Tag Archives: Holiday Family

Last Minute Fundy Family Holiday Meal Survival Guide

Norman Rockwell, Freedom from Want.
painting photo by Gary Halvorson, Oregon State Archives

For those of you who are currently driving to a gathering where fundy family members will be present, please stop reading this and keep your eyes on the road.

Once you’re no longer driving, however, here’s a quick guide to navigating the inevitable awkward conversations.

“Where are you going to church these days?”
Rule: Comparing churches with people who believe theirs is the only true church will never end well.

If you’re going to church: “It’s a place not that far from us and the kids love it there.”

If you’re not going to church: “We’ve been thinking about checking out this place not that far from us because the kids would love it there.”

“Can you believe that Obama…”

Rule: Political discussions should never be undertaken with family member who also frown on drinking.

If you didn’t vote for Obama: “Wow…yeah…hey, do you want some coffee?”
If you voted for Obama: “Wow…yeah…hey, do you want some coffee?”

“That reminds me of what Pastor said last Sunday…”

Rule: Direct confrontation won’t work. Instead, confuse them with verbal judo.

If their pastor is a jackass: “That’s really interesting. Can you give me the references he used to back that up so I can look them up later?”

If their pastor is not a jackass: “You know that reminds me of a quote by (Billy Graham, the Dali Lama, Buddha and/or Bill Clinton).”

“Well we sure would love it if you would come to our Christmas program.”
Rule: Don’t do it. Do. Not. Do. It.

If you already have plans: “We already have plans for that night.”

If you don’t already have plans: “We already have plans for every night that month.”