can work in and through?

  5. “impact your generation”

    Now how can you do that when you are called to totally separate from them except when trying to push “fundy jesus” down their throats ❓

    1. and with the age of the leaders the difference between them and the kids is going to be about 3 generations.

      1. Yes, “Impact your generation by learning to live like you are in the 1940s and be like us old guys in the old paths” 😆

  6. I just can’t imagine going to a camp and dressing up. I would be asking what the heck we are dressing up for? I would like to see their passage for that.

    1. It’s to counteract the sloppy, trendy-casual of our times. We are called to be separate, doncha know? God forbid we shop for trendy clothes.

      1. Just a question, does trendy always have to be sloppy looking? I have never gotten why fashionable has to look like a hobo. I didn’t get when I was in high school back in hte early nineties, thats when the baggy pants started. Guess I’m just a big square. 😀

  7. We tried POW Camp ONCE! It was in this beautiful spot. It was advertised as hiking, canoeing, fires at night etc… Once you get there. It was revielle in the morning and your day was scheduled away. KP duty, clean cabins, preaching 2 times each morning and 2 times each evening. Boys and girls separated so you never saw your kids and they only did the fun stuff for 30 min at a a time! Then the preaching… some nut with a captive audience was screaming like a banchee, what a flashback 🙁
    I asked later about no free time and one of them told me, “Camp is not about fun, it’s about separating from the world and preaching the devil out of everyone!” They advertised the fun stuff to get you to go then, BAM your stuck! Never never never again! I need an tylenol 🙁

  8. God forbid we have a good time at camp, because FUNdies aren’t supposed to have fun at all. I attend a Baptist church, (not a fundy one), and I can honestly say our camps are fun. They mostly consist of free time with lots to do, and two light-hearted, upbeat services a day, and thank God, no legalism! Ours is only $85 to attend, too. I wonder if it’s because we don’t have all the rules? Do you pay by the rule? Also, has anyone ever heard of The Wilds? I’ve never been, but their website looks as though I wouldn’t want to.

    1. The Wilds would be a lot fun – if they sold it to the Lutherans or the Methodists, so you could wear what you want to and not have to endure those interminable services. I mean, how many times can you throw your faggot in the fire?

      1. You’re right. I went to Methodist church camp as a teen. We wore play clothes (generally shorts and T-shirts for both sexes) the whole time (except for normal swimsuits for swimming), and had lots of fun. Boys and girls slept in separate quarters, but we were together the rest of the time. We sang church camp songs and had a little prayer service each evening, and sang grace at meals, but that was about it for religious indoctrination. The only rules I remember about what to bring or not was that no drugs, alcohol, or tobacco were allowed, which seemed reasonable enough. I guess “weapons” were out, too, but the camp thought we had enough common sense that they didn’t need to put that in the flyer. I still see some friends I made at that camp all those many years ago.

        1. I went to a wonderful camp when I was in junior high, and later became a camp counselor there. There were a lot of kids there from IFB churches, but a lot from other churches too, and it was a lot of fun. They discouraged the parents from calling the younger kids during the week because it might trigger homesickness, but they didn’t absolutely forbid it either. The older kids, they didn’t have to have that rule, because who wants to be on the phone with your parents when you could be out having fun? We had one devotional time in the morning and a regular service at night, but the rest of the time was pretty much open for swimming, inner-tubing on the river, miniature golf, horseback riding, volleyball, etc. Being a camper there was great. Being a counselor there was even better. And being able to help kids make spiritual decisions was the absolutely best part!

    2. Me and my sibs went to Trinity’s camp several times. They asked for a “dressy casual” at the two services (skirts for girls, pants for guys, etc), but we could wear shorts everywhere else, had a good amount of free time, some awesome games and activities. I just wish I had gone with more friends lol

      My current fundy church’s camp is so….stilted. There really wasn’t anything to do outside of the scheduled activities. I mainly slept because I didn’t know more then a few of the girls, and the other ones weren’t very nice 😛

  9. Tod Scovill Taught me Baritone when I was a kid. This was before he left for Ambassador.

    Anyway I thought the paragraph under ministry camp explaining what women will be prepared for was quite demeaning.

    “Young ladies, learn how to work with children [cause that’s all you are allowed to do], serve in the local church [by cooking or working with children, this is mostly redundant], and be a godly wife [helpmeet for the soul, this is what women were created for].”

    I’m surprised it didn’t keep going. …a god honoring quiverful mother, and church pianist. 👿

    1. I didn’t know that Scovill had gone to Ambassador after leaving First Baptist, and never would’ve figured out it was the same guy. He was quite the laughing stock among students for the convoluted stuff he tried to peddle as sane justification for hymns being the only acceptable form of music.

      1. He never liked my needing to tap my foot to keep time (I still suck at timing & rhythm). And he REALLY hated it when the trombone section would start bobbing to the tune (waving trombones up & down or side to side in time).

        1. All that stuff in the Psalms about clapping hands and even praising the Lord with the dance is so embarrassing. It’s a good thing the fundies ignore those verses!

        2. Those verses were thrown at him many times by various students. Actually wasn’t me, as I just didn’t really care what he said, and didn’t feel the need to prove it scripturally to just instinctively know he was more than a little ways off the reservation.

      1. Must’ve left there to come to First Baptist, cause he he came to us in the mid to late 80s (86 or 87 if memory serves). His music theory kinda stunk, his basketball coaching was really awful.

        1. Yes, it must have been right before that. It was at the venerable Fourth Baptist Christian Day School in MN (not to be confused with night school 🙄 ). I had him for choir one year.

  10. I am suspicious of the evangelist Billy Ingram. For one, his name sounds too much like another well known evangelist. He probably holds to the KJV, but who knows if he has secretly has quiet time with the NIV!

    1. ABC has a love affair with “evangelists” (however far from the Scriptural model they may be). In my observation, they have some sort of short rotation for these guys…you see the names of only about five or six of them featured for their special events and such.

      You know, it’s like a “You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours” kind of thing (You promote our college and I’ll try to get you a big love offering). 😉

      I always thought it was cruel to constantly guilt students into giving toward the evangelist’s offerings when many of them couldn’t even pay their semester bills.

  11. Did I just see “Teaching Bible” under the Women’s heading? Does that cost ABC some fundy cred?

      1. Exactly…even though some of the teachers there desperately needed some Bible lessons… 🙄

  12. Do kids ages 12-18 even own ties? That aren’t clip-on? Mine don’t even have shirts with collars. Although I did notice there was nothing mentioned about hair; perhaps my 2 oldest with hair past their shoulders would like to go.

  13. Don’t they mean Re-education Camp Barnabas?

    Where they will instill “Olde Paths Indoctrination

    ***tic-twITCH*** did I just read it says, “seasons of prayer?”

    What a CULT! This is just too much to take today… I’m going to drag my finger nails across a chalk board for about an hour to calm down from this one. *sHiVer** (breathe don, breathe george here to help… just breathe…)

  14. I love how girls should wear skirts or dresses to the services, but then slacks are not permitted. So, does this mean I can wear SHORTS the whole rest of the day? 😯

  15. All fashions must cover the knee …

    I think I’d be wearing shorts and some fun knee-high socks, just to be ornery. But of course I’d make sure to have them labeled with my name.

  16. I like the lineup of speakers. Evangelist, evangelist, Doctor, Doctor and then Mr. Todd Scovill. I am not sure I would want to go hear a man who could not even arrange a phony doctorate!

    Also, in the what not to bring list, I thought that scooters was amazingly specific. Like some dude brought one once so they had to make a rule against it. I would think a lot of teenagers would go around with cell phones and MP3 players but scooters?

    Why are televisions not on the prohibited items list? ❓

    1. I, too, thought that banning scooters was really specific! I mean, you read all the regularly banned items like MP3 players, alcohol, weapons, but then…..scooters?! That’s so random. Who brought a scooter once and ran over one of the speakers’ feet?

  17. I have a camp story. The camp that I went to as a 12 year old was just horrible. I went two years. The first year, all of the services were held in a makeshift gym above the cafeteria.

    People were literally scared that the floor was going to give. It was in horrible condition. The flooring was not actual flooring, just planks. They made us play basketball on it during the fun time. Some of the planks were coming up, and we’d have to dribble around them.

    All this to say that the next year, it had been condemned and they had to have the services in tent revival fashion while they raised funds to build a new sanctuary. One night in the middle of the week, there was severe weather. The cabins weren’t safe, muchless the tent. The camp administrators could not get away with canceling the service, so they crammed us all into the “Canteen” – again, not that safe, and we spent 3 hours riding out the storm and listening to a non-amplified service.

    There was this big famous preacher’s daughter that I took a liking to. She wrote me a letter, I wrote one back. She called me, I called back. One day my dad set me down and told me that a her dad had called our pastor and told him to let me know that she was not allowed to speak to me anymore.

    1. Sunny Beaches that Ice-hole went through your M-O-g overlord instead of addressing your parents directly? What a poo cranium…that is beyond BULL GIPP! Cult, Cult, Cult…..

      That’s it I’m done for the day! I’m going to go have a root canal done without any novacaine in order to calm down from today’s tsunami of triggers… 👿

      1. @ Don

        Your euphemisms are making me laugh more than Darrell’s post (also very funny). You would have given the people in my fundy school convulsions and twitches from saying stuff like that. We got preached at several times about how if we were going to use euphemisms, we might as well say the real thing. Unfortunately for them, some of us obeyed, just not what they were intending.

  18. I went to (2) different camps coming up fundy, one was like a w/end thing when I was about 8-9, as I recall, it wasn’t alot of fun. The 2nd was down in NC somewhere when I was about 13. I was kinda hillbilly redneck kid (imagine that) and there were several NC guys that were also as redneck as I was. I think I got into about 3 fights and didn’t lose any, but the last fight I most remember was over who the members of Creedence Clearwater Revival were. CCR was my band and I couldn’t have those NC rednecks talking bad on my boys.

    I suppose the counsellors weren’t sure what to do with me, if they would have had a remedial program, I’m sure I would have been a candidate.

  19. i always find it interesting that the girls have to learn how to be Godly wives but never is there training on how to be a Godly husband.

  20. oh yes, and why do they say to not bring alcohol, tobacco, & drugs? not like they would even think of accepting someone who had these items at home to bring.

  21. At our church’s camp there was such a push for “decisions”. The kids got preached at for hours, both morning and night. Those invitations went on forever, and the manipulation was severe.

    After camp was over they would line up the kids at the pulpit on a Sunday night to have them announce all their “commitments”.

    “I feel gid calling me to our church’s Bible College.”
    (They had five days to preach about this subject to the kids.)

    “I’ve been called to be a pastor’s wife.”
    (Good luck finding an example of such a calling in the Bible.)

    “I’ve been called to full-time ministry.”

    “I’ve been called to be a pastor.”

    “I got saved!” (again)

    “I am rededicating my lift…”
    (Still looking for a biblical example for this one…)

    It makes me sad to think of the poor young girls who made a public profession about being called to be a pastor’s wife, only later to be guilted into only dating future pastors.

    1. Always struck me as a neat coincidence that girls who had crushes on boys who were called to preach, suddenly were called to be a “preacher’s wife”. 🙄

    2. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check!

      Happens every year, except for the “called to be a pastor’s wife”: I’ve never heard that encouraged, so to speak. But all the others are right on.

  22. Don’t send your child to overnight camp, and especially not to one run by Fundamentalists. They have a proven, consistent track record of harboring child molesters on staff and in the pulpit. And they don’t investigate allegations of either violent or sexual assault against children.

    1. I still have a few friends in fundamentalism, one that is close and dear to me. She has young children and I would like to make her aware of the dangers. Did you blog about the assault allegations in camps specifically? I’d like more information. (Sick feeling in my stomache as we did send our children to two summer fundy camps.)

      1. No overnight camp is perfectly safe, not if the parents are not present. This particular camp is a “pickup” event, sponsored by these clowns. You can bet the counselors will not have even gone through a background check. I think it’s very high-risk. Suggest that your friend contact them and ask for credentials of full time staff and background checks on counselors

        1. Wow, that post brought back a memory that I had forgotten all about. I worked at a fundy camp for two summers when I was somewhere between the ages of 14-16. The second summer I was there, the director had been arrested for questionable dealings with the young boys there. Most of the horror stories I’ve heard about fundy leaders was the typical scenario of the preacher running off with the secretary. Scenarios with the what happened with the camp director happened rarely within the circles I ran in growing up, when I do hear about this, all I can think is “what the h—“. It shouldn’t take me by surprise me, but it does. The camp that I work at never was the same. I don’t think that they ran it after that scandalous incident.

    2. Overnight camps are part of growing up. Day-camps do not have the effect that the old-school week long camps have; I know, I went to many of them growing up. I think that the psychological aspects of being away from family for a few days is an incredible experience all kids should have. I do prefer that it be done with a church or school group; so that there would be a few kids they would know, as well as an adult sponsor who stays at the camp. Although the media would love to make us think that there are predators waiting for your child to be away from you; the likelihood of something actually happening from a reputable camp is so small that is probably no more dangerous than going to a mall. I wouldn’t trade my experience as a camper growing up for anything; I’m glad my parents did it.

      1. Thousands of kids don’t go to overnight camp, and they do very well. It’s not a necessity of growing up, and it’s a high risk behavior. Becoming a camp counselor is one of the easiest ways a child molester can get access to kids. And in religious circles, it’s no more difficult than showing up at church for two months before volunteering.

        1. I’m not saying to ship them off to any ol’ camp, but I think it’s a bit paranoid to call a reputable camp ‘high risk’ behaviour. We can’t be with our children every minute of their lives; they need to learn how to cope without us sometimes.

        2. They’re an open door for abusers. Overnight camps, church-based or not, are big culprits in terms of incidences of child sex abuse. The practice of shoving your child (or a group of children) off among strangers, under the governance of people only a few years older than they, doesn’t need to be an American institution and really shouldn’t be. It’s not paranoid to recognize that a system that repeatedly fails in a way that permanently damages (I should say devastates) a young person for the rest of his or her life is not paranoid. It’s reasonable.

        3. For the record, I was a counselor at a fundy camp for two summers.

          I had to go through a background check.

          And I didn’t molest, abuse, or otherwise hurt anybody.

          That’s not to say it doesn’t happen but I’ve not heard of it happening at the camp I was at fwiw.

        4. I’m sure, like anywhere, abuse happens at camp. It happens everywhere. It happens where there are background checks (obviously, it’s better to make sure the camp does background checks–I’m not discounting that.)

          Quite frankly, for many fundy kids, they risk more abuse in their own homes than during the week they spend at summer camp–summer camp is a welcome break, even w/ all the guilt trips, etc. . . 😥

        5. I worked at New Life Island when I was on college. We never had complaint either. Then again, most kids won’t talk. Overnight camps are simply not able to cope with skilled child monsters, and they remain one of the most likely places that predators will Target. It takes only one time to inflict lifelong suffering on a child. It’s just not worth it

        6. Would everyone please shut up. Bassenco says that thousands and thousands of children are being molested in Baptists church camps, and none of them are talking about it. It simply does not matter what you know or what you think you know.

          Hey Bassy remember that circle of friends I discussed with you some time ago. I think its getting smaller.

          Your meglomania is starting to show. May want to get that checked.

        7. That’s a little extreme, don’t you think? I mean you could say the same thing about the nursery at church, or the Sunday School classes. At our camp, all the counselors had to go through a background and reference check, and we applied the standard, common-sense rule of never being alone with a kid in an area where nobody else could see you. But Sunday School teachers are rarely given a background check, and they often take their younger charges to the bathroom, with no one else around.

    3. I must say though, that at my current church’s camp, all of the counselors and such are church members or college students that have been there for many years. I say it’s because they’re more controllable 😛 Don’t know about background checks, but they weren’t right off the streets.

      Not sure about Trinity, but I gather most were church/college staff as well.

  23. It does seem freaky the emphasis on not leaving…as if they know kids will want to leave

    1. Hmmm, yes. The (non-fundy) church camp I went to let kids leave early if their parents agreed. It was rare for kids to want to leave early, though.
      We also could make phone calls home if we wanted to. It’s a bit of a red flag that they want to isolate the campers so much.

  24. Don, this is in your backyard, isn’t it? C’mon, take one for the team and hang out there for a week!

    Or don’t. With all deference to the one or two ABC grads I’ve met on the forums, Ambassador is the last place I’d recommend anyone going. That place scares me. I mean really, really scares me. Like, wild-eyed crazy scares me. 😕

    1. I’m still reeling from the flood of triggers this one posting has hit me with. I’ve been over on ABC’s site poking around and I think I’ll just go take an A and wipe my BC. Then flush twice just to be sure… 😯

        1. Like Frick and Frack… like Spy-v-Spy…. like Archie and Meathead…. like Fred and Aunt Esther… like Beluga caviar and Boone’s Farm wine…Like Falwell and Flynt… Like Trump and Hair… 🙄

    2. Don, this camp works perfectly into your schedule. It is the week before the SOTL conference. You can attend both and file a full report. :mrgreen:

      That would be cruel and inhumane punishment 😈

      1. Ok, I’ll do it!
        In the immoral words of my greatest hero:
        Courage! What makes a king out of a slave? Courage! What makes the flag on the mast to wave? Courage! What makes the elephant charge his tusk in the misty mist, or the dusky dusk? What makes the muskrat guard his musk? Courage! What makes the sphinx the seventh wonder? Courage! What makes the dawn come up like thunder? Courage! What makes the Hottentot so hot? What puts the “ape” in apricot? What have they got that I ain’t got?

        1. Alright Don! You are the man.
          You would certainly be awarded the SFL Medal of Honor for this heroic and perilous journey.

        2. Don: All right, I’ll go in there for SFL. Wicked Witch or no Wicked Witch, guards or no guards, I’ll tear them apart. I may not come out alive, but I’m going in there. There’s only one thing I want you fellows to do.

          Scorpio, Darrell, RobM: What’s that?

          Don: Talk me out of it! 😯

        3. The *immortal* words of the cowardly lion. Immoral would be the teachings that go on at SOTL! 🙂

        4. Fast Forward to July 18 at Camp Barnabas……..

          Camp Leader: Welcome Brother Don
          Don: Hi
          CL: First thing we need you to do brother is shave that beard and get a haircut.
          Don: Umm
          CL: We can’t have all that hair ruin your testimony. Afterall Jesus shaved and had short hair. Amen?
          Don: Huh? Well actually…..
          CL: OK. Once you clean up and get that hair high & tight, your first job will be to go into all the cabins and check to make sure all the camper’s clothes have their names written on them. You will also throw out any clothes that do not meet our standards. You can do that during the 4 hour campfire preaching service tonight.
          Don: *twitch* *twitch* Well those standards aren’t really anywhere in the bible……
          CL: Amen brother! Speaking of the bible, We have you scheduled for tomorrow to give a quick testimony on the purity of the KJV bible. Explain to the campers how Paul actually wrote the whole KJV and that the word translation is really an ancient Greek word meaning liberal. I’ve got an outline right here in my case.
          Don: *runs away, not looking back*
          CL: Brother Don? Brother Don? Oh, he must be getting his haricut. Prasie gawd!

    3. @Mounty

      I survived Ambassador, but I haven’t been discharged from the veteran’s hospital yet (for those almost slain by Fundy-mentalism). I still can’t believe some of the crap I heard from the chapel pulpit that passed for “preaching”…so many hours wasted in that auditorium (though my job in the kitchen allowed me to skip some of the services and actually do something productive).

      No matter how unscriptural or just plain wack the sermon or preacher was, you dare not criticize…I’m glad I escaped early before more walls were built in my mind. 😐

  25. Aw, man I can’t bring my Alcoholic Beverages, Drugs, Fireworks OR Weapons? Well, if I do you can be sure I won’t have my mama write my name on ’em. 👿

      1. If he did, I’m sure that would be on the brochure under banned items for next year!

        1. yeah, the rules when I went to camp and church events was tshirts with no words on them. Especially the women!

  26. I’m very happy to have never attended a Fundy youth camp, even though it was heavily pushed onto the students at my high school. The only church camp I ever attended was with my old church, but I knew everybody, and it was REALLY a camping trip, with tents and a lake and a bear and everything. (The bear freaked me out. The coyotes not so much.)

    Oh, and I’ve been to ACE and GSBC student conventions. 😕 Darrell should write an article on those.

  27. Yeah.. the whole call to being a Pastors wife BAFFLES me.

    I think there needs to be an entry on that topic.

    1. Even at our church’s camp, we’ve had girls that have said they feel called to be a pastor’s wife, a missionary’s wife, etc. My pastor doesn’t take it too seriously though. As for these churches that line up their decisions behind the pulpit to brag to the great successes of the camp, I’ve seen it, and we don’t do it. The Christian walk is a daily exercise, not something that somehow miraculously comes upon you at a youth camp. If you weren’t walking with Jesus already, there’s a good chance an emotional camp decision won’t last, either. Just my two cents. Oh by the way, I’m praing that the Lord will send me a girl who feels called to be an evangelist’s wife. Hahaha!

      1. My brother’s longtime girlfriend dumped him for that “reason.” All I wanted to say was, “If you really have a problem with something, just come out and say it.”

        I don’t have an issue with her not liking my brother, just with her blaming her preferences on “God’s will” or whatever.

        Plus, I mean, what if God doesn’t want you to marry a preacher? Are you going to say no? Bah. 😐

        1. Bechyboo,
          You have hit the nail squarely on the head.
          The Fundie way is to hide behind and within the religious rites, superstitions and trite cliche’s. Always using god as either a reason to persue their own whims or blaming him to coverup their fickle and oft changing desires. It is easy to use “God’s will” as a smoke screen or an excuse. Since God cannot be called to give testimony either for or against an assertion that someone has made concerning his alleged will for their life, then what hinders one from making any claim and attributing it to god’s will? Empires are built on this single premise. Look to the emperors of the IFB and hear their orations concerning god’s will to build the largest Sunday Schools, have more saved than at Pentecost, how they cover sin and crimes with a wave of this phrase. They have built edifaces to themselves and named Colleges after themselves, and built cathedrals to their own honor. The have manipulated lives and enforced their will on others from their positions of perceived spiritual power, enslaved untold numbers to their wills, and taught their sycophant disciples this art of manipulation to carry on to the next generation.
          Many learn their lessons all too well.

    1. Now you just know they were running out of activities to list there when they resorted to “Bible quizzing and much, much more!”

      Reminds me of my old pastor. When he couldn’t think of anything to write about an activity, he’d stick “exciting” into the description.

  28. To be fair, secular camps ask that parents label everything with the campers’ names too, regardless of age, just because it makes life easier for everyone.

      1. I don’t think I can off the top of my head? I just recall going to secular summer camps in middle and high school and making sure to have my name on my belongings. If you’re staying in a cabin with ten other kids, it’s a good idea to have your belongings marked.

  29. do parents REALLY writes letters to their kids when they’re only gone for like 3 & a half days?

    1. I assume they do there as well. The camp I went to for a few years made a HUGE deal about distributing all the mail they got for campers. I was always baffled by what could possibly be in one of those letters that it was worth sending, delivering, or reading.

    2. amazing. i’ve never been to camp, and my only knowledge about camp comes from 80’s slasher movies (friday the 13th, sleepaway camp, etc).

    3. I went to this one fundy camp a couple times when I was a teen, and whenever you received mail, they announced it at lunch time and made you do something stupid/embarrassing to get it from them. Like sing and dance, or drink a whole pitcher of tea or something (in all fairness, the last one was probably the mail recipient’s idea).

      That was one of the times my family’s lackadaisical attitude towards ever sending me stuff actually made me thankful. I’m pretty sure I would have suddenly had to use the restroom if I received a package… 🙄

      All that said, I actually had a good time there. I guess when there isn’t much going on in your life, stuff like that, however regulated it may be, seems pretty cool. Now that I look back, I’m pretty horrified at some of the stuff they taught us, but the sports were fun. 😎

    1. Ouch. That was painful. Isn’t there a law against using such bad photographs and unflattering poses?

  30. I was sitting here just now, wondering who decides how “old” the “old paths” are?!? I mean, the Amish have an even better grip on the “old paths”, it would seem. . .and we can see how well the Amish are “impacting their generation.” 🙄

  31. Someone on the forum mentioned that fundies are often a lot like Job’s comforters. How sad that so often they show little compassion toward those in pain.

    Part of suffering is grief and anger. David and Job showed this frustration. Instead of preaching against being angry at God (and heaping guilt on his listeners), why didn’t the pastor preach on what to do WHEN you feel angry at God. David, for example, often began his psalms questioning where God was and saying how alone he felt, but he often ended by saying, “My soul will wait on the Lord. He is my defense and my strong tower.” The preacher could have ENCOURAGED instead of attacking and tearing down people for their emotions.

    1. Please ignore this post! I reposted where it was supposed to belong as a reply to RJW above so this is just the superfluous mistake.

  32. As a graphic designer myself, I’m kind of shocked that the page layout is so nice. I was also surprised to see some BJU pamphlets show up on a design blog.

    It just goes to show that you CAN polish a turd (proven by mythbusters) – provided you hire a talented artist.

  33. Booooo as a 7th grader i think thats a load of donkey piss!!! I am a christian and i love god but dude u go to summer camp 4 fun!! I aint wearin no skirt or “colots”. Im never goin but if i do im goin in my wrestling sweatpants, a tee that says “wassup ni**a” and my party rock shoes. Plus ima buy socks that look like di**os. Sorry if im using bad words im gonna censor them. Im just sharing my thoughts..cool post.

    1. Only thing “bad” about your words is your casual approach to grammar and spelling. C’est la guerre. 🙄

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