A Personal Note


A lot has happened in the last week for my family. A terrible leak, an uncaring rental company and a financial crunch have conspired to displace us from our home and throw our lives into chaos.

My family will likely have to seek refuge with relatives several states away while I become a bit of a vagabond whilst we wait for our housing situation to clear up. Not to worry, SFL will continue unabated for as long as I can steal WiFi from somewhere.

We could all use your prayers, good thoughts, and zen hugs right now. Also, if you know any old Irish curses for property managers who believe that painting a wet ceiling will fix mold, please feel free to share them.

81 thoughts on “A Personal Note”

  1. You are in my prayers.
    I don’t have any Irish curses, but I may be able to come up with a Polish one, though I’m not sure.

      1. Well then, I’ll have to ask my son-in-law if he knows of any from his childhood.

    1. Great idea. I’ll make the motion we allow Darrell to use
      SFL coffee donations for personal needs.

      Does anyone second the motion?

      All in favor, say “aye”.

      Motion carried!

      1. Aye. Keep us all informed as to the best way to help, Darrell. While it’s fun to hurl insults at your landlords, we want to do something practical as well. 🙂

        1. Aye, aye, aye, aye, I need another vacation. Aye, aye, aye, aye, I’m all out of medication. So now you have eight more aye’s.

  2. I’ll share some Aussie curses, but they’re not exactly PG -13 🙂

    *hugs* hope it’s sorted soon.

  3. I am sorry to hear that, Darrell. Best Scottish curse I could come up with: Awaynbile yer ed, ye bampot bawbag! Gitcher ceiling paint right up!

    Or did you mean something more like:
    I curse their heid and all the haris of thair heid; I curse thair face, thair ene, thair mouth, thair neise, thairg toung, thair teith, thair crag, thair schulderis, thair breist, thair hert, thair stomok, thair bak, thair wame [buttocks], their armes, thair leggis, thair handis, thair feit, and everilk part of thair body, frae the top of their heid to the soill of thair feit, befoir and behind, within and without.

  4. May your landlords lube be replaced with icy hot and his nether hairs get caught in his zipper at inopportune times. May his phone number be posted in gay personals ads with the line “For a good time call…” May there never be toilet paper in his bathroom and his laces get tangled doing the truffle shuffle of shame….dont know about Irish but at least these are creative.

  5. Sorry to hear about this crappy news. Here are some Irish curses for you to use:

    . “May the devil cut the head off you and make a day’s work of your neck”

    May your obituary be written in weasel’s piss

    May you be afflicted with the itch but have no nails to scratch with”

    May you marry a wench that blows wind like a stone from a sling”

    May you get the runs every time your significant other gets in a romantic mood.

  6. “Coffee Cup” link at the very bottom of the page is a great way to show Darrell and Cassie some love.

  7. I don’t know if you want to come this far, but y’all can crash at my place for a while if you want.

      1. In Australia? That would be a bit of a hike.
        I know you’re sincere, though.

  8. I know some Mexican and Haitian curses, but they’re said to be dangerous to use.
    I’m not sure if I believe all that, but I’m not messing with them– at least, not yet.

  9. Thanks for your plan to keep posting through the chaos, Darrell! We would miss you terribly – God bless your family!

  10. Well, I’m Irish, so here goes…

    May their hair never lay right.
    May they always end up in the slow lane.
    May their underwear always be in their crack.
    May their beer go flat.
    May they get a painful boil on somewhere sensitive.
    May they get jury duty… Twice.
    And may THEY get an allergy to mold, then get mold, in their car, their air vents, their furniture, and their bed.

    1. I must have been cursed by someone Irish! I got jury duty the last week of December and the first week of January. That’s why it happened…

  11. May they learn compassion and see the pain they are causing.

    If you want to come all the way to Colorado, you’re welcome out here in the desert. 🙂

  12. You guys, this is our chance to show the love and care for others—not just those in “full time Christian service”—that our IFB background never taught us. Let’s make it rain (and, uh, help Darrel get a house that doesn’t rain indoors).

    And I’m so sorry that your family is going through a hard time right now!

  13. May they be wakened every Saturday morning by IFB soul-winners.

    May Pastor Steve Anderson move in and piss on their walls.

    May their unruly BMs burn with hellish fire.

    May the male landlords catch the shrivel-dick. May the female landlords be married to the same.

    May they weep and howl for their miseries that shall come upon them; may their ill-earned gold and silver canker and eat their flesh. (Wait, that’s a Biblical curse–and a pretty good one!)

    1. “May Pastor Steve Anderson move in and piss on their walls.”


      1. As curses go, that’s hard to beat, unless you top it with, “May Tony Hutson be your roommate.”

  14. I’m so sorry to hear that. I’m across the continent from you, but how are the wife and kids for clothes and backpacks and things? I’ve got two sacks of 5-year-old girl clothes sitting in my laundry room outgrown and lots of pullovers and sweaters (for them from Florida who are going to colder weather. Say the word and I’ll put them in the mail.

    Oh, and may your landlord’s lips grow together.

  15. Zen hugs going out to you and to your landlord-
    May his cat scratch ‘im
    May his dog bite ‘im
    May his tea be too cold
    His porridge too hot
    And his shorts forever starched.
    And since I’m part Irish, this curse is for real.

  16. May your rental company be adopted as the “cause of the month” by the local fundy church complete with personal visits, exorcisms, a guy on the corner screeching, and chick tracts.

    1. May the Jehovah’s Witnesses adopt that manager’s neighborhood as a training ground for those young enough to think 8am knocking on Saturdays is a good idea.

  17. Curse paraphrased from The Zookeeper’s Wife, told by a Jew during the Holocaust. It appears to be a variant of one on the Yiddish Radio Project’s list of curses.

    May you live in a thousand houses with a thousand rooms. And may you wake up each day in a different bedroom in a different house and go get into a different car to go to a different doctor who won’t be able to tell what’s wrong with you, either.

  18. One more thing, McDonalds and Starbucks usually have good wifi. However, McDonalds coffee is cheaper and you’re less likely to be afflicted with hipsters.

    1. McD’s coffee tastes better, too, IMHO. 🙂 Really — it’s good.
      Price is right, too.

  19. I’ll be praying for you. I thank you for what you have done for others.

  20. All hugs and sympathy to you, and if you need a bed in Savannah, just give me a heads up.
    As for curses, I swear by the boomerang one of karma:
    May all your evil deeds come back on your head, once, three times, seven times over, for as ye sow, so let ye reap! 👿
    It works on good deeds as well. 😎

  21. Sorry to hear about your trouble.

    Forget the curses — go practical (tuna or some kind of fish parts left in the curtain rods)

    1. Mayonnaise spread on the inside of seats will eventually make an impact…

  22. I’m sorry to hear of the issues – property owners can be some of the biggest headaches for sure. Praying they come to their senses soon and resolve the problem.

  23. Darrell, when I had a house fire, my insurance adjuster was a jerk, but my insurance AGENT really helped me and even contacted him to remind him of my rights.m

  24. Best wishes for a solution both quick and satisfactory to you and your family, Darrell. And to your landlord: May you be afflicted with an un-findable roof leak, and may it rain on your house every week for a year.

  25. Florida Statutes Chapter 83, Part II, (specifically 83.51) states:
    83.51 Landlord’s obligation to maintain premises.—
    (1) The landlord at all times during the tenancy shall:
    (a) Comply with the requirements of applicable building, housing, and health codes; or
    (b) Where there are no applicable building, housing, or health codes, maintain the roofs, windows, screens, doors, floors, steps, porches, exterior walls, foundations, and all other structural components in good repair and capable of resisting normal forces and loads and the plumbing in reasonable working condition. However, the landlord shall not be required to maintain a mobile home or other structure owned by the tenant.

  26. We will be praying for you and the family. Been through some unfortunate circumstances like this ourselves so I understand the headache.

  27. May the rental company now realize the person that they just signed a long term joint venture deal is The Donald Sterling.

  28. Take your 10% tithe and give it to the poor…See what a Fundy church would say to that.

    May the Irish Coffee be flowing, the Irish temper flaring and may the Irish Potato famine strike the rental company.

  29. Dear Darrell’s landlord:

    May the bird of paradise fly up your nose
    May an elephant caress you with his toes
    May your wife be plagued with runners in her hose
    May the bird of paradise fly up your nose

    1. Hey-that’s on my playlist at work. Boy, do I get strange looks from some of the kids out there!

  30. I don’t know why everyone is feeling so sorry for Darrell. Clearly, Darrell has stopped tithing and God is getting HIS money one way or another!!

    In all seriousness, that sucks!! We just wrapped up our lease at our old house. Finally. The landlady wanted to charge us rent until the lease was up in May, which we were willing to do even though we moved out in March. But then she tried to let the new tenants move in early and not tell us!! We stopped by to check on the house and caught them moving in!! We have decided that the line dividing good and evil neatly circumscribes all landlords.

    1. So God has some kind of profit-sharing arrangement with building contractors?

      I thought I had a good landlord, but he was kind of a Jekyl-and-Hyde character as it turned out. When the 50-year-old air conditioning unit broke, he claimed I had somehow sabotaged it (the AC repairman told me that those units seldom last more than 10-15 years). When we moved out, he bilked us of about $1000. Now we have our own home. It has its problems, but at least there is no landlord/landlady/management company to deal with.

  31. Hey bud, I’m just a few miles from you… have some connections and can help you with lodging if you need it. Let me know how I can help. Praying for your family

  32. Does Shakespeare count as well?

    “The devil damn thee black, thou cream-faced loon!”
    Macbeth – Act 5, Scene 3

  33. Fairly typical Northern Irish curse (slightly edited) :-
    “May your b***s turn into drumsticks and beat the a*** off you !”

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