230 thoughts on “FWOTW: Victory777.com”

  1. His name is listed there as Pastor: Rudolph Gordon, D. Min.
    Does that mean he’s a Democrat from Minnesota?

        1. Around these parts, the Deacons are black and gold. Never thought I’d say this, but, as there’s a chance my son may be going to business school at Wake Forest: Go Deacs!!! (But still, above all, ROLL TIDE.)

          (In the immortal words of Steely Dan or somebody: “They call Alabama the Crimson Tide. Just call me the Deacon Blues.”)

          This Inane Thread Derailer brought to you by a bored corporate slave…..

        2. A former superintendent of a rural Oklahoma school recently shared with me the drama that erupted when someone attempted to rename the high school team as the “Demons.” It nearly split the community right down the middle and resulted in the highest attendance for any school board meeting during this gentleman’s entire tenure there.

        3. LOL!!!

          I remember once observing that “Deacons” was a wussy name for a sports team, and that’s why they started prefacing it with “Demon.” My BJU-grad friend (also a graduate of the Wake Forest MBA program) responded that, if I thought deacons were wussy, I’d obviously never attended a Baptist Business Meeting.

          Actually I had (once long ago), so yeah, I got his point.

        4. CGC we have a lot in common. My Dad taught at Wake Forest back in the day…50’s & 60’s…saw Billy Packer play a lot of ball. Go Deacs & Roll Tide!

    1. I’d say yes, as evidenced by the donkey on the left side of the page, but then I had to reconsider. Democrats in Minnesota refer to themselves as the DFL party, correct? As in Democratic Farm and Labor? So any true Minnesota Dem wouldn’t call himself D-Min.


      1. But that leaves the question wide open – what on earth is that donkey all about?

  2. This church’s website just pulled up every fundy trigger I have. How did I not see it for the cult it is? There was a time I’d have looked at this site and thought “What a great church that must be!”

    1. The web site is basically a wall that somebody has spray-painted half-witted Fundy slogans all over.
      That’s what I figured out before my eyes hurt so much I had to stop looking at it.

  3. I do want to be sympathetic with the church on the loss of their pastor, but even a young IFB minister won’t know if he is applying to work at a rodeo, a used car lot (all the bumper sticker slogans), a revival/camp meeting or a local Republican party convention. It’s just about the worst web site I’ve ever seen.

    1. If that’s the worst you’ve seen, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet. Check out the other FWOTW posts. IIRC, there’s a page that featured an angel GIF theme. It was enough to give a person motion sickness.

      1. This one may give the angel-seizure website a run for its money. I am especially mesmerized by the clock that lets me know what time it is and also the calendar (on a separate part of the website). I think there is supposed to be some subliminal message about time and eternity but I can’t quite make it out.

  4. “KJV the Bible God honors”, tacky cartoon with dinosaurs going into the ark, “Hell is proof…” I don’t even know where to start. What a mish mash of fearmongering and ridiculousness. It seems like they tried to cram every catchy little saying about hell they could find onto that page. Maybe I missed it but not one place did it mention that God loved the world, sinners, atheists, abortionists, public school supporters, procrastinators, politicians… Not much of a gospel.

      1. I feel a Friday challenge coming on. What do ya think Darrell? Your favorite fundy quote or catchphrase.

    1. That is a great way to describe Fundamentalism. “Not much of a gospel.”

      The only “good news” is that God loves them. But He hates everybody else. He is against everything. Nothing pleases Him. He is the Great Curmudgeon in the Sky.

      I was listening as my daughter was playing the video from week 8 from the Wilds (BJU camp) from last year. God can’t stand sin so you deserve judgement and hell — but God punished His Son instead of you and all that.

      So God the Caricature is so fragile emotionally that “sin” sends him into a frenzy and people who are in the way are in for a world of hurt? *SOMEONE* is going to pay for this!

      God “pouring out His Wrath” on His Son is “love” for me? That sounds like the all-time justification for child abuse. “I am hitting you because I love you so much!”

      If my children could not deserve cruelty at my hands, how could we deserve hell from God’s hands?

      That I used to buy into all this makes me feel sick.

      1. Dear Christian Socialist,

        A failed attempt like so many other things they attempt. Someone in this thread said they will only attract other Fundies and it is true. They pretend to be preaching to the world but they have such an huge disconnect from the world that they don’t know how to communicate. Inclusive, lol. They include all but themselves with the damned.

        1. (Familiar tune, words slightly warped to fit the real meaning better)

          If God so hates the world
          Then you should hate it too,
          And strive each day to win
          Disgusting people dripping sin!

    2. Re: the ark/dinosaur cartoon. Revolting view of women portrayed by this cartoon. I’ll overlook the creepiness factor of Mrs. Noah looking like she is about 100 years younger than Mr. Noah. I am, however, more than a bit put off by the portrayal of Mrs. Noah as a teary-eyed, Beverly-Hyles-haired, silly goose, whose husband guffaws merrily at her foolish little ways.

        1. For some reason, we had a box of used punch cards during my childhood. My brothers and I figured out how to read the info on them. They sure didn’t hold much information individually.

  5. Dresses? Does that mean I can’t wear my lovely two piece ensemble of a skirt and top?

    1. I’m thinking of wearing maybe a halter top dress that comes to just above my knees. And go-go boots.

    2. Now, Shannon, don’t you know that the concept of two-piece clothing was invented by LESBIAN SUFFRAGETTES who wanted women to wear less clothes so that the lesbian suffragettes could lust after their bodies? (I am not making this up. My mother used to subscribe to some “Godly Womanhood” rag put out by the Mennonites that devoted a substantial number of its articles to advancing this theory.)

        1. ….except for when they are being evil temptresses, luring well-intentioned brothers from their pure and simple paths.

        2. rtg, you just weren’t looking hard enough. Way back in 1979 I had a black ribbon tied in a bow around the buttoned up collar of my blouse and I had a ”brother” tell me to go take it off because it was drawing attention to my… uh.. vague hand wave at my upper body. I was a young teenager and I was mortified because he did it in public.

        3. MiriamD, apparently I’m an evil temptress in an oversized T and sweats when I’m at the gym.

          Of course, they are probably just mad because I can outdo them lifting weights.

        4. Must’nt ”hang tempting pictures on the walls of their brains” now Lady Semp. Sweat pants, tsk, tsk.

        5. MiriamD, if you’re ever in my neck of the woods, I hope you look me up so we can go out in our britches and have some IBC root beer. Or actual beer, even.

        6. Buffalo area is your neck of the woods, correct? I just may be going through over the next few months. If I do, I will certainly let you know first. I am rather partial to the real thing.

        7. Miriam – I am the one in Buffalo not Lady Semp. Understand now that she desperately would love to live near me. I am the tempting picture hanging on the wall of Lady Semp’s brain. But she is out [location redacted]

        8. Obviously it is because I am a women and have no brain. I got all confused, just like wimminz do when they get out of the kitchen and stop making sammiches for their lords and masters.

      1. Wow. No, I did not know that. (You gotta wonder where the magazine writers get their info…)

      2. I don’t know where you get the idea I’m in Massachusetts, Scorpio.

  6. I have to wear only pants (trousers for you across the ponders) to get in? That’s a picture even I don’t want.

      1. Mommy, Mommy–why is that man wearing a sweater on the beach?

        Actually, my one chest hair died of loneliness.

    1. Wear a hole-y, stained, wife-beater shirt and painted-on skinny jeans. You’ll have conformed to the letter of the legalism.

      1. No, no. As their “Viewpoint” page clearly states:

        “Disrespect for God is easily seen in the slouchy manner some people dress when they attend church services.”

        So, men and boys must wear pants but they also must avoid “slouchiness.” (Which my computer informs me is not a word.)

    2. Is it a Sign of the Times that he not only has to tell wimmins to wear dresses but also has to make sure that the “Men and Boys” wear pants? Is there a major cross-dressing community in Oakdale, LA, of which I am unaware?

  7. Let’s see: annoying colors; total lack of any layout skills; changing fonts (style, color, size); nonsensical animated gifs; a horse and bear graphic because…?; blank things that look like radio buttons but don’t do anything; lots o’ threats (“Oooh! Hell! Boo!”); graphics with and without borders just because…. and the page was last updated a little over a year ago. Yup looks like a typical fundy church page and I think they need a web designer (or an average 12 year old) more than they need a preacher.

    1. I looked the pastor’s obituary, and he passed in June of last year. I wonder if anyone is even still attending the church?

      1. The fact that many IFB churches barely fail to survive the departure of a long-time pastor points pretty plainly to their flagrant violation of the I Corinthians principle of NOT building a congregation around loyalty to a particular man.

  8. It’s like the Big Bang of web sites. Although I really think there must have been effort put into making something look that bad.

    1. Check out the “viewpoint” page. What the X? “Sin equals waster life.” To quote whoever put this webpage together, ????????????

      1. The “Viewpoints” also include some serious hatin’ on Easter. Wonder who pissed in his chocolate eggs?

        1. Easter a time of great hyp (pity hoppity) -ocrisy.
          I also enjoyed, “Hell is the great equalizer.” The rest of us fools who are “part time prayers” and dress “slouchy” will all be equal but not this great MOG. He wears a suit and is in church continuously shrieking at people. He is going to be so much more than equal.

        2. You win a prize for getting further in it than I did. I saw all the nonsense and decided it wasn’t worth the headache.

  9. On the “About Us” page there are some of Bro. Louis’s vacation pictures. I know they aren’t missionary pics, because there are no baptism in the ocean shots.
    I have better pictures from my last trip to the Sandwich Islands, if anyone is interested.

    1. Sandwich islands? Your kitchen is so big it has multiple islands where you make your sammies?

        1. I figured if Sandwich Island was good enough for Mark Twain, it was good enough for me. You pick your old paths, I’ll pick mine.

        1. I think it might have been. Wherever I saw something similar first, the joke involved two cannibals discussing the meal.

        2. I’ve likely posted this before, but it is still my favorite cannibal story:

          Two cannibal friends run into each other one day. The first cannibal says, “You know, I just can’t seem to get a tender Missionary. I’ve baked them, I’ve roasted them, I’ve stewed them, I’ve barbecued them, I’ve tried every sort of marinade. I just cannot seem to get them tender.” The second cannibal asks, “What kind of Missionary do you use?” The other replied, “You know, the ones that hang out at that place at the bend of the river. They have those brown cloaks with a rope around the waist and they’re sort of bald on top with a funny ring of hair on their heads.”

          “Ah, ha!” the second cannibal replies. “No wonder … those are friars!”

        3. You made me laugh so hard that I almost lost my lunch!
          15 years of missionary service under my belt, and that is still the funniest one I have heard to date.

        4. Two cannibals were discussing holiday destinations. One mentioned a certain island. The second shook his head “Been there. Never go there again. Cost me an arm and a leg.” “How come?” asked the first. The other cannibal replied “Self-catering.”

        5. fundynomore, I told that a few times during our attempt to become missionaries while on deputation. Some church groups would laugh, at others I would here crickets. Maybe one reason we never raised our support. (There were many, mostly I think I was too honest and sold myself poorly compared to the flashy dog and pony shows we competed with. Because of our backgrounds, most of our contacts were in the IFB world, and thought we and our board were to liberal)

        6. “Because of our backgrounds, most of our contacts were in the IFB world, and thought we and our board were to liberal.”

          Now THAT sounds familiar. Been there, experienced that.

        7. Those jokes are so bad, they would even make a cannibal throw his arms up in disgust.

        8. If you think those are bad, I could always tell my leper jokes.

          Did you hear about the leper hockey game?
          There was a face-off at the red line.

          Did you hear about the leper football game?
          There was a hand-off in the backfield.

          Why did the leper fail his driving test?
          He left his foot on the accelerator too long.

        9. Thanks for the cannibal & leper jokes, UW. Me & the longsuffering missionary wife & kids all literally laffed out loud. And then it got funnier when I explained what a leper was and that it doesn’t really have much to do with a leopard.

          RE: deputation representing a fundy-lite mission board among hard core IFB constituency. Everyone laments the current support raising paradigm, but breaking out of that is really tough (unless you or a family member or close friend is independently wealthy). If raising support in such conditions is hardscrabble, once it’s raised, you then have to maintain it with glowing reports tailored to tickle the ears of the particular flavor of church that’s supporting you. At a regular IFB support level of $35-50/month, imagine trying to justify your continued support to a kaleidomess of 100 different churches.

          I think it’s a lot more common than most people realize: a fundy or fundy-lite missionary finally gets their support from the home group, gets out in the big wide world where they find that the otherdenominational boogeymen propped up by their parochial training are composed more of straw than anything much more substantial. Now, still believing firmly in fulfilling the Great Commission, how to escape the nightmare of still trying to appear IFBish enough to keep your support. Just raise new support from likeminded churches? With no previous contact? With a suspect IFB background and the implication of being a “failed” missionary? While obfuscating newly acquired incompatibility from the churches who are supplying your kids’ beans & rice?

          I think there are many who see no alternative to continuing the farce; or worse, they grit their teeth, close their eyes and double down on IFB separatism to avoid the cognitive dissonance. Very similar place as rtgmath (while I don’t agree with some of his tentative theological waypoints) I totally support his journey toward intellectual honesty and feel the pain of being stuck in bodily in environs that one’s brain left behind long ago.

          We’ve scraped through two such mission agency transitions and watched UW and his sweet SammichMakerMeet hoeing a hardpan uphill deputation row without us being able to do much to help. UW, I think you’re better off, my brother. You could be REALLY stuck right now. Imagine if you had WON the dog & pony popularity contest at Victory Bible Baptist Church!

        10. Hey Michael! Thank you for your kindness and understanding. I don’t expect anyone to agree with my tentative theological waypoints. I am still working through the ramifications myself.

          What I *DO* know is that what one “believes” will ultimately determine one’s behavior. On the basis of that, I have to conclude that Fundamentalist doctrine, from its interpretation of the gospel onward has to be in error. If its practice is so out of whack it has to have a warped doctrine.

        11. When I was on deputation 30 years ago, I realized that none of the group of Fundy churches I had been a part of in high school (small, close-knit group in a geographic area that shared pastors, revivals and summer camps) would support me, I branched out. I was already suspect for attending a Conservative Baptist church in college, and I just couldn’t do the party line anymore. It was a very difficult transition, but worth it.

          I was visiting one of these churches to see some friends while home on furlough. The person who greeted me started the “how are you doing spiritually” speech.” We haven’t seen you in such a long time.” It was fun to say, “Oh, I’ve been overseas working as church planting support in__________for the past three years.” The word “apoplexy” comes to mind.

          I know as believers we will all be together in heaven because of our confession of Jesus as Lord and Savior, but I wonder if there will be a place “separated” enough for Fundamental/IFB brethren there?

        12. Linn, you remind me of this story. I have probably told it before….A group of new arrivals are being shown around heaven and they come to a high wall. Everyone near the wall is being very quiet. They walk around the circular wall, there is no opening. One of the group asks what is behind the wall. The guide whispers, shhhh. It’s the Plymouth Brethren, they think they are the only ones here.

      1. Michael, it’s always good to hear from you. Even the monthly “report” prayer letter is a challenge.
        Pastor A-tell us more personal things. We want to know about you”re family.
        Pastor B-we don’t care about your family. tell us how many souls you won.
        Pastor C-what is this–are you on some kind of vacation? We don’t support you to have fun. [never thinking that maybe the latest church visited had someone willing to spend their time and money to show you the local sights, because he just made you knock on doors to see if you were “worthy”.]

        Pile that atop the “What? You aren’t a ‘church planter’? Real missionaries don’t do maintenance, fix vehicles or airplanes. They don’t teach children, they PREACH AND PLANT CHURCHES JUST LIKE OURS, BLESS GOD!!!”

        Probably one of my problems. I said on a number of occasions we were helping with works adapted to the local culture. I never said we were planting churches “just like this one”. Why some yahoo in lower Alabama or rural Minnesota thought a church among natives of the Amazon region should look the same as theirs I’ll never know.

        Anyway, thanks for the chance to vent. You missed a nice hail storm here last night, by the way. I know hail storms are one of the things you miss in your region.

  10. The website looks like it is straight from 1998.

    And I love the “warning” that if you don’t paddle your kids they will end up in prison.

    And the horse.

    1. And they have a bear too! The bear surely represents Russia and Gog/Magog! The devil has infiltrated their website through clip art!

    2. We were paddled plenty. Why is my brother in prison then? It was even a belt, complete with prayers and warnings of hell.

      1. I was spanked a lot. Although I hated the abuse, as a parent I found myself abusing my children the same way, with the same anger I despised.

        Eventually I got into trouble when my 8-y.o. son ran away from the house to a neighbor and called the police. That was Friday.

        It was a wake up call. I was forced to confront my own anger, my upbringing, my attitude toward my parents–and eventually toward my IFB church.

        We’d had trouble with “rebellion” from our #2 son. We’d gotten “training ” from the church in child discipline, including advice to break the child’s will. Punishment had to continue until the child acknowledged his sin and our authority.

        Well, with Social Services now monitoring us, we went to the Pastor for counseling. What were we to do? We had tried to be obedient. Now we were in trouble.

        I was a deacon, by the way.

        Well, the pastor went into action. He heard our story. But he didn’t give us much of any information about the what was going to happen. I was told I would have to step down from being a deacon. That was Saturday.

        And the next day, after the service, I was up before the church, the pastor explaining that “personal” issues required that I resign from the deacon board. He encouraged everyone to come up and “show their love”, and I stood there, bawling like a baby over the humiliation, while people came up and shook my hand and hugged me.

        That was one of the Pastor’s last official acts, as he resigned to go to another church. Better pay, you know. But the interim pastor and the Deacon board gave me NO help with my home problems. None. It was up to me to figure out.

        I stayed at the church. But I should have left. My wife didn’t want to leave. The children had their friends. I was the only one who had to bear the humiliation.

        And I eventually did figure things out. It was a painful process, but the beginning of a 13-year journey out from the IFB church.

  11. Shouldn’t the verse on the front page be “When the righteous are in authority, the people rejoice: but when the wicked beareth rule, the people mourn. (‭Proverbs‬ ‭29‬:‭2‬ KJV)”?

    They’re missing an “-eth” aren’t they?

    1. The Devil uses these small changes to the word of God.

      (Once I figure out exactly HOW he uses them, I’ll get back to you.)

  12. I’m wondering how many of the 783 hits on the counter have come from here.

    BTW, the site was last updated one year and two days ago. Interesting.

    1. It’s up to 1147 now. Quick, someone do the math on that. Where’s rtg when we need him?

  13. At first I thought most of those slogans had to be links, but I was wrong. They’re just disconnected slogans that don’t go anywhere.

    However, I think I’ve located George’s day job.

  14. I’m a big fan of not knowing the difference between . & , in numbers. 50.000,000 = 50 and 0/1000000 as far as I can tell.

  15. The red background really burns my eyes! It’s just like I’m really in hell:)

  16. I’m still new to the concept of KJV Onlyism and have been trying to familiarize myself with some of the tenets of the movement. The one element that really concerns me are those who insist that the English of the KJV actually supersedes the Hebrew and Greek of the originals. I wonder how many Fundies believe that the primacy of the KJV allows God to “correct” the inconvenient truth that his initial revelation was to non-English speaking brown people? After all, if the KJV is advanced revelation then it was properly delivered to God’s chosen people: English-speaking white Protestant males.

    1. I don’t think they think it that far through. The racism tends to stay under the surface on the topic of the KJV, although it does leak out in other places. It’s really more unspokenly assumed that Paul the Apostle was just like us.
      Hence the retort, “If the King James Bible was good enough for Jesus and the Apostle Paul, then it’s good enough for me, bless Gawd!”

    2. Mark F – That is called evil questioning. You are under the influence of Satan. Satan makes you think other “per”versions are acceptable and then BAM! next thing you know you are voting Democrat and letting your wife wear pants. A slippery slope indeed.

  17. Slightly off-topic but tangentially related. With a special appeal (at the end) to Laird Donald. πŸ˜‰

    The other day we received a glossy oversized postcard in the mail, from an outfit right here in bucolic Germanton, NC, called Shining Light Baptist Church. The postcard copy had “IFB” written all over it, although it never used that term, so I looked up the website. And sure enough!

    Here was my second favorite part: the ABOUT section. Apparently, ABOUT means “About the Pastor.” Who knew?


    “Pastor Cook was saved in July of 2006 and announced his call to preach on August 13, 2006.”

    Hey, don’t let the grass grow under your feet, right? πŸ˜‰

    And here is my very, very favorite part, under WHAT WE BELIEVE:

    “We believe that the PASTOR is the ‘head’ of the church, submitting himself to the authority of God ONLY, and not to man. He is the UNDER SHEPHERD to Christ, who is the CHIEF SHEPHERD and Lord of His church. (Acts 20:28; Hebrews 13:3, 17) ”

    Y’know, y’all, a lot of people think this is exactly what the Catholic Pope claims for himself. But no, in fact he doesn’t. The pope is not some absolute ruler, answerable to God alone. To begin with, he is bound by 2,000 years of Sacred Tradition. He cannot contradict the Magisterium. He cannot contravene the solemn dogmatic decrees of an ecumenical council. He cannot change or abrogate formally defined Dogma. (And no, whether or not the Mass is in Latin is NOT formally defined dogma…or any other sort of dogma. It is a matter of praxis. But I digress. :))

    Moreover, the pope does not operate in isolation. He works in *collegiality* with all the bishops worldwide.

    But this dude in Germanton, NC (population 600), who apparently lacks any theological training whatsoever, can claim for himself what no pope, even the most ultramontane, has ever claimed for himself: that he is the sole, absolute authority over his church. YIKES!!

    Reminds me of yet another local IFB church, Woodlawn Baptist, whose pastor claims that only HE has the power and authority to interpret Scripture — and that his congregants who are puzzled about a Bible passage must come to him, and him alone, for an interpretation.

    If you asked the pope if he claimed similar authority, he would probably give you the Spanish equivalent of “WTF” before explaining to you the role in the Church of theologians and Scripture scholars.

    It never fails to amaze me how the very people who lambaste that horrible “authoritarian” Catholic Church themselves take authoritarianism to lengths and levels no Borgia Pope would have dreamed of.

    Anyhoo, this is my question for Laird Donald: Are you familiar with this Shining Light outfit in Germanton? Is it in the HAC camp, the BJU camp, or some other camp, do you know?

    At least their website is not from the Geocities camp!

    Thanks in advance!


    1. Catholics have one Pope, in Rome, but Protestants have one in every pulpit. Wish I could remember where I read that.

        1. Oh my gosh, you had to bring up that old Shibboleth? When I was growing up, our fundy pastor devoted a significant part of a sermon to screaming at us about how when we joined the military, we should refuse dog tags that said “Protestant” and demand ones that said “Baptist.” (Item: no one from the church was planning to join the military at the time.)

        2. My son and some of his buddies tried to get “Jedi” on their dog tags. The 1st Sergeant didn’t find it as amusing as they did. His now say “Southern Baptist”.

    2. I’ve noticed that on IFB web sites, “About” usually means “About the Pastor, because, after all, he’s what it’s all about, isn’t he?”

      Usually, people who say they will not submit themselves to any human authority are called rebellious teenagers, but in IFB churches, they are called pastors.

      1. LOL! Thanks for the kind wrds, y’all.

        I think I would be terrified to join this Shining Light Baptist Church — and not just because the pastor thinks he’s superpope. I just read the section on Church Discipline under WHAT WE BELIEVE, and it completely freaked me out.

        “We believe the Local Church has the designated authority to exercise DISCIPLINE according to the scriptures, when necessary, to protect the Body of Christ from those who cause division and who show themselves immoral or otherwise in their conduct. (Romans 16:17; I Corinthians 5:1-7, 9:13; I Timothy 5:20, 6:5; II Thessalonians 3:6)”

        Translation: “We believe in grace, grace, grace, but if you step out of line, watch out.”

        Um, OK. Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!

        And what on earth does “showing oneself otherwise” mean?

        1. It is the catch-all phrase for anything you might do, even if good and right, that the Almighty PastorGod takes offense to.

        2. “Immoral or otherwise” … so “otherwise” would be morally right, wouldn’t it?
          Apparently, it doesn’t matter, because even if you are “otherwise” than immoral, you get all-caps “DISCIPLINE” exercised on you anyway.

      1. Had to stop watching at 2/3 or the fake southern preacher drawl would make me dis-enjoy my whole day. Maybe he has a point about alcohol abuse, but embellishing stories (which are probably made up to begin with) and yelling negates everything he says

      2. Mama mia!!!!

        Those were some lurid illustrations. I thought I was listening to the season lineup for the Jerry Springer Show.

        1. Ok, I finally got past the liddle biddy baby head bit, “his eyes turned green and he went into eternity, into hell..” Um ok then. How on earth did the nurse at his death bed know this? Pure sensationalism and you have to ask yourself if the people listening aren’t enjoying it. It is what they eat up on TV and what you see at check outs in grocery stores all over. It seems like there are a lot of heads being turned to mush by this stuff,not “public enemy number 1”

        2. MiriamD, amen!! That was exactly my impression: This is tabloid material.

          Yes, yes, yes. Sheer sensationalism, and the congregants (apparently) are eating it up.

          And yes, how on earth did he know that the guy went to hell?

        3. His eyes turned green? Uhhh, that screecher preacher has been watching too many horror flicks!

          That said, drunkenness is a terrible thing. Addiction is a terrible thing, unless it is to coffee. But trying to dress up the stories makes them less believable.

        1. I noticed that he never once mentioned Jesus. At last that I could hear.

        2. He was more interested in his description of the problems than he was in talking about the solution.

          It isn’t that we are supposed to hate sin so much that we turn to Jesus, but that we love Jesus so much we turn from sin. Fundy preachers have it backwards.

        3. CG-C – What does Jesus have to do with his made up stories? I am surprised he somehow didn’t weave himself into the stories to make himself look like the hero.

      3. I read something similar to that first illustration.

        As yes, it was a Stephen King novel.

      4. Oh dear… I used to get saved every time I heard him preach. I’m afraid to listen. I might have to get saved all over again.

        1. When I was a camp counselor, we always had the most “decisions” during that week. Usually a bunch of the camp staff hot saved, too.

      5. I’ll be the first to admit I have no experience with being drunk, but could someone really be so drunk he could saw off a baby’s head? That would take a lot of strength, deliberation, and pure evil. And if he didn’t remember the next day and was devastated by what he’d done, it doesn’t seem like he was purely evil. Maybe I’m just displaying my ignorance, but that doesn’t seem possible. Fundies seem to think alcohol will take over your body and make you do horrible things you have no control over. But it seems to me it just relaxes your inhibitions. Am I totally off base here, or does that story sound completely ridiculous?

        1. The story’s very hard to believe.
          People who are that drunk usually can’t even hold a knife, and they’d be more likely to cut themselves than someone else.

        2. I tend to think you have it right. I don’t believe in demons anymore. And alcohol doesn’t make you do things that aren’t in your heart. That’s why people drink. It allows you to let go of your inhibitions.

          Me? There are things I would never ever do or say because I am not comfortable taking certain risks and potentially making a fool of myself. Fortunately, I don’t drink, either, so I have no way to let my inhibitions go. I still manage to embarrass myself too much, but I don’t put myself in certain situations where my heart’s weaknesses can be released.

    3. CGC
      I only know of them (Shining Light). Even when we were in the cult it was not common to associate outside the network of bunkers which your pastor deemed safe.
      When you got out in the rural bunker system there is not a clear delineation on the Flagship affiliation. HAC, BJU, PCC, WCB, TheCC… out this far it is more about local motherships. The Big Four in this area are Gospel Light (of course), Woodland, Freedom and Calvary in King.

      This self acclaimed pope is also associated with the Rock of Ages Prison group. ROA is a Home Missions group that regularly shows up at missions conferences with a new crop of preacher boys looking for a hand out to support them as they begin their mission of perpetual deputation. ROA is linked through the Mount Airy/Blue Ridge/ Northern Georgia trail that leads to Sammy Allen’s flavor of IFB.

      But I’ve said it before and I’ll keep saying it until I die:
      When the pastor is ONLY accountable to God he will soon become the god he is accountable to. Corruption is directionally proportional to the amount of authority that is available… and here we see it is unlimited.

      1. Pastor Cook teaches Character, Morals and Ethics in public schools throughout Stokes County.

        smh… The “Character” portion associates him with the HAC camp. I know “Character” was an important preaching topic with HAC grads in the past.

        1. Character was a Gothard focus as well.

          Funny how the focus on character in those camps correlated with the lack of it.

        2. Champions of Character in the IFB are usually the ones hiding their lack of it.

          Men of lesser character are drawn to the pulpit in this unaccountable cult. All one has to do is say they have been “Called” β„’ into the ministry or to preach and it is accepted as gospel. When I think of IFB pastors these days I think, Elmer Gantry wannabees . (my apologies to Elmer)

          I know I’ve linked to this ad nauseam but I stand by what I wrote concerning the pastors in the IFB pulpit.


      2. VERRRRY interesting!!! Thanks so much!!

        Boy, we sure do live at the epicenter of all this stuff. Who knew?

      3. nothing so grand as all that. Pr. Cook attended a satellite of a basement college. That’s a whole other level of inbreeding. It may be several degrees of separation before coming to a preecher with a degree from a college with dedicated buildings.

  18. The Pope (and Bishops and Priests) do not have as much ‘power’ as people might think (and I admit how I used to think) before I learned how things really work in the Catholic Church.

    In fact I hesitate to call it ‘power’ at all.

  19. Oakdale (Louisiana)……what a dump. We went there thrice on deputation. Population: about 7000, with 6 IFB churches having a combined membership of about 300, and each Fill-in-the-blank BBC (I think 3 of them need pastors) is a split off the first one, started about 40 years ago during the IFB boom of the 70’s. I used to tell my wife, whenever she got frustrated with the mission field, “there’s always Oakdale”

    1. Maybe Oakdale, Louisiana is a dump but we should never forget that people are not garbage.

      1. Agreed. But Fundamentalism treats people like garbage. You either are waiting to be burned or the Lord rescued you for repurposing. But either way, you are or were garbage.

        1. It does rtg and that is what I meant. I didn’t mean to be judgemental or sanctimonious. I was thinking of a conversation I was an uncomfortable party to after a funeral. The prominent “brother” speaking was comparing two elderly ladies. The one, “dear sister” was a vicious, back-biting gossip, (who once tried to hit my sister with her cane) but she was dressed correctly and followed the outward rules. The other was a neighbour who I knew and the speaker did not. She had a pack a day habit and a wild dress sense. She also had a soft heart and never a bad word to say to or of anyone. What he said about her was, “What a sad waste of life.”

  20. How is it not hypocritical that they have a link to AiG (who is definitely not KJV or Fundy) on their website?

  21. “Jim is his own worst enemy. And the enemy of my enemy is my friend. So that makes Jim my friend. But if he’s my enemy…”
    -Dwight Schrute

    1. If someone made a version of “The Office” that parodied the running of a conservative fundamentalist and/or evangelical church, I’d watch it.

      1. New show: “The Church Office.” Possible spinoffs, if the first is successful, include “The Bishop’s Office,” and “The Church Secretary’s Office.”

        For the first show, the main character is the youth pastor of a struggling IFB church with 70 people. The youth group is comprised of 12 teenagers, the brightest and snarkiest of whom is a main character. The pastor is the Steve Carell, the secretary is a big, white Mammy-type character. That’s all I have right now.

        1. You need a deacon with a plaid sport coat, striped pants, and paisley tie…and white tube socks and black shoes. He ogles the secretary and the girls in the youth group. He also “borrows” from the deacon fund for his own needs, while constantly bemoaning the misfortunes of others, and how the church just can’t afford to help them very much.

  22. So many of these IFB churches are bush league. Their “MOGs” have zero theological training/education & yet are propelled to this quasi-dictator position. It’s amazing to see some of the ‘b00ty sm00ching’ that goes on with some of these IFB churches. The one I attended wasn’t over the top on “MOG adoration”, and I appreciate that. I believe a true, legitimate “MOG” would be the essence of humility…not the opposite.

  23. Third line under viewpoint states:

    “Disrespect for God is easily seen in the slouchy manner some people dress then they attend church services”

    I guess poor and homeless people disrespect God. Of course I’m sure that if they just tithed they wouldn’t be poor and homeless!

    1. People who actually obey the bible when it tells us to dress modestly somehow are disrespecting the one they believe wrote the book?

      1. Because they believe dressing modestly refers to the one meaning of the word modest, of hemlines and necklines. But in dressing modestly the Bible is talking about the other meaning of the word modest, of not being showy and ostentatious.

  24. fundy websites are often the perfect illustration of what happens when you make every doctrine/dogma/issue a fundamental. On the home page you want to let people know the most important information….well they can’t decide what is most important because everything has equal weight. And so the website is a visually loud, chaotic presentation. They simply vomit all that they believe onto the website. And their lives are very similar. Their church is very similar. When everything is fundamental and of equal importance–you spend your life propping up each fundamental. You have to defend each fundamental.
    What a mess.

    1. You know, I quit listening to xian radio because it was always one pet issue after another and it was too much to handle. FotF was good for that and I just didn’t have the energy to spend on the political/social/spiritual purity they were pushing.

        1. Focus on the Family? Founded by James Dobson, offering “Christian” marriage and parenting advice pretty much guaranteed to mess up your life, and that of your spouse and kids.

  25. “Entertainment is not in the Great Commission, and is therefore not our purpose!”

    That’s sort of funny, because this website is the most entertaining thing I’ve seen in quite awhile.

    1. Entertaining in the way vomiting because you have eaten bad shrimp is entertaining?

      1. As someone who was recently violently ill to the point of needing the hospital, I can assure you there is nothing remotely entertaining in throwing up for hours on end.

      2. Entertaining as in the disaster you just can’t quite look away from – that kind of entertaining.

  26. I don’t know about y’all, but I tend to take a question much more seriously if it’s followed by more question marks. More question marks – more time spent pondering the thought.

  27. OK, I just realized I’d misread the blurb beneath the KJV-only badge. I’d read it as “The Bible Honors God – Do You ?????” Fair enough question. Are you honoring God? Now I see I’d read it wrong. It reads: “The Bible God Honors: Do You ?????” So God only honors the KJV, huh? Can’t say I’m surprised. Are you?????????

  28. I also want to know what sort of force field they’re using to keep the big red bible hovering over the church lawn (or is it hovering over the trees behind the building? I can’t tell for sure.)

  29. Check out their “Little Lambs for the Lord” page:


    What kid wouldn’t want to go to a church with Patsy Polite and Carl Courteous?? Personally, I’d have wanted to punch them in the nose. It reminds me of Mark Twain’s riff in Tom Sawyer on the Model Boy who takes his widowed mother to church each Sunday.

  30. From the “Viewpoints” page:

    (Take a deep breath before trying to get through this gem of literary brilliance.) “How about the politician who places his hand on the bible [sic] and swears to uphold the very constitution that he has already promised people he would violate in order to do the things he would do, if they elected him!”

  31. “I love the USA”
    “God bless the USA”
    “God and our Country”
    “America shakes her fist In God’s face while singing ‘God Bless America'”

    Like most Fundies they have a schizophrenic reaction to America. On the one hand, Christianity is equated to patriotism. On the other hand they shake with virulent hatred at the country whose very freedoms allow people to make choices and do things with which they disagree.

    Which points out something reasonable people think about — how is it that the crazy nutcases seem to have so much power and influence nowadays? They can’t even string together two cogent thoughts, but people love them. When did crazy and dumb become attractive?

    1. That’s pretty much the basis of most comedy. People find comedy and comedians attractive. And attractive people are seen as inherently good, of course (there’s a study I can’t be bothered to look up).
      I’d like to know where we lost the separation between power and entertainment – why do we give our entertainers so much influence over our lives? There must be an answer other than “psychology of marketing.”

    2. Pretty much every election season I wonder why people who make their living as entertainers, be they actors, athletes, authors or astronauts, (okay, the last aren’t entertainers, but like any good fundy, never let the alliteration be ruined by facts) are asked their political opinions. Some of these folks can’t get through a simple interview with coherent sentences, yet their choices seem to matter to the masses. Then I see promos for TMZ and Access Hollywood, and see issues of People and and similar magazines. It’s a wonder we aren’t even worse off as a whole. I’ll admit to a lot of pop-culture ignorance. I’d like to think that keeping up with world events, even poorly, is more important than knowing who won some statue on an award show.

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