Tag Archives: holidays

Permanent Marker

Let’s imagine that you’re a fundamentalist who got a couple of coupon books that you’d like to pass along. But egads, there’s the name of a pagan holiday splashed boldly across the cover!

What to do? How can we can sanctify this and made it fit for use by good Christian folks?

We’ll just grab a permanent marker and…voila! You can now go consume your fast food without the pall of a demonic cloud hanging over your head.

ASK CMG: Holiday Movies and Greetings

Note: there has been a delay in starting this column due to some tragic goat-related accidents on a recent missions trip as well as a sudden onset of a whooping cough epidemic shortly after return. We sincerely hope that none of you have died or backslidden for lack of wise counsel.

Dear CMG,

The Holiday Season is fast approaching and I was wondering what Christmas Movies you would recommend for me and my wife?

Also, how should I respond when someone wishes me “Happy Holidays”?

Miguel from Malibu

Dear Miguel,

Thank you for your question about the season when Christians all
around the world celebrate the birth of Christ. A Christmas film that
I can recommend is “It’s a Wonderful Life.” I like it because it
shows the evils of alcohol and the love of money, the women are all
dressed modestly, and it shows people going to church. I would
recommend “A Charlie Brown Christmas” to the over-18 crowd. It has
many sarcastic and cutting remarks in it that aren’t good for little
ears to hear. Also, make sure that you are not singing any of the
secular Christmas songs. It really can introduce a depressing aspect
into your celebration of Jesus’ Birthday.

If someone wishes you a “Happy Holiday”, you could ask (as Pastor
Backlow recommends) “Did you mean ‘Happy HOLY-day’??” and stare
intently at them until they understand your meaning. You could also
ask if they would like to come to your church’s musical called “Keep
CHRIST in Christmas Or It’s Just Another Day”. I think you can order
it from Fundamental Music Company. You have to do it over the phone
because the man who runs it doesn’t have a website since the Patriot
Act passed. I wear this shirt to Wal-Mart in December:

I hope your Christmas was a good one and that you will be attending
the Watch Night Service at your church! We will be watching “Sheffy”
at my church and there will be a ping-pong table in the Fellowship
Hall for the youth. We may play Dutch Blitz or Biblical Charades if
we have enough time.

In Modest Apparel,

Do you have a question or problem and need some wise advice? Send it to CampMeetingGirl via the contact page or e-mail it to askcmg@stufffundieslike.com