Tag Archives: hymns

Favorite Hymn Night

In many fundamentalist churches there is a phenomenon known as “Favorites Night” which is code for “the pastor is taking the night off.” The bulk of these services consist of church members chortling in sadistic glee as they search the hymnbook for obscure songs in hopes of making the pianist lose her sanctification.

In aid of this noble goal of torturing the accompanist, the well-versed fundamentalists can consult the handy Index of Songs By Meter found in the back of the hymnal and select something like “What Hath the Lord Done for Thee?” in 7/12 meter. Pianists love it when people do that. They laugh and laugh.

Favorites night is also a great time to dust off one of the following favorite numbers of leather-lunged fundies everywhere:

– Wonderful Grace of Jesus
– The Awakening Chorus (if you’re a PCC grad)
– The Church In The Wildwood
– Son of a Preacher Man

Throw in a few minutes of Testimony Time and the pastor can rest easy until next week. Men on the First, Ladies on the Second, and All together on the last!

Not Singing the Third Verse


There are two major schools of song-leading in fundy churches. The first is prone to singing every…single…verse…with all of the unbridled energy of a man building his own gallows. When these folks sing “when we’ve been there 10,000 years” they’re not kidding.

The other method of singing hymns is to religiously omit the third verse to every song. If the song contains five verses, the fourth verse may likely meet the same ignominious fate. One can only imagine that the middle verses to every hymn have been infected by liberal agents with subliminal suggestions that might result in clapping, swaying, or other mortal sins of the flesh.

Modern hymn writers, note this well. My advice is just to omit writing a third verse altogether and replace it instead with single line that says “All together now on the last.” It’s what is going to happen anyway.

Odd Hymns

sankeyhymns1According to unnoficial fundamentalist dogma, the height of perfection in hymn writing was reached somewhere around 1947 and any music written after that point is automatically suspect. Fundies view CCM artists as tools of Satan to tempt young people to turn the fellowship hall into a dance hall. CCM artists view fundamentalists as the musical equivilant of Elmer Fudd.

As the official collection of approved hymns has been canonized, however, there have crept in some strange  selections that can only be described as “absolutely awful.” These would include songs about honey coming out of rocks, boys wandering around, little brown churches in the valley, and holding a fort.

It can only assumed that these hymns were included because they were written by the General Editor’s brother-in-law or perhaps someone to whom he owed great sums of money.