97 thoughts on “Ranting”

  1. I’d like to see a showdown between Schaap and a bridezilla sometime: This is my church vs. This is my wedding. The carnage that followed would be unbelievable….

  2. He sounds so angry and bitter 🙁
    Why can’t he just be happy and enjoy life. Stop sweating the small stuff. If a little bit of cleavage is our biggest problem, we are in trouble.

  3. I doubt schapp has ever seen boobs or he wouldn’t be so uptight about all this. Closet homo? NO-NO-NO-NO-NO-NO…maybe.

  4. Wait a minute. I just watched the video again, and Jack Schaap says he’s channeling Jesus: “I’m in charge. Not me, Jack Schaap; me, Jesus Christ.” I think he’s misidentified the voices in his head.

  5. Schaap possessed by the spirit if Jack Hyles

    “He squeezed my hand like he was transferring life through his arm. I remember holding his
    hand saying, God, this is more than a hand shake. This is a transfer!… I couldn’t say it, but a
    man had just put his life in mine.”



  6. @K,

    No delicate way to put this…

    The girls at HAC have been told on occasion to put band-aids on their nipples to hide the effects of cold weather.

  7. @Tony, wow, that sure IS creepy! I’ve never doubted the Hyles-worship though… I mean, the whole brick wall painting of Pastor and Mrs. Hyles, with all of the coke can offerings that students bring there….it’s much like those missionary slideshows with heathens offering food to idols.

  8. @law: Perfect!
    @All: Fundyism is not the exclusive province of any denomination (or non-denomination as the case may be.) I grew up Free Methodist and saw the same legalism, my rebelion was to go Penticostal…same legalism (even with the shouting). I now serve in a Fundamentalist-But-Not-Like-That church with a reformed (dare I say delivered?) HAC graduate as pastor. He is proof that there IS life after H.

  9. For these guys, just being born female is sinful (their book clearly has Eve sinning first, so they’ve got backup). Open toed shoes today, but I’m sure they can find something else tomorrow.

  10. @Tony

    Oh Em Gee is about all I can say, and not in the blasphemous way either. Schaap is a very confused man.

  11. Haven’t you all ever heard the phrase “barefoot and pregnant?”
    Clearly it is a cause/effect statement…. 🙂
    Any open-toed footwear is clearly the kind of advertisement that Tamar used to seduce Judah in Genesis 38.

  12. Few to zero times have I ever felt sick to my stomach listening to one of these rants. This one actually induced sickness to stomach. 🙁

  13. Huh. I always thought it was pronounced “Shap” not “Skop.”

    Oh, and yes, someone must have dosed his morning coffee with a few amphetamines. That guy needs to do fundyism a favor and stand in front of an oncoming semi.

    I just today started praying against a certain individual. His lack of character and spitefulness is destroying a ministry, and while I believe he is a Christian, I found myself praying that God would cast him down from his position of power for the sake of the innocents being destroyed under his rule. I wonder how long some of these nutjobs would last if they knew that true Christians everywhere were praying for their swift destruction?

  14. Why are there people still attending this church? And is it really a church–you know in the strictest sense of the word? Can they possibly be believers and still listen to this stuff week in and week out?


    Maybe those rants are just easier to prepare than actual sermons that require some amount of prayer, study, and preparation.

    I wish this post were as fictitious as the rapture hatch.

  15. One of our last acts in Fundamentalism was our wedding. It was at my wife’s old church. The church was smaller and they didn’t do as many weddings there. We, at the time, weren’t that far out of Fundamentalism. Our treck had begun, but we were still very honoring and respectful. But we were insistent that the church not dictate edicts or mandates to us. And the church mostly agreed knowing that we’d be honoring. As such my wife was not told what type of dress she could wear, and her brides mades were allowed even sleeveless. I was in charge of music, and all of my scandalous music was saved for the reception which was held away from the church (by scandalous I mean old big band style music and ball room dancing). Anyway my wife had an old friend and mentor who played the organ for the church. We asked him if he would play for us. He agreed and I sent over the music, which the pastor approved of originally. Included were a couple of songs by George Winston. The organist went straight to the pastor, rather then me, and told him that the music was evil or some nonsense and went so far as to disparage me to the pastor (I couldn’t say if he questioned my salvation, I don’t remember, but it was something like that since I dared to choose a song of pure piano music by George Winston).

    Anyway I was pissed. I was so mad that I wanted, and would have, to switch churches. The only problem was that we had sent out the invitations. If the invites hadn’t have been printed and sent we would have gotten married some place else. This was the *one* thing I insisted on was no behind the sense edicts or dictates. My opinion was this was *our* *ONE* special day. We should be allowed to celebrate it however we wanted. Anyway we expressed our dislike to both the pastor and organist. We dropped the organist and chose a new piano player. I didn’t push for the music because honestly I didn’t care about the music. So I amped up the reception. We had live music, and dancing took place until the late in the night.

    I wear it as a badge of honor that the pastor left the reception early due to the dancing. Still puts a smile on my face. Anyway why do IFBers feel the “god-given” right to tell a wedding couple on that day what they can and cannot do? They are still treating them like children and it really sickens me. I’d rather have my children married in anywhere, but at a church who insists on such tight control. It would be one thing to say no drinking at a reception held at a church or we’d appreciate only traditional music. But that isn’t really the way they go at things, it isn’t nice it isn’t “we’d appreciate” it is you *must.* And when he goes on the rant about showing cleavage and not being a Victoria Secrets wedding. I mean come on. Most people’s weddings steer *way* clear of that much cleavage. What most people at that church want, by way of “scandalous” is no where near a Victoria catalogue.

  16. SFL: seeing things in black and white so your wedding either 1) has a bride in a high-necked, long-sleeved gown OR 2) it’s a Victoria’s Secret wedding. There are no nuances, no in-between. This in ability to see all the various shades of “gray” makes them utter arbitrary and silly things that in turn often drive their children away from fundamentalism (or even Christianity).

  17. Les DuLunch: Excellent! He kept reminding me of someone but I couldn’t think who it was. You nailed it…talks just like him.

  18. FWIW, knee-length or longer skirts on a platform is a good idea in general, just because (a lot of women don’t seem to realize) the angle from the audience is not the same as it is when you’re just chatting in a coffee shop. Women on the platform would probably be grateful for the tip, just to avoid the embarrassment. Actually the problem could be most easily avoided by just wearing pants…

  19. Lording it over a couple in a modern wedding ceremony at a modern American “church building”–the scenario is so far removed from the early church you can’t even see it from here.

  20. I had a similar wedding scenario, except I didn’t have any “questionable” music. It was 90 degrees outside on the day of my wedding, and all of my bridesmaids wore sleeveless dresses with shawls. Well, it got so hot outside when we were taking pictures, the girls started taking their shawls off (and I didn’t blame them!). Well, the pastor came to ME and told me I needed to get my bridesmaids to keep their shawls on, as if I should be keeping my bridesmaids in line or something. Seriously, I had planned ahead to make sure the wedding was “IFB-approved”, but there just HAD to be one thing like that… it was stupid.

    I heard of another bride at the same church being forced to stuff TOILET PAPER in her dress to make it more “modest” because she had lace covering her cleavage, but apparently she was still “showing too much”… (her dress really was very modest and beautiful).

  21. “What’s he going to do when he finds out that people are naked underneath all their clothes?”

    ^^That made me LOL!! 😀

  22. I think maybe he’s on crack. I don’t think cocaine, because that would make him more incoherent, but I’m pretty sure I recognize the symptoms of controlled substance use.

    Poor Jack would probably pass out if he heard that SOME CHURCHES in SOME PLACES actually follow Christ’s command to wash each others FEET! I’m totally serious. Those sexy, immoral, God-cursed, forbidden FEET actually come out of their socks and shoes, and people go around and wash them, as a symbol of obeying the Lord’s command.

    Poor Jack.

    He would drop dead. Straight dead.

  23. “You say, ‘Yes, ma’am. Whatever the pastor would like.'”

    At least he’s honest about what he wants.

    Makes you wonder just how many girls give the pastor “whatever he likes,” if you know what I mean. Just sayin’ …

  24. No n-n-n-n-n-no! No! No! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! No.


  25. @GuessWho M-a-y-b-e-e-e you have something there.
    “You say, ‘Yes, ma’am. Whatever the pastor would like…’” maybe his way of saying, and hoping for, “ jus primae noctis” (law of the first night) as is his, “droit du seigneur” (the lord’s right). I mean it worked in Braveheart…

  26. You know……… I just got myself the new Motorola Droid 2 phone, and one of the first Apps I put on it was the sound of an AIR HORN. I’d like to go to Schaap’s church one Sunday morning, and, keeping the phone in my pocket, insert an AIR HORN Blare at strategic points during his sermon. That would be great fun……….. He’s a BLOW-HARD HIMSELF!!!!!!!!!

  27. You know…. there’s only one way to put a stop to these people……… Stop going to their churches, and stop giving them your hard-earned money!

  28. @ Becca

    We English ladies always ensure we wear pants on stage. And at all other times (well most) obviously.

    1. @ Becca and Jo A
      Perhaps the Band of the Royal Regiment of Scotland could use this advice! They performed last night at the RAF base here in the UK where my husband works…seated on chairs on a 5 foot high stage while wearing kilts! 😯 Thank goodness for the modesty provided by the fur sporrans (Gaelic for purse)that rested on their laps and dropped between their knobby knees. A dozen pairs of knobby knees on the front row! The horror!!

  29. @Zarathustra: The vuvuzuela would be a nice touch, too. Too bad that feature if no longer on Youtube.

  30. @Amanda that vuvuzela effect did a LOT of fixing up of Schaap videos. I found most of his actually PLEASANT while listening to the vuvuzelas. I wonder if we could get the orchestra there to just blast vuvuzela’s during an actual service? 🙂

  31. @RobM: I don’t know that I’d say pleasant, but they were definitely more tolerable. 🙂

  32. Why don’t you just go to FBCH and take a vuvuzela? I’m sure you’ll last at least 20 seconds, and then you’ll get ranted at!

  33. I don’t think I’d make it past the bouncers in shorts & sandals, possibly w/ some scruff. They recognize me for the fundy miscreant I am a billion light years away.

  34. When I first moved to Pensacola, I was invited to go to church there by a friend that I knew from NY that had moved there to work for the college. I had no idea what kind of church it was, only that it was really conservative. I didn’t honestly think my wearing pants would be an issue. Our family walked in dressed in business casual and we were given the cold shoulder. Literally NO ONE talked to us. It was weird. And we never went back. Found a really friendly SBC instead.

    As far as breasts and armpits (or side-boobs LOL) shown in church go – I think God is proud of His creation. For pete’s sake, He made us, He knows what we look like naked! Using the argument that it’s “God’s house” doesn’t fly.

  35. @Jen students are well trained to not fraternize w/ the town riff raff. Pants are a sure sign you can only get in trouble talking to her. 🙂

  36. Bet you dollars to donuts this guy has 1. Never seen his wife completely naked. And 2. has a total god complex.

    What a complete load of unbiblical B.S. Where does he pull that load of heresy out of, not any verse in the bible I’m reading.

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