6. Tonight is a celebration of evil. I know this because I wasn’t invited to anything due to how not evil I am.
5. Candy not used to lure children onto church buses is candy wasted.
4. Jesus never dressed up as anything but Jesus (and Jesus costumes are only allowed at Easter).
3. Satanists perform human sacrifices on Halloween and I have a Chick Tract and a Christine O’Donnell quote to prove it.
2. The only thing scarier than people celebrating Satan is people celebrating the Reformation.
1. On an unrelated note, Harvest Festival starts at 7. Don’t be late.