Friday Challenge: Doctrinal Jingles

Fundamentalists love using a cute turn of phrase to “prove” a doctrinal point even when they are far from Biblical.  These rhetorical flourishes are a tried and true method of simply stopping thought dead in its tracks whenever a disagreement occurs.

For example:  “‘All’ means all and that’s all ‘All’ means.” Patently false…yet somehow strangely compelling.

What’s your favorite fundy doctrinal jingle?

117 thoughts on “Friday Challenge: Doctrinal Jingles”

  1. “Being transparent”

    As if that was some test of spirituality! It always bugged me. And with everything that has recently come out in NH, it bugs me even more. The pastors and the spiritual elect say they’re transparent when they’re so busy covering their butts it’s not funny.

  2. “Just read the Bible. All the answers are there.”

    “You musta misunderstood somethin’ somewhere, missy” (after reading the Bible and finding inconsistencies between that and what the pastor said/did).

    “The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing” (in reference to…not getting distracted? Staying “Biblically Focused”? Not asking questions?)

    “You shouldn’t allow that spirit of questioning in your heart.” (This was after a year and a half of having a pastor who taught us HOW to ask questions and search and figure out what the Bible/a leader was saying.)

  3. We will just have to wait and ask Jesus about that when we get to Heaven.

    Usual response to pointing out inconsistencies in their beliefs or Bible verses that contradict their beliefs.

  4. “I don’t drink spit or chew or go with girls who do.” Eye roll. It was funny the first time, but I got bored with the same jokes and sermon illustrations from every preacher who read the same sermon illustration and joke book. “Ya know the first time baseball was mentioned in the Bible?… Ya know where a motorcycle was mentioned in the Bible?…
    My pastor with a degree from BJU also regularly bragged, “The biggest word I know is MAYONAISE!”

  5. Here’s my favorite: “If Jesus isn’t Lord of all, He isn’t Lord at all!” What in the heck does this mean??? Guaranteed to drown you with guilt no matter who you are. Just another way that preacher keeps his flock in line with emotional manipulation.

  6. Ask any Fundy ya’ happen to see, What’s the only Bible…. They’ll answer KJB….

    (to the tune of Chicken of the Sea jingle)

  7. “Can I get an amen?”

    Saying “amen” is supposed to be a spontaneous show of appreciation or agreement for a sermon/song/etc. in church. If you have to ask for it, it doesn’t count!

    “If God has laid something on your heart, or if you just want to get closer to God, come down to this old-fashioned alter.”

    …so anyone who stays at their seat doesn’t want to get closer to God? 🙄

  8. “Don’t ask what’s WRONG with it, ask what’s RIGHT with it!” ( usually said when you dare to question dress standards, music, etc.)
    “God’s going to get his 10% whether you give it to him or not!”

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