Tag Archives: baptist history

A Baptist Timeline

You don’t really have to study all of history. In fact, pretty much all you need to know is right here:

Pre 1611 – First there were the disciples then all the stuff in Foxes Book of Martyrs. Almost everything else that happened is Catholic so pay it no mind. (Although Anabaptist kind of sounds like Baptist so we think they’re cool.)

1611 – The start of everything. Anybody before this didn’t use the real Bible so therefore there were no Bible-believers until this date.

1730-1740 Great Awakenings and general revival breaks out all over everywhere. Most of those involved weren’t Baptists but we’ll pretend they were when we talk about them.

1776 – Baptists found America and God finally has a place to send all the blessings he doesn’t give Israel anymore.

1845 – Southern Baptist Convention is formed and immediately apostatizes

1861–1865 Civil War breaks out for the sole purpose of giving Baptists preachers illustration material and making places to take our Christian school kids on field trips. Also something about black people (not sure on this one).

1871 – D.L. Moody meets Ira Sankey. People say they make a really cute couple.

1920 – Billy Sunday preaches and liquor gets banned. Baptists are suddenly at a loss for what to preach against.

1941 World War II breaks out and the United States saves everybody. It may have been going on before then but nobody ever got a good sermon illustration out of stories about French or Polish people.

1950 – The world reaches the pinnacle of wonderfulness. People are more godlier than they ever have been before. Everybody is saved or about to get saved. Everybody dresses exactly like they all did in Bible times. White men run everything. Life is good.

1963 – Prayer gets taken out of public schools. The end is nigh.

1964 – The Beatles come to America. The end is here.

1965 to Present – The End Times. Listen for the trumpet. But while you’re listening also go to a Bible college, get married, have lots of kids, and spend all your time soul-winning (and not listening to the Beatles).