160 thoughts on “Invitations”

    1. If someone did that in my vehicle, it would just be lost amongst the shopping flyers and random bits of whatever that happen to be in the vehicle. Eventually it’d get thrown out with the rest of the trash.

  1. A person could get arrested doing this in some municipalities. And then the person could claim to be persecuted.

    1. So fundies can’t tell the difference between “persecution” and “prosecution”

    1. Ahhhh . . . my kind of worship!

      Where is this church? The minister’s black robe is a giveaway that it’s not Episcopal. I know a few Baptist churches that are this “high”, e.g.: Myers Park Baptist in Charlotte and First Baptist in Halifax, Nova Scotia (which actually has Anglican roots).

      1. ‘Processional on November 16, 2008, at the Buncombe Street United Methodist Church at the 11:00 AM service”

        I don’t know what city.

        The clues are: black academic robe by the minister, style of IHS cross and the congregation not acknowledging the processional cross.

        Yet with six candles, three on each side of the cross, they are indeed “high church Methodist.” But the key clue is that it’s not a Eucharist, which would be standard in most Episcopal church services (except in parts of Virginia.)

        1. My LCMS church recognizes the processional; my ELCA church doesn’t. Not sure why. Also, the Apostles’ Creed in the LCMS worship book says “Holy Christian church”, while the ELCA retains “Holy catholic church”. There are some other subtle differences.

        2. They seem United Methodist to me, because they sing all the verses of the hymn.

        3. Well, Big Gary, we know true believers of the IFB always omit the apostate third verse of hymns. All four verses is a sure sign of being heretical.

        4. My, oh my, the things I learn here. My IFB church must be heretical because we commonly sing all the verses of a song.


  2. Utterly foolish to leave a car unattended, with windows down.

    It’s an excellent way to have your car stolen.

    1. Jay, when the ambient temp is over say, about 50 or so, I leave my vehicle’s windows open a crack, not all the way. Also, I ALWAYS lock my vehicle — even in my own driveway. And as Hyacinth Bouquet would say, my vehicle is “alarmed”.

        1. I wanted everyone to know the correct pronunciation. Not everyone is sophisticated enough to know that “Bucket” is not said as it is spelled.

        2. And Dick, er, I mean Richard. He seems to often be ignorant of the proper pronunciation also.

      1. A vehicle alarm! Yes, that will certainly succeed in alerting bystanders to call the authorities immediately.

      2. “Open a crack” is still open enough for one of Jack Chick’s finest to slip through.

    2. In downtown New Orleans one summer, I was late for a meeting and forgot to put up the windows in my car. It was one UGLY car, a rusted 1980 Ford Fairmont, about 15 years old, fading paint, no A/C (did I mention New Orleans already?), a powder blue front driver’s side fender (result of a collision with an 18 wheeler), and cracking vinyl.

      Brainless, I left both the keys and $50 cash on a seat. And it was all there 3 hours later when I got back. That’s how ugly that car was.

        1. No self-respecting drug dealer would have driven a 1980 Ford Fairmont . . . even in 1980.

      1. Are you sure you left the cash on the seat, or did a car thief feel so sorry for you he chipped in some gas money?

  3. Boundaries have never been the strength of the IFB. In what social circumstance would an open car window be considered an invitation? To thieves?
    But many IFB teach that the way a woman dresses can invite lust and rape…..They really need to get some boundary training.

        1. Theological training? The Catholics and episcopalians do that! That’s for compromisers!

        2. Some people who have posted on here think that Catholics and Episcopals aren’t “true” bible believers. Does that mean you have to be untrained to be a “true” believer?

        3. I generally stay out of those conversations. I went to two different Baptist Seminaries, and have more knowledge of the original languages and have read more theology books than most pastors I know. And now I’m Lutheran. Why? Knowledge. One thing seminary taught me is that there are all kinds of legitimate Christian traditions to choose from, and all of them but pentecostalism are older and have a richer history than baptist. Nothing wrong with choosing the tradition that best fits one’s understanding of community, theology, and praxis.

        4. Some people who have posted on here think that Catholics and Episcopals aren’t “true” bible believers. Does that mean you have to be untrained to be a “true” believer?

          Well, Internet Monk once quipped that in his part of Kentucky the highest complement you could pay to a preacher was “He has NO book-larnin, and HE IS LOUD!”

    1. Fundies perceive anybody or anything who happens to hold still long enough for intrusion to be inviting said intrusion. Women, parked cars, crowds of tourists near a convenient intersection, tip jars, congregations… All just ripe for intrusion.

      1. Blazing hot sun, suit and tie-d with correct hair cut street preacher on the main street yesterday and my daughter had to walk past him. As she walked up in her ripped shorts and t-shirt, he said, “Men part of being a gentleman is making sure your women look like ladies.” Homeless guy leaning against the wall close by, points at my daughter and starts singing loudly, You look like a lady to me. It was priceless. Also proved that the nice homeless guy is a gentleman and the street preacher is just a jerk.

        1. Right? Preaching on the street about how men should be men and keep “their” women in place. I have never heard any street preaching like it. I am going to stalk this guy and find out what church he represents.

        2. Yep. Being a gentleman is in how you treat others, not in what you wear (or what “your women” wear).

        3. You know what she should have done? Tearfully run up to him and declare loudly, “I have no men! No one to tell me how to dress! My father, grandfather, and five brothers are all dead! I’m lost in a world of inappropriate fashion with no patriarch to guide me, and today you have made me see my need! I so want to be a lady! Will you guide me?” For added effect, she could cling to his ankle romance-novel-cover style. Teach that man to butt into other people’s business.

        4. Ahahaha CS, that is good, if he didn’t believe her.. I am actually a little surprised she didn’t knock him off his soap box and give him an injury that would have him preaching in falsetto. I have thought about finding where this guy is going to be preaching next and busk with my accordion right next to him. I mostly play Newfoundland and Irish drinking songs and it is only slightly less loud than the bagpipes.

  4. Bench seats . . . no seat belts.

    The car must be owned by a fundie who can’t afford a newer model because of financial demands from his church’s MOG.

      1. When (before Gubmint Persecution) the auto industry’s official position was “You don’t need seat belts; bracing yourself against the steering wheel is adequate protection in any high-speed crash.”

        I wonder if they had the same attorneys and experts on retainer as the tobacco companies?

  5. I wonder how many got saved as a result of a tract dropped into a car like that. Years ago before I got saved, I found a tract that had somehow been dropped into my things. Not having anywhere to throw it away at that moment, I slipped it into my wallet. I have no idea where it came from and I didn’t bother reading it. I forgot about it until I ran across that old wallet a few years ago and came across that tract. I regretted not having read it at the time. I wish I’d read it seriously and gotten saved then instead of when I did, which was ten years later. There are pros and cons here. Yes, absolutely, boundaries need to be respected. I have never put a tract into an open car or into anyone’s personal space. Yet, the message is one of eternal importance, so I go back and forth on this in my mind. It’s not a mere political leaflet. BTW, I saved the wallet and the tract. 🙂

    1. I find your comment interesting. I would like to know what convinced you 10 years later to turn to Christ? What is your story?
      You are assuming looking backwards that the tract would have brought you to Christ. Thats a big assumption. In those 10 years, what were your experiences? Who were the people in your life?
      How did you hear the Gospel that made you take the step towards Christ?
      You would not have read the tract 10 years before with the same perspective you read it after you were converted or even with the same perspective you would have read it when you were converted.
      I am not saying that tracts have not been used to bring someone in a step towards Christ (I believe our salvation story is a journey with lots of seeds planted and waters and lots of decisions made and questioned.) But most stories I have heard are relational–people walking with each other and sharing life together which leads people to say “I need this Jesus.”
      I remember walking down the street and a woman riding her bike towards me stopped abruptly, handed me a tract and then rode on without a word. That might have been all she could muster up to share her faith but I wasn’t inspired to do anything but throw the tract out. I didn’t feel valued or like God loved me more because this person did this.

      1. I agree with you. And it wasn’t the tract that had anything to do with my getting saved at the time I did. I found the tract in a wallet I used during my senior yr in high school. It was mostly wishful thinking on my part that I would have paid attention to it at the time. Sure would have saved a lot of grief, ie marriage and other early adult choices had I had the perspective on these things that I had after getting saved. When I did get saved at age 29 no one was witnessing to me. Some seeds had been planted over the years for sure. But when I got saved it was due to a sudden realization, prompted by the Holy Spirit no doubt.

        1. While you wish you had been saved earlier because it could have saved you a lot of grief, perhaps those circumstances that caused grief were redeemed as they were part of what brought you to the place where you were open to faith.

      1. The stealth tract deposits are usually not branded with the religious group’s name on them; that way they can avoid responsibility.

        The ones they leave on your door at home will usually have the group’s name.

        1. The one I found in my wallet had no church name on it. I have no idea who it came from.

        2. I’m wondering where all the Seventh Day Adventist “National Sunday Law” booklets (actual paperbacks) are coming from. Had one left on my doorstep a while ago, and I saw a stack of them atop the “leave trays here” shelf in my local Chinese fast-food place.

        3. It’s a “thing” in Seventh Day Adventist “theology.” They believe a National Sunday Law will pass which will bring them into persecution for their Saturday beliefs. Of course, it will be a precursor to the Great Tribulation. And who better to be the “Beast” than President Obama? After all, he is black, and SDA theology does not like blacks. The Pope is the AntiChrist, you know! (Ellen G. White believed that the black “race” was created when white people mated with animals. She also wrote that slaves could not go to heaven, so God annihilates them. Nice lady, eh? Not.)

          The SDAs have been trying to shed these ideas more or less by denying they exist, and by affirming their dedication to civil rights and equality without reference to EGW’s more racist writings. Ellen G White is still considered divinely inspired, and all her writings are from God Himself (Jehovah!). But some things are not politically expedient.

          Still, there are groups inside the SDA that carry on the racist traditions, even if they tone it down in public.

          Seventh Day Adventism is as fundy as the Independent Fundamentalist Baptist world, but probably a little better organized. They are the principles behind the modern Young Earth Creationism that has overtaken most IFB churches and other conservative Christian groups.

        4. That is interesting rtg. When we were in Jamaica we encountered quite a few Seventh Day Adventists.

        5. There are a lot of cults that find inroads in places you would never expect. Perhaps that is because a lot of religion inspires self-loathing? Or maybe because much of the contrary part of the faith is held back — at least until people become “believers” and a money hook is established?

          It isn’t easy figuring out the reasons why people believe the JW way, since they also preach that only 144,000 people are going to heaven. There are millions of JWs, so they are condemning most of their own as well!

          I have trusted Christ as my Savior. I have never gone back on that, even when at my darkest moments I could not honestly say I believed in God. But “theology” is a hateful thing, mostly. It seems to exist to divide, to hurt, to condemn and to enslave. And I say that as one who was deep into theology at one point! I have to conclude that most theology is wrong headed and wrong hearted and has nothing really worthwhile to say about God.

          Jesus said we needed to come to Him as little children. Little children don’t understand deep theology. They don’t worry about fine distinctions. They do understand love and fairness. They trust a lot more easily than adults unless taught to be afraid of everything. They also like to play and have fun. Too bad we teach believers to be otherwise.

        6. I agree. I just find it weird that there would be so many black, Seventh Day Adventist churches if there is a history of despising black people. I don’t get it. I don’t get a lot of religious stuff though. Even farther off topic, while I was reading your post, it occurred to me that many so called ”Bible believing Christians”(self styled), really have made up their minds as to what they believe and fit the Bible into that mold.

        7. I know what you mean. But there are a whole lot of people in the IFB who worship a God they fear instead of love. I grew up that way. God was terrifying.

          I would convince myself that He loved me, and that was why things went so wrong so much of the time. God was “chastening” me to make me better and to help me repent of my sins. Isn’t that what the Bible says? My parents beat me and my sister because they loved us. That’s what we were told. And in a strange way, I think they believed it. I cannot call God, “Father” without flinching as the fear response comes unbidden.

          The whole “chastening” doctrine has backfired for me. There is also a verse saying, “Fathers, provoke not your children to wrath.” I can frankly say that the times of trial have put a large dent into any belief that God is intrinsically “good.”

      2. Why lend your energy to it at all? Just throw it away if you don’t want it. And roll your windows up already.

    2. Exfundie, what I got from your post is that you were given a tract that you ignored, just like the other billions of tracts passed out every year. Then 10 years later you got saved which had nothing to do with the tract given to you. Many of us wish we had gotten saved earlier but tracts have such a low success rate that it is effectively 0%. I’m sure there are people that got saved after reading a tract but that number, where I was just a tract and no other input, is vanishingly small. IMO leaving tracts where people will find them, or passing them out with no explanation or interaction, is a colossal waste of time and money.

      1. I have never, ever heard of someone accepting Christianity (or getting “saved” if you prefer) due to reading a tract.
        That doesn’t mean it has never happened, but it’s a good indication that it is a vanishingly rare event.

        1. More importantly, reading a tract and repeating the prayer written on it doesn’t “save” anyone, and really hasn’t anything to do with historic Christianity. Other than “counting coupe” for the tract distributor they serve no purpose.

        2. Many years ago, a waitress from a local restaurant called our church — someone passing through town had dined at her restaurant and left a tract with the trip. She read the tract and was saved. She called the church on the tract, which was out of town. That church gave her our church’s number. She began attending with her sons; as she grew in Christ, her life began to change. She and her divorced husband reconciled and eventually remarried.

          They were friends of mine back then, and this is what she told me.

    3. Tracts are evangelism on the cheap. You never have to meet the person you are trying to evangelize. You don’t have to live the life or walk the talk. You just drop the gospel bomb and hope it blows someone out of hell.

      I know people who left tracts instead of tips, ensuring the servers saw Christians as cheap and rude. Who wants a faith that produces such a product? Tracts left on a toilet in restrooms bring an “ewww, I’m so not touching that!”

      Tracts take the gospel and dumb it down. Tracts try to reduce the gospel to a number of talking points. They are thoroughly inadequate to represent what faith is. They are the tools of cowards. They are the tools of those who do not wish to get involved in the lives of those they seek to win.

      The Gospel is not words alone. Paul noted that “Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.” But he also went on to note that for people to hear the word of God, there needs to be someone to proclaim it. And proclamation is not just preaching. It involves living the life, being an example.

      1. I know people who left tracts instead of tips, ensuring the servers saw Christians as cheap and rude.

        Eateries in Lynchburg say Jerry Falwell was well-known as a big tipper. He made a point of tipping big to offset Christians’ rep as poor tippers.

  6. That’s a Chick tract in the picture. How long have those been around? And is the picture from a recent publication?

    1. Old Volkswagen Beetle in the background. It’s not a recent picture.

    2. Wikipedia says Jack T. Chick published his first comic book tract in 1960.
      (He’s now 91, and apparently still at it.)

    3. I first encounted Chick Tracts in the 1960s, so they’ve been around for at least 60 years.

      1. And Mormon mishies have that little “Elder (Name)” badge clipped onto their left shirt pockets.

        “Hello! My name is Elder Young!”

    1. A good friend of mine who died recently was a Methodist Lay Preacher. He didn’t like wearing ties, but was expected to when he preached. His ties usually had cartoon characters on them. His favourites were Daffy Duck and Goofy.

        1. I had a chili pepper tie, but I gave it to my good friend Booker Banda, a Malawian pastor.

          the Admiral

      1. I don’t care one way or the other about wearing a tie, but if I’m going to wear one, I look good, dammit. What’s the point otherwise? Often I wear my suit with a vest and my Wolverine 1000 Mile boots. It gives me a sort of bootlegger look. Still trying to find a hat that looks good on my big old melon, though.

      2. By the way, it is probably *not* a good idea to wear a Porky Pig tie at a church where the minister is almost as tall lying down as he is standing up…..

        1. Dear Paul Best:

          Are you sure that wasn’t Porky Pig, or are you picking on those two pregnant dudes in the trailer from a while back …?

          Christian Socialist

      3. Does this Methodist guy wear those cartoon neckties while conducting funerals?

        1. He was a lay preacher, not an ordained minister. He was a very good preacher, but his duties were limited. . He didn’t wear those ties while attending funerals and I don’t think he ever conducted one.

  7. Does anyone actually have favorite tracts?

    I was rather partial to those distributed by the Jews for Jesus.

    1. My favorite was the Chick Tract that claimed the Catholic Church created Islam, Communism and Freemasonry. It was the mother lode of full-on Chick ignorance and insanity.

      1. “Dark Dungeons” has always been a crowd favorite. It’s the one where playing a game that’s a dead ringer for Dungeons & Dragons drives young people insane and they need an exorcism.

        1. My old D&D group got a big kick out of Dark Dungeons when it first came out. As my DM put it:

          “So that’s what a ‘typical Dungeon Master’ looks like? If I ran into a DM that looked like her, I’d have married her by now.”

    2. “The Last Generation.” It’s about the reign of the antichrist (story and art lifted from the Thief in the Night film series), and how Little Bobby betrays his Christian parents to a New Age / Jesuit priest (who wears KKK robes). The Sinners Prayer page at the end began with “Little Bobby died in his sins…Don’t be like Little Bobby, pray this prayer today!”

      Original: https://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0094/0094_01.asp

      Movie it was based on: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W6xmDRwcjv4

      “Doom Town.” The story of Sodom and Gomorrah, with art inspired by / lifted from a then-recent movie. It shows mean kissing, child molesting, and “Take my virgin daughters.”

      Original: https://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0273/0273_01.asp

      The movie it was based on: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hs48WGAURi0

      Hot Chick version: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_k-Sog8YLkE (Warning: perverted sex scenes at 6:30)

      And what was the name of that other anti-gay one, that had the rather dapper=looking devil? One of the “Hot Chicks” short films was based on it…you can see a glimpse of it in the Hot Chicks preview:


      1. “Last Generation” — Little Bobby is wearing a Hitlerjugend uniform with the Hakenkreuz on the armband replaced by a UN symbol.

        And I think the tract pre-dated Thief in the Night.

    3. John R. Rice’s “What Must I Do to be Saved?” tract, a classic. It was printed in maroon ink on pink paper. Ideal for the collector. In all fairness, it was thorough and informative.

  8. Tracts left in odd places-public bathroom stalls and inside library books in the religious history section. I found one in a history book about the reformers (Luther, Calvin, et al) when I was in high school. Then there were my friends who left a tract under their meager tips that I would add to when they weren’t looking….embarrassing.

    1. I didn’t realize Buster Keaton was in Beach Blanket Bingo.
      Maybe I should watch that movie.

  9. When I was a faculty member at a Bible college, I knew of one student who entered the parking lot of the Catholic church down the street and put a Jack Chick tract under every windshield wiper. The President of the College got a very nasty call from the priest of that church.

    1. Dear RH:

      I would love to have been a fly on the wall at whatever conversations followed.

      In context of that culture, there would be so many reasons, verses, slogans and sermons to support that action.

      Against that action, I’m guessing that respect of private property, and the likelihood of being beaten, sodomized or otherwise corrupted by an irate priest is about as good as you could do. As supportive arguments, you could pass of this as ‘casting pearls before swine,’ and a few similar observations.

      I would think that in that culture, this action would be rather like David and Jonathan deciding to go raid a Philistine outpost. The student involved may not have collected any foreskins, but said action would certainly be seen by some as an heroic advancement of God’s kingdom on earth.

      Was this addressed in chapel? If so, I’m guessing that at least some people were at least mildly disillusioned…

      Christian Socialist

      1. There was a rumor at that time that one of our more “brilliant” students entered the Catholic church and rolled a firecracker down the aisle during Saturday night mass. Again, it was gossip that floated around, but I would imagine that the President of the school got a call and had all that he could do to keep the kid from getting arrested. Needless to say, the school had a bad reputation around town at that time. However, this is ancient history–things that happened in the early 80s. One did get in trouble for knocking on doors at 6:00 in the morning to soulwin. Supposedly, the kid actually entered the house since the front door was open and scared the living daylights out of the woman living there. Again, that was rumor, but knowing some of the kids who attended that college, I tend to believe the story.

        1. I don’t own a gun, but that kid would have met a kitchen knife in my house.

        2. There was a rumor at that time that one of our more “brilliant” students entered the Catholic church and rolled a firecracker down the aisle during Saturday night mass.

          Like that copycat after the first Colorado theater shooting who yelled “THIS IS IT!” into a full theater while tossing in a whole string of firecrackers. Alcohol was involved.

          (Guy got arrested for “domestic terrorist act” — AFTER getting the shit beat out of him by everyone in the theater.)

  10. If I catch you dropping a tract in my open window, I’ll have you done for littering if I can.
    And you’ll be getting off lightly. Now that our Governor is encouraging everybody to pack heat, messing with other people’s parked cars is an invitation to get your brains blown out.

  11. Dear SFL Reader:

    Q: What does the Lord require of you?
    A: To do justice, love mercy and walk humbly with your God.

    Q: And what does that mean?
    A: That I disseminate tracts.

    Christian Socialists

  12. One man’s invitation to toss in a gospel booklet is another man’s invitation to toss in a bag of dog poop or past its prime seafood on Sunday morning at the local IFB hot spot.

  13. My sister went on a hike with her husband in a national forest recently. Along one path, a church had thumb-tacked a tract on every tree. My sister, now ex-Fundy, was disgusted at the tree abuse and the littering and the thinking that tracts there would somehow be welcomed. They removed as many as they found and took them back to the hotel. When they walked in, a man and son were at the front desk dumping more tracts on the counter. The manager immediately called the police as posting materials in national parks is forbidden…….and the church had proudly stamped their name on the back of each tract.

    1. Thank God. Really. How these people think that God would be okay with this sort of behavior is beyond me. They win nobody and simply create work for somebody else. This isn’t even “stealth evangelism”. This is just wanton trashing of a national park. Of course, in the mind of fundies, care for nature doesn’t matter because it’s all going to be fried in the Tribulation in a couple of years anyway.

    2. Hey, that must have been one of those unwritten rules that fundies have to guess at….to not vandalize God’s creation. Hmmm.

      1. It’s all going to be burned up. Someone actually said that to me when I suggested we should take care of nature.

  14. One more thing…….. the thought of “blanket training” makes me sick. I’m not even sure how sane people would hear of this and be willing to do this to their children thinking it is a good idea. The word “cult” doesn’t even come close.

  15. 29 Then he called for a light, and sprang in, and came trembling, and fell down before Paul and Silas,

    30 And brought them out, and said, Sirs, what must I do to be saved?

    31 And they said nothing, but chucked a booklet at him and ran away.

    Acts:16:19-31 IFBKJV

  16. I guess depending on the tract one could easily see it on their windshield and mistake it for a citation (which doesn’t sound like it would make it more likely the intended recipient would read it).

    1. I get ticked off just finding carnival notices on my windshield. It’s my vehicle, keep your creepy paws off it.

      1. I hear you! I throw those things on the ground, and let the staff/crew of the parking lot or whatever pick them up. They should’ve done something to prevent the vandals, not let them create garbage for me to clean up, IMO.

        1. Rob, if you throw them on the ground, you aren’t cleaning. You’re littering.

    2. Pamphlets of any kind on my car make me mad. Don’t do that. Now I just have to throw it out. If I found it IN my car, I’d be seriously irked. You don’t go shoving stuff in other people’s cars. If I saw them, they’d be getting a piece of my mind. Actually, I’d probably be calling the police from a quiet distance. If I see a strange person shoving stuff through car widows, I’m going to assume they’re up to nefarious doings. Like placing fire crackers or something. It happens.

  17. Sumer is icumen in;
    Mogges are cuccu!
    Groweth pride
    and spradeth wyde
    and naggeth the flocke nu.
    Sing cuccu!

    Mogge belloweth after soule,
    After bragginge ryghtes tu;
    Rumor hinteth,
    Chick printeth.

    Murie sing cuccu!
    Cuccu, cuccu,
    Wel singes thu cuccu;
    And shoutes “Jackasse!” tu.

    Sing cuccu nu! Sing cuccu!
    Sing cuccu! Sing cuccu nu!

    1. I’m dazzled, thanks for posting this! Amazing synthesis of Jack Chick and OT – and My Little Ponies also, just to make sure your brain is thoroughly fried. Is there more of this ‘genre’floating around on the internetz?

    2. As a heavy-duty Brony for four years, all I can say is —

      That. Was. Just. WRONG.

    3. I sent that URL to all my Brony contacts. (And am looking for an email addy for Equestria Daily, the main MLP:FIM fan clearinghouse site.)

      Whoever this “Pierrezaius” is (and he shows up on FurAffinity), he has done a flawless copy of Jack Chick’s style while keeping the ponies completely on-model. It actually LOOKS like Jack Chick drawing My Little Pony.

      And earlier gens of MLP HAVE been denounced from the pulpit as Witchcraft and Occult, which gives this some depth. (There was even a Christianese knockoff called “Praise Ponies” — G1-style “My Little Fakies” with FLDS-sounding women’s names and Bible-verse zip codes for cutie marks.)

      Others have tried to do Chick Tract parodies with Ponies, but this one is by far the best.

      (And “Lightbulb Celestia” is a hoot, especially considering she’s the Pony Sun Goddess in all but name.)

      1. Further thoughts on Lightbulb Celestia in that strip:

        Though she claims no title higher than “Princess”, she is immortal and commands the sun to rise and set, which in my book makes her a small-g god. With further aspects of Mother Goddess towards her little ponies.

        (This is a link where an artist encountered her in a lucid dream and wrote/drew his impressions of her: http://baron-engel.deviantart.com/art/Tea-with-the-Princess-315607600 )

        In many ways, Princess Celestia is the most benevolent, approachable, and even playful pop-culture god-figure I’ve seen in a long time.

        Yet some fans have done dark things with this god-figure in fanart & fanfiction, twisting her into a Monster:
        Trollestia — where her canonical love of pranks becomes abusive and cruel.
        Tyrantlestia — where she’s a stone psychopath ruling Equestria like the Kims rule North Korea, with or without a Crapsaccharine coat of paint.
        Molestia — where she’s a raging nymphomaniac who constantly sexually abuses her little ponies. (Like a lot of MoGs getting in the news recently on various watchblogs…)

        1. That is pretty much a blow-by-blow retelling of the Story of Sodom and Gomorrah. So I would say that PRINCESS is being elevated to Jehovah (Genesis 18) and El Shaddai (Genesis 17)) status.

          I don’t know anything about the My Little Pony world, though I have a friend with some fascination with it.

    1. Naw. The baby in the back seat would start yelling at the driver, “You’re going to Hell if you make that left turn!”

  18. I never threw a Chick Track into a car, but one time I made up a bunch of anarchist ‘tracks’ and tossed them into the occasional car downtown. I was having a blast that day. File this under ‘shit I would not do now’.

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