Following Daddy’s Footsteps

If you thought Daddy Schaap was bad just wait until you get a load of the pulpit antics of his son Ken.

After complaining about how he didn’t get a proper introduction, Ken then launches into this heart-warming six-minute story of how he “righteously” threw a 64 ounce Coke through a car window at a woman who was yelling at him. It’s crazy fundy gold.

178 thoughts on “Following Daddy’s Footsteps”

  1. What a wonderful testimony!

    Where do I begin?

    A big woman–how nice that he emphasizes that point repeatedly.

    Throwing a Coke–that’s exactly what Jesus would have done.

    When he tells about throwing the Coke, he gets a positive response–good Christian applauding his “righteous” actions

    I will hit a woman–like Father, like son. Maybe Grandma can come around for a double-barrel Schaap beat-down sometime soon.

    Six minutes wasted on this nonsensical drivel and not one word about the Lord or the Bible–not one useful word any way

    Lord have mercy!

    1. And they have the audacity after acknowledging these assaults perpetrated by HAC people over decades to passively aggressively pretend they have no idea why someone would harbor that kind of angst at anyone associated w/ HAC or FBCH. I suspect he’s also leaving out the details of how he told her at the McDonald’s that she should be watching her weight.

      What a douche.

      1. I prefer the version that says “let fundies’ prostates fail”.

        J/K! I don’t wish health probs on them, just having fun with typical fundy spelling errors!

      1. Is it me, or are they getting crazier? It’s like the essence is being boiled down and each successive generation is just more off the wall. This can’t end well…

  2. I think this demonstrates the confusing combination of tough-guy fundies preaching turn-the-other-cheek. It simply doesn’t make sense.

    What message is a young person hearing this supposed to take away?

    They tell a story that is only interesting and entertaining because of the bad parts.

    They send a confusing, mixed message. They assaulted someone, yet the congregation is laughing.

    They actually belittle the Bible-what they claim to think is the very word of the living God.

    It actually sends the message-“All this Bible stuff is to be taken with a grain of salt.” Which I guess works fine UNLESS you’re a serious, deep-thinking, worrying young person-the you’re screwed for many years.

    1. I called a preacher once on something much less drastic than this, but was a misleading statement nevertheless. He replied that he thought that everyone knew that he was just exaggerating.

  3. Here’s my wager: this story is about 90% fiction. The actual story went something like

    “I cut off a woman in traffic, she gave me the finger and I threw my empty cup at her retreating car. Then I sat in the car talking with my buddies about what I could have done to exact revenge on her and came up with this completely fictitious story.”

      1. Oh, no doubt about that…Just as Darrell said, he probably cut them off in traffic. It’s pure speculation on my part, but I would be curious about how dark the hue of their skin was….

        1. If they had been persons of color, I’m sure he would not have failed to mention that detail.

    1. You took the words right out of my mouth: PURE fiction! You gave it 98% which leaves the 2% for the trip to McD’s…I mean REALLY…WHY would someone just come unglued like that for no reason whatsoever? LiesLiesLiesLiesLiesLiesLies, etc.

  4. I love that he began a sentence with “I turned the other cheek” and ended it with “I threw a coke at her.”

    I don’t know what we’re so upset about. Don’t you remember the story where Paul and Silas chased a woman through Athens and threw some (non-alcoholic) wine at him? Did I mention she was fat? She was fat. A fattie. She was fat.

    Thanks you brother for the encouragement in the Word.

    1. Thank you, A.P. I don’t know if it’s because I’m mentally compromised from watching too many Jack Schaap videos tonight, but your comment made me laugh til I cried. :mrgreen:

    2. Just found this, and this reply will have me guffawing all day. Hilarious! On a scarier note, this poor boob has no chance for sanity. Both parents crazy as loons, and let’s not even go into the maternal grandfather…. Shudder… 🙄

  5. Crazy fundy gold, with emphasis on the “crazy.”

    As far as I can tell, we’re supposed to cheer him for assaulting an apparently disturbed woman in traffic, then threatening her with bats and golf clubs wielded by him and his two strapping companions. The fact that she was a “large” woman apparently makes this funny (see Fundy Rule #59), and also makes it justifiable.

    I can imagine a preacher confessing to something like this in the context of asking God’s forgiveness, but in this talk, young Schaap seems to be bragging, not confessing.

    1. Where are the men of this church, the God-fearing men who are supposed to go to him and tell him that his arrogance and anger are sins of which he needs to repent? Are they all cowed sheep in that church? How can he find SO MANY people who listen to this and think it’s OK?

      1. Philippians 4:5 – “Let your gentleness be evident to all” – except large women who annoy you, I guess.

        Colossians 3:12 – “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.”

        1 Timothy 6:11 – “But you, man of God, flee from all this, and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance and gentleness.”

        Of course, I quoted from the NIV, and maybe Schaap just doesn’t know that “meekness” and “moderation” can be translated “gentleness.” Ah, the KJV!!! A wonderful way to hide uncomfortable truths from yourself, like how God wants you to treat others with gentleness.

        1. Actually, Pastor’s Wife, Gentleness IS listed in the KJV as part of the fruit of the Spirit. Let’s not attack the KJV over someone so ignorant as Schaap (who doesn’t actually read it anyway).

        2. @Kat, you’re right. Gentleness is an absolutely Godly trait that is upheld in the KJV. I was just trying to imagine what he’d say if anyone read him those verses.

          I’m just really frustrated that mean-spirited people gain such prominance in Christianity, and that they’re more passionate about defending a particular Bible version than actually knowing what that version SAYS and living what it says! (I love my KJV, BTW; in the interest of full disclosure, I also love my ESV! 🙂 )

        3. It is amazing how the KJV does actually provide more support for some fundy “doctrines” than other versions. Compare Romans 12:1 in KJV, ESV and NIV and tell me which one supports works-based sanctification more..

        4. @Soli Deo Gloria: maybe I’m missing something (I *really really REALLY REALLY* hope I am!), but I’m reading all those translations (plus a few others) as supporting the fundy view that was beaten over my head for 2+ decades. ❓

        5. I’ll be blunt here, I’m KJV-Only and don’t trust the other versions (I’d rather not get into it on here though, because I know you all know the arguments on the KJV issue and it would be like me trying to argue Creation/Evolution with a Theistic Evolutionist :P).

          I just want to point out that Fundies take verses in the KJV out of context. The KJV wasn’t designed to support the Fundy viewpoint. In fact, the KJV speaks against a lot of Fundy attributes (the main one: being a Pharisee).

          So my point is: Don’t hate on the KJV because of some stupid Fundy like Schaap!

        6. @Amanda I guess I interpret “reasonable service” as more visible-outward works oriented than “spiritual worship.”

        7. Just to weigh in on this conversation about the Greek: The King James really is, in fact, the most accurate translation on this text. τὴν λογικὴν λατρείαν ὑμῶν (I don’t know if that will show up) does mean “the reasonable (or “real”) service of yours”, not “spiritual act of worship” as in other translations. Interestingly enough, “latreia” is the NT word for “liturgy” in a churchly sense, so it could be rendered, “your spiritual liturgy”. Just thought I’d put that out there. I jump at the chance to spread some Greek 411.

        8. Kat: No worries. Just because I’m not KJVO doesn’t mean I’m anti-KJV, and there are others who feel the same way, so you’re good. 🙂

          It wouldn’t matter which translation the Fundies use. It isn’t the translation itself that is the issue (although the older language probably helps keep some folks confused more easily), but the way it’s used. I know the KJV gets a mangling from the pulpits.

  6. SUNDAY DINNER AT THE SCHAAPS’

    JACK: You should have seen me slap a big, fat grandmother today. I slapped her so hard, her fat didn’t stop jigglin’ for ten minutes.

    KEN (aged six)

  7. Wait, George, I’m not finished.

    SUNDAY DINNER AT THE SCHAAPS’

    JACK: You should have seen me slap a big, fat grandmother today. I slapped her so hard, her fat didn’t stop jigglin’ for ten minutes.

    (Everyone laughs.)

    KEN (aged six): Daddy, my Sunday School teacher says we aren’t supposed to hit people.

    JACK (making mental note to fire the teacher): He meant nice people, Ken. This grandma disgreed with my ideas about suitable clothing for women. And, besides, she was very fat. She was huge.

    (Everyone applauds and laughs loudly.)

    MRS. JACK SCHAAP: Uh, Jack, I’m not sure …

    JACK: Silence, Woman!!
    (Jack reaches for The Rod [TM].)

    1. Jack reaches for The Rod [TM] as Ken readies a big glass of iced tea to dash in Mama’s face.

      Jack: Good work, Son! You can’t let these women and especially the really fat, gobby ones talk to ya like that.

      Ken: Thanks, Dad! When I grow up I wanna be just like you!

      1. Jack: Son, you can be like me because that was my ambition to be just like Papa Hyles–and just look at me now! So get that other glass and give ya Mama a good soaking!

  8. I find it VERY hard to believe that this guy didn’t know what he did to offend this woman. But I guess the moral of the story is that it doesn’t matter to preachers like this. They enjoy getting the best of others (as opposed to bringing out the best!)

  9. It occurs to me that if one has to look for something that does not break God’s laws then they are really looking for is a way to get away with something. Furthermore, Do fundies not preach the “golden rule?” Does anyone believe that he would have wanted the lady to respond to hin like that?

    1. No, they really don’t. After years of IFB messages, I’ve recently realized how very LITTLE I heard of forgiveness and love, especially loving the unloveable. “Loving them” was reduced to simply witnessing to them (and witnessing BTW wasn’t telling them the good news in Christ, but rather yelling at them about how evil they were).

      When I compare the number of sermons I’ve heard on standards and the KJV with the number of sermons on the golden rule, it’s really pathetic.

      1. Well, no, I guess there’s no explicit commandment saying you may not throw a half-gallon of Coke out your car window at a stranger. I could say that may have something to do with the fact that Coca-Cola, automobiles, and McDonald’s Super-Sized meals did not exist when any of the Bible was written, but maybe that just shows my poor understanding and/or lack of faith.

        1. I believe Abraham was sipping on a 4 liquid cubit slurpee on the roadtrip from Ur, but Coca-Cola is def not mentioned in scripture! 😉

        2. So Abe pulls in to the Oasis 7/11 and fills up his camel, goes in and gets a Big Honkin Slurpie. Pulling out of the cammel lot he cut in front of some bellydancer (and when Abe says she was a Bellydancer he means B-E-L-L-Y dancer) in her donkey cart. She made a gesture with her fat arm to show him what whe thought of his driving skills. So Abe tossed his quarter firkin slurpee at her as she manuvered her fat cart passed him.
          Yeah, that’s over in Genesis 13:19-35 (KJV Embellished) 😎

    2. Yeah, that’s the point that kept sticking out to me also. He repeated over and over that he didn’t believe he was technically breaking any of the 600 commands. That tells you all about his heart that you really need to know.

      Stuff Fundies Like – Having a great big rulebook. Then looking for loopholes in that rulebook when they have an opportunity to throw Coke at a large woman.

  10. Oh, if the story is true, he knows exactly what he did. He just doesn’t care what other people — especially those he sees as less than himself — think about it.

      1. JohnRF: When I’m posting about male Fundies looking down on others, that’s obvious 😉

        But not just women! Fat people, people who don’t have high-powered “pastors” for dads and grandfathers, people who don’t go to his church, people who _do_ go to his church, etc.

    1. Oooh, I HATE it when someone who I know is a church kid keeps going off on how “sweet” and “innocent” they are. Behind that kind of talk is always the idea of “I’m better than you”.

      Since they are protesting way too much, you know they’re hiding something. With the people I grew up around, I know exactly what they really did.

      By Fundy standards, I’m hopeless, so I don’t even try that stuff. AFAIC, I’m just doing the best I can with whatever God gave me. If that’s not good enough, whoever doesn’t like it can go away. 😛

    2. MK’s were almost exclusively nice children, but if memory serves me, all the PK’s that I knew as a kid pretty much terrorized both us and the Sunday School teachers… 😯

      1. MK: That has to be like the most pressure a kid can be subjected to. The MK has to keep up the appearances even more because their behavior could make or break whether Daddy will get or will continue to get support from the Church Du Jour.
        It is up to the kids to show Daddy rules his family well.

        (disclaimer: this is an extreme view of the Missionary from the Perpetual Deputation Mission Board. Not all Missionaries are con men looking for an extened vacation in the Upper-Midwest. But the pressure on the kids is still enormous.)

      2. I have been told that my son has on occassion told people, “My daddy’s the pastor, so I don’t have to do what you say.” We make sure to set him straight on that after we get home. Sigh. My husband is very gracious and humble too, so it’s quite embarrassing to have our child not hesitate to use his position for power. 😳

  11. I would like to give a shout out to my Savior Jesus Christ. Though they cursed him, beat him, ripped out his beard, and crucified him he did not retaliate. He loved them. He forgave them. He didn’t throw anything at them. He simply humbled himself and let them brutally murder Him.

    Thank you Jesus for not speaking up, not returning the insults, and for not counting you life as something to hold on to. Thank you for giving yourself away for me.

    1. “Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another even as God for Christ’s sake has forgiven you”

      Maybe he was too busy counting all those 600 rules to actually read the NT. Even if he felt he had done nothing to the woman. He should have forgiven her behavior to help the woman understand the forgiveness he had received from God on Christ’s behalf.

  12. Here are the things that occurred to me:

    – He pretends not to know the vulgar finger gesture, calling it “sign language” that he doesn’t understand, but he is aware of the slang term “flippin’ me off” !!?!?!?!?!?! That didn’t seem consistent at all.

    – He implies that he broke no Scriptural commands by throwing his Coke at her. He caused damage to the other car, which is not respecting the property of others. He did not turn the other cheek, or return blessing for cursing. He took vengeance, which is the Lord’s. I’d say he broke a number of requirements.

    – But hey, if you’re a good soul-winner, it doesn’t count.

  13. It is the little things that tell you a lot about the person. Like how he felt it necessary to tell us the weight of the woman…the fact that he felt that was pertinent information at all let alone repeating it so much.

    The other thing is I love how he tries to play it off cool. “yea this gives me bonus points” but also spiritualizes it. “As far as I know there is no commandment in the Bible” (or something like that). But it is this sort of thing that bothered me in Fundy land. Especially in youth group and camp settings. You gotta keep things exciting so you tow the line between barely acceptable and the evangelist will probably speak against that when he comes in a few weeks.

  14. What scares me is that there was a whole church (or perhaps HA College chapel) listening to this drivel, LAUGHING and AMENing at every twist and turn…And no one had the ‘intestinal fortitude’ that is so often praised to do the right thing, get up, walk out, and join another church.

        1. wha… oh… of course george is real! There is just too much proof of his existence on this site. any other “george” will have to have a prefix or a suffix attached to his name… 😀

  15. He threw a 64oz coke at her. What a way to waste a perfectly good coke. You can tell alot about a man the way he treats his coke, he must have been a pepsi fan.

      1. That point was not lost on me. It brought to mind the HUGE sign that is posted over the soda machine at my local McDs…”bringing a cup back into our restaurant with the intention of refilling it for free, is STEALING and we will call the police and have you prosecuted if we catch you”! 😯

  16. Listening to this gave me serious flashbacks. There was always something about “fundy storytime”, especially from the younger preacher boys, that struck a raw nerve with me.
    First, as others have pointed out above, there really is reason to doubt the validity of the story. I believe he was in a car, I believe he went to McDonald’s. Other than that I would say the rest of story was nothing but an exaggeration.
    Second, there is just something about the way he (and other fundies) tell stories like this. They are trying to be cool, trying to be hip, to “relate” to the audience. It comes across so phony.
    Somebody should throw a 64 oz. Coke on him. Actually, I wouldn’t waste Coke on him…..make it a Royal Crown Cola.

    1. There’s fundamentalism (which is bad in and of itslef), and then there’s HAC style fundamentalism which calling it fundamentalism on steroids is exaggerating the effects of steroids. These people worship abuse of anyone/everyone. And it’s vicious how they pick out who to target internally when get bored (or intimidated) of targetting outsiders.

    2. That was my first thought! As soon as I listened to it I was ready to yell ‘Why are you cheering!!?’ 😯 I was even going to type it in all caps if someone else didn’t comment on it.

      But RobM is right, fundamentalism was started as a reactionary movement, and has gotten increasingly militant. They are ready to fight and destroy anyone who gets in their way. If there isn’t a good theological liberal around, they will turn on other Christians or any other target they can find in a heartbeat, even without being provoked. If provoked, well, we have an example of that right here.

  17. Even my fundy dad just about spit out his frozen yogurt when I mentioned Schaap’s name. He then went on an out-of-character tirade about the lunacy of the Schaap family.

    I think it’s telling that this story was the only criminal thing he could tell them about. I imagine there’s a litany of things that he can’t tell anyone about.

  18. wow…. that is all I could say after listening to that. I just love it when someone gets up behind a pulpit and brags about their sin. Even more annoying to me is how he called it persecution… joking or not that is not ok. I’m sure the Apostle Paul and the disciples dealt with this kind of stuff all the time. They see some fat lady giving them the bird so they fire their over-sized coke at them. What is it about fundies thinking their faults are persecution? Martyrs like Luther and Tyndale were killed for how they boldly proclaimed Christ and this guy thinks one finger flown his way is persecution. If he is one of God’s elect I would love to watch him present this to Christ… “Here Christ this is how I represented you.” Totally unbelievable!

    1. We need an SFL specific hand jesture to give fundies thaqt has no other meaning than “I quit, fundamentalism blows, leave me alone, terrorize someone else” 😉

    1. Lester Roloff, whose crashed plane is memorialized on the HAC campus, is probably turning over in his grave to hear that his “spiritual grandchild” imbibes evil soft drinks.

      1. I think Roloff has more than enough spinning in his grave to do over the things he perpetrated, won’t be enough tme left in history to start spinning for the actions of others! 😉

  19. “Tonight we are about to witness the most anticipated match in the history of Professional Pulpit Prevarication!
    For the Heavyweight Preaching Illustration Championship of the World!
    Are you ready?
    Preaching fans A-R-E YOU READY?!!

    Introducing First, in the Yellow Corner, in the Bill Blass Pinstripe Suit. The Master Blaster of Pulpit Disaster, that one man Wrecking crew who has never met a sin he hasn’t used like a billy-club to induce fear and trembling into the guilt laden masses, He’s Big, He’s Bad, He’ll slap your Grandma, The Current Title holder…. Jack! “It’ll be a cold day in hell before a lazy, fat, undisciplined woman teaches me doctrine” Sccchhhaaappp!

    His Opponent in the Puce Corner, a relative new comer, but one who has had plenty of exposure to Guilt, Spiritual and Emotional Manipulation. The Apple never falls far from the tree. The Biggest Loser of All Sacred Desk Respect! The Prince of Pulpit prostitution for a laugh. The Ayatollah of Head in Hole-ah! Jack’s little man…. Kennnn “I’ve got 64 ounces of Coke and I’m not afraid to use it against fat women Sccchhhaaappp!

    Let’s get ready to… Ruummmmbbblllle!
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4W1Qpw8rSnE&feature=related
    😯

        1. *Responds to Don with a deep curtsy* Your recitation, kind sir, of that preaching match was service enough. One can only hope that it would end with both participants stretched out unconscious on the mat.

      1. “SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY, in the JH memorial auditorium! See the flaming display of Jet Rocket Funny Cars re-enact the UFO chariot of Elijah! The crowd will roar like crazy when we bring out the Chick soul-winning hearse and crank up some golden Majesty Music classics on the loudspeakers! See the lovely HAC Hylander halftime showgirls! This and every Sunday at your local Fundy arena – Tickets available at the box office and all Ticketmaster locations or charge by phone

  20. Well, I guess I got out of fundyland just in time. As a BBW, not only am I not acceptable to the world but now I’m not even worthy to be a christian. What a wanker.

        1. If Homie got Coke on me the way he says he did to her, he’d be wearing some pepper spray in return. I’m nice until pushed, then look out! 😈

  21. ok i know this will probably get deleted, but what an asshole, that big woman would have kicked his ass and that quote “ill hit a woman” why did he get applause when he said that. I think about the women in the audience that were probably scared shitless . . . what a goon, ppl like him should be sterilized. . .

  22. More proof that fundy big wigs are egotistical and wacko. There is no humility in their prideful actions. Their “good’ works will burn like wood, hay and stubble at the judgment.

  23. As a fundy PK, I was born into the heritage of Mog-hood. fortunately my own father didn’t buy into all that garbage and didn’t care if I became a garbage man (no offense meant) I couldn’t tell you how many times I got referred to as “hey little preacher boy” or how many people just assumed I was going to be a missionary, evangelist, or pastor. Too many people called to the ministry by Mogs in fundyland – in my company we call this the bozo factor. If you hire one, they begin to hire other bozos and pretty soon you have a big mess. So glad my parents were at least wise enough to for the most part protect their children from the crazys around our neck of the woods. I know many folks who were ruined by their parents blind devotion to men who had crept in to the church unaware and wreaked havoc on lives. The fundy universe can be survived just like any other crazy lifestyle – but it usually requires solid parents or parental figures to pull you out of the man-centered liturgy of phariseeism and teach you how to follow Christ

    1. So I just listened again. I hadn’t heard it the first time. And this time I heard it. But he was talking so fast I had to play it a second time to really hear what he said. I have no idea what he meant by it. Could have been something bad – because he had to make too much of a point about how he was an innocent, Christian school, PK.

      1. I played it again, and I heard the word “pickle” in there where he’s mentioning “two cheeseburgers,” but I can’t make out what he’s saying about a pickle. What is the comment?

        1. BG – He basicaly said that he gets the cheeseburgers with ketchup, no pickles because you don’t know where the pickles have been.

          It is a weak attempt at “locker room” humor. For he was neither in a locker room when he was telling it and, more importantly, it was not humorous.

        2. THAT’S what he said? *Pounding head on desk* People like this drive me crazy! They walk around proclaiming their own righteousness and pointing fingers at other Christians, labeling them deficient over issues like music, Bible versions, or clothing, while they themselves are not only full of pride, but perversion, aggression, cold-heartedness, and foul language.

          As a side note, does this also not illustrate the complete lack of respect these people have for women. Back in the “old days” (that fundies usually seem to want to return to), a man would NEVER tell a joke like that in the presence of ladies. But these guys obviously treat women like trash.

  24. This is to Kat, above, since I didn’t see a reply button on her comment. Our new church is NIV but my husband still uses the KJV. I can go either way.

    I don’t mind KJV-only people or churches–as long as they preach from the Bible instead of just finding a verse that goes with whatever’s in their heads that week!

    1. I only mind KJV-only churches when they spend more time preaching ABOUT the Bible than preaching what is IN it! And I don’t mind KJV-only people either, except when they are hateful toward other Christians (Kat isn’t!).

  25. this is the result of fundy inbreeding. All of these clowns and their fathers have been trained under Hyles and now Schaap. I am never surprised by the foolishness that comes out from there. Makes me thank God regularly that I came out of that mess and it will never affect my family–I have rejected it.

    BTW, this is so typical as far as 6 minutes wasted on nothing but a personal illustration that may or may not be 100% accurate. These people attending there are starving for spiritual food and many don’t even know it–pray for them.

    Matthew

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