Please leave your creative captions in the comments.
(be nice, the guy who graciously submitted the photo is the one in the picture)
Please leave your creative captions in the comments.
(be nice, the guy who graciously submitted the photo is the one in the picture)
131 thoughts on “Reader-Submitted Photo: The Hyles Manual”
Yay! I’m first!
I’m curious what it says to do about women who speak their mind, or wear pants?
I just have never understood why God gave women a mind in the first place. ::scratching head::
It doesn’t do them any good in an IFB church.
“How to manipulate people’s desire for Christ into a business opportunity for yourself. This is fascinating reading”
I thought his method was more a matter of fooling people with no desire for Christ into making a decision for Christ without realizing it.
💡 Win! 💡
Please post some of the content!!!
Yeah, my curiosity is totally peaked, but I don’t have any intent of buying.
Dang! I was due for a dufus typo like that! 🙂
I’ve seen this book in person before, just trying to remember where. It may have been on my parents’ shelf. I know they had other books by Hyles.
Is that Dave Matthews?
From the introduction:
“Who needs the Holy Spirit when you can coerce bus kids and guilt everyone else to come humbly and sit at your feet.” -Page 4
“Aspiring IFB preacher boy Jebediah Malachi reads with keen interest Chapter 15, How You Can Tell When No Doesn’t Mean No”
Interested party realises that he is unsure if this is a church manual, or Mao’s little red book….
He is thinking “I should do WHAT? But I love my grandmother!”
LOL. That’s pretty funny.
Bursts out laughing, coffee shoots through nose….
“How to Succeed in the Pulpit Without Really Trying”
I think they made that chapter into a Musical didn’t they?
Chapter 1. Pulpiteering for Fun and Profit.
Chapter 2. How to hide your secretary.
chapter 3. Cover-ups made easy.
Not to mention how to make $100k salary sound like $50k. Although I’m not sure that’s Hyles specific, I wouldn’t put it past the old fart.
“Chapter 2. How to hide your secretary.
chapter 3. Cover-ups made easy.”
Chapter Four: manipulating your deacon board into a group of docile yes men. Chapter Five: making a church business meeting your 1-2-3 tool for rubber-stamping your wishes.
You see a lot of books like this in IFB church auctions, and nobody really buys them. I’m not sure who reads this kind of junk anyways.
Is this the same book?
Yes, that’s it.
Check out page 275. “The Pastor should be very discreet in his conduct with the lady staff members.” 😳
That paragraph is absolutely classic.
(In case there are one or two readers who don’t know what we’re talking about, check out some of the 4,930 hits I got on the search words “Jack Hyles adultery”:
The story’s too long and obscene to tell here, but there’s plenty there.)
“Kilroy was here”
Keep on Truckin
Now I am singing “Mr Roboto”
This is THE book at HAC. There was a class called “Church Education.” Preacher boys had to take it every semester. At the time I was there, it was taught by Jack Schaap and Ray Young. You almost had to memorize that book.Eight semesters of the same thing continuously repeated.
It’s no wonder when you drill into kids the idea that they have to establish & maintain authority at any cost, how they end up doing what they do.
My most vivid memory of that class was when we were discussing the equipping of the baptistry dressing rooms. A preacher boy had the audacity to ask if it would be OK to put shower curtains on the men’s stalls like we were told to do for the women’s. Dr. Young came totally unhinged, screaming stuff like “So you think your more holy than Dr. Hyles! Why don’t you start your own college and write your own manual…..ect…”
Wait–you mean the great and holy Dr. Hyles didn’t approve on shower curtains on the men’s stalls?
Uh … Won’t there be water all over the floor if you don’t use shower curtains?
Is’t Ray Young the high [priest of hyles worship?
Wow. Wish I’d been under a pew. I went to HAC too, though more recently.
It’s basically the same thing at WCBC. Used to be Criswells Guidebook for Pastors. Now it’s “Spiritual Leadership” by Paul W Chappell. Gag me.
In the dark ages when I was there, ladies still had to take one semester of Church Ed, and once a week Jim Vineyard, that racist oaf, taught it. the church manual was not used at all. It was just menagawd up there blathering, in the old chapel. Which later became a bowling alley. Sigh. Someone pass the mental rewind eraser…
“What! I have to wear a full suit to the shower every morning?”
“Look at the culottes on that helpmeet!”
How to raise a serial fornicator
So sadly true.
There’s probably a chapter in there about how to cover up a sex scandal, or something.
I just love the expression. Looks like a teenager reading a porno for the first time.
So I am the guy in the pic but wanted to put a disclaimer on the photo….1 It is not my book. 2. I found this book in a friends office. 3. The book is very comical. Thanks for posting it Darrell, I hope everyone enjoys it.
“1 It is not my book.”
Excellent work! Keep it up!
AND 4. My eyes are crossed for effect!!!
“If you’re ever alone in a public place with an unbeliever, make sure to strike up a conversation. Offer to pray for them and then lead them, line by line down the Roman Road”
– On evangelism.
“Say what? That’s a sin? Ohh, I’m doomed, doomed doomed!”
Chapter 1 “How To Get People To Worship You”
Chapter 2 “How To Get Away With Adultery”
Chapter 3 “How To Inflate The Number Of Souls Saved”
Chapter 4 “How To Help Your Staff Escape Justice For Sexual Crimes”
Chapter 5 “How To Vilify Those Who Speak Out Against People Worshiping You, Your Adultery, Inflating The Number Of Souls Saved And Helping Your Staff Escape Justice For Sexual Crimes”
Chapter 1 “How to Combat Dogs and Other Tools of Satan”
“Wow! And everybody always said that there was no door!”
Just FYI, if you’re really desperate to read it, here’s a lengthy sample: http://www.jackhyles.com/churchmanual.htm
I can’t believe what I just read in this manual regarding how to teach Sunday School…
“Then we discuss at this annual course how to present a lesson. We teach our teachers to present the lesson only from the Bible. We teach them to seek limited participation from the pupil. For example, we never say, â€œWhat do you think about verse 2?â€ Why, they may think ten minutes about verse 2. Consequently, we seek limited participation. Ask questions that demand only a one-word answer or a very brief answer-a fill in the blank, a multiple choice, or some other question, or some other type presentation that will require participation, yet on a limited scale.”
“We must never allow any individual to come up with, or share their own ideas about anything because the will undoubtedly be wrong. Ask only questions that require a “Yes, I agree.”
“they” not “the” lol
Sounds like he read about good teaching practices, decided it was too worldly, so figured he’d be right if he taught exactly the opposite.
You’re not kidding. Classes like this put me to sleep. Teacher: Who was the lesson about? Answer: Joseph. Teacher: What did his dad give him? Answer: A coat. Teacher: How did his brothers act? Answer: Angry and jealous.
This is the lowest level of question, requiring the least participation and mental growth. This is sad. I’m not surprised, but it’s a shame.
And those are the Adult Questions…. 🙄
Clearly Jesus never learned how to teach Hyles-style. He apparently never realized he was supposed to limit his hearers’ participation…. 🙄
In other words, keep your pupils from thinking, at all costs.
Thinking? What is that? We Baptists know nothing of thinking.
And keep the teacher from thinking too. Did you read his description of the weekly teachers and officers meeting all teachers are required to attend? The pastor spends twenty minutes teaching that week’s lesson to the teachers, and then, to make sure nobody risks any actual thinking, the officers take each department/class aside and spend twenty more minutes telling the teachers how the lesson applies to the age group that teacher teaches. Amazing! How demeaning and controlling for the poor teachers. (Also, since he mentioned that in his annual training he tells teachers to start studying the lesson on Monday and to read the Bible passage at least seven times before Sunday, it brings up the question, why should they? If he’s just going to tell them what to say, they don’t need to do any preparation, seems to me.)
The MoG at my ex-church held a meeting with the SS teachers and told us that we should gear our lessons to be understood by the simplest person in the class. That explained a lot of his sermons.
When we were looking for a pastor at the old fundy bunker I was actually told by another pulpit committee member that we needed someone who could preach to the least educated person in the congregation. I guess there is no need to grow and be challenged in the word, “‘jes c’mon in a sit a spell, no need to worry none we won”t use words that have mor’in two syllables in ’em. Hooo-weee! But we’ll git ennertained, from that Jack-in-the-Puplit! Jes’ wind ‘im up and let ‘er rip! Yee-haw! That’ll be sum toe stompin’, and aisle runnin’, Baptistry Divin’, preachin’ fer shure! Hayy-men?” 😯 🙄 🙁
Trouble is, he was usually the simplest person in the class.
“The Holiness Of A White Piano”
Holiness as in there’s a major hole in your claim of a white piano?
hardy har har 😆
This issue is becoming very important. I think we must separate over the issue. I am a Whitepianoist. 😐
Upright or Baby-grand?
“Upright”, of course! That should be your favorite word!
The book jacket shows evidence of a lot of use. Obviously, the book has been passed around quite a bit. May I ask, “Is there a test to measure ones understanding of the book.”
Of course it shows lots of wear. It is the core curriculum of HAC. It is read cover to cover every year.
With apologies to the submitter… 🙂
Dude! All I have to do to boink any woman I want is tell her it is God’s will!!!
Dude! There IS an inner door…
This feels like a euphemism in need of an Urban Dictionary entry, but I checked there, and I googled and I don’t know what this means.
The “Inner Door” refers to the door that was covered by a curtain that went between Hyle’s office and Jenny Nischik’s office.
Here is a link to a story you need to read. 🙄
I applaud that it was a fellow IFB’er that blew the whistle on ol Jack.
Yep, Ol Jackie boy was out IFB’d 😉
Nevertheless he still had his legion of minions who were “100% For Hyles” or whatever that button people wore said. It would be great if someone out there had one and send a picture to Darrell. That could be whole new posting by itself.
Thanks for the link. I actually took the time to read the whole thing–tiring as that was. I’ve been really interested in reading about Hyles lately since my dad is very loyal HAC grad. At times it seemed like I was reading about him and not Jack Hyles; a lot of things during my growing up years makes sense now. 😐
Do you believe the charges are true? It would seem to be from the way he evades most of them in his replies.
As public as it was, and as you said Hyles’ evasiveness in answering directly I would have said it was most probably true. But what iced it for me was Judy Nischik Johnson’s letter. This is first-hand testimony of what took place in her home growing up and she was terrified of Jack and what he was able to do. I believe that the half has not been told and the darkest side may never see the light of day. I thought it was interesting that the term Mafia was used regarding the cultlike atmosphere at Hammond.
So many people have testified to parts of the story or all of it, and no one has really seriously refuted any of it, that I am convinced everything we’ve heard, and more, is true.
I am not insulting the guy in the photo, but he kind of reminds me of the Blues Brothers with the black suit and tie. He could sing “I’m a soul winning man.” 🙂
Ha! Def not wearing a suit and tie in this pic, just trying to stay warm with 30 feet of snow outside! I could photoshop in a pair of sunglasses if you would like????
Ha, that would be funny. Were you in a fundy church when you took this picture?
I just took it the other day. I am a Student Pastor for a non-fundy church. It was in our music guys office and I saw it on the shelf high above where no book ever returns from. He went to TTU back in the day and says he keeps the book around just to remind himself how far he has come and also if any church problems come about he says he can go to the book and find out WWJHD? (What Would Jack Hyles Do?)
And then do the opposite?
Put the book down and back away sloowly.
He just found these words about choir rehearsal on page 197:
“It should be spiritual as well as informal and gay.”
With this bookjacket I can read my Reformation Study Bible in peace.
“Why is this book dedicated to Hyles’ secretary and not to his wife?”
His cult classic
BLUE DENIM AND LACE, is dedicated to his mistress.
Answering the question, “What do you call the token Hispanic at FBC Hammond?”
“Manuel” is misspelled here, but that’s about right, too.
Hey Gary! Of course it is. Leave the spell checking to the legalistic and enjoy a laugh.
Chapter 10. “How to start an overwhelmingly white church and college in a minority area”.
This picture is so funny! The mouse over caption is my favorite.
Mine too. I was going to write my own caption, but decided I couldn’t top that one.
I don’t get that caption.
It refers to an earlier post about stories Dr Hyles told about soul-winning…. look for earlier entries.
I looked it up; the title is “Soul Winning Tales With Jack Hyles” from Aug 2010
So THAT’S how you do it!
“Shut my mouth, slap your grandma ”
I think of this site every time that song comes on the radio.
Now watch what you say
Or theyÂ´ll be calling you a radical
A liberal, oh fanatical, criminal
Oh wonÂ´t you sign up your name
WeÂ´d like to feel youÂ´re
Acceptable, respectable, oh presentable, a vegetable!
– Roger Hodgson
“Manipulation for Dummies”
So these are the banned sexual positions….
Does anyone else wonder if the Chapters are alliterated?
I think they are arrainged in an Acrostic: “Behind the Green Door” 😈 🙄
(Google it for the reference: apply to the secret door in his office leading to his secretary’s office for full explanation.) 😯
“Kool-Aid and the thousands that want to drink it.”
“When manipulation works better than the Holy Spirit.”
“Obeying the two great commandments: Love yourself above all and love Jenni”
“How to make your rules look like they came from the Bible.”
“Keeping women in their place.”
“Quadrinity: The Original Three Plus Jack” – This is the best I got
Mein Kampf for Baptists.
Chapter 7: Planning a new start in Guyana
Quentin Tarrantino goes over the script for his newest film, a horror movie entitled, “Can I Get an Amen?”
You have the book upside down, dummy!
People say “goddamned” all the time. Yet, if anything was, in fact, “God damned”, it’d be this kind of tripe.
Think about it.