133 thoughts on “Tiny Schools”

    1. I agree – it does seems like a family gathering. I can imagine one of the students saying, “welcome to my college. Let me introduce you to my professor: Uncle-Daddy, Pastor McCoy.”

      1. that’s funny; I have a friend with an Uncle Daddy. Not in a creepy way. Her bio dad died and her mother married his brother.

        1. Eh, it used to be a lot more common, I think. My grandma married her husband’s brother after her first husband died. My dad was in high school at the time.

        2. I know of at least one case of a woman marrying her own stepson after her (much older) first husband died.
          Apparently, that kind of thing doesn’t bother the same people who have conniptions at the suggestion of two men or two women marrying each other.

  1. There was a school called Virginia Baptist College. It was more like an institute. They only graduated a few. Once they closed down no one could get a copy of their transcript anymore. 🙁

  2. There is a reason for all this. The leadership was caught in lies and deception and manipulation.

    1. Oh yeah, their church and college have really dropped attendance since the pastor was accused of having inappropriate interactions with females.

      Here are a few posts from former members with screen prints of texts from their pastor, Tom Vineyard (son of the infamous Jim Vineyard):




        1. Oh, the mental gymnastics people have to use to stay with a creepy pastor.
          excuses, excuses, excuses.

  3. I vaguely remember a Christian college in Elkton MD starting up in the 70s. I don’t remember if it was specifically Baptist. Had a few friends who went there but I don’t think it lasted long enough for any of them to graduate.

      1. That’s interesting. I wonder if it was the same one or if it was the one attached to this church that started up again later. I just remember two girls from our church went there and were sad when it closed. I got the impression that one of them was looking for a way out of attending BJ but eventually wound up going there. The other girl never continued on as far as I can recall.

      2. Oh, wow. I remember the school attached to that church. I went to a Christian school in Delaware, and we occasionally got a student or two who had gone to Maranatha at some point. I think we might have been in the same conference for academic competitions, too. I can’t remember if we played them in sports.

        1. If so, it must have been sports that don’t require large teams. Ping pong? Target shooting?

        2. I meant the K-12 school, but yes, they were small, too – though not as small as the Bible college. My (now defunct) school only had maybe ~150 in the high school while I was there and we were one of the larger ones. There were probably 6-8 small Christian schools in the area that formed a conference for both academics and sports and we all knew each other.

      3. According to the church web site, the “college” still exists, but it only has one course listed for the spring semester, and none for summer or fall.

        1. But they have 10 faculty members; meaning the student to staff ratio is less than 1:1.

        2. 10 faculty members to teach one class that meets one evening a week for 2.5 hours?
          What kind of class is it, anyway?

        3. I suspect keeping this hopeless “college” open is all about the Vineyards’ refusal to admit defeat. Certainly their bad reputation has not come home to roost!

          On top of the texting scandals, there was also Vineyard’s shooting of a 14 year old burglar. Vineyard chose to enter a house, knowing the intruder was there, instead of waiting for the police.


        4. I’m not defending much of the actions of the Vineyard family, but I’d say it’s a stretch to say he entered the house “knowing” someone was there simply because his alarm had gone off. Doesn’t sound like the police had even been called yet – he easily could have thought it was a false alarm unless there were signs of forced entry – the article doesn’t say.

        5. He had a sign which said something to the effect “nothing on this property is worth losing your life for.” Evidently he felt his property was worth taking someone’s life to keep.

  4. Depressing – High Schools too – my son’s public HS class had around 500 graduating and it was so much fun to watch! Even sitting through the roll call was fun – kids acted crazy 🙂

  5. I’m sorry but the first half of this film looks like a failed Guyana camp

  6. At first, I couldn’t tell if they were posing with a scarecrow or if they were about to waterboard a little person for using the NIV.

  7. Did anyone else notice that a bunch of the photos looked like they were taken in a tractor shed?

    Corrugated steel walls at their college? Really?

    1. Dear RevKev…

      Remember — you offered to buy me an ‘adult drink…’ Trust you haven’t forgotten. I’ll rattle your cage.

      Christian Socialist

        1. Good thing I don’t like that stuff, because I certainly don’t want that as a result, Josh!

  8. Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and FEW THERE BE THAT FIND IT.

      1. I would find it more comforting to know that few people eat babies than to know only that few people are imprisoned for eating babies, but we have to take our good news where we can find it, don’t we?

        1. Most of the people I have known that are not incarcerated for eating babies keep that part of their diet on the DL. I imagine they are aware that it would not look good on their resume.
          the Admiral

  9. 35 years ago my former Fundy church had a similar kind of Bible college. It started with five students, grew to ten, and, thankfully, died a natural death by attrition. The unchurched parents of the “students” just couldn’t figure out what their kids would do with their “education.”

  10. Hard times indeed… the pastor should step down, but because he is a Vineyard, he will stay until the church crumbles to nothing.

  11. The University of Big Gary is pleased to announce its graduation exercises for the spring 2015 semester. An all-time-record class of two received diplomas this past Saturday.

    Top honors went to Valedictorian (and UBG President) Mrs. Big Gary, who received a PhD summa cum laude in Spaghetti Alla Carbonara; and to Salutatorian (and UBG Chancellor) Big Gary, who was awarded an MFA in Taking Out The Trash.

    Both graduates plan to celebrate with a picnic in Falfurrias, Texas.

      1. Sorry – George got me…. *honorary*

        I just finished the Landmark Freedom Baptist Curriculum and obviously didn’t do well in the 140 – English and Spelling class.

      2. Anyone who receives a PhD for being able to prepare a really outstanding Spaghetti Alla Carbonara has earned that degree.

        1. Ill Lady Semp, you might be a good candidate for a degree. Check into our student loan program. If you act now, you can lock in a low 888% annual interest rate.

        2. I was trying to call you “the ill Lady Semp,” as in 90s slang “ill” for cool, rad, badass, sick, etc.
          But in the font of the comments section, it does look about the same as a Roman numeral 3.

        3. @BG,

          Re: the use of the word “sick” to mean “cool,” “really good,” “badass,” etc. The following possible statement comes to mind: “That dog is so healthy its sick!”

      3. FM, the degrees are ornery.

        By the way, UBG is accredited by the Snail-Fed Mutant Foundation for Accrediting Garage Colleges and Secondary Schools, or SFMFAGCSS. For information, write to the SFMFAGCSS in care of Mrs. Big Gary, CEO.

        1. I know many others have this same question regarding UBG, but how can I apply to this fine institution of higher learning. Second, as a citizen of the Lone Star Republic, would I get better tuition rates than foreign nationals like Scorpio, and Lady Semp?

        2. Ben, be thankful you’re not a wimmin. Because not only do the wimminz have to pay tuition, they are driven through the cattle chute to the DFAC to work off the “gift” that was paid on their accounts.

          I just may have served you your supper occasionally, Ben.

        3. Like Ben, I’m curious about enrolling in UBG, however I am a resident/citizen of IL, and have never worn a ten gallon hat. Do I qualify?

        4. The II Lady Semp,
          You had to work off a “gift?!” Didn’t somebody ever explain to those guys that when you’re forced to work for something, it ceases to be a gift? Seems to me there’s even some sort of theological implication in that concept.

          What does DFAC stand for, by the way? I’m assuming the “C” is for “cafeteria,” and the “D” is for Jack “the egg guy’s” surname, but the other letters are a mystery.

        5. DFAC is short for Dining FACility.

          That isn’t a HAC term. It’s the language spoken in a weird little corner of my slice of paradise.

        1. You’re right, BG. I was a college chaplain for 18 years so I should have known!

    1. And I assume the picnic will be a carry-in. I’ll bring the green bean casserole!

    2. I’m anxiously waiting to see if I have been accepted at UBG. My grades were too good but I did go soul-winning every Saturday morning and Thursday night. I am hoping that separates me from the other applicant.

    3. Regular colleges and universities (accredited ones) have grown so top-heavy with administrators that I think they now have associate provosts for taking out the trash and vice presidents of lawn care. In fact although secular they seem to adhere a modified Lutheran teaching of the vice presidencies of all believers.

  12. 5:39 Denim… long denim skirt royal flush! Read ’em weep. That’s my hand. What y’all got? And yes, I’m going to watch the entire thing.

  13. 1:23. What is that thing growing out of a flower pot? Looks like a deflated football.

    And . . . wrist corsages! How 1950s!

    1. Jay: Obviously, they were celebrating the Patriots’ NFC championship game win.

  14. I have to say the video slide show was well produced. A person could almost get sucked in if they didn’t know the other side to fundamentalism. I do know women who choose to dress like the ones in the video who are not in fundie churches. That’s fine if it is by personal preference and not coercion or shaming like I remember. Freedom in Christ is real freedom, not what the self-absorbed MOG says it is.

    1. Wear what you want, even if that’s culottes and baggy tops.
      It’s when you start to think that dressing a certain way is necessary or sufficient for salvation that problems start.

      1. Are you saying that by me wearing culottes I am not getting any closer to heaven? I’ll have to buy a whole new wardrobe.

        1. If they are denim culottes, there might be a glimmer of hope for you in heaven…

    1. I finished second in my graduating class. The other guy finished next-to-last.

  15. I went to a small Christian college. And my small, I mean an enrollment of <80. There were four in my graduating class.

    But, and this is the big BUT, my college was accredited, so my degree is actually worth a little something. Although a degree in Pastoral Ministries doesn't bring quite the caliber of job offers as say… Engineering. Not sorry I did it though.

    The scariest thing is I seriously considered an unaccredited college, because "accreditation doesn't really matter that much, what matters is your QUALITY of education."

    I thank God every time I think about it for sparing me from making that costly mistake.

    1. Four in your graduating class? All schools have some attrition, but if only 50% graduate, that would mean ten.

      1. Ummm… Yeah. Student retention wasn’t a major thing.

        The administration would spend loads of effort and money to recruit new students, and then once they’d signed on the dotted line, screw them over in every way imaginable, and drive them away.

        Never made sense to me. Driving away a freshman means tens of thousands of dollars of lost revenue. Why not use some of that money to keep them happy?

        It’s been 6 years since I graduated and sometimes the anger still comes back.

        Like I said, I’m not sorry I did it, but I bear scars from the experience. My college wasn’t IFB (it was accredited, remember?), but the experiences I had there are so similar to the type of things that SFL describes. This site has been amazingly therapeutic. I guess fundamentalism isn’t limited to the Baptists.

        1. The nuances of theology and practice are a bit different in various groups even in the Baptist world, but the mindset is unfortunately common in a variety of groups.

        2. I guess fundamentalism isn’t limited to the Baptists.

          True. Very true!

          What we see in Conservative Religion is a concerted push toward more extremism. What used to be moderate is now quite conservative, and what used to be conservative is now fundamentalist. What used to be fundamentalist is now bat-sh** crazy. And what used to be bat-sh** crazy is completely indescribable.

          Most evangelicalism has forgotten that it separated from fundamentalism because fundamentalism was so far to the right. Evangelicalism once realized that the mainstream wasn’t a bad place. Billy Graham was willing to reach across the aisle and work with people whose doctrine wasn’t “pure” and with more liberal denominations. His son, however, is a fundy piece of work and blatantly racist.

          I am glad you have a balanced point of view regarding your education. In much the same way, I regard my time at Bob Jones University as profitable. There were some great teachers there. And I credit BJU with starting me down the liberal path by being more reasonable than what I had come from! I started out far more fundy irrational than BJU, and as BJU countered that with evidence, I began to rely on evidence. Where they taught me to think for myself to counter where I had been indoctrinated (I was KJV-only), I began to think for myself where they were trying to indoctrinate.

          That’s the hazard they ran. The motto for their graduate program was “Balance.” I took it further than what they wanted.

          And yes, there are scars. But without them I might not have made it. I can see my in two situations — losing my faith completely, or more likely, having a kind of rebound reaction and becoming more fervent and radical than even I was. I am glad neither has happened.

        3. The (un)Natural Progression of “Religion”

          Moderate -> Conservative -> Fundamentalist -> Extreme -> Batshit Crazy -> Indescribable -> Steven Anderson

  16. There’s a few of these bush-league, stump-jumper “Bible” schools/’colleges’ down this way. They too have miniscule enrollment, and extremely limited ‘degree’ offerings. I believe there’s little theology taught, and these “colleges” a more a ‘primer’ to become (by default) ‘preachers’ (i.e. – “pulpiteers”) or missionaries….or a wife of such. 😉

    1. Just buying yourself a bullhorn would give you about the same education and qualifications to preach.

  17. So was there an arm wrestling match over who is the valedictorian and who is the salutatorian or did they just flip a coin?

    1. It’s simpler than that. Whoever has the taller stack of soul-winning cards from Saturday visitations is the Valedictorian.
      Rumors that there has been a spike locally in sales of extremely thick card stock are unsubstantiated.

  18. 2 people graduated. Two. Two. That is just too too two. How many in the whole school? Looked like, maybe five? Unless someone had brought a friend or two?

    Some people should quit pretending that God is “blessing” and realize that the greatest blessing would be to shut it all down.

  19. Aaaahh, my old stomping grounds. Still glad to see they’re doing the ole North vs South School of the Prophets.

    1. Confederate flags? I couldn’t make them out quite clearly. I’m sure that they’ll wear those ties at job interviews.

  20. At first I thought this was a high school montage…then reread things for it to be a college montage–so sad. You really cannot tell the difference between high school and college with the fundies…they never treat the college students anything better than high schoolers.
    And it is obvious that fundy colleges were never about getting a degree. They do not care about accreditation. It seems they really are just a physical “Christian Mingle” sight–a place where young fundies can meet the one God has for them and the inbreeding continues.

    1. “How did the ‘Socratic method’ of reasoning come from a sodomite manner of living?”

      Gosh, I don’t know. Tell me all about it, Bill Gothard, tell me.

      While you’re at it, tell me where you got the idea that “the Socratic method” is a system of reasoning rather than a style of teaching.

  21. Is it just me, or did anyone else notice that there didn’t seem to be much in the way of actual *studying* going on? Usually there’s at least staged pics in the library or of students burning the midnight oil. For all I could see, this was a weirdly dysfunctional church youth group.

  22. Went to a fundy high school. Graduating class had four people in it, and the graduation ceremony was held in the church sanctuary. I once got suspended for listening to rock music cassettes that another student shoplifted from Wal-Mart. Wasn’t the theft that got me suspended, it was listening to music that was ‘of the devil.’

      1. The concept of irony is not approved in the Scriptures. Therefore, fundies do not believe in it.

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