Doctrine, Standards

Cognitive Dissonance

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To be a fundamentalist one must master the art of ignoring the illogical and absurd. Consider these bits of doublethink…

We believe that Calvinism is a hindrance to evangelism…we also believe the Spurgeon and Edwards were the instruments great revivals.

We believe that praying written prayers is vain repetition…we also believe that praying the exact same words over breakfast every morning is a necessary and meaningful experience.

We believe that since canon of Scripture is closed, the Holy Spirit no longer gives direct revelation to people…we also believe that the Holy Spirit gives traffic directions and investment advice.

We believe that the Scriptures are the sole authority for our faith and practice…we also believe that Christian standards of dress and music somehow were all discovered centuries after the Scriptures were finished and include things not addressed therein.

We believe that every man has soul liberty and that every believer is a priest…we also believe that the pastor has complete authority to override that liberty any time he sees fit.

We believe that liberals have purposely corrupted our public school systems and lowered our education standards for their own political ends….we also believe that these semi-illiterate students are perfectly capable of understanding a four-hundred year old translation of the Scriptures.

We believe that the reason our church isn’t growing quickly is that the world is getting worse and worse as the end times approach and men’s hearts wax cold…we also believe that our soul winning program has broken records every year for the last 20 years.

We believe that good will always overcome evil…we believe that evil will always overcome good.

Feel free to add your own examples below…

Sermons

Tales of the Occult

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Witches and Warlocks and Satanists, oh my!

The approaching day of Halloween is the perfect time for fundamentalist pastors to dig out one of their favorite topics: How Practitioners of the Occult are planning to take over America’s youth via television shows and storybooks. That fact that these dabblers in magic have allegedly been working tirelessly since the 60’s with very little to show for it does not bother fundamentalists in the least. The more you don’t see them the more you know they’re there.

It’s easy enough to gather fodder for these types of claims since any reference at all in a book or video game to magic, magical creatures, spells, black pots, goats, wizards, spirits, or even unicorns can be construed to be the subtle hand of the New Age Movement subtly instilling a love of Satan in people’s hearts. And here you thought you were just watching Sesame Street. You fool.

Do you practice Yoga? Read your horoscope? Believe predictions from the Weather Channel? You might as well be sacrificing a virgin and branding Satan’s mark on your forehead. But never fear, if you’re an evangelist who can claim to be a former believer in the occult it’s worth its weight in spell books.

Never mind that the total number of Wiccans, Pagans, and other such folks is less than 0.1% of the population. Never mind that folk tales about the fantastic and supernatural have been around for as long as time. The world’s of imagination and make-believe evidently have no part in the fundy’s worldview unless the writer’s name happens to be Lewis or perhaps Tolkien.

Standards

Secondary Separation

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“If it is safe not to run with the wrong crowd, then it is safer not to run with the crowd who runs with the wrong crowd.” ~ Jack Hyles

How to be Completely and Totally Separated in a Few Easy Steps

Step 1: Hey, that guy is a godless liberal heathen. I’m going to separate from him!

Step 2: Hey, you are friends with that godless liberal heathen guy. I’m going to separate from you too!

Step 3: Hey, you are friends with that friend of a godless liberal heathen. Guess you’re on my separation list as well!
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Step 6,697,254,041: I’m now the most separated and holy individual on the planet. I also own 28 cats.

A silly blog dedicated to Independent Fundamental Baptists, their standards, their beliefs, and their craziness.